I don’t even know what to say about this book.

I DNF at 15%.

The first page of the book was funny and light and was the only good thing about the first 15% of the book. The narrator, Elliot, is infuriating to listen to. The narration is full of cis-white male entitlement, condescension, complaining, and pop culture references. He makes good money at a job writing for a television show, he has a nice apartment, and a loving long-term partner who cares about and loves him. And apparently that’s not enough because by 10% of the book, Elliot is paying a sex worker (that his boss has slept with) to fuck him while his partner is out. That entire chapter feels so gross.
Insanely disappointed.

Thank you to Atria and NetGalley for an early copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Elliot is trying his best to make it through this life as a gay, disabled man. He's doing alright -- huge paycheck, loving boyfriend, steady life. Aside from the fact he might hate his job, his boss is abusive, and he keeps spending money on sex workers instead of hanging out with his boyfriend. oh, and there's the alcoholism.

I liked this book for its honesty and realism, but I think maybe it was almost too much. It almost broke the fourth wall to the degree that it read like a memoir. Also, lots of sex, much more graphic than I expected? I just think it was a little too much, trying to hard to be relevant. Just like Elliot!

3 stars.

This was an interesting read. I first picked up this book because I was intrigued by the cover and the first paragraph of the book. The book is about a gay TV writer who was cerebral palsy as he navigates an ableist world, his alcohol addiction and trying to justify him cheating on his long term boyfriend. I loved the disability representation, queerness and self love that the book tries to convey but I’m not sure the story or how it is written was the best way to convey it. At times it felt really cringy and like watching a train wreck about to happen and unable to stop it. I felt it was easy to miss the overall message of acceptance and disability rep with all the mentions of celebrities and a lot of internal monologuing.
If you have read prior books from this author you might enjoy this one. Otherwise proceed with caution
Thanks to netgalley for the ARC, all opinions are my own,

I absolutely adored this novel. With acerbic wit and emotional complexity, O’Connell chronicles the self-discovery of Elliott, a queer disabled man in his 30s navigating his relationship with his partner, alcohol, and body in an ableist society. I loved Ryan O’Connell’s show, Special, and his book contains everything I loved about it and more. This book is ripe with explorations of sex and desire, with a narrator making many morally questionable decisions in his quest to fill the void (including cheating on his partner with numerous escorts; he ponders, “When will I stop filling my hole to feel whole?”). Elliott is a bit of a disaster yet is always crafted with nuance. What I loved the most about this is the voice - the novel handles sticky topics in a witty yet frank tone that is both perceptive and hilarious (major Melissa Broder vibes, my queen - they also have an event together for the upcoming release!). The audiobook is read by O’Connell and his narration brings even more humor and heart to the story. With quick, pacey chapters, I couldn’t put this down. I really hope we get more novels from O’Connell, as this was an absolute treat.

I enjoyed this book. It’s a bit graphically sexual and definitely not for everyone, but it’s quick and witty and has an excellent underlying theme. Sort of a mid-life coming-of-age. A main character with a disability and the focus on television writing in Hollywood were different and interesting. I’d never heard of the author or his shows, but I still enjoyed the book and I’d recommend to anyone struggling with addiction, living with a disability, or anyone feeling stuck in a current relationship.

This is absolutely without a doubt one of my favorite books I’ve read this year. The comparisons to Melissa Broder’s work is accurate, with its short chapters, somewhat explicit sexual content, and hilariously funny observational humor through the eyes of a deeply flawed and messy main character. But even with these similarities, this book is still so unlike anything I’ve ever read. Elliot is such a uniquely crafted character that I just had a lot of fun being inside of his head for a while, and the themes and takeaways on sexuality, disability, self-acceptance and finding your way in the world felt so fresh and nuanced. I cannot wait to read more from Ryan O’Connell in the future.

I just couldn't get into the story. The main character is insufferable. Even though his character does change his was towards the end, I still had a hard time rooting for him. Also, I didn't care for the writing style. It felt so forced and pretentious. Also, everyone keeps saying how funny this book was. I didn't find it funny at all. The humor was predictable and vulgar. I think this novel would've worked better as a movie. Not my cup of tea.

Just by Looking at Him is like watching someone light themselves on fire and drive manically into the sunset.

