This book is beautifully painful. As someone who danced for the majority of my childhood (6ish to 18) this book caused visceral reactions in me. I was brought back to my younger dancing years and the joy and anxiety that surrounded them. It is interesting (and also a bit hard) because Gavin Larsen and I had such clearly different dancing careers (I wasn't even allowed to be en pointe) but so much of it was the same-- especially the 'hopefully if I try hard enough I will look like I belong' mindset.

As interesting read thus far!

Being Ballerina by Gavin Larsen is a memoir about Gavin's life as a professional ballet dancer in the United States. The story is told over several short chapters, and covers her entire career from just 8 years old when she first began ballet to when she retired at 35. The ins and outs of the dance world are covered through a variety of perspectives and themes as well as life as a ballerina from injuries to the intense training program to the rise and fall of a star.

Throughout the novel the narration and writing varies, at times it is in third person describing an unnamed ballet dancer, at others it is Gavin sharing her perspective and describing her day to day life, and in others it is written as letters, thoughts, dreams, editorials and other forms. I'm not sure why the author chose to alternate writing styles, and at times I felt it worked well, while at other times I would have preferred one consistent style. Additionally, the time line did skip around a fair amount. It was generally in chronological order, especially near the beginning, but at times when it was more theme-based, a chapter may cover several years. For example, a chapter on her love interest and pet took place over 4 years and even within that chapter jumped around a little bit. The chapters before and after were both early on in that 4 year period or before it, so it wasn't a quick 4 year lapse in one chapter, it was based on those two themes and they happened to take place later in her career. Anyway, if you're hoping for a linear timeline there will be times when things get out of order.

I so appreciate having the opportunity to read and review this story through Netgalley and the publisher. It was a great book and I would definitely recommend it to other former dancers!

Being a Ballerina is a very intimate memory, there are parts that feel like reading a diary, here there is no drama or the dark secrets of being a ballerina, it is the day-to-day of doing something you love, dedication, routines, and exercise. It is the uncertainty if you are good enough and also the feeling that by dancing you free yourself and you can reach the sky.

Gavin Larsen started his ballet classes when she was a child, but shy as she was, she did not want to stand out and thought she had to imitate the other girls because she did not know what she was doing, luckily her teachers noticed her talent and that was the beginning.

The format is divided into chapters of her life, we see her grow from the age of 8 until her retirement as a principal dancer.

For me, it was not only a portrait of what it is to be a professional dancer and wanting to be hired as a principal, but it applies to everyone when you leave university and don't know what to do next when you get a good job, but it can be exhausting or you know there is something better out there for you.

Although the memory is written in the third person (something that confused me a bit at first) and I'm a dancer, it has something with which you can identify and empathize, Gavin Larsen is a person like everyone else, only with a more glamorous profession and more hard work. Here she recounts the good and the bad of her world, shows us her dreams and how to achieve them, it is not magic, it is a mix between talent and dedication.

“Why dance?
What is it about dance that either makes us awkward and uncomfortable to the point of paralysis—or exhilarated, released, and able to fly? And, for the sliver of the human population that becomes addicted—compelled—to take ‘dancing’ to the most highly refined level, to analyze, measure and execute physical movements with a cellular level of precision, to devote life to the body—why? What is that sticky substance that pulls us deeper and deeper into this world of dance? The further we explore the peaks and valleys, forests and oceans of the dance world, the more lost we become. The pathway ahead gets smoother and yet more twisty and hilly the longer we follow it, and the end of the road will never appear”.

We step into the dance world…
…..the daily life of dedication…from early childhood…classes, instructions, … from amateur to professional….
Gavin covers details about morning wake-up rituals, stretching, sweat, pain, rehearsals, performances, precision, perfection, mistakes, changing clothes, shoes, hairstyling, style assessment of self, body assessment, costumes, injuries, other dancers, teachers, foods she ate, etc…..oh, and she loved her cat.
We become intimate with Gavin’s inner voice.

It’s a beautiful memoir….but I found the ‘way’ Gavin wrote this autobiography a little awkward.
I completely loved what Gavin had to say about her experience- her knowledge- her insightfulness…
All that was GREAT….
but she wrote about herself in third person. So rather than say, “I was scared meeting so many new people”…
Gavin wrote: “She”….was scared …or SHE felt intimidated, or SHE was shy … (it felt too removed from herself - and it didn’t always allow me to feel connected with Gavin.
And one of the things I like about memoirs is the opportunity to feel close to the person telling their story.
I felt Gavin kept an arms-distant from herself - and with me ( as her reader), by choosing to talk about herself as if SHE was not HER.

It’s my pet peeve anyway. I know a person who often refers to her body, and aging as ‘THE Body’…..never ‘My’ body. I find it off-putting - so removed from acceptance of herself. So lacking in feeling in being able to join in - feeling close ‘with’ her.

