First I would like to say thank you to NetGalley and the publisher Cinnabar Moth Publishing for an advanced readers copy in exchange for an honest review.

I started Not My Ruckus with very little background knowledge on the novel other than it was in the LGBTQ+ section of NetGalley and it had a pretty cover. That’s usually a pretty good start for me. Importantly, I would recommend that you read the content warnings before starting it as there is a lot of subjects covered that could be triggering. It covers a lot of heavy subjects and I think could be quite upsetting for many readers.

We follow Clare as she navigates her teenage years in a 1980s USA. The entire novel is told through her eyes and although she is around aged 14 I felt that her actions and internal monologue represented those of a much younger girl. Perhaps this is due to a generational difference of how girls were educated in the 80s compared to now, but I was still surprised when I realised she was in high school and not younger. I found the depiction of puberty in girls almost cringe-y and almost obvious it had been written by a man that had not experienced it themselves. It had the embarrassing descriptions of female figure that as a queer woman I wouldn’t talk about my own or another woman’s body in that way.

As far as the plot, it felt almost never ending. Clare was hit with blow after blow that would easily be life-shattering, yet these issues were resolved within a matter of paragraphs. It felt unrealistic and somewhat ridiculous that it could be one girls life. Even with all these blows thrown at them I struggled to sympathise with any characters and couldn’t relate to many of their decisions.

Having said all of that, I still gave Not My Ruckus 2 stars. This is mostly because I applaud the author for addressing both neurodivergency and sexuality in a book. It is implied that our main character is epileptic and autistic which is confirmed by the author at the end. It also has mentions of her and side character Esther being lesbian, or possibly asexual. I only wish that these topics could have been addressed more openly in Clare’s narrative. I understand that with the historical setting it is unlikely she would have been diagnosed with either condition and their were plenty of taboos surrounding sexuality, however even in Clare’s internal monologue these subjects were brushed over. As a teenage girl I spent most of my time worrying about if I was ‘normal’ or not when it came to almost every action I took.

Overall I think Not My Ruckus is simply not the book for me. I have seen many rave reviews but as someone that reads to escape the pains of daily life I do not enjoy books that are so dark and heavy. I look for a happy ending and did not feel fulfilled by this. I think many people could take a lot from Clare and her experiences, but as I said it wasn’t the book for me.

First of all, I would like to thank NetGalley and the publishers for providing me with the eARC of this book, Not My Ruckus by Chad Musick.

Not My Ruckus is a story that takes place in the 1980s following the main character, Clare, who “runs too much, talks too little, carries a gun too often, and holds a grudge forever,” as she deals with a series of traumatic events at the hands of her family and the consequences of their actions.

I can’t speak to the accuracy of the representation in this book but the author used his own experience of undiagnosed autism and epilepsy as a child to create the main character in his image.

Before reading this book I would 100% recommend checking out the trigger and content warnings, which are listed at the back of the book, to decide for yourself whether it is something you wish to continue.

Despite the content in this book I found it quite an easy read as the writing is so accessible. I admire the way in which he delved into the psyche of the main character and her motivations, the lengths she’s willing to go to and the lines that she’s willing to cross to protect the people she cares about.

I look forward to reading more of the author’s work in the future.

Thank you NetGalley for the copy of this book for review.
Unfortunately, even though this book is well written, I couldn't get past the first third of it. I usually go into books blind, and even if I knew this could be a little triggering and I thought I was ready for it. I wasn't. I couldn't keep going, but I hope at some time in the future I might attempt to read it again as it has some pretty good reviews. For me, the topics and triggers in it were too much, so I just recommend readers know what they're getting into before reading.

This deeply heavy, emotional and rather dark novel would have been so incredibly difficult to continue had it not been written really well. I don't recommend this if you're in a dark place, and there are so many triggers within, rape, rape of minors, domestic abuse, familial abuse, teen pregnancy, and many more.

Despite all of that, as a book I did find it really hard to put down. I was compelled to continue in the hope that the girls in this book manage to escape their lives. Brutal, heartbreaking, the absolute opposite of a comfort read. Prepare with tissues.

Thanks to NetGalley, Cinnabar Moth Publishing LLC and Chad Musick for an eArc of this novel in exchange for an honest review.

I go into books blind. I like being surprised by books. Sometimes, I do read the blurb. I read the blurb here. I thought I knew what I was in for. I was not. This book contains lots of triggers for things such as s*xual abuse, ch*ld abuse and an insane amount of gaslighting.

