For those engaging in self-reflection and an understanding of their needs and wants in relationship to others, this offers some fascinating insights and guidance.

An exploration behind the forces behind why we want what others have and the role social media plays in cultivating this uniquely human trait. Provides practical advice to avoid the trap of always needing to keep up with the Jones’.

I really enjoyed the introduction to this title and felt like it was unfolding some interesting aspects of desire that were knew to me. The heavy reliance on Rene Girard (though the intention here was to familiarize and popularize) left me feeling like Burgis' original perspective was sometimes lacking. I ended up just turning to a book written by Girard himself.

I read the newsletters of this author. This is a great concept. It will provide you a good way of thinking about setting yourself apart without falling into the new big shiny trap.

This was an outstanding read, truly makes you think and question life choices. I am excited to try some of the ideas in the is book in my own life!

Wanting .. by Luke Burgis .. is a very interesting book/concept. It goes into why we want what we want and why?? Also can we get rid of some of these wants so we don’t waste our time. The Author, researched the studies of Rene Girard. The theory is that human wants are really mimetic. Meaning that more often then not we want what others have. The thought is that if we know that we are following others we can turn that around and choose on our own. When we all follow each other.. we create competition and we tend to look at our sameness and not what makes us different.. If we work hard enough and understand why we want we can actually break the cycle and in the end be more happy. This was an interesting book.. the theory makes sense.. it would be great if we could not follow the crowd, it wastes a lot of time & energy. Luke Burgis did a good job and I want to further dive into this theory.

I enjoyed this book - I think the power of wanting is an interesting topic. Specifically, I really enjoyed learning about how wanting is portrayed in day-to-day life and relationships. While I found this book insightful, I was disappointed by my expectations versus reality. I was hoping this book would be a critical look at wanting from Burgis's eye rather than, essentially, a literature review of Rene Girard's work. Overall, it's an interesting book, but I wouldn't go into it expecting some philosophical awakening if you're already familiar with Girard's work and philosophy.

TL;DR: "Wanting" is a book that explores the concept of mimetic desire, the idea that people want what they see other do. It was first introduced by René Girard in the second half of the 20th century. While the concept is interesting, I ended up putting this book down at approximately the 20% mark for two reasons: the first, because it felt repetitive and somewhat discombobulated, even so early in; and the second, because the author seems to be trying to be so apolitical that he doesn't actually critically engage with the implications of mimetic desire.
Thank you to St. Martin's Press and NetGalley for an ARC of this book.
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I don't think I've read a book that has a note to the reader and a prologue and an introduction; I suppose it's good that there was no foreword, too. Still, learning about the origin of this book -- the author's realization that he felt relief after a huge deal for his startup fell through, and how this spurred the understanding that his main driver for wanting things had been others wanting them.
It's a compelling theory, and certainly one that feels natural for social creatures: mimicking others helps us learn, helps us stay safe, helps us belong. It also gets us into trouble -- like by pulling us into debt by our desire to keep up with the Joneses. The author presents a number of tactics to use to help us assess our desires and their origins and to free ourselves from this concept of mimesis, but the organization of the book feels haphazard, more a collection of examples than any specific analysis or critique.
This became particularly troubling to me in reading this sentence from one of the bits of front matter: "Mimetic desire transcends the political. It is in some sense pre-political, kind of like comedy. When something is funny, it's funny. But even humour can become tainted and bound up with agendas and rivalries. If any reader finishes this book and uses any insights that might be found in it to attack their enemies, they will have missed a key point. At a time of rising tension in the United States and many other parts of the world -- at least while I was writing this -- I wanted to offer something that might encourage more reflection and restraint, something that might lead to dialogue and desires oriented toward the common good."
Even if this [caveat] feels like a strong dose of bothsidesism, I understand that not every book needs to be "political" (though, as always, neutrality sides with the oppressor). The author may not feel that they have the expertise to tackle racism, xenophobia, or a regime that attempted a coup in this book, and it may feel a little too out there. That's fine.
Except that the author does bring politics into it. For example, the author notes how Edward Bernays -- the "father of public relations" -- was linked to the US-led overthrow of the democratically elected Guatemalan government in 1954. The paragraph is a mere 38 words long. It is unclear if the author is horrified or impressed. I noticed no mention that Bernays himself noted in his autobiography that Joseph Goebbels (of Nazi propaganda fame) read and used his books on PR and propaganda.
Even apolitical anecdotes are treated as just those, without any deeper analysis -- like Bernays' work on making smoking cigarettes acceptable for women. Sure, #feminism, but even an acknowledgment of how absurdly harmful smoking is to people could have been interesting, especially in light of how mimetic desire isn't something to blindly follow.
I recommend it to those who are interested in the concept of mimetic desire and enjoy anecdote-heavy works that relies on the reader to do most of the analysis and critique of concepts. Unfortunately, it just didn't do it for me.

