I did not enjoy this book as much as I’d hoped. However, I know this book will resonate with a ton of readers.

I had a hard time relating to Michael, the main character. Maybe because the story felt a little disjointed. I understand what the author was trying to do here, but for me it did not work. But as I read it, I knew many readers would see themselves in the story. I think they will relate to Michael and feel hopeful, especially if they are feeling lost when they read this book.

The author does have a very lyrical way of writing, with some parts reading like an epic poem. I enjoyed those parts and wanted more. But some of the chapters felt unfinished, which added to my feeling of wanting more.

I won’t say this is a bad book because it is not. It just is not for me, but I would still recommend it be read.

This book made me a bit sad but overall it was a good read. I found the timeline a bit confusing, that's the only thing I would change if I could.

This book was hard for me to read, but so worth it. It brought many emotions to me. It made me feel seen. It made me feel like I am not alone in the world in the way that I have felt and still feel at times. This book is important for those that feel alone in this world in the way that they feel. It's a book I wish I had when I was going through my hardest times. When I thought no one thought twice about how I felt.

Throughout the story we follow the main character through his life and we scream at him as the reader because he feels alone, but we see the people that care about him and try to be there for him. It is important to look at both sides of a story and not judge a person for the way that they act. we become so absorbed in our own feelings that at times we do not see what others see about ourselves and what is right in front of us.

Overall, a beautifully written story that will change many people's lives.

This was a very thought provoking and emotional read. The author is a word artist and spins a tale of a man dealing with mental health issues. Heartbreaking.
Many thanks to Atria and to NetGalley for providing me with a galley in exchange for my honest opinion.

Published by Atria Books on February 15, 2022

“You ever wish that you could die … but without all the dying?” Michael Kabongo needs a therapist but he speaks that question to a prostitute, who wisely tells him she’s not a therapist. Prostitutes and bartenders are fated to listen to their customers’ woes. In any event, Michael tells the reader that he doesn’t want to die but to “cease to exist, disappear, be invisible, every trace of your life, even the memories of you in other people’s hearts and minds, all gone.” That can’t happen so Michael’s only alternative is to end his life, perhaps by jumping off a cliff. The novel follows Michael as he works to spend all his money before he dies because, well, he can’t take it with him.

In chapters that tell us the backstory, we learn that Michael grew up poor and black in London. His family traveled to England from the Congo to avoid a war when he was a child. For reasons Michael does not understand, his father returned to the Congo and died during Michael’s childhood.

When he decides to die, he is teaching eighth grade. I suspect most eighth grade teachers feel the same way. In London, Michael has few friends. One is Sandra, the co-worker Michael calls his “work wife.” Another is Jalil. Part of the story follows Jalil’s response to his father’s insistence that it is time for Jalil to marry. That subplot doesn’t amount to much, but it gives Michael the chance to advise Jalil that he “can’t just go around letting life happen to you,” advice that Michael realizes he’s not following.

When Michael decides that he no longer desires to live, he has about $9,000 in the bank. He travels to San Francisco (a city where it’s easy to spend money), visits City Lights bookstore (again, an easy place to spend money, but always worth it), meets a young woman named Sara, treats her to a weekend in LA, and eventually travels to New York where a friendly taxi driver takes him to a strip club. There Michael meets a friendly prostitute named Belle. At the end of each chapter or after significant events, we see Michael’s remaining funds. The money disappears quickly — perhaps a bit too quickly as Michael ponders reasons to extend his end-of-life adventure.

About a quarter of the way into The Selfless Act of Breathing, Michael explains the history and cause of his fixation on his own death. That history includes a failed relationship, mixed results as he tries to reach self-destructive students, his displeasure with his mother’s marital plans, and conflicted emotions about a co-worker whose beating he witnessed. He also spends significant time describing his classic symptoms of depression.

The path that the novel will follow seems obvious once Michael meets Belle. The discuss their different views of life — he’s a fatalist, she doesn’t believe anything was “meant to be”; he’s almost a nihilist, she seems more like a Buddhist — and their discussion might provide the kind of spark that would make Michael rethink his life. Will the stripper redeem the jaded Londoner? Fortunately, the novel isn’t quite as predictable as a Netflix romance.