Ryan O’Connell’s Just by Looking at Him follows Elliot, a gay thirty something television writer with cerebral palsy as his lifelong relationship with self loathing, seeking validation, playing up a performance to seem “normal” and more arise to an incredibly messy climax. His internal turmoil with all these things, paired with alcoholism and not feeling like he’s seen from his partner sparks Elliot to burn down his life as if it’s a game. From infidelity to serially lying and digging himself into larger holes, O’Connell explores a deeply flawed man who self sabotages himself at any cost. However, this is not the end as he does get a happy ending.

I spent a large portion in reading this conflicted. I absolutely disliked Elliot and his actions, but I also understood where he was coming from and how he came to be. O’Connell does a decent job providing context for Elliot’s decisions—that said, again, it still wasn’t enough to shift my disdain for him.

Ryan O’Connell makes a play for understanding someone who’s complicated and far from perfect, but human nevertheless. Just by Looking at Him is worth a read and yields a solid 3.5 out of 5.

Rating: 3.5/5

Thank you NetGalley and Atria Books for the arc.

Just By Looking at Him follows Elliott, a gay TV writer who has cerebral palsy. Elliott is in a long term relationship with his doting boyfriend Gus, but when he decides to cheat on Gus with a sex worker, he begins a journey of self-discovery that forces him to face his demons.

The first thing about this book that caught my attention was the cover and I have to say that it caused my expectations of this novel to be very different. I thought this would be a melancholic, sarcastic and artsy read - instead, what I got was a fast paced and extremely explicit story that I both liked and hated. The surface level of this novel; Elliott’s actions, his internal monologue, his sense of entitlement drove me up the wall. I hated how Elliott treated Gus and other people in his life, and the sex scenes at some point were just too much for me. What I loved was the message about self-loathing and disability, and it was very refreshing to read a novel centered on a person with cerebral palsy - unfortunately, the true heart of this story doesn’t become visible until the last chapters, by which point I was already thoroughly annoyed with everything else.

TLDR: Just By Looking at Him is a short read that sadly just didn’t work for me. I appreciated the overall themes of this book, but the style of writing and the characterization weren’t my cup of tea.

This acts as a great companion piece to Ryan’s Netflix show, Special, so i definitely recommend it for those fans; we’re following pretty similar lead characters (obviously based on Ryan himself) who have pretty similar careers and pretty similar narcissistic characteristics.

Here we follow Elliott, a TV writer with mild cerebral palsy, on a bit of a thirties coming-of-age journey. He’s frustrated with his job where his skills are underappreciated, he’s frustrated with his 5-year relationship with his boyfriend as it reaches its stale period, he’s frustrated with being treated like someone who always needs help. The plot here is a bit loose (it’s more of a slice of life type story) but I really enjoyed following Elliott as a flawed character and the situations he finds himself in. Also if you’re familiar with Ryan’s previous work, you know to expect a LOT of gay pop culture references…oh, and a LOT of quite detailed sex scenes… it’s ultimately the perfect Pride month read.

It's a fitting read for the pride month! Story starts with a description of a penis; might be scandalous for some, but it sets the tone. This screenwriter found the perfect one for himself while he was only average. He was so glad that he found this dude. It was like jackpot. He wasn't complaining. Only thing he was complaining about is his disability that stops him from reaching his ultimate potential. He happened to have cerebral palsy.

Rest of the story was all about our beloved screenwriter getting bored with his perfect relationship, experimenting with things that he thought he wouldn't, and taking himself less seriously. Maybe that's the key to everything: taking yourself less seriously!

You'll go through Just by Looking at Him so fast. It's hilarious. It makes you want to see what he did next. If you are looking for a lighthearted Pride month read, pick this up!

I thought this was really solid. I didn't entirely know what I was getting into, but I'm grateful I gave this one a shot. I haven't read many books involving male LGBTQ+ protagonists, or m/m romances. This book also included wonderful disability representation and conversations.
The narrative voice was so forthcoming and conversational, it almost read in a similar tone to a memoir. I also loved all of the pop culture references, it made for a very easy and engaging read.

Real Rating: 3.75* of five, rounded up because no half-stars.

