It took me a long time to actually begin Tell Me How to Be by Neel Patel but now it is a book that I recommend constantly. I absolutely loved this story and could not put it down. Narrated by Vikas Adam, Tell Me How to Be will take you on an emotional journey while leaving you singing songs that you loved from the 90s. The only time I actually stopped listening to this audiobook was when I went to listen to the songs mentioned. Overall well done and I wish there were more people talking about how awesome this novel is.

I tried to reach out to Netgalley about this issue, but I found this audiobook unlistenable due to tracking issues in the audio. I tried all the troubleshooting options in Netgalley's FAQ, as well as reinstalling the app, to no avail. I thank the publisher for the chance to listen to an advance copy of this book, and look forward to listening to or reading a library copy in the future.

Trying to broaden my reading horizons, I came across this fantastic story about a Tanzanian family settling into middle-class suburbia in Illinois. Renu, a depressed mother, and her son Ashak, a gay singer on the brink of ruin because of his alcoholism, take turns narrating the narrative. Additionally, there are commitment problems. In addition, he has an unquenchable longing for his first love, who is also a first-generation South Asian.

Mother and son both keep things to themselves. The mother, who was forced into an arranged marriage 30 years ago, is returning to London because her husband recently passed away. That Kareem, her one true love from long ago, will somehow find her again. All this is mentioned right away, so don't worry about spoilers. Akash, on the other hand, has a guy who cares about him, but he is unable to be faithful for the same reason that he is unable to control his drinking. Unfortunately for Akash's elder brother, who seems to be the perfect kid, he has a bad tendency of getting inebriated and behaving out during large family functions. Who else has hidden things?

Before she departs this house and the United States, the mother, two of her sons, and a daughter gather at the McMansion they all share on a quiet street.

Traditional cultural artifacts have a significant impact on the plot development. Renu, the mother, is jaded since she complied with her in-laws' and her husband's strict expectations. After years of hardship, Akash has essentially destroyed every relationship he once had, including those with his loved ones, friends, and business associates.

There are narrative twists galore in this little but fascinating story of a family where every member appears somewhat disconnected from themselves and each other.

A terrifically entertaining debut novel.

I won't go into detail about the narrative because it's already been discussed elsewhere, but I will say that I like the book very much because of its setting (the boroughs of Queens and Brooklyn) and its people (I'm happy now that I've read it). The story may continue in the form of a film or television series, which would be great for the characters.

I loved this family saga which is really a two-pronged narrative told from an alternating perspective framework, but really encompassing two different and intersecting stories. Both stories -- Renu's and Akash's -- are about the narratives we build about love and acceptance on multiple levels. Both mother and son have told themselves stories for years about what their lives could have been, if only a certain person loved them back. But both stories are ultimately about letting go of these ideas and inhabiting the life they have as opposed to the one they imagined. I was swept fully into their lives, into Akash's frustratingly bad choices and alcoholism, and Renu's determination to believe the love story she was telling herself. The ending felt abrupt and after being immersed in their lives, felt jarring to feel as though I'd been rudely awakened, but I highly recommend this one. It made me think a lot about the stories I've long told myself about what other people think of me, and it made me want to examine that more closely, and what more can you really ask of a novel? The characters felt as real to me as any I've ever read.

4 stars

This is a beautiful book about family & identity & missed chances & finally being honest & just about life. Neither MC is, objectively, a very nice person but I still really liked them & cared about them. The ending is good in a realistic way, but still positive. Well worth a read!

[What I liked:]

•Renu is smart, snobbish, homophobic, witty, a bit judgmental, a caring mother, a fan of soap operas (her commentaries on them are hilarious!), & a woman with hidden desires & unspoken regrets. She’s scathing & funny in a cynical way, & sometimes I didn’t like her, but I really wanted her to continue to find happiness & live life for herself. She felt very real & authentic as a character.

•Akash is a musician struggling with his sexual identity & substance abuse, approaching 30 yet not getting far in his career, not happy with his partner & cheating on him, feeling rejected & looked down upon by his family, & still not over the first guy he fell for in high school. Sounds pathetic, right? Yet I never felt that way about him. He wants to do the right thing, be a good person, & be accepted by his family, & he gets some great character growth through this book, though it never feels easy or like an afterthought. I really liked where he was by the end, it also felt like a realistic but cautiously optimistic ending point.