What seems like a simple story turns into so much more, at times I felt as if my brain wasn't understanding the words written down but it all made sense when I had finished the book. It is a sad story of a life I have no experience of nor had I ever heard about before.

The book begins with a murder, so I assumed it would be a murder mystery. It is not, it's a story about a life where the most horrendous things happen but are not explained, you learn more by what you're not told than by what you are told.

I polished it off in one day.

This book was heavier than I expected it to be. It covered various topics and there was good representation. What really mattered was the flow of writing, which was consistent.

Not a huge fan of this book, I didn't enjoy this book much, thank you netgalley for a copy of this.
My rating ⊱ ─ {⋅. ✯2.5 stars✯ .⋅} ─ ⊰

Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC of this book. I really enjoyed this one and read it in one day. Look forward to much more by this author.

Ouch. This one hurt my heart. It was definitely triggering, and I appreciated actually good autistic representation. That said, it was just... SO MUCH. I feel like Chad tried to put 900 issues into one narrative and it got too cluttered. Not every issue needs to be explored in every story, if you ask me. I think it had potential but ultimately disappointed me.

Rating: ★★★★☆
Thank you to NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

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Okay wow! This book was good, but very difficult to read. This book has a lot of OwnVoices representation like autism and epilepsy. The author is a man, but the lesbian representation was done very well. This book has basically every content warning under the sun which have been outlined extensively by other people in their reviews. This book reminded me of Orpheus Girl, except much longer (a decade earlier) and much harder to get through. This book is definitely not for everyone but regardless very good- and very haunting.

I really struggled reading this one. The blurb didn't feel like it accurately captured the book itself which meant my expectations were skewed and not met from the start. The perspective and narrator was very confusing and I don't think it was clear enough what was going on or how characters were connected for a large part. I also felt that the issues were not handled sensitively and everything just felt a little bit amiss or not quite hitting the mark. The cover was absolutely stunning though and 100% why I was initially interested in the title.

I had no idea what I was in for with this book! There are a lot of trigger/content warnings. I won’t list them here because some of them of spoilers but the author includes them in the book so if you have certain triggers (especially surrounding abuse), check them out first.

This is not a fluffy read. It got more and more heartbreaking with each new secret revealed, but it was also beautiful and you can’t help but love and cry for the girls the story centers on. I started listening to the audio version and then switched to the ebook because I was so into it I couldn’t put it down. I finished it in a day. My only complaint is that it ended very abruptly. I’m sure that was on purpose but instead of it feeling like the author wants you to fill in your own ending, it just felt a little unfinished. This was a dark but poignant story that according to the author was inspired by real events, which makes it all the more tragic. It’s not the kind of book I’d re-read but the love between the girls and their strength and courage that they never should have needed was absolutely beautiful.

Thank you NetGalley, author and publisher for the arc in exchange for an honest review.

I absolutely loved this story! The characters are so enjoyable, and the plot overall is both important but also amazing to connect to. I have only positive things to say about this story and I'm so thankful I received the arc! I recomend whole heartedly.

I give this book 3 stars out of 5. The writing and perspective through the book I could only describe as hauntingly beautiful. I enjoyed the plot and characters development, but I have some issues with the content, The MC Clare is only 14 and has been subject to more abuse than a majority of our lives, now while having books that cover hard topics such as abuse are essential, I feel that this book took it too far. The author tried to cram as much trauma and unnecessary representation. I also feel the fact that Clare was both autistic and has epilepsy once again unnecessary. I would almost go as far to call this book trauma porn and compare it to ‘A Little Life’.

Not My Ruckus follows a young girl growing up under very difficult circumstances, coping with the standard challenges of coming of age/figuring out who she is, including questions about her sexuality and how to trust those around her, but also a great deal of abuse and trauma from the adults in her community. Secrets are discovered, and a lot of pain from the past is revealed as she grows up and tries to find safety in her world.

The book is definitely loaded with triggers, so I review it with that warning in mind (the copy I read had a warning in the front).

The strength of the book for me is in the voice of the narration, which is highly specific and does a great job with characters and their personalities, through word choice, actions, and dialogue. For me, the book felt very worth a read, if you're open to difficult subjects in a very immersive world.

