Unfortunately this book was archived before I could download it, so I cannot write a full review. I will try to buy the book and write a review at some point.

I read this book during a time where I was dealing with my own loss and as poetry often does, it makes you feel, it makes you cry, and most of all, it helps you heal. While having never been a mother and experienced the pain of losing a child, grief is something we can all relate to and I thank and commend the author for sharing a piece of her heart in this book.

Thank you to Netgalley for providing an arc in exchange for my honest review.

I usually don't pick up a collection of poems but I am so glad I did this one. I relished every page as the poems and narration resonated with me.

4 stars

A heartfelt mapping out of grief & love & unanswered questions in poetry, in words, in fragments, in memories, in fluid phrases like a river flowing onwards. This collection is delicate & fierce.

[What I liked:]

•Wow, it’s incredible how the poet puts the incomprehensible—grief, mother love, life—into words. Not adequate words, as the poet says in the author’s note, but relatable & transcendent words nonetheless.

•The language is lovely & sharp edged & flowing & desperate & calm. So many emotions, so many rhythms; the bright memories & the hard ones; the contradictions & the vibrancy of love & shared experience. It’s really beautiful in form & sound & meaning.


[What I didn’t like as much:]

•Not a complaint, just a content warning: these poems cover some of the difficult parts of mental illness, some details of a specific suicide event, and allusions to child abuse.

CW: suicide, mental illness, child abuse/CSA

[I received an ARC ebook copy from NetGalley in exchange for my honest review. Thank you for the book!]

It was an ok read. Some poems were ok while others were boring.
Thanks to NetGalley and publisher for giving me an advanced copy.

A fine yellow dust is an ode to the one you've just lost for laura it's her daughter and this book was so beautiful and heartbreaking to read.
And i really enjoyed reading the poems.

This is a devastating collection of poems, full of grace and pain and desperation. It chronicles Apol's grief and celebrates her late daughter, and is as compelling as any memoir. It's a difficult read, especially as more and more heart-breaking details emerge as the poems progress, but it's a very valuable one.

“ … 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒆, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒆 𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏.”
— 𝑯𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒚 𝑾𝒂𝒅𝒔𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒉 𝑳𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒇𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘, 𝑯𝒚𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒐𝒏


Laura Apol’s new collection, 𝑨 𝑭𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒀𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝑫𝒖𝒔𝒕, brings a crucial and all too rarely discussed subject out of the shadows, and in doing so gives readers the courage to face their own losses, no matter what those may be. Published by Michigan State University Press, 𝑨 𝑭𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒀𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝑫𝒖𝒔𝒕 is one of my choice collections of the year; it doesn’t contain a single poem which doesn’t move me.

In late April 2017, Apol's twenty-six-year-old daughter, Hanna, took her own life. Apol had long believed in the therapeutic possibilities of writing, having conducted workshops on writing-for-healing. Immediately after Hanna's death, she had her own therapeutic writing to do, turning her anguish, disbelief, and love into poems that map the first year of loss.

𝑨 𝑭𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒀𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝑫𝒖𝒔𝒕 is a reflective, beautifully crafted, and deeply moving collection. Without easy consolation, line by line, Apol writes so gracefully and bravely that what you're left with is a deeper understanding of the transformative power of writing and an overwhelming sense of love. Her work is a reminder of the preciousness of life and of the ways in which those we love are inextricably bound to us.

*

𝑩𝒊𝒑𝒐𝒍𝒂𝒓

Like you, Daedalus, I made my fledgling ready, mapped
for her the promise of stars, crooned their names in her
sleep; mentioned only in passing the dangers of heat and
water, the risks of too high, too low;

spoke instead of mother eagles, how they teach their
young to fly, transporting them upward, letting them go,
swooping under to catch them as they fall, until the eaglets
take to sky. I wanted it to be true.

But flight is a solitary pursuit. I couldn't carry her aloft ,
nor catch, mid-fall. On her own, she felt the lift of wind.
The hugeness of heaven. The dizzying wrinkles of waves.

The interminable plunge to the sea.

*

𝑨𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑨𝒖𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒓

Laura Apol is the author of several collections of poetry, including 𝑭𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝑮𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒆; 𝑪𝒓𝒐𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑳𝒂𝒅𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒇 𝑺𝒖𝒏; 𝑹𝒆𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒆𝒎, 𝑹𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒂; and 𝑵𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑩𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒅, winner of the 2019 Oklahoma Book Award for poetry and the 2019 Independent Publisher Award silver medal for poetry. In 2019, Laura was selected Lansing-area Poet Laureate. Her most recent work focuses on the therapeutic uses of writing and literature in response to trauma. 𝑨 𝑭𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒀𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝑫𝒖𝒔𝒕 is her latest collection (Michigan State University Press, 2021).


A huge thank you to @NetGalley and #MichiganStateUniversityPress for an ARC of 𝑨 𝑭𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒀𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝑫𝒖𝒔𝒕 by Laura Apol.

