Cover Image: You're Not Crazy - It's Your Mother

You're Not Crazy - It's Your Mother

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I think this book is a sympatric and encouraging voice of hope for daughters of narcissistic mothers" and eye opener for those who love and support those daughters.
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A look at possible ways to cope with a toxic mother-daughter relationship governed by Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Useful hints that hopefully helps one to manage the awful situation, when the realization hits that your battling the slippery slope of narcissism. Enough to do your head in, in Oh So many ways. Written by a “fellow traveller.” Morrigan makes very clear that she’s not a qualified worker, rather she’s one who’s lived with such a horrendous relationship.
I found Morrigan’s definitions useful, but then up front I can say I’ve never read anything else. What was even more food for thought was the idea that, “ Even if my mother did not have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, it is an ideal model to explain her nasty and selfish behaviour.” I found that idea helpful. That these ideas might be of use where the situation hovers close to narcissistic, but is cannot necessarily defined by that label.
“Narcissistic Personality Disorder [might] perfectly explain everything about [one’s] family dynamics.”
That’s an encouraging thought for those struggling with these things.
There are parts further on that I find I’m not in agreement with. Upon a deeper look it seems than Danu Morrigan is the author’s pen name. There are some opinions online about the validity of her work that makes one stop and reflect. With that in mind I found the first part of this book, the descriptive explanations about Narcissism interesting, but as to Tapping, that was far too complex for me and I’m not sure if the black and white advice she gives fits into a world that has lots of shade. I know that if I’d been unlucky enough to be in this position I would prefer an accredited therapist’s help, not a book or a blog.

A Darton Longman Todd ARC via NetGalley 
Please note: Quotes taken from an advanced reading copy maybe subject to change
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All you can do as a child of a narcissist is do your best to make sense of the messy and toxic situation, and this book is designed to help you with that. You are not broken in need of fixing. You are wounded in need of healing.

Narcissists know what they’re doing; they just don’t care and absolutely don’t care about how we feel. They don’t consider us real people, or if they do, it doesn’t matter.

Our narcissistic mother convinced us: if we tried hard enough we could win her approval and her love. If we were good enough, or wise enough, or beautiful enough, or ...or... or... It's never enough!
The reality of having a narcissistic mother is that she can’t love you, not because you’re unlovable, but because she is incapable of love. It is a flaw in her, not in you.

This books is so valuable because Dani Morrigan experienced and lived with narcissistic mother and finally someone really understands what you went through. The knowledge about Narcissistic Personality Disorder explains so very much about your life and your relationship with your mother. It explains everything. You’re not crazy! You were right to think things were odd. Your perceptions are right. You are not the flawed person she told you that you were.

Insightful, useful and must-read for all daughters/children of narcissistic parents.
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Such a valid and necessary book. After listening to this topic on YT, from many different people, this book explained it best. I believe because the author lived it. She has also listened to others and heard their stories. To understand you have to have lived it. Others may empathize, but truly understand..I don’t think it’s possible. The damage these mothers do is life long. It never goes away. Only the strong survive it. I could not put this book down. I finished 70% in one sitting. I felt seen and heard, finally. I will reread this book, I’m sure, over and over. It’s probably the most highlighted and noted kindle book I’ve ever read. I skimmed over the tapping method. It probably works, but I will have to revisit that part. I highly recommend!
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This helpful book is packed with information and experience-driven stories to assist the reader in coming to terms with narcissism and understanding how to cope.
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If this is your situation, the descriptions in this book will be spot on!  You may feel a sense of relief to understand better. But you may also feel a sense of loss and or sadness. Depending on where you are in your processing. There are descriptions of various situations you may have experienced. And there are tools to help throughout the book.
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I give this book five stars because it is written from the heart.  The author has done a lot of work collecting stories of women with difficult relationships with their mothers.  The concept of "mother" is almost universal where she is supposed to be affectionate, loving, caring and sacrificing.  But what if you had a narcissistic mother?  What are your chances of getting anything from all the positive traits that the "ideal mother" represents?  Danu Morrigan unflinchingly describes events that many of us with difficult mother relationships will identify.  This book doesn't bash mothers.  It reflects the deep gap and trauma women have when they are dealt with a difficult relationship.  She offers us hope in that we can examine the events that are painful and we can grow out of them a sense of our individuality.  This book is an easy and good read.
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This is a newly released edition of the book and there's a reason the book withstands time...because it is so strong, so powerful and so insightful. I'd highly recommend it to anyone who works with families as well as to anyone who has a difficult relationship with their mother.
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Family estrangement is endemic today, and works such as this help explain that sad state of affairs. The author, Danu Morrigan, admittedly has no psychiatric training, unless one chooses to count having read a couple of definitions in the DSM. The book is poorly written--repetitive and with no exclamation mark left unused!

Morrigan insists virtually everything one doesn't feel is perfect in one's life is the fault of the mother. If father was absent due to long hours, divorce, or even death and one's mother struggled to cope, she should have done better. If one's father is present, they are an enabler and both parents deserve to be cut off with no explanation. It's OK to lie to your mother because she's a horrible, self-centered person who never loved you. If you choose to go to therapy and the therapist perhaps advocates family therapy, find another therapist immediately! One who agrees with the idea of complete estrangement!

