So going into this, I liked Shoshana almost immediately. I really liked reading from her point of view, and I was able to sympathize with her. Her relationship with her family was not the best, neither was her relationship with her cheer team; I just couldn’t help but feel bad for her.

Rowan was not an easy character to like. I could not understand why Shoshana was friends with her out of everyone at RR (the treatment centre)at the beginning. It took me a while to understand their friendship.

As the story progressed, I understood why Shoshana latched on to Rowan at RR. She was lonely, and Rowan was her first true friend – even if their friendship was quite toxic. Rowan also became a bit likeable further into the story. When her backstory was finally unfolded, it was easier to understand her motives and why she acted the way she did.

what I liked:

I really appreciated the writing style. The pacing was good; it did slow down at times, but overall the book was well written.

Rowan’s chapters were written like letters to Shoshana. It was very unique. I’ve never read a book written like that before. Her chapters felt special and it was nice getting into her head.

“I think about that a lot. About you a lot. I didn’t always treat you the best. More than that, I used you, in the way you always feared.”

It was also nice seeing Rowan’s character become a better version of herself who could accept her flaws.

what I didn’t like:

As much I liked seeing Rowan get better, her character development was unbelievable to me. It was like one minute she was this spiteful, abrasive girl then after one meltdown she did a complete 360 on us.

final thoughts:

Overall I rated this book a 3/5 because this was a very hard story to read. I also wish Shoshana’s story was wrapped up properly like Rowan’s was. The ending was still pretty good.

I think it’s important to check all the trigger warnings before going into this, and maybe read this while in the right headspace.

This was very Swann Street meets Netflix series “Cheer”. I felt like it was dark without being absolutely the darkest thing ever.

4/5 Stars

This book was like nothing I have read previously. It focused on the narratives of two main characters and their thoughts as they are recovering from eating disorders. I enjoyed the usage of color as a way to distinguish between "progress" and distinguish between individuals. I am also a huge fan of dance and cheer reality television shows and thought the usage of reality television was a great to to dictate societal views and pressure.

Overall, this is a great book about young people learning how to heal and become better people.

CONTENT WARNING: eating disorder, antisemitism, bullying, mention of death, mention of suicide, mention of self-harm, mention of sexual assault, mention of infidelity

This was a tough book, with a lot of heavy material involved. It starts out with two girls who are in treatment for eating disorders, and involved in an unhealthy friendship. Shoshana’s character is relatively likable initially, while Rowan is intensely unlikable. There’s more than a hint of antisemitism in some of Rowan’s thoughts about Shoshana, despite her growing feelings for her. It pops up early, as in the first sentence of her first POV chapter, and it made me dislike her even more than I already did. However, this seems to be a theme, since Shoshana faces it in her outside life as well.

The girls are in a treatment facility where they have no access to their phones, the internet, and are limited in their contact with family members. I don’t know very much at all about eating disorder treatment, but it surprised me that the girls all seemed to have no worries about insurance plan coverage. It didn’t seem entirely realistic that this treatment would be covered for months, especially with the state of healthcare coverage in the US. I was also surprised that family sessions weren’t mentioned, since I would have expected families to be at least minimally included in the treatment process. But as I said, this isn’t an area that I know much about.

As far as the eating disorder portrayal, the story didn’t glorify it. The characters were open about their struggles while also discussing the ugly side effects of having an eating disorder. The grim reality of life with an eating disorder and the prognosis was mentioned.

After reading further into the story, I enjoyed seeing the characters change. Watching them grow, progress, slip, pick themselves up, struggle through the recovery process in a non-linear fashion was fascinating. And I noticed that my feelings about Shoshana and Rowan changed dramatically over the course of the story. While I started reading feeling one way, I finished feeling completely differently.

This wasn’t the easiest book to read, since it dealt with some serious subject matter, but it is something that many people face on a daily basis. It was a good book, and I enjoyed getting to learn more about the characters, to get inside their heads. It also dealt with sexuality in the two MCs, both of whom are figuring out how they want to define themselves. I enjoyed seeing them come to terms with the labels they wanted to use to refer to themselves.

