I'm not even sure what to say about this book. It was beautiful and devastating and heart wrenching and hopeful and informative and heartbreaking and beautiful and heartbreaking. Did I mention it's heartbreaking?

I have a personal connection to the AIDS epidemic of this time period so I tend to think these types of books hit me particularly hard. Every time I read one, and I try to read them all, I end up blubbering all over the place. It's devastating but so incredibly impactful and moving. I hope that people who do not have as personal of a connection to someone impacted by AIDS are also able to connect with it as acutely. It's such an overlooked period of time and while it makes me feel incredibly old to call the early 1990s "historical fiction" I'm so glad that it's becoming a trend in young adult novels. Queer people of all ages, but especially young ones, need to be exposed to the truth and the beauty of this devastating time in our history.

None of that says anything about this book in particular. So a few words about the book itself, in bullet points because I cannot process how much I loved this book in full narrative means:

- The way that Adam and Ben's lives slowly weave together across time in New York City is beautifully plotted. The small connections unravel to create an extensive view of how tight-knit the queer community of the time truly was.
-The pop culture references, while vast, were fun and enjoyable, especially for me as a pop culture girlie. Just be prepared for A. Lot. of them.
-I don't think this is a spoiler since it's in the synopsis, I just didn't realize it but (view spoiler)
-The relationships that Ben and Adam have with the people around them are so tender and beautiful. It was especially nice to see a supportive family for a change, instead of solely parents who kick their gay sons out of the house.
-The writing!!! Everything beautiful about this book is due to Shaw's impeccable writing skills.
-The vibes!!!! Shaw's website has an amazing page that shows stuff he dug up from his personal archive of living in NYC in the early 90s. You can tell he put a lot of attention into the details of the book and the attention shines through. I felt like I was right there with him at the newsstand. Definitely check out the page here: https://www.tuckershawwrites.com/vibe

TL;DR: just read the freaking book

Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for a free e-arc in exchange for an honest review.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for giving me free access to the advanced digital copy of this book.

I first read a Tucker Shaw book when I was a teenager, so I was really excited to find this. I grew up doing the tail end of the AIDS scare, and I found this was a very moving portrayal of the time

I loved the story, the world building and meeting the different characters. I felt completely immersed in the story and couldn't stop reading it.

The story welcomes you with open arms immediately. The author’s lyrical prose paints vivid pictures and puts you in the room with the characters. The highs are so high and the lows are realistic and heart wrenching. The pop culture references are plentiful and the music deserves a playlist of it’s own.

I was young at the height of the AIDS epidemic and mostly sheltered from the struggles of the LGBTQ+ folks at the time. For people like me, When You Call My Name offers the opportunity be immersed in the colorful, passionate, and sometimes tragic experience of NYC in the 90s.

This book is for everyone. But especially for those who have ever felt out of place in the world. For those who sometimes take in life from the sidelines. It’s technically YA but don’t let that hold you back.

Pick this one up. Dance along. Shed some tears. You’ll regret nothing.

#bookreview When You Call My Name by Tucker Shaw

🤔where did ya come from?🤷🏼‍♀️
- The publisher was kind enough to gift me an eARC of this book via NetGalley.

😍the good stuff😍
- This book is historical fiction for the gays and everyone who has ever cared about them. I don’t know what I was expecting going into this book, but I can’t believe the impact it’s left on me.
- Ben and Adam have such different stories and I enjoyed both of them. They both made me cry. They both left me with a hopeful feeling for them. I was frustrated at the beginning that they seemed to have nothing to do with each other, but after finishing, I really love how the author crafter the twin timelines.
- Gil. What a great brother.
- Rebecca. What a fantastic woman.
- Lily. Best. Just the best best.
- Jack and Victor. Gayfathers every kid deserves.

