This book was both good and horrifically awful. The writing itself was good. Crisp and clear, and it gives you the full specteum of Debra's relationship with John Meehan - the good, the bad, and the very very ugly. However I had a visceral reaction to this book and overall my reaction is just...how could you not see the red flags? I know hindsight is 20/20, and John probably didn't let his real self be seen before getting married. But after being married four previous times, and being pressured into most of those marriages, you would think that the fifth time being pressured to wed immediately would throw up some warning signs? I don't know. I just wish Debra had made different choices. 3.5 stars rounded down.

Debra Newell, subject/protagonist/victim of the acclaimed LA Times podcast and Bravo limited TV series Dirty John, uses this book to give the whole story of what happened to her during the course of her relationship with John Michael Meehan. Debra dealt with a lot of trauma in hardship throughout her life from childhood illness, the murder of her sister, and repeated emotional and physical abuse from men that took advantage of her good nature and willingness to forgive. Debra gives the reader insight into her life story and how she ended up with John, defending her choices and reflecting on the judgement passed on her. She rejects her portrayal in the media as a naive serial monogamist and sheds light on the all-to-common, but poorly understood domestic abuse of coercive control.

I love the podcast and watched the TV series as soon as it dropped, but I really respect Debra for opening herself up and sharing her story. I devoured this book and would recommend it to anyone, but especially those that consumed other Dirty John media as it helps to understand the whole story that is often left out of media reporting because the details make for a messy narrative. But life is messy and Debra isn't afraid to share the details. She puts her story out as an example of coercive control and even provides resources to people in similar abusive situations. Thank you, Debra and M. William Phelps, and thank you to BenBella Books for a NetGalley ARC which I received in exchange for my fair, honest opinion.

This is a compelling and heartbreaking read from Debra Newell, survivor of Dirty John. I listened to the podcast and watched the series, so naturally was very excited to hear this story from Debra’s point of view. This is a book detailing her experience and thought processes during her abusive relationship with John. It goes into her past, and shows us why she was so susceptible to his cons, and goes very much into detail about the sad layers and effects domestic violence can have on families. The writing style is more of a conversational tone, and there are definitely some repetitive spots, but overall you can feel the pain and stress this woman went through during this relationship. It’s a worthwhile read to hear a survivor’s story. Thank you to NetGalley for this advanced copy.

I watched the Netflix series and when I saw there was a book, I had to read it! I was incredibly moved by these retale of these shocking events! I would definitely recommend to true crime fans

3.5 stars

It was refreshing to actual get Debra's account of the difficult time in her life. I've been obsessed with this case since the podcast came out and have just devoured every account I can find of this story. It was fine. The writing was simple and filled with introspection. I'm happy to say that by the end you can tell she's recovering and making the most of a horrible situation.

“I fell in love and married a psychopath. I am no longer his victim.
None of this is my fault.”

Surviving Dirty John by Deborah Newell, tells the story of the terrible abuse Newell and her adult daughters survived a the hands of John Michale Meehan. Meehan was a man she met online and began dating and eventually married. He claimed to be a successful doctor and presented himself as loving and kind. Through their relationship he systematically isolated Newell from her family, threatened her children, stole from her and eventually threatened all of their lives. He had also swindled Newell about his identity, not only was he not a doctor, he was a drug addict who had spent time in prison for other crimes. This story was made well known by the podcast titled Dirty John, and by the tv series with the same name. This is the story as told by Newell herself.

I had listened to the Dirty John podcast, and found this story to be fascinating, so I was very interested in reading this from Newells perspective. I will say I do feel like she says too often in the book that this was not her fault and tries too hard to prove the case that she had no fault in falling for Meehan’s schemes. It began to feel too forceful. I do agree that she is a victim in this situation, and it is shameful to blame any victim of abuse, but it seemed self degrading for it to be said so much. I can see though that if she has constantly been criticized over this maybe she did feel the need to say it outright so many times in her story. Overall though I think she did a great job of telling this story while telling her own life story. I appreciated also that she included information about abuse, abuse survival, and continues to do so much to educate and help others. I give this book 4 stars.

This review has been posted to Goodreads and will be added to Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and my Instagram upon its release.

I am still shaking my head after reading this book. I feel like I need to watch the Netflix series based on this story to work through my thoughts..
When Debra meets John she thinks she may have finally found true love. After numerous failed marriages, he seems like the perfect guy. This book tells the true story of how John manipulated Debra and how he threatened her and her family to the point they lived their lives in fear. Abuse is such a tricky thing…the abuser is often charming and good at abusing. In turn the abused end up having to prove their story. I had trouble with this book simply because the authors did a good job of telling what a messed up guy John was, but not such a great job of telling how great he was. I could never buy into why she was with him in the first place. I feel like we only got part of that story. This is a book that I will definitely think about for awhile!