The book is told from the POV of Shoshana and Rowan who have much different personalities. Rowan to me was not a very likable character where Shoshana felt more of someone I could relate and sympathize with. Rowans chapters are also written addressed to Shoshana which brought a different spin to the book. This book really makes you think. It’s written well and sensitive to subject matter. I had done a clinical rotation during nursing school on an ED unit of a hospital and this reminded me so much of what I saw. I had actually thought about working there at one point because their struggles really pulled at my hea

CW: eating disorders, sexual assault, suicide

Thank you to NetGalley and North Star Editions/Flux for an advanced electronic copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!

Shoshana and Rowan are 17 years old, working through their eating disorders in a recovery facility in Friendsville, Maryland. Shoshana wants to get back to her life, but Rowan sees weight gain as steps back, and the program really isn't helping her. Their friendship is tested when Shoshana progresses, and she has to ask herself if it's worth staying sick to keep her friend.

The girls often share worries about "getting fat." This is fatphobic, but it's important to remember that these girls have eating disorders and aren't mentally or physically well. That doesn't excuse their behavior, but it helps to explain it. Emotions run high throughout these stories, but what the characters face is real for lots of people. The story doesn't promise a perfect happy ending, but it does encourage characters to keep pushing. I suppose the message is worthwhile at the end.

This was by no means, an easy read. In fact, I had to take a few breaks while reading this. However, I’m glad that it. This is an important story that needs to be told and read. E. J. Schwartz did not shy away from gritty parts of eating disorders. It’s the unadulterated truth. From what I’ve gathered from other reviews (from people with an ownvoices experience), the handling of eating disorders was done well. From someone who didn’t have a personal experience with it, I felt like I learnt a lot.

This is very much a character driven story. And the characters are flawed and complex. Shoshana isn’t hard to love, I was rooting for her the entire time. She’s definitely flawed, but I loved reading about her growth. Rowan, on the other hard, definitely takes time to get used to. Initially, I really didn’t like her. But the more you learn about her, the more you see why she is the way she is. The character development for both of these characters was done well.

I expected the LGBTQIA+ representation, but the asexual aspect surprised me. It’s not one I’ve read about much but I really enjoyed it.

So many hard topics are dealt with in this and I think they’re done well. I would recommend checking the content warnings because this deals with sexual assault and more. The only thing I found a little unsettling were some of the lines seemed very anti-Semitic. I don’t think I know enough to comment on this one though.

I loved the way the story ended, it was really satisfying but believable. It showed that recovery doesn’t look the same for everyone and it’s not always linear.

Because this is a character driven story, this felt quite slow. Since it deals with hard topics, I kept having to take frequent breaks. This is as a combination, made it hard to pick back up.

This is a really important and I highly recommend it for anyone that enjoys character driven story.

Thank you Flux and Netgalley for a review copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions expressed in this review are my own.

Told through the perspectives of Rowan and Shoshana, Before We Were Blue is a beautifully written story about two girls each with their own problems. When the girls become best friends it seems like they will stop at nothing to stay together. Eventually one of them moves from grey to blue and everything changes in a way that neither girl could have ever expected.

This book is extremely well written. The girls voices in each of their perspectives is quite different. Rowan's chapters are written like she is talking directly to Shoshana. It helps to emphasize the state of her mental health and clarify her feelings towards Shoshana.

This book takes place mainly in an eating disorder recovery clinic. Both of our main characters suffer from an ED and meet at the recovery clinic. Writing about an ED can be very difficult as there is so much you have to be careful with when trying to be realistic. I think the author did a really good job at showing the girls ED'S without focusing on anything that could be a trigger.

Overall, I think this is a really good book. It's really well written and has a great story line.

Sometimes, a first-time author comes along and gives us a book that’s difficult to put down. Before We Were Blue is such a book.

Meet Shoshana and Rowan, two girls at Recovery and Relief for eating disorders. As gray girls, they have a lot of restrictions. But they’ve been battling eating disorders for a long time. So getting to move up to blue isn’t an easy task. But they have each other for friendship and support, and they don’t need the nurses or the other girls. So they’ve created a bubble for themselves and are completely happy in their own little world.

