A stirring book about transracial adoption, identity and race. This book was riveting and so super meaningful. It depicts the authors struggles as she strives to come to terms with her racial identity, her struggles to attain her mother’s love and her eventual healing. A must read for those interested in understanding the potential consequences of transracial adoption when race is a topic that is left unexamined.

*Thanks to Simon & Shuster Canada and NetGalley for this Ebook in exchange for my honest review

I loved getting a look at Rebecca Carroll's life and what she had to deal with growing up. Reading this book made me recognize all of the struggles minorities face . Growing up in a small town of 4, 000 people with only one black family in our whole town, I can imagine what they dealt with through Rebecca's story. She's a brave and strong woman and I'm glad to have had the privilege to read her truth.

I've made it a goal of mine to read more works by the BIPOC community, because as a white woman who is trying to recognize her privilege, I have a long way to go.

I would definitely recommend this book to friends and family.

An incredible memoir by Rebecca Carroll who struggling to come to terms with her black identity, as in fact she is half white. Adopted by white parents, she was born with a white Mom Tess and a black Dad. Her adopted family didn’t guide her as a black person, but just ignored, or didn’t seem to notice, so her differences were never discussed. She grew up in a small town with two white siblings. It wasn’t until high school that she encountered racism and hate from students and also experienced a teacher belittling her., or stating a fact, which was it she wondered.

At 11 she got to meet her birth mother, Tess, that turned out to be a very emotionally charged relationship.

Rebecca strived to understand what ‘being black meant’. Through her life she seemed to be constantly searching for her identity as a black person. Her writing is very candid, and you get a very powerful sense of her struggles.
It is very apropos for the times and a strong reminder that racism is very much alive.

A beautiful memoir. I think this is an important read for white people, especially white parents racing a child of a different race.

My first reaction before even getting a third of the way into this book, was anger. Anger at the adoptive parents and their boundary free lifestyle, and at the birth mother for taking her daughter to a nightclub at age eleven, and trying to arrange loss of her virginity of age fourteen. Is it any wonder that Rebecca grows up in confusion and struggling to fit in. Powerful reading.

Not too long ago I finished reading Isabel Wilkerson' Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents, I think picking this up afterwards was a bit of reader's luck on my part.

Though Dr. Wilkerson's work does touch quite a bit on the personal, it is quite global, and not solely focused on the lived experience of a single racial group, and not limited to a single country either.

Rebecca Carroll's memoir is focused on a specific lived experience that further reinforces what is that Dr. Wilkerson is at the root of caste and caste hierarchy in the US.

Carroll's memoir is heartbreaking, but also hopeful and beautifully written. The chapters are short and almost like journal entries, poignant, sometimes sparse, sometimes full of detail, difficult but also beautiful.

Do yourself a favor and pick this up!

An interesting perspective on the lines between races and perceptions, privilege assumed and applied.

The author, a brown woman details the story of her life showing equal parts courage and confusion. She tells the story of her childhood as an adoptee in a white family in a white town. It is a good introduction for those who have not faced a life of being considered "less".
When she speaks to the conversations with some characters in her life who basically say that 'they don't see her as any different', it hits the mark. As I too am a brown woman. If you don't see your brown friends as different, does that mean that you can't fully appreciate the path that they have walked? I believe that in some part it does.
A book worth reading, thinking about, discussing and giving as a gift.
Thank you #NetGalley #Simon&SchusterCanada for the advance copy

Surviving the White Gaze: A Memoir by Rebecca Carroll is a powerful and enlightening novel based on the life of a black woman who was adopted. She grew up in a white family in a white community and attended a school where she was the only black student. She was very loved by her family, however she never learnt about black history, culture and they were unable to do the basics like doing her hair.
She had the opportunity to meet her birth mother Tess, who constantly diminished her self-esteem as well as undermining Carroll's blackness. These were ingredients to many problems in Carroll’s life: depression, low self-esteem, eating disorders, and drinking. She was torn between wanting to remain loyal to her adoptive parents while at the same time craving the approval of her birth mother.
Carroll had many issues to overcome and takes the readers along her journey of acceptance.

Thank you #netgalley for an advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Thank- you to Net Galley for providing me this book to read by Rebecca Carroll, a memoir of her life - she's a black woman who was adopted into a white family. I am finding this review difficult to write, mostly because this book did an excellent job of provoking the reader to question her own values and feelings of racism. I never thought of myself as a racist, and yet growing up in a typical white middle-class family, I really wasn't exposed to many people who were different from me. When I did, I know I wasn't unkind, but I don't ever remember entertaining the idea of being friends with someone who is different. Rebecca experienced racism and prejudice on so many levels. Her upbringing also gave her a very warped sense of the meaning of marriage, relationships, friendships , parenting and mothering in particular. While I was reading this book, I looked up the author and read many of her articles and blogposts, all of which I found very well written and thoughtful. The writing in this book, however was a bit disappointing. Although I found her story extremely interesting and informative, it dragged on at times with a running commentary of her exploits . All of her friends, boyfriends, work colleagues at all stages of her life were mentioned by name and I found it hard to keep them straight. Some of them obviously had more of an impact on her than others, but the weight of that importance wasn't always felt. But all in all, this was a very worthwhile read, definitely giving me pause to think about the subject of race and racism. Almost 4 stars!!!

Unlike any biography you’ve read, Rebecca Carroll’s heart pouring and enlightening memoir, Surviving the White Gaze, brings to light adoption and racism in a pervasively influenced world of whiteness.