•This is a very introspective book. There are lots of flashbacks to memories that show how the characters & their relationships, in their current forms, came to be this way. The plot isn’t action heavy but it doesn’t drag. There is a nice balance between old conflicts being drawn out & finally resolved, just not resolved in the ways you might expect or that the characters might have wanted. There is also a nice balance between happy memories & funny moments (omg, that soap opera!) & sad things & wistful things.

•I like how the chapters are rather short, I think it worked really well for this book. Since we keep switching back & forth between Renu & Akash, it helps keep the momentum going by not staying too long with one character.


[What I didn’t like as much:]

•Most of the conflicts had meaningful, thoughtful resolutions, but there were a few exceptions. Renu & Bijal have made a lifetime’s worth of casually cruel homophobic statements & insults (& in Bijal’s case used slurs) towards Akash. We see in many ways how that’s burdened & pained Akash for years.

When he comes out to them, what are their responses? Bijal questions how Akash could’ve thought being gay might affect his family’s love for him—come on, really Bijal? Renu explains that *one* of the times she scolded Akash & told him it was unacceptable to be gay she was actually just upset about something unrelated—okay, but what about all the other times she said similar things?

It seemed too easy for me, like neither of them could own up to their failures to love Akash for who he was, & he didn’t seem to expect or want more from them. I get it, families are hard & not perfect & hurt each other even when they do love each other. Maybe I’m reading too much of my personal baggage into this. But it really felt a little too easy for them to act like it didn’t matter much.

The other resolution that felt too easy was when Akash apologized to someone for violently bullying them in the past, & that person just shrugged it off since it happened a long time ago. That didn’t feel quite authentic, although maybe that was the point, that Akash & that person weren’t being totally honest in that moment. I’m not sure.

CW: racism, sexism, classism, substance abuse, homophobia (including violence & slurs), bullying, transphobia, infidelity, miscarriage/infertility issues

[I received an ARC ebook copy from NetGalley in exchange for my honest review. Thank you for the book!]

A beautiful story told in two voices mother and son. A family story of an Indian-American family about its secrets, dreams, failures, and the the hope for the future, told in a tender, loving, and at times irreverent way. A story that can be dark, funny and heartbreaking. It is also a story about immigration, belonging, and identity. It was such a warm and great reading. I loved this book. Thank you to NetGalley and Macmillan for the generous advance copy.

“In life, the things we most desire are not always what we need.”

In the weeks since I finished TELL ME HOW TO BE, the music of this story has continued to captivate me, both literally and figuratively. I’ve been listening to a playlist of late 90s/early aughts R&B songs mentioned in the book, yes; and the emotional arc of the story has been looping through me, a scene from the story popping up like a favorite multilayered lyric, a quote from a character caught in my thoughts like a particularly addictive hook. It’s a stunning novel about romantic love and regret, family ties and long-held secrets, and ultimately the power of forgiveness, healing, and moving on from the past.

TELL ME HOW TO BE introduces us to the Amin family, a year after Ashok’s death. The story is told from two perspectives: Renu, his wife, and Akash, his son. Renu is figuring out what life is like for her after the structure of marriage and preparing to leave Illinois to return to London. Akash, a queer man and aspiring music producer, is at a liminal point in his career, deep in a unsatisfying relationship, and drinking more than he wants to be. Both are also preoccupied by a past love that was thwarted and which, for different reasons, they are unable to let go of. When Renu and Akash are reunited with Akash’s older brother Bijal to honor Ashok and pack up their family home, long-simmering tensions in the family rise to the surface.

There are so many pieces to this book that are expertly woven together: growing up queer and the layers of homophobia, internally and externally; the varied experiences of an Indian-American family, especially what’s it’s like to be a young kid dealing with pressure to assimilate and the oppressive whiteness of feminism; how conflicts between siblings emerge, solidify, and break down; learning how to identify and face down your demons, whether shame, remorse, or grief. The structure and pacing of the novel work so well - the alternating perspectives, pulling us back and forth between characters, sometimes with short chapters that keep the pace clipping along and sometimes longer ones that sink you deep into the emotions of a single moment. The way Renu and Akash’s stories mirror each other, even while they cannot see and understand each other, is so poignant. The use of the second person interspersed with first person is genius; it’s evocative, eliciting in the reader the same sense of haunting that Renu and Akash are feeling. I loved the way the different pieces of their stories come together as the novel progresses, unfolding the underlying reasons for the tensions within the family, the events that have taken root and shaped the characters into who they are now, and providing opportunities for those entrenched feelings and relationships to change.