Yes, Rowan is tough to cheer for, but she’s been through a lot, which shows in everything she does. You don’t have to love her to like the book, and I think her struggles and perseverance, in addition to the walls she’s erected, make me like her even more. Schwartz has written rich, 3-dimensional characters who have dealt with some genuine issues. Before We Were Blue is a thoughtful, emotional, and powerful read; nicely done. Thank you, TBR Tours and North Star Editions, for sending this along!

First off thank you so much for sending me an eARC of this book in exchange for my honest opinion. Before We Were Blue is set primarily in an eating disorder facility and a lot of both of our protagonist's journeys are heavily reliant on their EDs. This book is hard to rate because I don't normally read things like this and probably wouldn't pick it up to reread but I think its worth at least reading once because it is thought provoking.

The two protagonists we get to experience are literally night and day. There is Soshana, the “good” patient, who was nice, more likable and seems to want to get help and then there is Rowan who isnt very likeable because she's manipulative, unwilling to heal, and cruel. She always seems to want the new girls to fail and often tries to make bets against them. One this I did like was Rowans transformation by the end and getting to read about her journey.

Overall this isn't the easiest of books to read because of the content it surrounds but I believe it is worth reading.

4.5 stars

I had no idea what to expect from Before We Were Blue. As someone who struggles with her relationship with food, I had avoided it for months before picking it up, purely because I was sceptical of the ED representation. I could say it turned out to be a pleasant surprise, but pleasant is a strange word to describe a story that is so raw and ugly and painful. It doesn't sugar coat anything, that's for sure.

The characters were the strongest part of BWWB; Shoshana and Rowan and their strange, unbalanced relationship. Though Rowan was written as a unlikeable character, she ended being my favoirte of the two. Yes, she was manipulative and selfish. Yes, her defense mechanism was being cruel, and yes, her chapters, which were written in 2nd person to Shoshana, creeped me out at times. But her arc was just *chef's kiss*.

Schwartz does a great job of portraying toxic relationships and mind sets you can form when trying to get better. There's no glamorization of mental illnesses and there's no hesitation of showing you how ugly ED's can get. However, BWWB is also a story of self-growth, healing and getting better for no one but yourself.

3/5⭐️ and 1000/5⭐️, but this time it’s not my indecisiveness that’s at fault, but this friggin book.

A book about eating disorders (and mentions of sexual assault) isn’t easy to read, so even though I knew what I was getting myself into…
I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

Rowan, supposedly Shoshana’s best friend, made it hard for me to like her, and the book. I don’t know what was worse, reading Shoshana being manipulated in her point of view, or Rowan being a totally different person in hers. Like she was totally oblivious to the amount of sh!t she put Shoshana through.

At around 60% of the book, everything got so much better. Not better, really, really good. I enjoyed Rowan’s chapters so much! Shoshana’s a bit less.

By the way, I want to give a special thanks to the author for adding a wonderful touch of feminism and queerness.

Read my full review on Goodreads!

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ / 4 stars
Before We Were Blue is a story about Rowan and Shoshana, girls who are at Recovery and Relief, a treatment center for girls with eating disorders.
I have not suffered from an eating disorder, so I won’t pretend to understand these characters completely, but someone in my family who I’m very close with did. They have since recovered, but I was really brought back to those moments and memories from when they hadn’t. Because of the story and the way, it is written, it felt very powerful to read but I really struggled at the same time. There is no sugar-coating in this book. The mental illness portrayed and everything around is, is laid on thick and in such a believable way. I really applaud Schwartz for keeping it real.
The story is written from the perspective of both girls as they go through the recovery system and their journeys. Both are written really well and are so different. Just like in real life, everyone has a different journey and different approach to getting to their destination. They don’t get some magical awakening and suddenly get better. They decide for themselves. I also appreciate the ending, that not all recovery stories are straight, but curved and not all stories end with recovery.
I did struggle a little bit in the beginning with Rowan’s chapters, mainly due to the 2nd person POV and the way Shoshana was addressed constantly. She kept saying it like “you…”, which felt like she was speaking to me personally, which sometimes made me a little uncomfortable. After a while it didn’t anymore and I enjoyed her chapters a lot more. This can also be accounted to the fact that Rowan isn’t really a likable person at the beginning. She is quite manipulative and unwilling. On the other hand, it made me appreciate her as a character, as her arc was written extremely well. Shoshana was more likable and she was easy to root for.
Overall, it is a hard book to rate, since I can’t say I enjoyed it very much. It isn’t a book I would read for fun. At the same time, it is really eye-opening and it makes me really think about all of it. It was exceptionally well written.

