“We are lovable idiots.”

Underlying it all, there is a wave of compassion for and acceptance of people/relationships/dynamics as they are—not as we want them to be.

It comes from the viewpoint of one fallible and imperfect person trying to interact with another imperfect and fallible person.

It’s generous. It doesn’t give blame.

The game is rigged. The table is slanted. So it is just a matter of coping with unavoidable realities.

It is contrarian. It is a rejection of all unrealistic aspects of romanticism. It tears down tradition relationship expectations step by step. It stabs holes gleefully.

It implies (albeit somewhat accurately) that every single relationship is identical and one singular description fits them all. It reads like the Barnum Effect and the universal horoscope created by psychologist Bertram R. Forer:

“You have a great need for other people to like and admire you. You have a tendency to be critical of yourself. You have a great deal of unused capacity which you have not turned to your advantage. While you have some personality weaknesses, you are generally able to compensate for them. Your sexual adjustment has presented problems for you. Disciplined and self-controlled outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure inside. At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing. You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations. You pride yourself as an independent thinker and do not accept others' statements without satisfactory proof. You have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others. At times you are extroverted, affable, sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, reserved. Some of your aspirations tend to be pretty unrealistic. Security is one of your major goals in life.”

The broad universality of it all actually makes it seem somewhat banal. There’s something sophomoric about it. It speaks like it has figured out a unified theory of all human romantic relationships. It aspires to timeless truisms. It has no doubt—just absolute certainty.

It’s very impersonal and is holding everything at arm’s distance.

But the “we” voice got tiring for me. (i.e. “We feel,” we think,” “we know,” and so on.)

I don’t know who the author is or where they are in life. I have no idea. Are they young or old? Are they straight, gay, bi, or pan? Are they in a relationship or not? How many relationships have they been in? Are they happy and satisfied in their relationship? [Contrast this with a relationship book like The Truth by Neil Strauss which is the absolute opposite]

Although, it is written like there is no person behind it, there seems to be wounded relationship baggage underneath.

There’s logical arguments, but no attempt at real-world proof. All the examples seem fictional and constructed.

The problems they identify are astute. But I don’t know if the solutions are correct or just create new/different problems.

This was a short book and was easy to listen to.. Everybody can benefit from getting a little refresher on love and relationships. It is so easy to be complacent through life and to not try new things. This is a great book if you are looking to be a little more self aware.

This is an audiobook for anyone wanting to look at the status/ quality of their relationship, and how to make it a better more fulfilling endeavor for themself. Filled with helpful scenarios and terminology as well as explanations of types of relationships, this is an audiobook sure to help anyone on the path of self discovery and self help.

My utmost thank you to #NetGalley as well as The School of Life, Alain de Botton (editor) for providing me with an advance audiobook copy in exchange for my honest review.

I listened to this book on audio and I have to say it started off very strong... however I felt like it fell a little flat. I had high hopes for this book and although I loved the parts with scenarios and certain questions to ask yourself or your partner... the rest of it seemed a little slow. As a psychology major I already knew most of the terms and different kind of “lovers” there are however I wish it went more in depth. This is a good read regardless if you are in a relationship or not. It doesn’t matter if you are choosing to be single, in an emotional relationship, sexual relationship, or a friendship you will be able to read this book and have very insightful takeaways.