Still, the story is filled with clichés, from the prostitute with a heart of gold to a homeless man who quotes philosophers about the purpose of suffering. Collateral characters occasionally deliver trite affirmances about the importance of persevering and overcoming obstacles. The sermonizing in the final pages is a bit much. In addition, JJ Bola failed to win my emotional investment in Michael, who sometimes comes across as a self-pitying whiner whose problems are, on the whole, considerably less than he would have experienced in the Congo. I understand that depression causes people to fixate on their troubles and possibly develop a suicidal ideation that others cannot understand, but that reality didn’t make me root for Michael as a reader is clearly meant to do. I just didn’t care whether he kills himself. I was more interested in the entertaining moments provided by Michael’s spending spree.

The story proceeds at a good pace. Some of the scenes are unexpected. At least one aspect of the ending comes as a surprise. Another aspect is darkly ambiguous, unless I’m imagining an ambiguity that Bola did not intend. The Selfless Act of Breathing has its faults, but it is not a failure. Readers who appreciate clichés about the purpose of life might even find it inspiring.

RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS

2.5 ⭐️

This was one of my most anticipated releases of the year, and unfortunately it was very difficult for me to even finish.

The Selfless Act of Breathing is a literary fiction novel about a depressed Congolese-British teacher who decides to move to America, spend all his money, and then k*ll himself.

As someone who has personally experienced depression, I do think some of the descriptions of how hopeless it feels are *very* accurate.

“Listen to my words, I want to die, yet I speak not as a man who wants to die, but as a man who wants to live, and dying is the only way I know how.”

The prose was overly lyrical for my taste. I typically LOVE reading extremely descriptive and flowery language, but it has to have some intention. The author seemed incapable of writing one sentence without including a simile or metaphor, and it became excessive. I could skim pages at a time and miss nothing important, and I think that’s one of the reasons it was hard to keep my interest. It became very philosophical and I felt disconnected from both the plot and the characters.

So much of this book read like monologues or long rants (that sound good on paper but were written as dialogue.. which felt stilted and unnatural) about a very wide range of topics (racism, love, the marginalization of black men, working in education, drug abuse, and more). I just think it tried to tackle too much.

I also didn’t like the way the main character interacted with any of the women in his life. The only people he treated with autonomy, respect, and compassion… were men. He dates a sex worker at one point, and it’s ridiculous how shocked he is that she can cook and clean and has an office job… why is that surprising?? Come on.

The ending was also so unsatisfying. We went through this long journey and I saw minimal (if any) growth in the main character, and then it ended abruptly the way it did?? It just didn’t seem to line up with what we had been given from the rest of the book.

I think the author is very talented, and I think I would enjoy reading a different type of project from him, particularly poetry. His prose is beautiful but it didn’t work for me in a novel format. I didn’t find the characters to be compelling, and I thought the ending was almost dismissive. I’m not sure if it was meant to be, but it was not the hopeful story I was expecting.

Thank you to Atria and netgalley for an advanced reader copy in exchange for an honest review.

Reading this book felt like watching dew drops on a leaf; the sun shining through your window on a winters morning; whispers in the dark; quiet and tender.

It also felt like rage; crying in your car outside of your office during your lunch break; silent screaming; a heavy and incessant ache.

I’ve never felt more alone, and scared, but also so connected to an MC as I was with Michael.

An absolutely heartbreaking but beautiful novel about grief, and loss, but also love and hope.

This is being pitched as Transcendent Kingdom meets A Man Called Ove, and while I didn't like this book was much as those two favorites, I do see the comparisons, and I did like this a lot! It tackles very difficult themes, but has enough moments to breathe in it to get you through. I thought the ending was perfect.

$9021

Michael Kabongo, is a teacher living in London. Who after a loss, decides that he is going to use the money he has left in his bank account, travel to America and end his life. HEAVY.


The book goes back and forth telling Michael's story from his time in London and his time in America. On the surface he appears happy, but you never know what is hidden inside. Because inside, Michael is coping with depression and other issues. It's a reminder that just because someone has a smile on their face does not mean they are happy. Michael has a lot of things going on in his mind, and things he is dealing with. He yearns for a better life, a different life...

What happens when he gets to America?


This book is lyrical and beautifully written. Plus, that title! I loved it. But this is not a happy-go-lucky book. It deals with tough subjects. A book where a character is contemplating ending his life, will be triggering for some.