If you are really triggered by anything concerning Eating Disorder please re consider reading it when you are truly ready!
I did not get to finish it because of how much I was triggered but the author’s writing style was really amazing this is why I’m still giving it 3 stars. I did not manage to finish it but I know that maybe someday I will get to read it!

This book has everything I could possibly want. I love sad and haunting stories that also offer hope, and BEFORE WE WERE BLUE, E. J. Schwartz's debut, gives just that.

I requested an ARC of this book on NetGalley because the cover was just so beautiful. Then I started reading it and realised it was about eating disorders--and I was drawn right in. In fact, I fell in love with this story as soon as I started it. Chapter one gives us Shoshana's POV as she's in RR, a recovery programme for her eating disorder. Immediately, I was pulled into her world and her life. She felt so, so real, and the writing was beautiful. There's something so compelling about the writing, in fact, that I just couldn't put it down. I knew immediately that this was a five-star book for me--and then I got Rowan's POV. And, just, wow. I didn't think this book could get it better, but chapter two just lifted it beyond 5 stars. We'd already met Rowan from Shoshana's POV, but chapter two, written in direct address from Rowan to Shoshana reveals the one-sided nature and complex intricacies of their friendship. There's this hard, toxic edge to Rowan and we realise she's using Shoshana. My heart was pounding reading this. It's just deliciously addictive.

Schwartz is a master of characterisation and voice, and I wasn't prepared for just how good this book was going to be. Every chapter, as I got deeper into the story, made me fall even more for this book. Shoshana and Rowan feel so real. I was breathing their stories, and Schwartz covers a lot of ground in this book.

Both girls are suffering from eating disorders, and there's a lot of discourse on bodies and social media. Shoshana is a professional cheerleader who developed her ED as a response to the pressures of this (and a pretty nasty coach), while Rowan has had her ED for longer, likely having, in some part, 'inherited' the behaviours from her mother who also showed signs of this. This book also really looks into the psychology of eating disorders and how they're often linked to other conditions--not just the physical ones caused by the effects of starvation and malnutrition, but other mental illnesses too. And it looks at WHY eating disorders can occur and how and why someone can relapse during/after treatment. There's one line from Shoshana that particularly struck me--she says about how she just wanted to be gone, and this jus really got to me. It resonated with me, and I think so many people think that eating disorders are just about food and body image, and someone's mental torture and desperation to disappear can often be overlooked because of this.

The friendship between Rowan and Shoshana is masterfully written. Rowan's arc in particular is impressive--she starts off wanting to hold onto her status as 'gray' (those whose EDs are controlling them more), and she's proud of it. She wants to be disciplined and seen as disciplined enough to maintain her status as gray (again, these were things I could personally relate to). But we see Rowan's mindset changing as she decides she wants to get better--and this coincides with her realisation about how she's been using Shoshana and needs to be a better friend.

Rowan's arc cleverly contrasts with Shoshana's. When Rowan's resisting progress at the start of the book, Shoshana is making it. When Rowan makes progress at the end, Shoshana's hitting 'rock bottom' again (perhaps, worse than before). But

This is definitely a story of friendship too--in all its different types--and we see how close and dependent the two narrators are on each other. There was this super intense relationship between them that I just adored. Now, I must just mention here that I am ace, and a lot of things that Shoshana said had me getting strong ace vibes. But I kept thinking that it wouldn't got that way, that it was just a coincidence--and then the author confirmed that this was in fact ace rep! At that point, I hadn't thought I could love this book any more, but I really did. This was just...amazing. A book that I could personally relate to not just on the eating disorder rep but also the ace rep. I was speechless. I almost couldn't believe I'd found such a perfect book for me.