4 emotional stats ⭐⭐⭐⭐

A Fine Yellow Dust is an emotional read. It is a journey of a mother through her grief of losing her daughter to suicide.

This poetry book is heart-wrenching and teary read. There are many instances where you can feel the desperation and helplessness of the mother and how she's trying to cope with her loss.

Laura Apol has shown us how hard it is for parents to lose their child and that's too to suicide. There is guilt, there is anger, there are unanswered questions, there is confusion and so much that goes through in the mind of the mother that's the author of this.

It takes lots of effort and courage to share something so traumatic and tragic. I will remember these poems❤

Thank you so much, NetGalley, the publisher, and the author for giving me an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Published date: 1 August 2021
Review date: 1 August 2021

In 2017, Apol’s 26-year-old daughter took her own life. Having spent a decade running workshops on the merits of healing through writing, she suddenly found herself having to follow her own advice in order to make it through the pain. Chronicling the year immediately following her daughter’s death, this collection explores the complex mix of anguish, guilt, fury, and hope that typify the grieving process. With her stark honesty, Apol also aims to break down the stigma of discussing mental health, trauma, and suicide, so that others may be spared the same fate.

The very nature of the subject matter means the book can be hard going, and though Apol’s style is very accessible, the collection is probably best absorbed when tackled in short bursts. As pointed out by Apol herself in the afterword, the early poems, written in the immediate aftermath of her daughter’s death, are short, intense, and straightforward. From a craft perspective, it is interesting to watch the quality of the writing and imagery develop over time, as she increasingly finds the language to discuss her situation.

Despite the tight thematic focus, the collection never feels repetitive. Apol regularly employs strong though easy-to-dissect metaphors, and hits you in the gut with lines of simple beauty: “All day, I circle / the space in me / that was her.”

Also discussed in her afterword, I greatly admire the motivation behind Apol’s decision to make these pieces public. They serve as a eulogy to a multi-faceted, much-missed daughter, and are sure to resonate with anyone who has experienced sudden loss – particularly to suicide. Her depiction of pain and fierce love (the likes of which can become so difficult to see in others when we’re on the brink) may also act as a lifeline for those who need it, inspiring them to hold on and reach out for help.

Thank you to the publisher for a free advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.

A Fine Yellow Dust is a poetry collection filled with grief, regret, and mourning. It tells of the pain, and sorrow of Laura Apol, whose twenty six year old daughter committed suicide in April of 2017. Through poetic prose, Laura exposes the words and thoughts often unsaid after a tragedy, and recounts memories of her daughter, past, present and current though heart-breaking metaphors. This was beautiful, at times over descriptive, yet emotionally full. Though the topics were heavy, of suicide, depression and content/trigger warnings for sexual assault and csa, the way Laura grieved for her daughter and wrote for her spoke to me, not as a mother but as the daughter. Well, as a son, now. I truly felt every pain, every question of wonder and resentment and guilt, as well as the burning sense of never knowing why something happens despite the “what if”s. This was beautifully composed, and I definitely recommend it to anyone who can handle it,

Losing someone you love is hard. Losing a child is arguably the worst thing that can happen to a person during their lifetime. Losing a child to suicide is nearly unimaginable, at least until it happens to you. In A Fine Yellow Dust, Laura Apol has given us a chronicle in verse of her first grief-year, filled with staccato bursts of anguish, confusion, longing, and finally, a tacit acceptance. She shows us that grief is not a process that ever really reaches completion, but instead is something that you learn to carry with you, and how writing through your pain can be both a deliberate act of remembering as well as a testament to what you’ve lost. Reading Apol’s collection brought to my mind people I’ve lost over the years, and in remembering them through her words, I became a little lighter, a little freer, myself. Please read this.

Beautiful. Heart wrenching. Just this.

I'm usually full of words but there's really not much more that needs to be said about this collection of poems written in the year after Apol's daughter died by suicide. The poems are intensely personal and tell both of their stories with haunting metaphors and searing pain. They are concise, beautifully crafted, and full of the tiny details that leave the reader gutted along with their author. Highly recommended.

I read a digital ARC of this book via NetGalley.

This is a brave and moving collection of poems that were written in the first twelve months after Laura lost her twenty-four-year-old daughter to suicide. She writes about her grief, her sorrow, and captures special moments with her daughter to preserve those moments in writing. Her husband is also written about and I found those poems jarred slightly in tone. The resonance of these poems is achieved by the high pressure of emotion, a light touch with language and carefully chosen imagery.

Un poemario bastante profundo y doloroso sobre la pérdida de una mujer: su propia hija. A través de las páginas podemos sumergirnos en los pensamientos de una mujer que sigue adelante con su vida cuando pareciera que todo lo hubieran arrebatado. Me gustaron varios poemas, no obstante, al sentirlo demasiado personal, no pude conectar demasiado con los poemas.

