Totally Fine (and Other Lies I’ve Told Myself) by Tiffany Philippou

Published: March 17, 2022
Thread
Pages: 240
Genre: 3/5
KKECReads Rating: Love & Loss
I received a copy of this book for free, and I leave my review voluntarily.

Tiffany Philippou is a writer and podcaster who lives in London, and her website has further information about her writing, podcast, newsletter, and social media.
She co-hosts the work, life, and happiness podcast Is This Working? and it’s been described by The Guardian as ‘its look at mental health, productivity, and even loneliness feels increasingly vital.’ She previously spent over ten years working in leadership roles in startups, and in addition to her work as a writer and podcaster, Tiffany works as a consultant and recruiter for startups. 

“Speaking shame is important because its survival depends on being undetected.”

Tiffany was living her life as a university student, with friends and her boyfriend. Then during a holiday, she receives the devastating news that changes her life. And she spends the next several years struggling, trying to figure out who she is, what she wants, and what life means.

This was not the type of memoir I thought it was. This was filled with a lot of stories and anecdotes of the things that have happened to Tiffany that had some impact on her life.

This book is more of a personal manifesto and less of a learn from her experience to process your own grief.

It took me a lot longer than it should have to finish this book. I found several of the stories dry and slightly self-indulgent.

I don’t doubt or discredit the weight of the grief that Tiffany experienced, but I didn’t find this memoir inspirational or motivational.

The best part was her letter she wishes she would have read at Richard’s funeral. To me, that felt like the most genuine thing she said.

Overall, it was an alright read for me. I am not excited about it, and I’m honestly happy to have finished so I can move on to something else.

Beautifully written account of how Tiffany tried to cope when her boyfriend committed suicide whilst they were still at university.
The book takes you on her journey of grief over a ten year period.
I found the book challenging at times but I believe that's the whole point.
The pain, loss and feeling of guilt when someone close to you takes their own life and the feeling of hopelessness resonates throughout.

A memoir of Tiffany’s grief following the suicide of her boyfriend whilst at university and her coming to terms with this.

This is a difficult book to read as it looks at suicide and the author explores the depth of the grief this left her with. It was such a visceral portrayal of grief that it was an uncomfortable read in places but so worthwhile. I found the exploration of the ‘right’ to grieve really well done.

A raw and frank book, I’m so glad I read this. It explores how grief can manifest itself through time and how much behaviour can be linked to grief even many years later. I loved how honest Tiffany is with herself and her readers.

I would recommend this however it is obviously not going to be a read for everyone. Totally Fine (And Other Lies I’ve Told Myself) is out today from @threadbooks

AD - PR Product - thanks to @threadbooks for my copy of this book

A really brave and heartfelt journey told beautifully and exceptionally honestly. I totally recognised the feelings of youth and being away at university for the first time and unfortunately I also recognised the losing of your first boyfriend when actually you’re at an age where you feel invincible. The way Tiffany describes the longer lasting effects of the pain and the profound affect it has had on her life are incredibly helpful and insightful and hopefully also cathartic for her. It was a real privilege for her to let us into her most personal of feelings and to share both her highs and lows. Thank you.

Wow…I really thought I was prepared to read this but it honestly made me so sad. Death touches so many and everyone deals with their grief, and also their shame, in their own manner. Suicide, especially when the person is so young and has so much to live for is a whole different story. Unfortunately society has placed so many pressures on young students that some see suicide as a way out. Let this book help open eyes to how vulnerable this young student population is. I am sure Richard was not aware of the effects his decision would have on Tiffany, his family, and his friends.
My heart went out to Tiffany, who ultimately let her shame destroy her life for more than 10 years. The ending was reassuring.
Many thanks to Tiffany Philippou, Thread, and NetGalley for affording me the opportunity to read an arc of this heart wrenching book, to be published on March 17th.

I had high hopes for this and I thought I’d enjoy it especially after reading the introduction. But unfortunately, I struggled to connect and found myself bored and skimming pages to get to the end. The writing style was stunning though and that did draw me in and kept me reading. I'm sure this is a book other people will love! Thank you Netgalley, the author, and publisher for a chance to read and review this book.

To be honest I thought this book would be slightly different, I expected it to focus on grief, loss and mourning, and in a sense it does, since obviously everyone mourns in their own way, so this is the author's way and it's ok, but since there's a lot of description of other matters I found myself losing interest in the story unfortunately.
I liked a lot the first part, but not so much the second one.
I listened to the audiobook and read it also as an ebook, and I preferred the latter version.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

I really do wish the author well but unfortunately I didn't connect with her or her writing,I do hope this book helps people who sadly find themselves in the same situation

Brutally honest work about the author’s shame and grief surrounding the death of her boyfriend. Although I’ve never experienced many of what the author has, I related to feelings of questioning choices I’ve made and how the shame from those choices has followed me throughout my life. The cover of the book is a bit misleading (to me). It’s not a light read as the color and title suggest (to me). It’s brutal and ugly - which is a true representation of the author’s experiences. Glad I read this one and am grateful to Thread for the advanced copy.