I was so sad when I finished this book. I'd felt so seen in these pages, and I just wanted it to continue.

E.J. Schwartz is now an auto-buy author for me. BEFORE WE WERE BLUE is a complex look at eating disorders, friendship, social media and societal pressures, the process of healing, and asexuality. It's masterfully written, compelling and powerful, and I could not turn the pages fast enough.

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the ARC copy.

Trigger warnings - eating disorder, suicide, sexual assault, mentaland physical pain and violence

This book talks about eating disorders, how two people literally starved themselves,it was ugly , raw and imperfectly perfect
Shoshana and Rowan went through it and meet at a recovery center, Shoshana a former cheerleader who starved herself so that her growing wouldn't effect her skills and on other hand Rowan who was bullied by her own mother into eating less.

Shoshana is likeable , she wants to recover and be healthy again and get back to her life whereas Rowan she has complete other plans.

EJ Schwart really made you care so much about these characters that every action they took, I wanted to scream at them at somepoint and sometimes I even cried a lot.

The book is told in dual povs , gives you two perspectives about the same thing, and the outcomes of that.

☆☆☆☆/5
Pub date : 14th September

Trigger warnings : eating disorder , suicide , physical and mental pain , violence , sexual assault.

This books talks about mental health in its raw and real form , this book being a own voice, shows you the reality of how it feels and it to go through eating disorder or any other mental illness.

The two main characters Shoshanna and Rowan both are hard to like , messy and very delicately created , they show you the two ways of ' recovery ' yet their stories merge perfectly. The are cruel , gruesome and even sadistic at times which makes then quite unlikable and maybe you'll hate them in the beginning.
Shoshanna who really wants to be better because she wants to regain her life back as it was before she entered the rehab center while Rowan has some other plans . And they get their ends likewise .

Before we were blue is a vulnerable story , a story I want everyone to read yet , not everyone should because it contains so very heavy themes which even made my heart shatter into a million pieces , so check the trigger warning before you go on to read this .


Thank you netgalley and Flux for providing me an arc of this book .

“I slide my hand over the tsk-tsk, the smiley face above the waistband of my shorts, a pot belly grown like the Secret Garden. Suddenly, I feel a burning at my core, a warning that tomorrow I’ll be gone too. Suddenly, I feel blue.”

Before We Were Blue is a fresh, creative take on eating disorders, mental health facilities, and the toxic relationships and mentalities you can form while trying to get better.

Told in dual perspectives, you see two very drastic ends of ‘recovery’; those that actively want and are trying to recover, and those that are still wrapped deep within the murderous clutches that is an eating disorder and it’s mindset.

Shoshana is a very enjoyable and likeable protagonist. It’s very clear she wants to get better, she wants to recover, but spends far too much time in her own head comparing herself to others (understandably, as a competitive cheerleader).

Rowan, at the start at least, has a wall built up to keep her defences set. She can be cruel, vindictive and manipulative at her worst, but kind and gentle at her best. She isn’t ready to get well, at least not yet.

E.J. Schwartz does a particularly incredible job of displaying just how disastrous and ugly mental illness is, and the portrayal of eating disorders is spot on, as someone who suffered with the same from my early childhood into my early teens.

Both the main characters are selfish, to no fault of their own, but it made the book all the more interesting and enjoyable as they embarked on, what started out to be, two very different and separate journey’s that turn out to be not too dissimilar in the end.

Overall, a wonderful look inside the mind of someone suffering with mental illness, the toxicity that exists within relationships hinging on the other’s sickness, and how sometimes you need to get better - not for anyone else, but for you.

Thank you to NetGalley, the author and the publisher for giving me the opportunity to read and review this brilliantly written book with such a great, unique perspective and energy to it. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this one.

3.5/5 stars! 🌟

Thank you so much, NetGalley, North Star Editions and Flux, for the chance to read and review this book.