First off, I have to admit that I was no stranger to this story. Being a true crime buff, I followed it on TV when it was first put together as the Dirty John series. Debra Newell is one hell of a strong woman and a true survivor. If you are unfamiliar with the Dirty John series/story, it is based off of “Dirty John” Meehan, who was a master manipulator, and con artist.

What I Liked/Loved:
-First, my utmost respect to Debra Newell. It takes a strong person to experience, let alone live to tell about such a situation. It takes an even stronger person to talk about for the world to hear, to bring awareness.
-The fact that this was culminated by the words of the survivor. It talked about her life before John, and obviously her life with John. Television distorts things in such a way that you get two sides of a story in true crime instances typically. This fully covers tidbits that TV would surpass, things you cannot get in “two hour TV special”.
-The realization of just how evil this guy was! It really makes you question to what degree you can trust people. It’s actually a scary concept to digest…to understand the lengths John went to in order to manipulate women.
-Most important though, this book brings awareness to toxic relationships, manipulative tendencies, and domestic violence. This book helps to give women a voice.

✨Rating✨
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

A special thank you to BenBella Books and NetGalley for this eARC! Surviving Dirty John is out August 31st!

Having seen the mini series on TV, I was curious to read Debra Newell's account of her marriage to John Meehan. This true story is intriguing. It made me wonder why Debra would stay with this man, but then love came into it and she was in love. She met John on a dating site. He seemed the perfect man, well spoken and a doctor. Debra herself was a business woman who was financially secure, she just needed a man in her life. Early on, John was perfect. He doted on Debra and spoiled her as much as she did him..
This story will raise so many questions why Debra did the things she thought she had to, but as the saying goes...until you have walked in my shoes.
Thanks to the author, publisher and Netgalley for my ARC in exchange for my honest review.

Lovers of true crime will love this book. I've heard the Dirty John Story on true crime sphere but i was so curious to read Debra's account and her side of the story so when i saw it. I know i had to request for it.
I love how the story progresses and how she ties her past to the present. I felt like i was catching up with a friend who had just gone through a rough experience.
If you love true crime and familiar with the Dirty John Story then this book should be up your book list

A couple of years ago, I listened to to the Dirty John podcast. Having grown up in Orange County and having known more than a few people like Debra Newell and her daughters, I was totally drawn in to the story of the uber-rich woman who had made tons of money as an interior designer and was apparently raising her daughters to be the same kind of woman she was: focused on appearance and dollar value in everything from clothes and car to homes, and always — ALWAYS having a man. Debra had survived a terrible childhood, with more sickness and violence than anyone should need to endure. And I truly admire her ability to rise above all that and become a strong, successful businesswoman. Surviving Dirty John is her story — and more.

Despite her strength in business and the ability to thrive in the nasty social climate in the wealthy areas of Orange County, Debra couldn’t seem to succeed at love (four failed marriages). She finally decided to try the online route, and that’s where she met John Meehan. Having seen the photos, I can see why someone for whom appearance is so important would be attracted: he was a good-looking guy, and was (he said) an anesthesiologist. VERY quickly, she was in love and totally involved with him — something her daughters didn’t quite get. And seriously, there were more red flags than I could imagine: he showed up with dirty fingernails, wearing dirty scrubs, and didn’t seem to have an actual work schedule.

Don’t want to give anything away for anyone who doesn’t know the story, although I will say that the book will be a stunner even for those who know what happened and how it all ended. But just know that even if you know the story, have heard the podcast and/or seen the miniseries or read the stories in the LA Times, there is a lot that is new in the book.

I will admit I was quite annoyed by Debra AND her daughters. Despite that, I was even more annoyed by the authorities who blew off the various attempts to get help once Debra resolved to cut all ties with DJ. I admire anyone willing to be so vulnerable and tell the world EVERYTHING about some of the stupidest choices imaginable. I also admire Terra, the dog-loving eventual heroine of the story. And I REALLY admire the other daughter (real name Jacquelyn) who listened to her little voice that told her that their mother was being fleeced by a con man. It’s a great story, and reads like fiction — but it is totally real and will be must reading for fans of true crime and stories about Real Housewives-type relationships. Co-authored by M. William Phelps, it is entertaining AF and I highly recommend it. Not literature, but REALLY entertaining. Five stars, and thanks to BenBella Books and NetGalley for a copy in exchange for this honest review. And seriously, I hope Debra has a good therapist and has read the book Why Do I Think I Am Nothing Without A Man?