The author was estranged from her mother until her mother's death, One must speculate as to whether Danu Morrigan is still so angry at her dead mother she must continue to denigrate the woman years later or if she felt this drivel was a way to make a quick buck. 

Not recommended for anyone.
Dr. Cheryl Youse
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This is a lifestyle/ self-help book where the author draws on their life experiences as well as decades worth of interactions with people in a similar situation to herself. 
She is an active participant in groups that support daughters of narcissists and her passion and earnestness about helping people show through her words.
This is not necessarily meant to be an expert guide or take on that professional help status but strikes me as a book to build solidarity and awareness of the suffering of victims in a relatable way where you are being spoken to by a friend rather than a professional. 
This is a hard read, particularly for people who are still being subjected to narcissistic control on a daily basis so it's something to read when you feel fully ready to learn more about the condition.
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As someone who was born to 2 narcissists, this book was extremely helpful. It was eyeopening and helped me to understand that it truly isn't ME but them. I am just a survivor of them.
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This was a difficult but great and informative read- makes you look at maternal relationships in a completely different way.
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This was a difficult read for me but I am so glad that  I did. Being the daughter of a narcissist is an incredibly lonely, isolating experience. From an early age I knew that my mother was different from all the other mums waiting at the school gates. So, to find out that my experience existed, not just in my mind, but happened to others was incredibly enlightening.. The author describes the behaviour accurately and there were many 'light bulb moments. I just wish this book was around for me to read forty years ago, it would have surely changed my life.
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Very well written, takes you on a journey of therapy. Offers explanations, alternative thinking patterns and solutions without telling you what is wrong/right.
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NetGalley ARC Educator 550974

If you've ever questioned yourself, thought you were crazy after an encounter with your parent or wondered if others grew up with a narcissist, this book is for you. It explores parent-child relationships when the parent is struggling with mental health issues or is just on the narcissist spectrum. 

It is a must read for anyone that has a tumultuous relationship with a parent. The advice and examples can be applied to dads as well. Some of the examples may trigger you so be warned. Welcome to freedom.

Seems the author used the contribution of some without their knowledge, so these are their experiences. There is plenty of research about narcissists so no need to pay for it, a simple google search will do.
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I have never connected with a book like I did with this one.  To finally have a name to apply to what my DNA donor is... it's amazing.  She truly is a narcissist and the examples were right on. I felt like this book was written just for me and about my life.  I was constantly surprised by the things the author said and how they so closely mirrored my childhood and my life and how I was treated while I was growing up.  

I feel like the information was presented in such a way that it was respectful of my feelings and educational at the same time. Before reading this, I had honestly believed that I was the only person with a "mother" who was as crazy and abusive as mine.  Now I have connected with other women who have had very similar experiences.  It is an amazing feeling that is hard to describe: almost a relief and validation that it wasn't me and that my feelings are legit.  I am so glad that I read this book.

Thank you Netgalley for the ARC.
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Thank you NetGalley and the publishers for providing this ARC in exchange for my honest review. 

I picked up this book because I was interested in the summary. My relationship with my mother can always improve and if understanding more about her personality can help sign me up. I wish there was tools that we could use in dealing with them better than cut them off.
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My mum isn't crazy - she's actually wonderful, but from time to time, we don't see eye to eye. Mainly I'm curious about relationships and family types, so I was intrigued to read this book. It's raw, and I think it would definitely appeal to those with estranged family relationships, or relationships they wish were estranged! I think this could be life changing for some.
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The audience for this book is very specific, and very unfortunate. You're Not Crazy, It's Your Mother is a guide for anyone, but mostly women, wanting to cut ties with their mother. This is a horrific decision, which no one should ever have to make, but this book wonderfully guides the reader through the steps on this unpredictable, and emotional journey.

Danu Morrigan has spent her career talking to Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers (DoNMs), gathering stories, experiences, and advice. The angle here is relatively simple. Some mothers may have undiagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), which may help to explain some of their behaviors. Morrigan spells out how NPD can manifest, relating this to the mother/daughter dynamic. It makes for tough reading at times, as the revelations can be brutal. But Morrigan’s easy, conversational style eases the pain a little. 

Mother/daughter estrangement is not something that is frequently discussed, as the decision to actively renounce one’s parents is seen as heartless. This is an issue Morrigan addresses beautifully in her book, asking the reader to question their Stories, and whether they are actually true, or just standards placed on them by others.

Morrigan goes through various scenarios, but never tells the reader what they must do. She offers advice on what she and her fellow DoNMs have experienced, and lays out the options. But the ultimate decision is always with the reader. 

As someone placed in a situation where estrangement was necessary for my mental health, I found this book immensely helpful. It successfully addressed the many niggling thoughts that have gone through my mind, and validated them. In a situation such as this, it can be easy to feel like you’re alone, but this book made me realize that my position is not unique, and I’m not a “bad person”. 

I hope you never have to read this book. But if you find yourself in this scenario, it’s an indispensable guide to a tricky situation. And, hopefully, will help you on a journey with a happy ending.
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Thank you to NetGalley, the publisher, and the author for this copy to read. I really connected with this book. I appreciate the author giving real life examples of her own experiences with her mother. Great book and interesting read.
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