TW: eating disorders, anxiety, emotional and physical pain

Recovering and Relief is a treatment center for girls with eating disorders and there Shoshana and Rowan meet and become friends, creating a strong bond with one other. Shoshana, a cheerleader on a reality TV show, starved herself to ensure her growing didn't ruin her tumbling skill, while Rowan was pressured and influenced by her own mother to stop eating, only to "chew and spit". The girls develop a beautiful and intricate relationship, a intimacy, while struggling with their problems and disorders.
In the center girls are divided in Gray and Blue and the dream is to become Blue and to achieve more freedom and then get home. But that means get separated and return to face the world and its problems. Shoshana and Rowan become closer and closer, in an intricate, sometimes toxic and unhealthy, relationship, until they are forced to choose between getting better or staying together.

Before we were blue hit home for me and it was hard and moving recognizing similar patterns, thoughts and attitudes. The story is told by two POVs, Shoshana's and Rowan's and the book follows them, struggling with their eating disorders, memories and anxieties, fears and dreams, hopes. families and past traumas.
Shoshana and Rowan are very different from one other. While Shoshana is more introvert and quiet, Rowan is vibrant, but both are complex characters in their thoughts and actions.

The story is moving and intense, narrated brilliantly, showing the reader the struggles, pains and difficulties, how the characters fear and dream, hope and are scared to face the world, to lose themselves, to lose one other.
Their relationship is layered, they cling to each other, supporting, helping, pushing, hurting, in a complex and sometimes toxic, other selfish bond. While the side characters add layers to the story, showing recoveries and struggles, deaths and problems, Shoshana and Rowan are the main ones and their story is amazingly written. The author did an outstanding job with this book, I felt so involved reading Before we were blue and I loved everything.

Thank you to NetGalley and North Star Editions for this ARC!
I requested it knowing I had at least two things in common with the main characters: first, like Shoshana, I'm Jewish. Secondly, I'm queer. Thirdly, and more importantly, I've also been in residential treatment (though for different reasons).

This book was a lot. I knew it would be when I requested it, but I wasn't sure of all the places it would hit. There was so much that struck true to my past experiences in treatment: the close-knit friendships that veered into the codependent, the distrust and dislike of any newcomers who were viewed almost as a threat, the desperation to leave, the jealousy of those advancing, the burning jealousy of those who got to leave, even if you pasted on a smile. Too, and so familiar, there was the mention of fifteen-minute phone calls to parents, the waiting for graduated friends to write and despairing when they started falling out of contact, the anxiety-inducing moments during visits when you broke programs rules and the need to either hide it or lie because your parents didn't understand.. . and the reversion into what you'd done previously. I was able to see it coming, see myself and my friends, and my heart ached for Shosh.

Shoshana is on a reality tv show as a competitive cheerleader, and while in treatment, she's the Golden Girl you either love or resent. Rowan is different, the type of girl she'd never meet outside, cynical, bitter, wounded, and trying so hard to be strong. Rowan takes Shosh under her wing, and the two fall into a tight friendship above which they prioritize over nearly everything else. Or-- Rowan does, at least, and Shosh is only a little more level-headed about it. Told in both POV's, each of the voice come across differently-- Shosh is trying and failing to keep herself together, and Rowan's let herself fall apart in jagged edges, brutal, honest, and self-deprecating in her pain.

They have a treatment bond. It's the way you meet and are crushed into friendships with people you'd never meet otherwise, glued together by a shared, difficult experience few others they'd meet outside would have. Shosh is more focused on the here and now, letting herself be pulled in any currents she falls into. Rowan struggles against the stream, forward-facing while never wanting things to change. Both are so incredibly a familiar dynamic. I've absolutely been both.

While incredibly bittersweet, the book struck and ending that seemed inevitable with how they had progressed in their times, and the growth they've been able to make. I think it was truly the best-case scenario both were in. I truly loved the realization of (general lack of) sexuality, especially as it's something I share.

CWs: eating disorders, along with mental, emotional, and physical impacts of them.