🫢my complaints🤫
- It takes a while to get into this book. Not because it isn’t good, but it’s just a little confusing at first with the different POVs that don’t interact for a while.
- Calling this YA is really impossible to encompass what this book really is. Historical fiction. A mini history lesson. A heartbroken man. There’s just so much in this book.

⚠️the warnings⚠️
- It’s YA so there’s no explicit sex at all, but there is discussion of AIDS and safe sex practices and grief/mourning and death.

rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2

This book wasn’t for me. I found the plot and the characters lacking. I had a really hard time getting into this book

This is a tender coming of age story set in New York in the 90s. It will appeal to older readers and younger readers alike. It is true to its with but never wallows in nostalgia. The teen protagonists are living in their reality. The characters are likable and relatable. The setting will make readers realize how far we've come but also how far we have left to go

Content Warnings: This novel includes death and depictions of illnesses brought on by HIV/AIDS, as well as some violence against queer people.

Cover Story: Big Face x 2

While there’s nothing inherently WRONG with this cover (I actually like the font used on the title!), I am a little disappointed by it. You’ve got a book set in 1990 NYC, I’m gonna want some nineties-inspired, big city visuals to go along with it, you know? This cover could be any contemporary novel – it shies away from everything that makes the book unique.

The Deal:

It’s 1990 and New York City’s gay community is reeling from the effects of the HIV/AIDS epidemic. Born and raised in Manhattan, 17-year-old film fanatic Adam is working at the movie rental store when he meets Callum, a slightly older, extremely cute music student who asks him out on a date. Adam accepts, and soon finds himself falling head over heels.

Ben is 18 and obsessed with fashion, but when his mother finds his stash of gay magazines, he leaves his upstate New York home and moves in with his brother in the city. With a keen eye and creative mind, Ben soon finds himself a job as a photo assistant on high-profile fashion shoots, and for the first time in his life, he starts to feel like he can truly be himself and not hide the fact that he’s gay.

Eventually, Adam and Ben’s paths begin to cross, but their path to friendship isn’t a straight line. Adam realizes that Callum is keeping a major secret from him, and Ben is seeing first-hand that Manhattan isn’t as gay-friendly as he first assumed. Both boys need someone they can turn to now more than ever.

BFF Charm: Yay x 2

2 BFF charms
Adam and Ben were similar in a lot of ways – young, gay, and both dipping their toes into New York’s gay social and dating scene for the first time. Adam is a film fanatic, while Ben is obsessed with fashion. I loved them both, and I really liked the juxtaposition in their home and family lives. Born and raised in Manhattan, Adam’s parents are loving and accepting of him. But when his parents don’t understand exactly what he’s going through, Adam can always turn to his godparents, Jack and Victor, who introduce him to their gay and lesbian friends and talk to him about what it’s like to lose loved ones to HIV/AIDS.

Meanwhile, Ben has hidden his sexuality from his mother, and she isn’t accepting when she finds out. He moves to Manhattan to live with his brother Gil, and while Gil is accepting of Ben’s sexuality, he’s also cautious for his safety – as a big brother AND a doctor.

Swoonworthy Scale: 5

I went into this book assuming it was a love story between Adam and Ben, and in some ways it is, but their stories don’t fully connect until much later in the novel. Adam’s romance with Callum is the focus in the first half, and while it has its butterfly-inducing moments being Adam’s first love, I struggled to let myself fall head over heels the way that Adam does. Callum clearly had secrets, and there were times when he wasn’t honest with Adam or left him on read, so I always had my guard up.

Talky Talk: He Said, He Said

The book alternates between Adam and Ben’s stories, and between chapters, we get snippets of a Q&A with….someone. The book never really tells us who, but I have theories. Shaw’s writing is beautiful and aching, just like the story he weaves, and you can tell how much he loves the city and the people he’s writing about from the care he takes to describe them. I swear I could feel the cold air as a taxi whooshed by, smell the pizza from the corner shop, hear two boisterous neighbors yelling at each other up the street.