It’s beautiful and heartbreaking, I laughed and I cried, and I don’t expect to forget this story for a very long time. Thank you Flatiron Books and Macmillan Audio for the review copy and ALC!

Content warnings: bullying, racism, homophobia, miscarriage, death of a loved one, grief

Tell Me How To Be is a wonderful coming of age book. Akash is ashamed for liking men and goes against his cultural beliefs. He's been hiding it so long from his family and continues to try to hide from his mom and brother, but this only stresses their relationships between each other and Akash's addiction to alcohol.

In the meantime, Akash's mom is hiding a secret herself. She's been in love with another man prior to her arranged marriage. Now that it's been a year since her husband's passing, she seeks out the man she fell in love with so many years ago only to experience a greater heartbreak.

I enjoyed the audio version of this book. I also loved how 90's R&B and hip hop lyrics was incorporated into the book. Very nice touch since I enjoy this genre!

Thank you to the author, @netgalley, and Macmillan Audio for the ALC in exchange for an honest review.

This is the type of book that when I finished and dried my tears, I could immediately think of 3 friends who would LOVE this book. If you are a fan of the literary character development that will break your heart and build it back up again, this is definitely a book you should read!

Tell Me How To Be by Neel Patel is a wonderful novel about an Indian-American family from Chicago coming together for a final week together before their matriarch moves to England. The story is told in two perspectives, Akash a professionally struggling and closeted gay musician in L.A. in his late 20s, and Renu, his mother who is widowed and returning to London where she lived in her 20s.

Akash and Renu have very distinct personalities and stories. They've both felt like an "other" throughout their lives, both trying to live up to familial expectations while not feeling like they belong for different reasons. Each perspective has constant references to a lost first love. This really drew me in and their individual histories were carefully teased out in the novel through this lens.

I especially enjoyed Renu's character. She was no nonsense, but also vulnerable, and embarking on a new independent life after devoting over three decades to her husband and sons. Akash was also entrancing telling his story with the backdrop of 90s R&B and rap.

The story and dialogue are so sharply written, at times it's hilarious and heartbreaking. Vikas Adam well-narrated both Akash and Renu. Though I do wish a woman narrated Renu's parts, Vikas did a fantastic job. I highly recommend this layered family novel.

Thank you Flatiron Books / Macmillan Audio for providing this ebook / audiobook ARC.

This sexual subject matter is one I avoid, like science fiction, children's books and cookbooks: I just don't enjoy them and have no interest. Neel Patel's Tell Me How to Be is a nice story, and it's written as such. The narrator told the story, and I was drawn to the ending. There is profanity and, explicit sexual content, both of which I could have done without, and feel they negatively impacted the listening experience.

The story encompasses a family where each member has kept parts of their individual adult lives private. The ups and downs, secrets, and dynamic relationships are told. Patel writes a thought-provoking book and ties everything up in what I enjoyed and believed to be a realistic end.

Thank you NetGalley and Macmillan Audio for accepting my request to read and review Tell Me How to Be.

#NetGalley
#MacmillanAudio
#NarratorVikasAdam
#NeelPatel
#TellMHowToBe
#Audiobook
#

“Loving you is like a battle and we both end up with scars.”
— Lauryn Hill, “Ex-Factor”

“Mothers can breathe fire, but they can also nurse the burns.”
— Akash

Short story author Neel Patel’s debut novel, “Tell Me How to Be”, is a wise and witty story of an Indian mother and her first generation Indian American son, learning how to exist alongside one another, within their complicated family and in the world at large.

Written from alternating points of view, Patel’s novel is a gift filled with complex characters, messy family relationships, and celebrations of music and culture. He writes with humour, pathos, intelligence and sophistication.

Vikas Adam narrated both Akash and his mother, Renu, so well. I’m looking forward to listening to further audiobooks read by him.

A huge thank you to @NetGalley, @macmillan.audio and @flatiron_books for the advanced audiobook edition of “Tell Me How to Be” by Neel Patel.

Tell Me How To Be by Neel Patel
Genre: General Fiction | LGBTQ | OwnVoices
Pub Date: 07 Dec 2021
Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“Lies are like children, the second you conceive them, you must protect them at all costs…”

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞: Renu Amin had it all: doting husband, beautiful house, healthy sons. So how do we come to find her binge-watching soap operas and simmering with old resentments? The anniversary of her husband’s death is approaching & she can’t stop wondering about the life she could’ve had with…Kareem. In LA, her problem child, Akash, has everything—a supportive partner and budding songwriting career—but he is haunted by the painful memories he fled a decade ago.