To all the psych majors, Good Will Hunting fans, and armchair experts - you’re in for a treat. The book focuses on how we develop desires. Although we might view ourselves as logical decision makers, evaluating each option without emotion, Burgis quickly reveals how our desires are anything but straightforward.

The book is split between two parts - one revealing how our desires are shaped by models, and the second part in revealing how we can combat these influences and gain a little more independence back.

As a former psych minor, and current marketing manager, this book was a joy. Burgis writes in an approachable tone and has a number of examples both from pop (business) culture, and previous psychological research. If you’re looking to understand more of the ‘why’ in human nature, Wanting is a great place to start.

A mind-blowing, insightful, and transformative look at what we want; why we want it; and what we can do to want more, or less, or want differently.

The main theme provided by the author is that the vast majority of us live our lives wanting the things, (behaviors, lifestyles, careers) we see modeled by what others around us seem to want.

In many (perhaps most) cases, we act in a way that blindly and reflexively imitates other’s wants in a sort of pre-programmed “mimetic” way of being the author first defines and then illuminates for us, forcing us to recognize (horrifyingly) our own life’s “mimetic” veneer, as a first and necessary step in the journey in a proposed plan to break free of the cycle.

Meticulously researched and brimming with contemplative nuggets, many of them originating from the work of Rene Girard and his followers, the author has also mined and thematically connected an impressive array of sources (with extensive references and notes provided), including classical literature, philosophy, anecdotes from his own person life, myths, biographical snippets, religious teachings, Sci-fi story themes, true-life stories from the business and high-tech arena, and ideas and writings from modern-day doctors, scholars, and ethical thinkers.

This book raised so many ideas begging to be digested that my head spun and I had to put it down a few times to let my thoughts settle.

With the very many references to the new word “mimetic” used in a huge range of contexts in this work, I did struggle for the first half of the book with the mind-shift needed to stay on point with the author. But as I read on the concepts settled and I was all in, - so much so that I found myself dropping the word “mimetic” into my own thought process with wild abandon, the unavoidable questions now lining up in my mind :

- Do I really spend my life endlessly striving for “mimetic” goals or things based on others examples, that never really light the spark that makes it all worthwhile, deep inside, for me, myself, and I?

- Does my life, my wants, my actions, serve as a model I would be happy to see others “mimetically” pursue?

- Am I ready to do the work, as outlined in this book, to understand and identify my true and deepest (“non-mimetic”) desires, and take the steps to transformation?

It’s a pretty heady ask, and you can be sure, I will be thinking about the ideas raised in this book for quite some time. (Whether or not you choose to do the same!) (mimetically).

A great big thank you to #NetGalley, the author and the publisher for an ARC of this book.. All thoughts presented are my own.

The author explains us that we don't desire anything ourselves but see what others want and try to imitate them. It effects all our choices, including career, clothes, friends and many more. He explains us about the concept of Mimetic desire. With the help of his experience, the author shares tactics tells us how we can turn blind wanting into intentional wanting. This book is a toolkit for freeing ourselves from chasing unfulfilling desires. Luke aims to help us find meaning in our lives.

"Wanting" was an absolute slow burner for me. I wasn't sure if I could finish it but here we are! I really loved the premise and high-level theme of this book and couldn't agree more with the insightful observations Burgis made on our society and a lot of the mechanisms within it that both serve and disserve us. It's obvious that Burgis is well-read and takes a non-traditional approach to his career in the tech industry, a world that often functions as the epicenter of the growing unhappiness, discontent, and malaise we see in our modern world. It's also obvious that he has spent an excruciating amount of time thinking about mimesis and how it's wired in our social fabric. "Wanting" offers a fresh paradigm into how our desires are shaped, how our subconscious mind ranks priorities and desires based on how we rank others in our lives, and how we can combat such sinister influences that obstruct our path to true happiness. His practical tactics, which he interspersed throughout the book, were particularly helpful in creating actionable steps to ensure mimesis doesn't swallow our lives.