I knew very little of "Dirty John" before reading this book, so I was able to go in blind regarding Debra's life as well as the case in general. M. William Phelps is one of my favorite true crime writers, but this is Debra's story through-and-through. It's an open, brutal, and honest telling from a survivor; it's also an insider look of what a manipulative abuser looks like, and the turmoil their victims live with, If you think you know everything regarding this case, I recommend you pick this book up and hear Debra's side of the tale.

Surviving Dirty John will be released on August 31st. I received an e-galley from the publisher through NetGalley

This is an open and heart wrenching memoir that if you were interested in the “Dirty John” crime podcast, or true crime in general, you won’t want to pass up on.

Told in brutal honesty and from a true survivor, you will see just what it takes to survive and thrive post trauma like this, and not just to overcome, but to speak out and educate others despite reliving the pain.

Definitely recommend for true crime lovers everywhere. A 4 out of 5 star book for me.

Dirty John. Wow, hooked on this story. There is something so completely gripping about this kind of nightmarish online dating scenario. A person cunning enough to mold them self into ‘the perfect partner’. A man who ticks all the right boxes. Good looking and charming, check. Great career and financial stability, check. Loving and attentive, check.

I enjoyed the Netflix show and, although Debra Newell says she was hurt by the portrayal of her, I didn’t think Connie Britton’s character made her look ‘stupid’ or gullible, I saw manipulation at it’s finest. How could you even fathom all this? Everything is clear in hindsight. After reading her first-hand account, I am even more horrified by the events than I was after watching the show.

What I appreciated most in her account was the upfront honesty regarding her own error in judgement and the harm her children suffered because of it. But she is also a victim and a survivor. She is very open about her background and events in the past with her family which was equally as shocking as the Dirty John situation. I’m sure this traumatized her and contributed considerably to the ‘love and forgiveness’ of people that truly did not deserve it.

I appreciated the way she set the scene, describing how he made her feel at that time, while also providing her ‘in hindsight’ lightbulb moments of how, looking back, something in that picture was not quite right. I found this riveting. The most frightening aspect of the book was the way in which it highlighted the lack of support from police and the legal system regarding domestic violence, stalking, and escalating abuse, as well as non-violent forms of abuse. It explores the concept of coercive control and expert Laura Richards- who has featured in many British crime documentaries over the years- is a voice of knowledge and expertise and her insight on the Dirty John case was highly interesting and important.

I found this book to be well written, engaging, thought provoking and shocking. I haven’t been able to put it down and I think it was a story that needed to be told. 5 stars.

While I really applaud Debbie for sharing her story, this was not for me. I did not feel engaged with the story at all but I’m sure there are plenty of others who will love it.

After watching the miniseries I thought I knew this story but I was wrong! As a lover of all things true crime, I was absolutely desperate to get my hands on this book. Debra tells her story with such frankness and honesty, and I am truly grateful to be able to hear it from her point of view. A wonderful book and an inspiring story of survival, which I have continued to think about long after the final page.

I was very surprised by how interesting I found this. I'd already watched the Dirty John series and listened to the podcast before that, so I didn't think there would be much more to learn, but this was a very in-depth, personal, and well-paced telling of Debra Newell's infamous courtship and marriage to John Meehan.

I wish she would have spent less time addressing her own insecurities about how people viewed her situation, but Debra's co-author really knew how to draw a riveting tale out of her.

Wow! Five stars, highly recommend.

After watching the Netflix series, which I was disappointed to learn was a highly sensationalised version of Debra's story, I was keen to read her version. Debra has had countless (?5) marriages and seems to get married very quickly, jumping from relationship to relationship, and you can't help questioning why she does not learn from her mistakes, and why she is so quick to love again. She is clearly a loving person who wears her heart on her sleeve, and despite how frustrating it is to her of her making the same mistakes again and again, she has some very endearing qualities.

This was truly a fascinating read, and the pace of Debra's account was fast enough to keep me riveted, but slow enough that she able to share plenty of details about her life and story.

I would definitely recommend this for anyone that has seen the Netflix series.

I personally so can relate to Debra’s story. All the h*•l she went through. Yes people will and do say why didn’t you just leave. What they don’t understand is. That’s easier said then done. The bottom line is you as a person. Has to want to leave and or have had enough. Then it will dawn on you, sadly sometimes something tragic has to happen. Before you finally have had enough. Debra you are one incredible lady. Once you finally realized what was up. You took measures and found your way out. I love that you gave jobs to others who are in need.

Thank you to Debra Newell, BenBella Books, and NetGalley for providing me with a copy of this novel in exchange for an honest review.

All quotes are taken from Surviving Dirty John by Debra Newell with William Phelps.