I was encouraged to read Carroll’s novel by her publishers and I’m glad I took them up on their suggestion. I’m ashamed to say how little I knew about the issues Carrol raises. This was a good book to begin my education about issues people of colour face today.

Rebecca Carroll, a black cultural critic, shares her poignant account of being raised since birth by loving white parents after being given up for adoption by her white mother and black father. Although well accepted by the all-white community and raised in a happy home in rural New Hampshire, Carroll was never encouraged to explore her black culture. Just as she begins to question her heritage, she’s introduced to her distant and thoughtless mother who, instead of completing Carroll, ends up harming her with her blatant disregard for her daughter’s black identity. Carroll tailspins into a harmful behaviour as she tries to discover who she is and how she fits into her world. Thankfully, she meets her chosen family, a black family, who jump-start her healing process. It’s more than just a biracial baby being adopted by a white family, it’s a story about the delicate web of threads; love, family, fitting in, and overcoming. It’s about a girl who reaches into her depths to find out who she is and painfully struggles to overcome and be accepted. It's about what defines a family and the role they play in orchestrating your success in life. You’ll be familiarized with the concept of ‘white gaze’ and revisit racism that is so prevalent in America today. Hopefully, you’ll be left with an overwhelming sadness that will ignite your desire for tolerance and acceptance and use it to help America heal. Look for this must-read on February 2, 2021.

Thank you to Rebecca Carroll, Simon and Schuster Canada, and NetGalley for the advance copy in exchange for an honest review.

This is a terrific book. Very insightful from a black person’s life growing up in a white world.
The author’s writing captured her feelings of awkward situations perfectly, I felt I was living it.
Her family was very unique and loving.
I would definitely recommend this book given our unprecedented times.
A book to add to your Xmas list.

Surviving the White Gaze by Rebecca Carroll is a book that should be read by anyone who is considering adopting a bi-racial child. But, I think it should be read by everyone. This book is an eye opener. Rebecca Carroll does a wonderful job of articulating what it is like to grow up in a household that doesn’t celebrate our individualities.

In a world that accepts “white” without any preconceptions, raising a bi-racial child in that “whiteness” can be a difficult road. It leads the adopted child to wonder, question, reject or accept, that they are “different”. Oh this might not matter in the early years from newborn to say 3 or 4. But, once that child comes into contact with the “outside world” things will change. This will happen whether you want it to or not.

Raising a bi-racial child means that you need to be extra vigilant in the everyday of your child. There are so many little nuances that need to be addressed and taken into consideration. Not because of any bias on the part of the parents, but, the reality, for the child. Not everyone they meet will accept them with open arms and an open mind and heart. Some people hide their prejudices quite well. While others are quite open about it with the comments they make, all the while thinking they are not prejudiced at all .

Bi-racial children need mentors and benefactors that can relate to them and they, to the mentors. Seeing all white people as achievers and the mixed races as losers, hinders and excludes these young vital minds from becoming all that they can be.

I found this book to be interesting, informative and enlightening. It would be recommended reading for teachers, professors, clergy people and anyone dealing with the public and individuals!

Being raised in a “white family” in a “white neighborhood” and you being the only person of color, would make it hard to relate at the best of times. Given that Rebecca was raised in a household that didn’t really hold strong values on a lot of things, she is even more confused.

Her birth mother’s relationship with Rebecca, leaves her frustrated even more. Tess (the birth mom) has an obvious bias against her child’s father! She has no problem with pasting names on all men of color and confusing Rebecca even more. After all she is part of him too! She can’t deny that part of her existence.

Childhood, adolescence and young adulthood is already difficult terrain to navigate, but when you throw racial biases into the mix, it can become a powder keg just waiting to blow up.



Surviving the White Gaze will only be available February 2, 2021 and I would suggest that you pre-order this book. It is a really good read and an eye opener for all of us who think they know, but really don’t!

I was privileged to read this book in advance of publication as a member of Netgalley.com!

One of the most prevalent thoughts I had while reading this book was just how much it drove home how reductive it is to say to Black friends/strangers/acquaintances that we "don't see colour". This memoir is a stark example of loss of core identity and the near desperate search to find that identity in the sea of overt and casual racism. Carroll has provided this emotional labour, and shared her vulnerable story in a beautifully written tone that draws readers in and doesn't let go until the last lines are read.

A very honest disturbing book written by a black women adopted into a white family, white community and white country. The reader cannot help but question systemic racism within society. I highly recommend reading this poignant memoir. And then, read it again.

This is a deeply moving and enlightening novel based on the life of a black woman who was adopted and grew up in a white family. Not only was her family white but so was everyone else else in her community and school. Her family chose to treat her as she was no different then their biological children but that meant they didn’t even learn how to take care of her hair let alone teach her anything of her culture, history or challenges. The author wrote this memoir with truth and clarity, sharing the pain that racism caused her but also the utter disappointment and hurt her biological mother dumped on her. As a mother I could not fathom how Tess could do this to Becky. This book broke my heart and opened my eyes to the ignorance that still exists towards people of colour. I am glad that the author found the strength to write this book and share her story with us. A must read for everyone. Thank you to NetGalley and Simon and Schuster Canada for the opportunity to read this important book.

This is a book every white person should read. Rebecca Carroll rightly calls out white people on their black blindness. She lets us know how harmful it is to have black friends and never understand, or acknowledge that that person’s experience is different from ours or even try to; and how harmful that is.
I will be recommending this book to everyone I know, and will read it again and again.