I did, however, find myself confused as to what the core identity of this book was. At first, it read largely like a primer on Renee Girard, which would've been fine. There are lots of good books out there that break down ideas of great philosophers for a modern audience. Then, perhaps due to Burgis's deep background in the VC/tech world, it started reading like a social commentary on what's wrong with the Silicon Valley ethos, particularly using Tony Hseih and his failed Downtown Project in Las Vegas as a befuddling example. Burgis kept noting this as a way to illustrate the "collapse" or "contagion" of desire but didn't meaningfully go into the actual details of what made it such a failure and what Hseih's role in that was. It seemed like he was trying to shape Hseih as another Neumann with a penchant for quirky ticks and dictums outfitted for PR, but I'm still unsure as to why Burgis used this example to buttress his argument about mimesis.

The paragraphs and stories were too choppy for me to immerse myself fully into the writing. Every time the author launched an interesting thread of thought, the writing quickly transitioned into another story or example or just had an abrupt ending with no resolution. The experience of reading this book was akin to reading the annotations of a highly intellectual person that compiles all the interesting thoughts, quotes, and ideas that s/he's come across. That could be enjoyable at times (there were so many good quotes throughout the book that I lost track of them) but also dissatisfying because it just leaves you wanting for more.

This is nitpicky, but chapters 6 and 7 took a different tone that I didn't find super relevant. They read more like "letters to my VC/entrepreneur friends" because the way Burgis was urging the reader to take on "transcendent leadership" heavily centered on the assumption that the reader would be involved, in some way shape or form, in tech. Or so it seemed. The irony is that people who join the upper echelon of fame, prestige, and wealth are people who most likely intensively engaged in mimesis and strove to achieve and reach a token of success that society deemed appropriate, whether that's going to Harvard, raising money for or selling your company, or getting Michelin stars. They also have the most "bandwidth" to let things go and, with incredible hindsight, are able to tell others to stop engaging in mimesis and be freed of their Michelin stars. The cynical side of me finds that disingenuous, so I struggled with Burgis's message as much as I agreed with it on a higher, conceptual level.

Competition engenders striving, and striving is an indispensable engine of human nature. Burgis made me think a lot about how mimesis is the backbone of our world and how there would be so much chaos if we didn't engage in it to a certain degree. The scapegoat mechanism was especially enlightening, and I wish Burgis spent more time on such ideas that highlight the two-sided nature of mimesis and how it can simultaneously hold and destruct our inner and outer world.

I find it hard to give a rating to this book because my reading experience varied so much depending on the chapters. I would recommend this book as long as you go into it with the expectation that this would read more like a loose, meandering compilation of thought-provoking theories, concepts, and quotes from interesting interviewees.

This was a fascinating book. What do we want, and why do we want it? Understanding those two things explains about the way we live, both as a society and as individuals. The answer, according to Burgis, is mimesis. (Not memes, either in the social media or the Dawkins sense, though they’re sort of related.) Basically, we want things because other people want those things (or say they do), and we want to be like them. In other words, our desires don’t come from within, they are driven by external influences.

Recognizing that simple fact allows us to ask ourselves one vitally important question - what do I really want? Not what I feel I ought to want, but what is actually most important to me and will make m happy? Only then can we live a life that is truly fulfilling.

(Side note, I was disappointed that among all the quotes in the books, “Tell me what you want, what you really really want!” didn’t appear. Because we all know that what we really want is to zig-a-zig-AH! Also, I Want You To Want Me. You know it's true.)

Seriously, though, realizing this was one of the turning points of my life. I was going through a really dark time and didn’t know what to do. My mentor told me one simple thing - figure out what you really want out of life. Not what you don’t want, but what you do want. After a lot of deep introspection, I made a decision and have never regretted it, even though it was hard and most of my friends and family thought I was crazy. I did what I wanted, not what they wanted.

One of the things that came out of this is a sincere belief that there’s no such thing as a guilty pleasure. Our so-called guilty pleasures are the things that we enjoy even if everyone else thinks they’re dumb. In other words, they’re the deeply personal desires that come from within, not driven by peer pressure. So embrace your guilty pleasures.

I was less interested in all the material about scapegoats, which I felt took away from the main message. We are being conditioned to want the things that companies, politicians, religions, and peer pressure thinks we should want, and most of the time, they will not make us happy. The answer is to take time to figure out what matters most to each of us, and then follow our own desires, no matter what anyone else thinks.