When his mother tells him she is selling the family home, Akash returns to Illinois, hoping to finally say goodbye and move on. Together they pack up the house, retreating further into the secrets that stand between them. Renu covertly reignites an emotional affair that calls into question everything she thought she knew about herself. Akash slips back into alcoholism and infidelity as he confronts what really happened between him and the first boy he ever loved. Soon they must both decide between the lives they left behind and the ones they’ve since created, between making each other happy and setting themselves free.

“Pour a soul into your body, and the soul becomes you.”

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝: The audiobook is a beautiful, vibrant production that at times had me holding my breath or gasping, mouth hanging open in surprise. I cackled at Renu’s take on the world and the people in hers for the first third of the book—she is so real, hilarious, biting and true to life. A fully corporeal character. Likewise, Akash is pain and self-hate fully realized. These two will live in my head rent free a long while.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐚𝐝: I’m a prude and this was a lil unexpectedly saucy for me—but tbh, I didn’t hate it ;-P

Read if you:
🏡Enjoy a family drama
🏡Have regrets from your youth
🏡Are looking for a sexy debut
🏡Love 90s R&B

Thank you to @netgalley & @macmillan.audio for audiobook in exchange for an honest review.

#NetGalley #tellmehowtobe #books #bookstagram #fiction #bookclub #booklover #debut

I loved this book. The second person stories. The narrators. The secrets held by each character in the book. The relatable life struggles. The family dynamics. The plight of a first generation East Indian American. Especially one who's gay.

It is so good and very fast paved with short chapters and alternating viewpoints between a son and his mother.

I'm grateful to have had the chance to listen to an early release via the NetGalley app. Thanks to the publisher, Flatiron Books, and MacMillan Audio!

Thanks to NetGalley, Neel Patel & Flatiron Books for this advanced released audiobook, (which just came out this week) in exchange for an honest review.

The author crafted such a raw, yet charming look into familial relationships and the intricacies of what it means to be a human, what it means to have secrets and how it feels to be accepted by those around you. It also shows how despite what we think our family knows us better than we realize (husband & wife, parent & child, siblings).

The story changes narrators, between Renu (Mother) and Akash (her younger son) throughout the book. Renu's husband / Akash's father dies so the Renu, Akash and his older brother come together to sell the family home and settle lose ends....more things get settled than any of them bargained for in this novel.

Akash is gay, he has a partner (who seems like a real jerk sometimes) and hides it from his family, because he is afraid that he will not be accepted. He is a struggling song writer who has a deep appreciation for R&B. Akash goes through life hiding who he truly is from those who matter most to him, leaving him feeling empty and disconnected from everyone, including his partner, Jacob. He uses alcohol as a crutch to get him through the hard times, his drinking is a serious problem. When Akash is around his family they are always worried about what trouble he will get into next. Akash feels like everyone is disappointed in him, especially when he is compared to his very successful older brother.

Renu is a mother, a widow (her husband died a year earlier) and she is living in America but dreams of going back to London. She seems lost, living in an empty home, no husband, no children at home. Renu has always sacrificed her happiness for those around her, always putting her family 1st. She marries Akash's father but longs for Kareem, an ex-lover, who she pines for, even though she hasn't seen or heard from him in many years. She just wants to pursue / explore whatever it is she feels for Kareem, doesn't just want to be an "option." She reconnects with him on social media. She doesn't like the way the women in America treat her, their not purposefully mean, just ignorant and assuming. Although the American women feel that they are being nice, they are oftentimes offensive and disconnected from Renu, not having a clue who she really is. Renu feels lost and needs some fulfillment in her life. She is in a bookclub (a reason to drink wine) and as an Indian woman, the book-clubbers always want her perspective, which is exhausting to her....especially since since hasn't read the books and doesn't care to.

This book is a deep look into relationships and the depth of love within a family, despite the hard times, mistakes and the steps that we take towards our own personal growth. Its a story of love, compassion, grace, understanding and forgiveness. It's raw, its gritty and it certainly makes a powerful statement.

The moments between Akash & his brother and then with Akash & Renu towards the end of the book, had my heart feeling like it would burst. It was so well written and I really enjoyed it.