Die Autorin versucht mit diesem Gedichtband den Verlust ihrer Tochter durch Suizid zu verarbeiten. Die Gedichte sind chronologisch geordnet, sodass man mit ihr gemeinsam das erste Jahr nach ihrem Verlust erleben kann.

Der Schmerz, den die Autorin erlebt hat, ist wohl kaum in Worte zu fassen. Ich war bereits vor dem Lesen tief bewegt von dem Hintergrund dieser Gedichte und finde es sehr mutig von der Autorin, diesen sehr persönlichen Prozess der Traumabewältigung zu veröffentlichen. Meiner Meinung nach hat sie ihre Gedanken und Gefühle sehr greifbar und nachvollziehbar zum Ausdruck gebracht. Der Schmerz und die Trauer waren beim Lesen der Gedichte zu spüren und haben mich mitgerissen.

Sehr bewegend war für mich, dass man beim Lesen der Gedichte sehr deutlich den Wandel, der während dieses ersten Jahres in ihr vorgeht, bemerkt. Die ersten Gedichte fielen teilweise sehr kurz aus - weil es ihr scheinbar schwer fiel, ihre Gefühle in Worte zu fassen - und waren von Unverständnis, Schmerz und Wut geprägt. Die späteren Gedichte waren länger, geordneter, mehr auf gemeinsame Erinnerungen fokussiert; sie wirkten insgesamt etwas leichter, waren aber auch von Schuldvorwürfen durchtränkt. Nach und nach wurde auch für den Leser etwas klarer, welche Gründe - unter anderem - zu dieser Tragik geführt haben könnten.

Fazit:
Ein sehr bewegender Gedichtband, der es schafft, die Sprachlosigkeit nach einem Verlust in Worte zu fassen, zugleich aber durch seine bewegenden Worte selbst sprachlos macht. Sehr empfehlenswerte 4,5 Sterne.


In English:
With this volume of poetry, the author tries to come to terms with the loss of her daughter through suicide. The poems are arranged chronologically so that you can experience the first year after her loss together with her.

The pain that the author experienced can hardly be put into words. Even before reading it, I was deeply moved by the background of these poems and I find it very brave of the author to publish this very personal process of coping with trauma. In my opinion, she expressed her thoughts and feelings in a very tangible and understandable way. The pain and sadness could be felt while reading the poems and carried me away.

It was very moving for me that while reading the poems you can notice very clearly the change that is going on in her during this first year. The first poems were sometimes very short - because it seemed difficult for her to put her feelings into words - and were characterized by incomprehension, pain and anger. The later poems were longer, more ordered, more focused on shared memories; they seemed a bit lighter overall, but were also steeped in blame. Gradually it became a little clearer for the reader, which reasons - among other things - could have led to this tragedy.

Conclusion:
A very moving volume of poetry that manages to put the speechlessness after a loss into words, but at the same time makes you speechless itself through its moving words. Highly recommended 4,5 stars.

In the introduction of this book, the author said that an elegy is a song of sorrow and mourning, a lamentation. And that it is also a song of love. When I read this book, I honestly felt the love in every poem the author wrote. The tone of each poem is very personal, but it's also relatable at the same time. I also have lost a loved one recently, but it is hard to compare one's grief to another, after all a loss is a loss. For me, this poetry collection is very touching and moving. I hope others find this book cathartic like I did, especially to those who have lost someone they love.

Hanna, wherever you are, I hope you're at peace.

This is such a strong and personal book, you can actually feel all the hurt and sadness the author felt and still feels to this day. This is also a beautiful homage to her daughter. The writing is very beautiful and I hope I can read more of her books in the future.

A Fine Yellow Dust has left me genuinely speechless. That in itself is a big feat because I am usually the opposite of silent.

Truly a beautiful collection of poetry written by a mother experiencing a traumatic loss and the grief that came with it. After devouring Laura Apol's words in one sitting, I sat there, and all I could say was, "Ouch."

This collection hit me where it hurts, the most beautifully and intricately it could do so. As someone who has lost a loved one to suicide, the journey was highly emotional. How could such few words and pages mean so much?

Thank you so much to NetGalley and the publisher, who provided me with a free eARC copy of this book to exchange for an honest review.

A Fine Yellow Dust by Laura Apol is a mother's response to the unbearable pain that comes from losing a child. In 2017, Apol's daughter Hanna took her own life, and this collection is comprised of the heartfelt writings of a grief-stricken mother as she tries to navigate the deep well of agony in the year that follows. Her words are heartbreaking yet so profound as she remembers the goodness of a daughter who was so very loved. This is raw, unfiltered pain, and Ms Apol states in a must read afterword that this was a therapeutic process and never intended to be shared. It is to our great benefit that we have been privy to this stunningly powerful work.

Many thanks to NetGalley and Michigan State University Press for an ARC.