The other thing I must be honest about. When I saw that Amazon was selling this Kindle download for $18.95…. I figured it would include some gorgeous photos. It doesn’t. NONE.
Personally, I wouldn’t spend that money money on this ‘ebook’. NOT AT ALL! The price really needs to come down….in ‘half’.
I am grateful that I was allowed to read this book early. I didn’t pay anything for it—[thank you to “University Press of Florida”, Netgalley, and Gavin Larson]….but I don’t think the e-book merits it’s asking price on Amazon.

But….back to this book:
Many parts I enjoyed….some parts I muddled through.
I took enough ballet lessons in my own life to be familiar with most of the terms and positions.
I have a daughter who is professional performer singer, songwriter, actor, dancer, piano playing composer, musical theater director, contortionist — working today: films, stage, etc)….
so I feel I have a pretty good understanding of the dedication for the creative process- (blood, sweat, tears, and joys of exhilaration).

The parts I enjoyed best was when Gavin was in touch with her own ongoing blind discoveries: ( her, oh, my, realizations)….
“What scared her most at age 17…the summer of ‘92 was a startling feeling that she should’ve known— after graduation from ballet school into the life of a professional dancer— that she would be in pointe shoes for ‘eight’ hours a day. Each hour was filled with anxiety, of uncertainty, starting with company technique class first thing in the morning. Just walking into a studio with professional dancers was utterly frightening”.

“Dancers’ psyches are incredibly fragile—their egos are tied to their physical strength—performing with honesty, truth, and selflessness”.

“A Final ‘farewell’ performance is such a conundrum for the dancer; it is the public’s declaration that tomorrow, I will not be a dancer anymore—but I know that is not true. I will be exactly the same, but my name tag will have been peeled off”.

Larson’s retirement performance was an unpredictable discovery.
“For all the years of self analysis, of shaping and crafting my dancer’s body, of the delight and dismay in it, of gratitude, awe, and ambition for it, this was perhaps the moment of greatest revelation”.

I enjoyed much of this book —yet struggled with the third-person-SHE- style-writing.
…..I totally admire and appreciate Gavin’s life dedication as a ‘passionate’ talented - serious dancer.

Gavin Larson is gorgeous….just watching her YouTubes are mesmerizing.

Thank you to NetGalley for providing an eARC in exchange for an honest review.

I am so happy to see that more and more dancers are sharing their experiences coming up through schools, professional programs, and companies- it really gives the reader insight into what the ballet world is/was like. And I love Larsen's honesty; it can be a difficult and demanding journey, and even more so when you consider these girls' ages. As someone who has danced their whole life and studies ballet academically, I didn't learn much per se, but I think that this would be a fantastic book for someone wanting to learn more about the road to becoming a professional dancer. I mean this in the best way- Larsen isn't a world wide name (like Misty Copeland) whose story is continually shared and highlighted, so you are really getting to know someone new, and their journey. There is no feeling of "Oh, I've heard/read this before"- you won't be able to stop reading!

As a former dancer myself, this book brought me right back to my own days of dance classes and performances. The detail of movement and atmosphere of being "a dancer" was deep and thought-provoking, to the point that if you don't have much knowledge or experience with classical training, it may be really hard to connect to several passages. Thankful for the nostalgia hit.

This is a beautifully written lyrical look at the world behind the glamour and beauty of the ballet. It exposes the hard grind, the incredible pain and the mistreatment Larsen endured, and why it was all worth it. As she writes, she felt close to the divine when dancing, and she also captures the wonderful moments and memorable experiences, such as being taught by Suzanne Farrell.

Larsen was also lucky enough to be taught by the great Russian ballerina Alexandra Danilova at a very young age, and I especially enjoyed reading about this. This is a lovely memoir which takes you right into the heart of a particular ballerina's world. A must-read for ballet fans!

I received this free ebook from NetGalley in return for an honest review.

A great book about the fuill training and life as a ballerina of Gavin Larsen. You don't need to be a dancer to read the book, everything is so clearly explained. It is fascinating and heart breaking to read about all the physical and emotional pain the dancers have to endure, I would recommend the book to any aspiring professional dancer.
I received a copy from NetGalley, all opinions are mine.

4 Joyful And Dedicated Stars
* * * * Spoiler Free
Ballet was a part of my life when I was very young. I experienced on a very minor level compared to most, the thrill of performing on a stage with a group of people focused on one thing, giving a wonderful performance to an audience. It has stayed with me long after my "dancing" days were done. The time I spent gave me the lifelong ability to appreciate the phrase, dance like no one is watching, personally to this day.