I would give 5 stasr for the writing alone. It blew me away and I found myself highlighting huge sections. Having said that, I wasn't as impressed with the plot. It felt very strange for me to love the writing and yet, not love the book. Also, I love getting lost in a book, but I don't love getting lost because it's difficult to figure out the time and place of a book.

Overall, I would put this in the liked not loved category for me.

Thank you to Atria Books and NetGalley who provided me with a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. All the thoughts and opinions are my own.

J.J. Bola has written a lyrical book that tells the story of Michael, a Congolese born Brit, who has and is battling mental health struggles. The story flips between past time in London and current days in the United States. I found the flipping back and forth a bit of a struggle. I wonder if a continuous timeline would have made it easier for others.

I found that I could relate on a personal level with Michael. As someone who has battled mental health struggles, I found myself nodding with things Michael said or felt. For those who have not struggled with mental health, it is possible that they might not be able to relate to the main character.

Throughout the story, Bola leads the readers down a path that seems certain and then flips the story to the point that I gasped out loud with shock at the turn of events.


This is a heavy heavy book yet so beautifully written that I could not stop listening to the audiobook. I do think the audiobook added a sense of connection with the main character. I found myself talking to Michael throughout the book, telling him to do something or not to do something. I wanted to take Michael by the hand and get him the help that he so desperately needed. I wanted to wrap my arms around Michael and let him know that someone cared for him and his life was worth living. This book gutted me with the emotions that it made me feel.

4.5 stars rounded up to 5.

I tried to commit suicide in 2014. It was a very low point in my life. It was fortunate that my life didn't end because of the disordered thinking...a woman named Julie made a fortuitous call as I was beginning the process and sent the police to intervene...so I am here to write this review. This is also why I wanted to review this book, given the narrator's plan to end his life when his savings were blown. (Side note: Howinahell did he get so far on a lousy $9000?!)

It's not clear to me why the topic of suicide isn't a trigger for reupping the suicidal ideation machine in me. I can read about the deeply depressed and the suicidal in novels and feel so much compassion, so much sympathy...but no desire to emulate them, only to reach out to them and say "this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." I've gone through a lot of introspective stuff (CBT works!) and think of the idea of death as, well, honestly it's undisturbing to me. Neither attractive nor repulsive, just a fact. And the manner of Michael, our PoV character, making his decision to go blow his money then die rang memory bells. "This final act, then nothingness" probably sounds better to the truly suicidally depressed than more emotionally overwrought ideation does.

Michael addresses us in the parts of the book set in London. He's fully present, he's struggling to do his teaching job well, and he's floundering in grief deeper than even he can tell...grief too deep to be solely about a recent loss. Michael's decision to leave for the US with that paltry $9000 and live until it runs out (he'd be in Delaware Water Gap, New Jersey, not San Francisco!) is narrated in third person, a choice I took to be representative of his dissociation from the life he was abandoning and refusal to invest in the life he was going to exist through in the US. It wasn't a choice I felt did the story any great service. I think it probably just confused most readers. And I'm not all the way sure I am correct in my analysis, there are other possibilities but I can't make one up that makes the least bit of sense to me except the dissociation one.

What elevates this debut novel above the pack it comes out with is the lovely poetical aphoristic phrase making:
<blockquote>We fight to be seen, for the world to know that we are here, only for us to be forgotten, to be invisible once again.

–and–

Have you ever loved, knowing it would end, but giving your whole heart regardless?

–and–

The thing about losing love is makes you feel like you can never love again, like you are not worthy.

–and–

Loneliness is being there for everyone, everyone, in the hope that someone will be there for you. But no one ever is. You are the sun, lighting the world of another, while setting yourself on fire.

–and–

And above all, it is love, that spark of bright light, that dazzling flame, ephemeral or eternal, may it find us, may it be us, the will that carries us forward, the bond that brings us back, from beyond this lonely feeling to healing; the selfless act of breathing.</blockquote>
The author might be making his fiction debut but he's an established poet (<I>Mask Off: Masculinity Redefined</i> and <I>Daughter of the Sun</i> among others) and it's ever so clear that his phrases will sound gorgeous when spoken aloud. That is also, to be frank, the issue that led to me docking a star off the story's subjective rating: It's performative, it's got an eye on its look in the mirror of your regard. It is, in other words, like poetry is to me: phonied up, heightened, exaggerated to make some point that I think you, O Writer, should trust me to get all on my own. If, that is, you've done your part of the job....