Here are some quotes that I found really powerful, in fact, I listened to them several times:

"Do you know what its like to have so much love inside you and no one to give it to?!" - Akash
"I know you didn't choose me, but I chose you." - Ashak
"In life, the things we most desire are not always what we need." - Renu
"Mothers can breathe fire, but they can also nurse the burns." - Akash

I also liked the reference to the man being the head of the household, but the woman being the neck. I've never heard that before but I loved it.

I highly recommend this book.

“I realize what this was to you. An option. Something to try on.”

A year after the loss of their father, a family tries to sort through what secrets they hold from each other. Oscillating narrative between mother, Renu, and son, Akash, there are paralleling and contrasting storylines of our two protagonists as they each try to navigate the skeletons in their closet. Akash, gay and still not out to his family, tries to drown out his demons with alcohol while also tackling the percolation of childhood regrets and heartbreak, all while trying to "make it" in the music industry. Renu, alone for the first time in her life with the loss of her husband, decides to move back to London and questions if she made the right choice in her marriage or if her first love might have been the right man for her. Surrounding these two is Bijal, the very successful older brother to Akash. I wish there was at least a single chapter from this characters perspective but ultimately he gets well drawn out from our two main characters perspectives. Dripping with comments on class, identity, and race, this sharply written novel is smooth to read, and I could not put it down. Adding another layer to this novel are references to an all star lineup of some amazing 90s hits, which I now have playing on repeat. This statement gets used a lot, but I truly hope this makes it way into the cyclone of novels to movies.

Thank you Netgalley for this audiobook edition of Tell Me How to Be by Neel Patel.

Firstly, major props to the narrator, a man who not only narrated the American son, but also the Indian mother, both so well! I love getting a good voice actor on an audio.

Renu is a newly widowed Indian American who is grappling with some huge life decisions. Now that her husband has passed, does she even want to stay in the states anymore? And what about her sons, and the complex relationship she has with them both.

Akash is her youngest son who also carries a secret of his own. Wracked with a longing to be authentic with his brother and mom, he sets on a destructive pattern to ease the pain he feels carrying so much torment.

This a beautifully crafted story about a family finding each other again. It's so sad, so heartwarming, so full of humbling realizations. I loved this big heart of a book!

*I received this book for free through NetGalley & Goodreads giveaways in exchange for an honest review.*

A candid portrayal of two people who appear to be content with unhappiness.

I ended up listening to the audiobook more than reading it. I found the audio to be more immersive than the physical. The audiobook reader worked well for Akash but I don't think the voice fit Renu. The plot also dragged quite a bit.

Renu's pov didn't add much for me. I was very bored going through what she was dealing with. I felt like complete sections could have been taken out at times. I didn't like either of the main characters. Akash does go through lots of character development. But for how much building up there was, I strongly disliked the ending.

Neel Patel uses metaphors and shows how deep life can be when you look for meaning. Hindsight really is 20/20. Themes like loss, new beginnings, and secrets are relevant to this story. Altogether, I liked the authors writing but the story was dull to me.

This book is just amazing, it covers so many genres I don't really know how to describe it. It is told from 2 points of view: Renu, a widow and mother who is packing up her house in Illinois in preparation to move back to London and reflecting on the choices she made in her life; and her son Askash, who is struggling with being true to himself in love and in his profession and studies. It's a story about racial tensions and discrimination, arranged marriages, coming out, a love story and a story about finding yourself. It has beautiful character development of Renu and Asha's family and all the people important to them and that is probably the most remarkable thing about this story.

The audiobook is narrated by Vikas Adam, one of my favourite narrators, who does such a great job of portraying all the different personalities and accents in men, women and children that he actually sounds like different people! I highly recommend listening to audiobook, but the story contains so many meaningful quotes that I'd like to reflect on that I plan to buy the physical book as well.

It's the one year anniversary of Renu's husbands death and she's decided to sell the family home. Her two sons, Akash & Bijal, return home to help pack up and the house. Renu and Akash, are both struggling with past regrets and questioning the decisions they've made up until now. Both mother and son are holding onto secrets and they're eating them alive. The two need to think about what they truly want; they need to decide if they want to continue living a lie or embrace who they truly are.

Tell Me How to Be is a book about facing your past, accepting who you are, and the true definition of love.

I struggled to get into this book. I couldn't decide if I liked the characters or not, and ultimately really only liked Akash. The story progression was slow and a little dull at times, however it was a real and raw portrayal of people suppressing their truths.