I loved this book. I didn’t read the blurb in detail before starting this, which for me added to the experience. The cover is beautiful – properly understood once the book is read. In a way it made me feel like the main character for much of the story – not knowing what was going on; being a few steps behind all the adults; seeing pieces of a puzzle but not being able to put them together myself. I don’t want to say much in this review because so much of it could spoil part of the story – and the feeling of confusion that I felt throughout; the victory of understanding what was happening before the book revealed it to me took a slight edge off the trauma woven into its pages. Every character was multi-dimensional. It’s another that I couldn’t put down and could probably read again immediately after the author’s note, with a different lens and able to see the full picture from the start. The writing was hard to get into at first, but that passed quickly when I got used to the vernacular. The whole book and the characters were beautifully written. However, it is a really dark story, so be prepared. I have never done so many content warnings for a book. It’s weird & a testament to the text that despite the plot hinging on trauma it isn’t a spectacle. Seeing it all through Clare’s eyes made it true, real and painful. A really empathetic read.

Content Warning: all types of child abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect and psychological abuse.

This was ok. Hard to follow, I ended up requesting and finishing the audio rather then ebook.

A lot of connections between two neighbors. Unrealistic at times but definitely binge worthy just to see how it ends. A lot of character build up, but the last hour was a lot to take in.

Two girls who are neighbors become friends. One dad is angry. Come to find out he killed the neighbors sister who her parents were keeping a secret from her. That same girl, has an older brother. He falls in love with the neighbor. They get married because she is pregnant. But it’s actually his dads kid. It’s crazy weird and super intense with the connections.

This book was extremely difficult to read, so I want to start by offering content warnings for child abuse, sexual assault and sexual abuse of children, domestic abuse, religious trauma and abuse, violent homophobia, child death, and homicide.

I went into this book not really knowing what it was about. That’s my own fault - I only read the first half of the synopsis, enough to know that it was about a teenage girl questioning her sexuality after being kissed by her best friend. While that is the start of the book and a theme present throughout the story, that doesn’t really tell you what the book is about. If you’re planning to read this book, I would strongly recommend reading the full synopsis and list of content warnings.

Not My Ruckus takes place in early-1980s Texas. Fourteen year old Clare has epilepsy and autism, both undiagnosed, and a mother who believes her seizures are the work of the devil. She and her best friend, Esther, both live in wildly abusive households next door to one another - Clare with her parents and older brother, and Esther with her father. The book opens with Esther kissing Clare just before learning that their mothers have been in a car accident together, which resulted in the death of Esther’s mother.

From there, the book follows both girls - and in particular, Clare - for about a year over the summer and during their first year of high-school. The girls lean heavily on one another and, at times, Clare leans on her brother Frank for support as they learn things about their parents, themselves, and their relationships to one another.

As difficult as Not My Ruckus was to read (and I want to stress that many of the content warnings listed above were not simply references or allusions to, but were described in various levels of detail), I did enjoy it. Musick’s writing was extremely powerful, and each of the characters felt incredibly real. There were several parts where I had to put the book down and walk away, while others left me filled with actual dread and a desperate need to know what happened next. The ending in particular was perfectly executed, in my opinion.

In a short note at the end of the book, Musick explains that Clare’s character and several of the events which take place in the book are in some part based on his own childhood, though he clarified that no one character beyond Clare is fully based on any living person. I think this personal experience likely added to how powerful this book was.

Thank you, NetGalley, for this digital ARC. The opinions expressed in this review are my own and unbiased.

Content warnings: pedophilia, rape, incest, domestic abuse, gaslighting, forced abortion, murder (human and pet)

There. I think I got everything, but I might have missed something. This novel was brutal. The punches never stopped, literally and metaphorically. I found it very difficult to read. The author gives a content warning at the beginning of the novel, but I don't think it at all encompassed how rough this book actually is. It was one of the most painful books I've ever read.

I can't really think of anyone I would recommend this to, not because it was a bad book, but because the content is so difficult. If you really like poor people trauma porn, this might be the novel for you. It makes All the Ugly and Wonderful Things seem like a walk in the park.

I do think that the author did an excellent job of portraying an autistic girl, and the discussions in which she wrestles with understanding her asexuality was quite insightful and illustrative.

It takes two to keep a secret. But the secret is safe only if one of them is dead or is pushed to the edge of their sanity. But what happens when there is an entire neighbourhood that’s involved in keeping secrets – each for their own benefit? Who do you trust? A storm can however, bring up a lot of things that were buried and bury things that everyone knew about. So when such a storm hits them, it’s time for unravelling.
 
Lilac is an autistic and epileptic child. Suffering from seizures every now and then, she is made to believe that she is wicked and the devil takes possession of her when she commits a sin. Growing up in a family held by terrible secrets, she is the child of abuse. Living across the street from her, Esther is the child of murder. Held together by an unknown past, they navigate through the present along with each other. A kiss, an accident, a murder – all it takes is a day for their lives to finally shed its illusory skin of protection.
 
The book was difficult at places to read for the sheer amount of raw truth portrayed in it. But it’s been worth it. A coming-of-age fiction about two girls, it is so much more than just their growth through adolescence. It tackles issues of autism, epilepsy, paedophilia, non-heteronormative sexuality, the insecurities that’re so much a part of humans with an honesty that wrecks the reader. What happens when your very identity is a sham? Whom to approach when the ones supposed to protect you are the ones with your blood in their hands? Where lies the line between bravery and cowardice? How far can you go for the people you love?
 