What I hope you'll do is sample the book. Put a bit on your Kindle and see if the way the author slings the lingo hits your sweet spot. If so, there's nothing to prevent you from enjoying the book in its entirety. The first chapters are a good index for the voice the entire book has. While I'm here today because suicide didn't turn out to be the best option for me, this is not an apologia for the act or I'd tell you to avoid it. What leads a person to consider suicide: depression, a sense of alienation from the world around them, a loneliness that pervades this world of exclusion and judgment...all this is the subject of Author Bola's work.
<blockquote>This sadness, how it falls upon you, like mist or fog, not there, then sudden and all at once; a greyness, enveloping you, submerged under water. This sadness in your bones, each step heavier than the last raises questions: how much longer is this journey? How much longer can I walk?</blockquote>
This is an elegant distillation of the greyness of depression and the desperation of feeling it's endless because you've got no perspective where this isn't what you see...all of that is very, very real and very salutary for all of those whose world doesn't have it anywhere (all five of you) to get into your brains. It could make your empathy bumps bigger, spread your hugging arms wider, and tune up your "there, there, my friend" to a fresher pitch.

At first, the writing felt disjointed and odd because of the chapters alternating between first and third person narration. It did get some time to get used to but I got past it eventually.
This book gave me all the melancholy feels so definitely make sure you’re in a good headspace before reading it.

The Selfless Act of Breathing follows Michael who leaves London to go on an adventure in the USA. Once his savings run out, he will end his life. From San Francisco to Dallas to Chicago to New York - Michael parties with friends, has sporadic romances, and splurges his money without any efforts of trying to save it.

The writing was so beautiful, I highlighted so many sentences and even whole paragraphs. I may consider buying this novel to add to my shelf. This book is really powerful as Michael feels so real and his feelings are heartbreaking but relatable.

Some of the book did get boring with some of the random characters as they felt a little underdeveloped but that didn’t bug me so much since Michael was a strong character. Overall, I really enjoyed this novel. Thank you so much to Atria for an advanced copy of this book.

This book heavily discusses severe depression and suicidal ideation. Please take care of yourself while reading but also handle Michael his story with care. “Listen to my words, I want to die, yet I speak not as a man who wants to die, but as a man who wants to live, and dying is the only way I know how.”
So many of us are Michael; maybe a friend, maybe a family member, maybe a coworker or me. Me. To say Michael was relatable could seem dark but for me was a bright spot. I felt seen and understood without having to ever voice some of my darkest feelings outside of me. On page. (That wasn’t a textbook)

“Do you ever wish you could leave everything behind? For good? Leave it all…who you are, whoever you are, and just go and disappear, unknown to the world?”

The start of this year was very hard for me and I like Michael couldn’t find all the words. I didn’t always know what was wrong or have the mental capacity to even try and dig myself out of the fog. Michael took my hand and whispered “me too” as he brought me along on his uncertain journey. Seeing so many thoughts/feelings I’ve had at various points in my life on page was like exhaling. Releasing that tension that’s been hanging on your shoulders.

This little book filled with ALL of the BIG feelings is also filled with hope, love, wonder told in the most poetic manner. My heart swells thinking of it and I thank you @jjbola endlessly

The writing and descriptions are sometimes beautiful but I didn't really care about the characters - couldn't connect with them - and the story was beyond depressing.

I am very confused by the book I just finished. The non-linear timeline that did not need to occur, the big reveal, which I was like did I miss this. I did not even care about Michael and the fact that he wanted to kill himself. I get depression is a real thing, but a bunch of pages that really do not define what the real crux of the story was. Even the ending just seemed cheap. I hate to write any comments like this, but I just could not let this go. I do know that is title is getting tossed around as must-read, so I am sure there are readers out there who will love it, but this was a huge miss for me.

All I can say is that I absolutely LOVED this book. Bola’s writing knocked my socks off, that is for sure. His main character Michael truly lost his way and my soul literally ached for him. His journey is beyond profound and left me with a feeling of sadness that was hard to shed. I was mesmerized with his introspection and oftentimes found myself drifting off into my own world of ruminating and reflecting on life, love, and loneliness. The connections with the people he met along the way truly highlighted his internal needs and fears and I was in absolute awe of how Bola could take on the heavy themes of suicidal thoughts, race, culture and family using a poetic tone. The Selfless Act of Breathing is a raw and powerful read and I highly recommend it.