No one, looking from the outside in, will ever know what others are enduring, surviving, overcoming...or hiding. The author's got a track record of blowing the doors off handy hiding places...go watch his first show, Special, if you're in any doubt...and he's brought his unsparing honesty to bear on fiction about the supremely ableist gay-male world. Being a gay male, that's what he knows, so that's perfectly fair. It's a solid, explanatory fact that the author, writer for and star in the Peacock revival of <i>Queer as Folk</I> as well as the creator of the Netflix series <i>Special</I> based on his differently-abled-gay-guy memoir <i>I'm Special and Other Lies We Tell Ourselves</I>, is also the partner of Jonathan Parks-Ramage of <i>Yes, Daddy</I> fame.

This, then, is a Personage within QUILTBAG creativeland. I expected that I would be treated to outstanding stories told in superbly structured chapters.

I didn't get that.

I did get the expected honest and unflinching, no-bullshit presentation of Elliott's struggles with what I'd call impostor syndrome, fear of rejection, and a huge self-confidence deficit stemming from being gay and having cerebral palsy. I got hefty doses of snark and sarcasm; I got unblinking acknowledgment of the harm divergent career paths and the temptations of sudden financial freedom present in a couple's life. I got the eternal, and unwinnable, struggle of people to be monogamous when there is a vast smorgasbord of yummy side dishes available in any number of technologically assisted ways.

It was a lot of fun to read the author's one-liners, eg: "Lately I’d been feeling more and more that monogamy, like capitalism or keto, wasn’t sustainable, but I couldn’t be sure Gus was on the same page." It was not quite as much fun to have the funny one-liners be the book. It's like reading a really hilarious Twitter thread. (Seriously...seventy-four chapters is way, way too many for three hundred-ish pages.) After a while, enough with this...I'm working harder than I think I should have to to get the laffs. It's the comedy set that goes on too long, the <i>Saturday Night Live</I> skit that refuses to end.

It's also the man's first novel, these are common problems with comedic first novels, and there's not one thing in here that I didn't think belonged; it's just that it belonged in a slightly different structure. There's a great deal of sexual material and a great deal of discussion, in what I found slightly cringe-worthy (ie, dismissively dealt with via humor) terms, of substance abuse. It really highlights a very significant issue I felt as I got deeper and deeper into Elliott's story: He's really blind to his white cismale privilege. He's disabled, and an addict; but he deals with those problems from a very, very high platform that puts him in reach of all kinds of support and help.

Lamenting the innocence of 2012 wasn't a great idea, either, Author O'Connell. Things were easier? For men like us, maybe, but things are only getting better too slowly for others not white, not male, and not well off. We're still MILES ahead in this miserable race called "being American." Using self-deprecating humor to deflect negative awareness of one's privilege isn't a viable strategy in this day and age. (Maybe that's what the author meant about 2012 being easier?)

On balance, then, while I laughed and even found a lot of the self-reflection (primarily done at the end of the book) moving, I was too aware of some problems with the way this book was conceived and executed that, quite honestly, I didn't expect to see in 2022's publishing environment.

Thanks to Atria Books for an ARC via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. With no prior experience with any Ryan O’Connell content, I had no expectation going into this book. I just knew that it was a novel about a gay man and his experiences and it did not disappoint. This book was funny, honest, and quirky.

O’Connell takes the reader into a world that most aren’t familiar with. The book takes the main character, Elliot, a gay, disabled man with cerebral palsy (like the author himself), from his seemingly stable life with a steady relationship and good career to his encounter with a sex worker and subsequent events that follow.

O’Connell’s ability to depict Elliot’s thoughts as messy and all over the place shows how relatable persons with disabilities can be with able-bodied folks. He does such a great job in presenting Elliot as someone who’s spent their whole life trying to be as close to an able-bodied person as possible but slowly unravels his imperfections, inner thoughts, and true desires. It’s truly an enjoyable read filled with sassy commentary, steamy sex scenes, and pop culture references.

Big thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for the ARC of this book! It’s now out and available for purchase.

<i>Wow</i>, what an experience! <i>Just By Looking at Him</i> is a hilarious and daring look at a physically disabled TV writer living in LA who is unhappy with his overprotective boyfriend and is struggling with alcoholism. He soon falls into paying sex workers to sleep with him, which of course leads to complications in his relationship.