***Special thanks to NetGalley and Cinnabar Moth Publishing LLC for providing me with a copy in exchange for and honest review***

I would like to advise people to READ THE TRIGGER warnings before reading the book. I am so happy that the author included them. This is definitely a dark and disturbing book so again, PLEASE read them.

Like a lot of other people who read this book I was VERY surprised by the plot. I expected this to be more of a romantic book where the character works through/understands her trauma and while there is some of that, romance is definitely not the main focus.

This book delves into the lives of two girls and both their separate and shared traumas.

While I wouldn’t say I enjoyed this book, I feel like that is the whole point. This book provides a view into the lives of people who have been delt so many awful experiences.

I would recommend this book

It feels strange to say that I enjoyed this book because the plot was so disturbing. Lilac, the narrator, has such a distinctive voice and it was a wild ride experiencing all her trauma and confusion. I feel like the parents' characters could have been more fully developed, but I can also see why they weren't.

This book was really surprising. I was expecting a light hearted fluffy romance but i was greeted with a really twisted and sickening plot. But i really enjoyed the writing style and there was really good rep.

OUT OF FIVE
RATING: 4.5 stars
PLOT: 4
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: 4
WRITING: 3
INTENSITY: 4
ROMANCE: 3

First off, WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST READ??!!!!!
Huh???!!!!
Did I miss a memo? Cause, I thought this was a fluffy Sapphic romance but no, instead I got a twisted, sickening but interesting mystery with great rep and an astounding plot.
The story follows our MC, Clare who is a tomboy with a disability. She's autistic and epileptic as well. She navigates her seemingly conservative Christian household who believe that her seizures are signs of demonic possessions whilst trying to understand her love for her neighbor Esther. Things begin to pick up when Esther’s mom, Ruth gets into an accident or did she??
Clare decides to get to the bottom the whole situation and in the process, mysteries are uncovered and things take a dark turn.
I liked the writing style. I think there was a bit of character development but the plot pacing stood out for me, I didn’t like the romance due to the lack of tension and development but I didn’t hate it either.
Don’t think this book is fluffy, its way dark and the characters are somewhat twisted. However, this is an own voices book so I can’t fault the representation. I loved this book so much!
Not a fan of the romance but I enjoyed the mystery and the journey of self – discovery for Clare. I’ll recommend this but I advice you check out the content warnings which the author put in the book.

THIS BLEW MY MIND AND HAD ME TRYING TO CATCH MY BREATH AFTER READING IT! I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING MORE FROM THIS AUTHOR.

This book absolutely surprised me, and in the best of ways. It is definitely one of the hardest things I've read: it was so brutal at times that I wasn't sure I was enjoying it, but I can now say that it was so worth it.

My opinion changed so badly all throughout the book, and I am so glad of it. All I could think about at first is how much this reminded me of Emily M. Danforth’s *The Miseducation of Cameron Post,* with the friendship and the religion and the having a parent die at the same time that they were kissing. But similarities end there. But then, was I mislead or did the synopsis just not give enough information? I don't complain at all because this book was a really pleasant surprise, and I liked finding out every detail on the way without any expectations. Not "enjoyed" because this book isn't enjoyable, it's just really thoughtful and the execution of such difficult topics was great.

The 14-year-old first person POV was brilliantly delivered; Clare's thoughts were simple but we grew with her as she was getting more and more answers about the situation surrounding her. This story is incredibly sad and upsetting at times, but it's not about that; it's about freedom, about resilience. It's about how two girls have to endure so much more than they should, than anyone should.

Even when they’re talking about mature topics, they have that childish trait to them, of being able to say everything completely unfiltered. Clare's and Esther’s innocence and naïveté just made it all more heartbreaking. How they talk about money, sex, adulthood, their families... But then as it progressed, I realized that they weren't innocent at all. That had been taken from them. Their choices, gone. As the story unfolded, the reader realizes what is really going on before the main character does, and it made it such a heartbreaking read; even more when she finally finds out. Since our main character is the narrator, we navigate the story as she does, and things are never explicitly revealed until she finds out herself.

It was beautifully written, and I'm so glad I decided to dive into it with nothing but a couple of lines of information. I will think about this for a really long time.

[ Trigger warnings: sexual abuse, child abuse, violence, incest, forced prostitution, gun violence, food derivation, miscarriage, exploitation of children, ableism, murder, domestic violence, homophobia, inner homophobia, etc., some explicit and some implied. ]