Whew! So sad! One should know based on the description that they need to be in a solid place mentally before tackling this one! Loved the reality and reflection on subjects that are often hard to cover.

I’m kind of on the fence with this book. I thought it started off well with Michael being introduced as a teacher in London who strives to alleviate the injustices he sees around him, especially for his students. But it’s clear he isn’t happy with his life. So he makes a plan to quit his job, travel to the United States, and when he runs out of his life savings, he will end his life.

This is where my enjoyment of the book wavered. The book never indicates any sort of time frame other than the time of day in whichever locale he is at the moment; there are never any dates provided. As far as the chapters that take place in the U.S., I personally didn’t enjoy them. I felt like they were all over the place, not just the locations but the storyline as well. I preferred reading about Michael’s experiences with his mother and with his coworkers and students at school. To me, those chapters just flowed better.

Although I was happy with the outcome of the story, I can’t say that I enjoyed this book overall. It just didn’t grab my attention enough as much as I’d hoped it would.

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/4548842222

For what was there, this book was wonderful. However, I felt like a lot was missing. I get it that Michael was depressed and since a majority of the POV was his, we were only going to get his filtered views. Half the book is written in the first person and half in the third person. I couldn't determine why. Again, was I missing something? I didn't really get the attraction of a final tour with Michael planning his suicide for the point in time when he ran out of money. Other than being a quirky way to go, I did not see any reason for him to take that approach. Finally, the ending. Was I missing a chapter? I don't understand. Was I supposed to understand? Or is the reader supposed to be so distracted by the beauty of the writing that they don't notice that there is a huge disconnect?

Touched a nerve Mr. Bola, and this teacher’s heart…

⏰ 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫: Michael (Brit of Congolese descent) is a beloved teacher who seemingly has a great life in London, but behind it all, he harbors a deep, dark relentless depression. He decides to end his life when his savings ends - in America. He embarks on a journey across the country that’s an end, not a beginning, yet still manages to find moments of peace and light in the dark, dimming, dwindling days.

💡𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬: From the first page, author J.J. Bola wants the reader to see Michael separate, all the way to the telling of the story - dual viewpoints: first person from Michael in London versus third person Michael in America, almost as if the moment he arrives in the U.S., a disconnect is established and someone else has to tell his painful story. It IS painful. And raw. And REAL.

I’m a teacher and I suffer from depression and man…. Bola brings alllllll those feels to the surface. Every. Moment.

While others will say this novel is “depressing”, I counter that THIS. IS. REAL. Maybe people NEED to be made uncomfortable. Maybe y’all NEED to know what this looks and feels like because I’ll tell you this - I am the Robin Williams of teaching, happy every day cracking jokes like endless eggs, NEVER down and yup, behind my eyes swims depression - a voice that tells me I’m a horrible teacher, an even more unlovable human being, and undeserving of anything positive. How’s that for REAL?

And on that note - the Holocaust is depressing too, but it’s worth the uncomfortable book ride. TAKE this ride. BE uncomfortable and have uncomfortable conversations. Because that’s what saved me.

My depression is managed and thanks to a brilliant therapist and a fabulous support system - I have the coping skills to function through these feelings. It never stops the feelings - those are always there, and I live WITH them. They are my constant companions, unwelcome and intrusive and part of who I am, a person I now love more than hate, whom I see value in more than worthlessness, and who I grow to love more rather than less. If you are reading this and need help PLEASE call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.

𝗔𝗹𝗹 𝗺𝘆 𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄𝘀 𝗮𝘃𝗮𝗶𝗹𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗮𝘁 𝗦𝗰𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗽𝘆𝗠𝗮𝗴𝘀.𝗰𝗼𝗺 𝗮𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝘂𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻.

📚𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: Contemporary Fiction, topic of interest mental health.

😍𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨: Everyone who has suffered from mental illness, has a loved one with mental illnesses, or simply wants to walk the proverbial mile of a man who does.

🙅‍♀️ 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨: If you’re triggered or in too dark of a place, this could be too much.

Thank you to the author, NetGalley and Atria Books for my advanced copy in exchange for my always-honest review and for the beauty that is this book.