To walk in New York is to enter a sprawling civic choreography with a cast of millions, and Ben falls effortlessly into its rhythms of haste, purpose, possibility. He knows the steps because he listens to the city call them out. He sees where the woman approaching him is going just by the position of her hips and the curve of her neck, and when she comes directly at him with no hint of slowing, New York tells him to count a beat and twist his shoulders just as she does the same.

Bonus Factor: The Nineties

Screenshot from My So-Called Life, with Angela and Rayanne rocking 90s fashion
Nineties kids, bust out your Walkmans because Shaw is generous with the 1990s references. From the movies Adam loves to the fashion-industry intel that Ben has, this book will have you feeling nostalgic.

Bonus Factor: New York City

This is definitely one of those books where the setting is a character in and of itself. I could just see the yellow taxis, smell the greasy pizza, hear the guy shouting at no one in particular on the opposite street corner. Shaw’s descriptions of New York City and the community and camaraderie of its people (especially the LGBTQA+ community!) will make you fall in love with the city.

Bonus Factor: Fashion, Baby!

I used to do styling and art direction on fashion shoots, so I loved all the references to the fashion industry and magazine editorials. It felt so detailed that I wouldn’t be at all surprised if I tracked down a December 1990 issue of VOGUE and saw that Shaw had described the actual covers and editorials inside, or real pieces from the Fall/Winter 1990 collections of the designers that Ben loves.

Factor: AIDS Epidemic

Shaw doesn’t hold back when describing the tragedy of this disease, and I could feel the terror and heartache of the queer community in these pages. We also see condemnation and animosity from outsiders, which adds another layer of fear and isolation to an already horrible time.

But we also see how a community came together to show each other love and fight for one another, and there’s so much beauty in that resilience.

Relationship Status: Like a Prayer

The thing about this book is that there’s no way to write a true portrayal of the AIDS epidemic in NYC in the late 80s/early 90s without death. And yet, when asked to describe this novel, I wouldn’t say that it’s sad. There are some really heartbreaking moments, but when I finished reading and set the book down, I felt hopeful more than anything else.

Film fanatic Adam is seventeen and being asked out on his first date—and the guy is cute. Heart racing, Adam accepts, quickly falling in love with Callum like the movies always promised.

Fashion-obsessed Ben is eighteen and has just left his home upstate after his mother discovers his hidden stash of gay magazines. When he comes to New York City, Ben’s sexuality begins to feel less like a secret and more like a badge of honor.

Then Callum disappears, leaving Adam heartbroken, and Ben finds out his new world is more closed-minded than he thought. When Adam finally tracks Callum down, he learns the guy he loves is very ill. And in a chance meeting near the hospital where Callum is being treated, Ben and Adam meet, forever changing each other’s lives. As both begin to open their eyes to the possibilities of queer love and life, they realize sometimes the only people who can help you are the people who can really see you—in all your messy glory.

A love letter to New York and the liberating power of queer friendship, When You Call My Name is a hopeful novel about the pivotal moments of our youth that break our hearts and the people who help us put them back together.
When I first requested this title, I was a little afraid it wouldn't live up to Like a Love Story by Abdi Nazemian, but it definitely does. Both are beautifully heart breaking books about an epidemic no one likes to talk about. They are about how people were affected by the HIV/AIDS crisis of the 1980s/1990s, what it was like to grow up and love during that time period. If this is a topic that interests you, I highly recommend both books.

I don't really know what to make of this one. It's not a bad book by any means, and will surely be an important read for many people, but it didn't have the emotional impact I was expecting.

We were given a lot, and I mean A LOT, of detailed descriptions. Every possible brand name, celebrity name or movie name that was in anyway relevant to 1990 was being mentioned, and at the same time, I could tell you almost nothing about our main characters' personalities. One of them loves fashion, one of them loves movies, and they're both gay. I'm not exaggerating, that's all I can tell you about them.