There is a lot of shame in grief. I have learned that in life. When my marriage broke up and I was in the throes of grieving that, there was little understand from those around me, and then when my Dad died 6 years ago, a different grief became my new normal and even more people walked away [a lot of those people are no longer in my life - grief also does that; chases people away] and I have to say I envied the author her bevvy of close friends that stayed close by her after her boyfriend's suicide - she realizes how lucky she is and I hope that readers get that as well - especially if they too have had support during a time of grief. Not everyone gets that support and eleven years in, being single again, the grief of that loss is still there and I have a lot of shame over that. Much like the author, I feel like if I had done something different, he would have stayed etc etc. Listening to the author tell her story and how she moves from hiding her shame to getting the help she so desperately needs to being able to live her life the best way she can, moved me to tears many times as I recognized my own feelings and confusion and the like in her life. While I didn't have a job or friends or a life like hers, I did [and do] have shame and totally understand that. Anyone who had dealt with grief will totally get this book. Some people act out and are impulsive and wild [like the author] and some hide away from the world [this is me] but we are all bound by the suffering from grief and the shame that those around us put on us because they don't really understand. It would be really great if we could move towards more acceptance of those living in grief and let them be and learn to not shame someone for feeling the loss so deeply.

This is a difficult book. There are mentions of suicide and self-harm and the after affects of both. This is a book about grief and shame and the after affects and ongoing effects of both. But it is also a book about learning to heal and the steps needed to move forward. It is a good read, but it is not for everyone. You need to have an open mind and heart and also you need to either have known deep shaming grief or are open to helping those who have; if you aren't either of these, this book is not for you.

I was lucky to receive an audiobook ARC of this book and I found listening to the author tell the story helpful - listening to her emotions that leaked through from time to time really helped me connect with her and the story and all that she had and still feels. I love how she realized that her grief for Richard will never go away and how she has become okay with that. That is all that we who have experienced deep, life-altering grief can hope for.

Thank you to NetGalley, Tiffany Philippou, Bookouture Audio/Thread, and Thread Books for providing the both the book and audiobook ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Just because it's a memoir, doesn't mean you have to like it!
As someone who recently lost their mom at the age of 23, I felt like I was in a good position to read this book. I can empathize with grief, I've experienced it in buckets. And while this book was somewhat introspective, ultimately I found it hard to want to keep reading. Something about the writing felt a bit off, perhaps a bit too clunky, and honestly, there were some things that left me confused. I'm glad that Philippou has the opportunity to tell their story, but perhaps bringing on a ghost writing for assistance would have benefitted this book a lot.

It felt like I was on a pogo stick reading this book. The premise was interesting and I just wanted to like it so much more than I did. Every time I really got into the book the author bounced us onto something else and it was rather jarring.

Thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for providing me with a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

This book is all about Tiffany dealing with the grief of losing her boyfriend to suicide whilst at university. Whilst I totally empathise with her tragic loss, I struggled with this book it seemed to jump all over the place and the writing wasn’t great.

Tiffany tells the story of her life between the ages of twenty and thirty – her years of shame. Her boyfriend took his own life during her university years and for the next ten years she pretends this had never happened and carries on as though she is totally fine.
She’s not, of course. It’s only when she starts seeing a therapist much later, and goes to a memoir-writing course, that she starts to come to terms with what happened. She explores Richard’s death with brutal honesty, and how societal expectations shaped her reaction to it.
She is forthcoming about her (mostly dysfunctional) relationships with men, bizarre decisions and health issues. Amazingly enough, Tiffany succeeds career-wise during this decade of her life, working with a number of successful start-ups.
I found this memoir interesting, compelling and intelligent.

It’s evident that Tiffany Philippou has used the writing of this book as a cathartic experience to attempt to tame the grief beast. I really hope this has helped with the process. It’s not something I can necessarily relate with but I’m sure it will help other readers. I appreciate the opportunity to read an ARC.

A look in to the experiences of one woman’s struggle to come to terms with the suicide of her boyfriend whilst studying in her 20’s. This book covers her struggle with shame, guilt and what if’s.
This is not a self help book, I feel it’s more therapeutic for the author than the reader and hope it has proved cathartic for her to get it on paper. Hopefully she can now move on with her life without that guilt and shame taking anything more form her.

**Listened to audiobook and also read via kindle**

Based on the title, I was expecting a book that focussed on grief and getting past it. The first third of the book is definitely this, but then the book is more about Tiffany and her business. I lost interest when it went towards this topic.
The audio book is narrated by Tiffany Philippou herself, something that I really like in a non fiction audio book. I think she narrates the book really well I preferred listening to the audio than reading the kindle book.

Overall I did like the book, but it doesn't just focus on grief - it's so much more than that. Due to my own personal reasons, I wanted it to be more about grief and less about the other things. I enjoyed the first sections of the book more than the later parts.
Doesn't do what 'it says on the tin' for me.

A depressing read. Tiffany’s boyfriend committed suicide while they were at university together. She spent most of the next decade jumping from relationships and jobs. She didn’t really deal with the grief until much later.
I hope she has found some resolution.

Everyone grieves differently. This is no more apparent to me than in this book. My heart and empathy went out to the author but as someone who has spent the last decade dealing with trauma and grief and reading everything I could get my hands on, this book seems less about dealing with grief and more about the author just needing to tell their story. Which is of course fine but I didn’t connect with it really at all.

I think some people might be able to get more from this story than I but it wasn’t for me.

Thank you to NetGalley for the ARC to read and give an honest review.

Shame is a monster that grows inside us. We all have the monster, it's what we decide to do with it that determines how we live our lives. This is my story... If you love Brene Brown, and Glennon Doyle, than this book is for you!