Today, ballet has been the hot subject matter. It is timeless in beauty and also can give the element of mystery because the perfection wished, really is almost unattainable. The environment, the instructors, the limited opportunities all lend themselves for drama. In real life, not the screen, the drama can be more than real.

This incredible ballerina bears all and we are there from her first taste of the lure to dance. We are with her every step of her career and it is a gift.

A true story of being a ballerina. Written with grit and honesty. You won't be able to put it down. a remarkable story of working to be a part of the ballet world. The work, sweat tears, pain and determination are felt to your very core. Written so dramatically and real that you feel yourself tense your muscles and work to make the correct stance. Amazing read!

Being a Ballerina: The Power and Perfection of a Dancing Life
by Gavin Larsen

From a struggling but promising pupil to a professional ballet dancer whose career spanned nearly two decades, Gavin Larsen experienced the range of emotional and physical turmoil associated with a dancer’s existence. In energetic and expressive prose, she articulates the pains and pressures and pleasures that flow from commitment to her thoroughly demanding art. “Making a living being tired” accurately describes her sense of never feeling fully rested. Her search for the right place to perform takes her from the corps de ballet to soloist to principal, within a respected professional company, and later as a freelancer. Larsen’s tenacity and stamina shine through her depictions of the touring life and the quest for the next job search, inserting herself into daily class among strangers whose rituals and routines are unfamiliar. Every bourée forward is followed by one or two backwards, with dread of injury—career-halting or career-ending—always looming and seemingly inevitable. The frank and graphic account of ballet’s toll on the body, especially the toes, tendons, and ankles, makes real the agony behind the beauty seen onstage. Particular attention is given to the specifications and adaptions of pointe shoes and the mechanics and logistics involved in partnering and lifts. This is an admirable and extremely well-written memoir of a perceptive dancer’s artistic and professional challenges. (University Press of Florida, paperback/ebook, 272 pp. 27 April, 2021)

I truly love this reading. It was a closing and accurate look at a dancer's life, I felt a connection with her all the book, not only with the ballerina one but with her enthusiasm and love for the world of ballet. The way she describes our passion for ballet is so touching. I cried in some chapters feeling in my deep all her words.
I'll leave one of my many favorites parts of the book, and I'm sure this won't ruin your lecture:

“ Everyone should dance. Everyone should let their soul sing. We all deserve to feel our spirits expanding past the boundaries of our skin, to be powerful without needing to hold power over anyone else. Dancing takes the most beautiful, extraordinary, and universal instrument -the human body- to its fullest, highest, most complete capacity. Physical body, intellectual mind, emotional spirit, interpretative artistry all unite in even the simplest classroom exercise. When I dance, I feel like I am sharing a gleeful, knowing chuckle with our creator: I’ve found the key to sublime paradise on earth, which he has masterfully “hidden” by putting it in the most obvious place -our muscles, tendons, bones and indeed, every cell of our bodies. When dancing, one need not to go to church to seek out the divine. I’ve found my spiritual salvation in the dance studio. And I’m not alone.
Everyone should dance.“

If you're a dancer or was, or just a ballet world enthusiast, read this book, you'll love it.
Thank you so much to NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me to read it.

A brilliant look at the real life of a ballerina.We are. brought into the authors world from the very young age of eight.She shares the day to day work it takes to be a ballerina all the rehearsals the pain the long days.A fantastic behind the beautiful costumes the beautiful dance honest open raw.look at her world. Perfect gift for anyone considering this life or will be fascinated by this world.#netgalle#upressofflorida

Being a Ballerina by Gavin Larsen is a wonderful memoir that gives the reader a first-hand and fascinating view into the wonderfully complex world of ballet.

Through Gavin’s story, the reader can follow all of the difficulties, sacrifices, obstacles, and passion that is needed to fullfill one’s dream in dance.

It was fascinating to see how the world of ballet is different when moving from adolescence to the professional arena. Her descriptions and literary narrative was excellent in describing events, thoughts, feelings, and her true love of the profession.

I participated in ballet, then pointe when I was younger, but had to give things up for running when I started high school. I have always have a soft spot and passion for it still to this day, and I truly enjoyed this book and Gavin’s journey. I am very grateful to her for sharing her story with us.

5/5 stars enthusiastically

This book is not just for dancers. It is for anyone that has ever participated in any sport or art and also knows of the hard work, sacrifices, ups and downs, and the ultimate moments of satisfaction that makes it all worthwhile. An excellent read.

Thank you NG and University Press of Florida for this wonderful arc and in return I am submitting my unbiased and voluntary review and opinion.

I am posting this review to my GR and Bookbub accounts immediately (as of 3/11/21 no BB listing has been created) and will post it to my Amazon, Instagram, and B&N accounts upon publication.