//Content warning: abuse, murder, assault, blood, death, drugs, addiction//

---

// Quick Review //
5/5 Stars

Surviving Dirty John is a novel of survival, in which Debra Newell bares her soul to the reader in order to share her side of the story. The abuse and trauma that she suffered at the hands of John Meehan is written precisely in a 324 page novel of fact.

---

"We think we are immune to the horrific stories of bloodshed and extreme violence we see on television. We think evil visits only the person next door. We think that simply meeting another human being for a casual coffee date, or a dinner we hope could evolve into a relationship and maybe even love, is never going to turn around and serve as a catalyst for violence. And yet it happens every single day in this country."

---

// Other Information //
Publisher: BenBella Books
Page Count: 324 pages
Release Date: August 31, 2021
Series: None
Genre: Non-fiction, True crime

---

// Book Description (via Goodreads) //
Now that articles, podcasts, newsmagazines, and miniseries have had their sensationalistic say, Debra Newell, the one woman who truly knows what it was like to survive “Dirty John” Meehan shares the full story—the reality—with the world for the first time.

Debra Newell is nothing if not a survivor. By the time she met John Michael Meehan online, she lived through a near-fatal childhood illness, an attempted rape in her 20s, the traumatic death of her sister at the hands of her brother-in-law, four failed marriages, and a litany of dating disasters. But despite those tragedies, she seemed to have it all: adoring children, a successful business, a fabulous penthouse apartment.

But there was something missing: the blinding, all-consuming love she first read about to occupy her time in her childhood sickbed. And she thought she found it with John Meehan.

More than a tabloid-ready true-crime expose, Debra’s story is one of trauma, denial, and deception. But it is also a relatable, inspirational, and hopeful story of forgiveness and, most of all, love. The lengths to which a woman will go to find—and keep—love; the boundaries children and parents cross to protect and save the people they love; the love one must find for oneself; and the ways the illusion of love can be used to manipulate and hurt.

Told in Debra’s words with the help of New York Times bestselling author M. William Phelps, this book is filled with exclusive stories about Debra and her family, previously unpublished photos, and the unvarnished, unapologetic, and unbelievable reality of Surviving Dirty John.

---

// Review //
I can only begin this review with saying how stunned I am at the misinformation and dramatization of survivor's stories in the media. As Newell herself points out at multiple points in Surviving Dirty John, we as a society need to do better in supporting victims, rather than placing the blame of the victimizer's abusive behavior upon them. The epidemic of abuse (mainly upon women) in this country is unacceptable and is telling of how we react to those who cry out for help. Debra Newell writes:

"I was screaming out to law enforcement. Providing evidence. We all knew John was about to strike. Where and when was anybody's guess. He was planning to fulfill his need for revenge. The torching of my Jag was a direct warning. And he got away with it."

Also:

"Whenever a woman comes forward and talks about abuse and is judged, the tacit message she hears is: If you tell your story, your behavior and your past will be the lens through which your present circumstances are viewed - you will be judged harshly and humiliated."

I have to commend Debra Newell for how she has used her horrendous experience to fuel her determination to change this country for the benefit of abuse and assault survivors. We need to do better as a society.

I also give credit to Debra Newell for using her voice to spread information regarding coercive control. Previous to reading Surviving Dirty John, I felt I had a decent grapple on abuse and abusers. However, I had never even heard of coercive control. This ignorance to abuse had made me and many others vulnerable. Now, Debra's novel has shielded me.

Here is a quick definition of coercive control, thanks to Laura Richards, whose site I encourage you all to visit here:

"Coercive control is a strategic pattern of behavior designed to exploit, control, create dependency, and dominate. The victim's everyday existence is micromanaged and her space for action, as well as potential as a human being, is limited and controlled by the abuser.

If any of this rings true to you, please seek help from someone you trust.

I read Surviving Dirty John in one day; I could not put it down. I could not believe that someone could do something like this to another human being. The novel is a solid 5/5 Stars, and one of my favorite true crime books that I have read so far.

I'd like to finish this review with a badass quote from Debra Newell herself:

"My passion now is to expose and help brings about awareness of what I and others view as a worldwide epidemic affecting millions of people, many of whom do not even realize what is occurring in their lives until it's far too late. This is my fight. Getting people to understand coercive control and providing a safe way out for women trapped in abusive - even deadly - situations and relationships. Reaching these women is the silver lining within the horror my family and I endured and, thank God, lived through. Educating women about the warning signs of being controlled, as well as the dangers of online dating and what they should be looking out for, is my life's work."

I highly recommend reading this novel, even if you think you know the whole story. You don't, you really don't.