Very much recommended for anyone who’s trying to make sense of the world and understand why nothing they do is making them happy - which is, I suspect, most of us.

Disclaimer: I was given a review copy by the publisher.

Excuse the pun but this book left me wanting. The foundational premise is based on Rene Girard's mimetic theory - that imitation is the fundamental mechanism of human behavior - we want what others want not what we/they need. but what will earn other's envy. There are interesting concepts in this book (such as rise of social media and Facebook as being all about mimetic desire). and interesting stories highlighting this concept through the bible, famous literature, entrepreneurs. Where the book falls short is there is not enough evidence to suggest that this is a universal human behavior - there are certainly a lot of exceptions to this behavior. Sometimes he makes leaps that are a stretch -- for example saying that people working with Zappo's Founder, Tony Hsieh on developing the city of Las Vegas had committed suicide due to lack of clear structure and roles and no boundaries. While I think Burgis does raise some interesting points and also has tips for how to recognize and address mimetic behavior in one's self -- this book is not one I would keep on my shelf to refer to again.

"Mimetic desire" refers to the way that we imitate others, not only in our behavior but our desires: our goals and tastes. Once you get past the unfamiliar term, you’ll see yourself and your world in the book from a new angle.

I took so much away from this book. It gave me a better understanding of my strongest motivations ("comprehend and express"), the depth or "thickness” of my desires, and the subtle influences of the world at large on all of those aspects of my life.

Of course, a book review is kind of a mimetic device (I liked it, you should). But still, mimetic desire isn’t all bad!

In this fascinating book, author Luke Burgis explores Rene Girard's mimetic theory--our tendency to covet what we think others want--and how it affects most facets of our lives. This book is not a light read, but it's not difficult to read either. There's just a lot to unpack, and having read it once, I'm eager to go back and study it more thoroughly. But for now, I understand why I so covet Jack Rogers flats and Frances Valentine handbags, and why as much as I despise all the humble bragging on Facebook, I'm drawn to seek the posts of specific people. An excellent break from my typical summer beach reads and definitely gave me food for thought. #Wanting #NetGalley

This is an interesting book on "desire" - the science of why people want certain things, status, or relationships. If you're interested in social sciences, you will want to read this book. The author discusses "thick" desires versus "thin" desires - substantial things you want versus more frivolous things you might want - and how to determine the difference between the two. There's a lot of discussion of the concept of scapegoating. If you're interested in this subject, this book has a lengthy discussion of it. For me, the subject was covered a bit too much; I think most people are already familiar with this concept. But overall, the book was interesting and highly readable.

Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life by Luke Burgis is a two-part non-fiction book that explains the factors that influence what we think we want and how you can ignore those influences to act in a way aligned with your true desires.

This book introduces a topic that I have never heard of but makes perfect sense in society. That topic is mimetic desire which is the act of wanting something because you saw that others want or have it. Given how frequently items, interests, people, and so on go viral it highlights how much we are influenced by mimetic desire on what we are interested in. The book points out that mimetic desire will always be present in society and instead it is more important that we recognize its influence so we can act intentionally for what we truly want. I found it interesting that the book highlights examples on how social media has accelerated and increased the influence of mimetic desire on our actions and shares how this can get worse in groups of people.

What really stood out to me in the book are the individuals who act against mimetic behavior and instead are considered anti-mimetic. It was really interesting to see how being anti-mimetic can actually have substantial benefits. I do think more information could have been shared about what situations mimetic desire may actually be beneficial and would have provided some value to the reader. I appreciated the book included many anecdotes which enabled the reader to see examples of how mimetic behavior occurs in daily life and how the recommendations can be implemented. One of the techniques that was valuable was to identify your motivational patterns since it made me realize some blind spots in some of my motivations that I didn't realize I had. Overall I would recommend this to those who are wanting to learn more about how external factors influence the things they want and how to return to your own desires to live a more fulfilled life.

Many thanks to the publisher St. Martin's Press and Netgalley for the ARC in return for an honest review.

Wanting was a really well put together book that explores why we want what we want . I really enjoyed the examples and how the book was constructed.

In WANTING, Luke Burgis presents an enjoyable, thought-provoking overview of Rene Girard's theory of mimetic desire. As you read, you may find yourself wondering about your own choices and how they reflect the desires of those around you. I thought about the choices I've made that reject the desires of those in my community as well as the choices that fall in line. Putting these ideas into practice may help readers find more meaning by rethinking what they want and why they want it.