What impressed me most about this book is the author is able to wring humor out of any horrible situation—and this book definitely delves into some tough topics—without it seeming forced or fake. The narrator is a smart-ass, a funny smart-ass, but he’s also deeply vulnerable and honest. I was rooting for him! Even when he made choices I didn’t agree with.

This book is simply a good time, filled with memorable and quirky characters, and quick-witted writing. I had no prior experience with this author but will certainly check out his memoir. My highest recommendation! Is this my favorite book of the year thus far? Maybe so.

Just by Looking at Him is a fun summer read from tv writer and actor, Ryan O'Connell. O'Connell, best known for creating and starring in Netflix's "Special", takes a swing at the novel, and succeeds in translating his unique voice from television to the page here. While the book can be a little grating in some sections (an unfortunate reality in a lot of romance-adjacent dramas), it is ultimately a good first novel and shows promise for O'Connell's future in the medium, should he want to continue pursuing it.

The novel follows Elliott who, like O'Connell, is a gay, disabled tv writer living in LA. Elliott has a lot going for him: a good (if not fulfilling) job writing a hacky tv series, a dedicated live-in boyfriend, and a large group of friends. Still, he seems to be experiencing a near midlife crisis as a thirtysomething and begins a dalliance with a sex worker. From there, Elliott's life spirals and in true dramatic fiction he learns a few things about himself along the way.

The book isn't terribly innovative and has a lot of similar beats to O'Connell's previous work on television, yet in spite of this, the book can be moving. Elliott's reevaluation of his disability and his relationship with his queerness, and how the two are in communication with each other, is quite profound and helps give the book some purpose beyond your traditional queer-lit.

Just By Looking at Him is a welcomed blunt assessment of navigating the gay community while having all of the charm to spare. However, the charm of Elliot's narration can be a bit overpowering. While Elliot conveying his thoughts in a self-depreciating can come off as relatable, the novel at times feels like it tries to be too likeable. It's when Elliot begins poking at his own considerations of how own internalized homophobia is when the novel begins to open up to explore the nuances of dating, whether on dating apps or in real life, I guess really serving those "vers" vibes.

Funny, thoughtful, authentic. This is the first Ryan O’Connell Content ™️ I have consumed and I loved it. Just heartwarming and real at every turn. Honestly, anything could have happened in this book, and I would have loved it. his voice is infectious. I am so so so charmed.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC!

Thank you to NetGalley and Atria Books for the e-ARC! I didn’t really have any previous knowledge of Ryan O’Connell’s work beyond seeing a trailer for Special on Netflix so I came into this pretty blind. I absolutely loved this! The writing style is very comedic and modern without feeling like it’s trying too hard. The storyline is stressful but intriguing. The character development is stunning. I can’t wait to read his previous memoir after reading this! Great release just in time for Pride Month!

✨ Review ✨ Just by Looking at Him by Ryan O'Connell

I absolutely loved reading this - O'Connell's voice SHINES throughout this book in all of its bitchy glory. Just by Looking at Him features Elliott, a gay TV writer in Los Angeles who has cerebral palsy. Elliott struggles to feel seen in an ableist world and experiments with different addictions (alcohol, sex workers, etc.) to cope and feel seen.

This book is funny AF, but at the same time, it's deep, reflective, and relatable. Elliott speaks often to what it's like to be gay and disabled. Some of the critiques I've seen speak to the book's privilege or overgeneralizing about marginalization, and I think both are fair, but both also are just part of the character's POV and I didn't begrudge that.

O'Connell's pop culture references are SO ON POINT, and if you were a mid-1980s baby, I think this book will hit home for you in its references, with the character's insecurities and millennial mindset. This book was a delight from beginning to end and I'm going to rave about it for at least the rest of the month! 😂

While I mostly read the ebook, I listened to about an hour of the audiobook which the author reads and that made it EVEN BETTER - highly recommend the audio!!

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️💫
Genre: LGBTQIA, literary fiction, m/m romance
Location: Los Angeles
Pub Date: June 7, 2022

Read this if you like:
⭕️ short chapters
⭕️ queer and disabled representation
⭕️ snarky narration, lots of humor and pop culture references

Thanks to Atria Books and #netgalley for an e-copy of this book!