What I loved the most about this book is that even though it deals with characters with non-heteronormative sexuality, it’s never exaggerated to bring focus on it. It’s as natural a part of their lives as anything else. The writing is absolutely beautiful. This is more than a book about young adults. It is a book about life and families beyond the one you’re born into. It is the broken voice, singing love. Listen close! You will be able to hear the world singing back.

This was so much more than I expected. What an incredible story this is. Clare is such a complicated character and iam amazed by her. Thanks to Netgalley for the opportunity to read this book

"Not My Ruckus" is a story about what it's like growing up DIFFERENT in 1980s. "Different' in this case can be a number of things - Clare is neurodivergent and undiagnosed, Clare is queer, Clare just doesn't fit in with the local religious scene. But Clare is strong. Clare is resourceful. And Clare is an extremely interesting, vibrant protagonist with the tragedy that strikes.

And this book IS tragic. It hit a lot of triggers for me, personally, and while I can recommend it due to the author's sensitivity in handling these triggers, this is a heavy book. It's intended to hit heavily. Musick's ability to deal with difficult subject matter without wallowing is a rare one. Despite the emotional pile-on, I never felt too overwhelmed to keep going - in fact, this book compelled me to keep going. I felt like I owed that much to Clare.

Recommended if you're looking for a dark little tale about small towns and secrets with a strong central protagonist.

Not My Ruckus by Chad Musick is a coming o age story that explores queerness, family ties, abuse, and so much more. Clare, a young tomboy, knows she isn't normal. She runs too much, talks too little, and carries a gun too often. Clare thinks she has everything figured out, but when her neighbor Esther kisses her, she doesn't know what to think anymore.

Musick's sentences are beautiful and eye catching. Clare is a well-rounded character who I could see my younger self in time after time. This book had me on my toes and I never knew what was coming next. If you are looking for a disabled, gender nonconforming, ace lesbian, this is it.

While this was an entertaining story, I do think there were too many plot points going on. I was often confused and felt the story was a little too fast paced, specifically near the end. However, this is still a great story exploring queerness, abuse, and found family.

TW for several kinds of abuse, trauma, and violence.

Thank you to Net Galley and Cinnabar Moth Publishing for providing this e-arc in exchange for an honest review.

An easy, yet difficult read. The pace and writing style of the book meant I worked through it fairly rapidly but the content didn't make it an easy ride at all.

A challenging tale with really not many nice things at all. The MC and surrounding characters are under a constant barrage of abuse and male oppression. I went into this book pretty blind as the description made it sound quite interesting; I wasn't prepare for 300 pages of hardship and suffering.

Was there a light at the end of the tunnel? Barely. I know not every book needs a happy ending but after a journey of utter pain like that it might have been nice to include something good in there.

The author made it clear at the end that this was based upon their own experiences and I am sorry for that. This might have been more suited as a fully fleshed out auto-biographical tale rather than this fiction suffused with their pain and childhood memories - with some philosophical statement bolted onto the end.

Following Clare through 1980's Texas and what happened in her life gripped me for the first part of the book. I enjoyed the story overall and I kept reading even if there were parts where I was willing to put it down. The book read well but there were parts where the character's viewpoint didn't give the reader enough insight into what was going on and the twists the author wrote in kept you guessing about what had actually happened to Clare.

This is a brilliant book, but not for the faint of heart at all. The trigger warnings are plentiful, and the author very kindly provides a section of all and their severity at the end of the novel. There were times when I felt I might not be able to continue (the subject matter was that dark) but the characterisation of the main character was just so well done that I couldn't resist continuing.

Clare's perspective is so unique, innocent, bold and utterly righteous; she is my favourite protagonist of 2021 so far. She has epilepsy and autism and her understanding of the novel's events are at first clouded, before she slowly learns what is happening. The author has handled both expertly, using his own life experience, and Clare certainly isn't stupid, but she will believe what people tell her, even if we as the reader can see the real truth of what is said by the other characters.

The novel was crafted so carefully - I didn't expect anything that happened, was constantly second-guessing myself, but everything felt absolutely correct when it was revealed. The author has deliberately placed the red herrings in such a skilful way! I would recommend that everyone pick up a copy, but to read the warnings provided before deciding to read.

To start, this book was amazing. We follow 14-year-old Clare (who also goes by Lilac) and her friendship with her neighbor Esther. The book starts off when Esther kisses Clare but things get extremely complicated when Esther's mother is killed at the same time. It was extremely interesting to see how Clare worked through things, like Esther's mother's death and her father's abuse, and Clare's religious upbringing at its flaws. The "twist" was well planned out and made sense, the characters that we trusted and didn't at the end made sense, I felt uncomfortable with the characters that were bad people. I also appreciated the content warnings being included in the book, I think it's incredibly important for the author to include that.

4.5 stars. Not My Ruckus is a beautifully written powerful story. The story takes place in the 80s and deals with topics such as undiagnosed disability/illness, abuse, family ties. The MC really grabbed my heart. She's strong and brave yet doesn't even recognize her abuse is just that, abuse, and it's heartbreaking. I was so invested in Lilac and Esther.

The abuse and violence is disturbing and unsettling but not described in graphic detail, much is implied. My heart broke for these characters.

I highly recommend Not My Ruckus.

NetGalley ARC Educator 550974


A tale of abuse, love, family and strength. Lilac and Esther against the ills of their world. A one sitting read that will keep you reading until the very end. Many triggers, read the content page. I can see this book being used for college courses as it covers a myriad of topics on the human psyche, violence and sexuality.