I think that's also why the emotion didn't land for me - I just didn't feel like I actually got to know these characters. I think my favourite parts of the book were the diary or interview like inserts from Ben's perspective, and I liked the writing style in those better as well.

When You Call My Name honestly broke me and slowly tried to put me together again. This is a beautiful beautiful story. It is set during the 1980s and 1990s and is centered around the HIV/AIDS epidemic. No book with this as it's central premise is going to be happy but, this one has somehow also found a way to bring a sense of hope. A sense of hope filled with the acknowledgement of the loss and the need for healing in a community of broken souls.

When You Call My Name made me feel like I was right on the streets of NYC with the characters of Adam, Cullum, and Ben. I adored there characters and the way that their stories intersected throughout. All three characters are gay and trying to find their own identitjes in this large city. The AIDS epidemic has affected each of them personally and how they view their lives now. I really wanted to just give each of them a hug.

The writing of this story is so vivid and beautiful. You can picture what is being described and at times feel like you can reach out and touch them. These locations play a key notes in several of the events in this story. Key events that change the course for each character and strengthen them. Some of this gave me goosebumps, filled my eyes with tears, and caused me to paused in my reading. It is just so good!

Popular culture plays a huge note in this book as well. For Adam, it's the popular music of the day especially Madonna. For Callum, it's classical music and the method of composing art. For Ben, music is important but, the popular culture that really captures his eye in photograph form. All the characters that each male character encounters plays a role in their personal growth and experience. This is like a love letter to the experiences of the late 80s/90s for the queer population in NYC.

When You Call My Name is honestly difficult for me to review because it is about so many things. There is acceptance and caring to terms with who you are. There is al this wonderful idea of found family and being loved no matter what unexpected events come your way. Adam, Callum, and Ben are all going through different experiences but, these experiences were all interconnected in so many different ways. Like I said, I wanted to give each of them a hug and hold them one and make them feel safe. These are three characters who will stay with me for a long long time.

This is such an important book! There are many non-fiction books for teens about the HIV/AIDS crisis, but often fiction feels more real than non-fiction can and I think this is a good example of that. This story shows the devastation that AIDS had on the queer community in New York in 1990, but also the hope and pride that the community hung on to.

1990 was only 32 years ago. It seems unfathomable that such a short time ago so many people were dying so quickly and there was no known treatment. This is an important piece of history and this book does a very good job of capturing that moment in time.

Not only is it historically important though, it was also a very fun read with a bunch of great relationships and a killer soundtrack.

If you get a chance to read this book, I highly recommend reading it. The characters and their development were absolutely beautiful. Be warned, these characters do face some trauma in this book that will completely shatter your heart. The way they handled the situation, though, was beautifully written by the author. Overall, this book was excellent and I highly recommend reading it.

Thanks to NetGalley & Henry Holt and Co. (BYR) for the copy in exchange for an honest review. I was unable to finish it and left it at 40% of the way through.

The character dialogue is pretty quick and snappy but chock-full of 90's references that aren't ever explained so it's hard to understand why a character saying "X" thing means it's bad in a situation.

I really could not keep track of the shifting POVs because Adam and Ben sound exactly the same and have no distinct voices to me whatsoever.

From what the reviews say, the shift in POVs starts making sense later in the book but I find that sort of angle frustrating. It really wasn't hooking me in, it just felt like constant back and forth dialogue with no end in sight. Definitely not for me, unfortunately.

I enjoyed this one!! Such an original concept even though the premise seems done already! This was a very good book and I’d buy it for my shelves in a heartbeat!

This was incredible, such an important time for the LGBTQ+ community which has been forgotten by many due to the people that left us. I cannot recommend this enough, I've told all my friends about it! What a wonderful story.

I made it about 60% through this book before giving up. Initially, I had decided to wait for the audiobook as I was having a hard time getting through the ebook, but after purchasing the audiobook via audible, I have came to the conclusion that this book just isn't for me. I like the characters, but I think the plot is a bit murky and is taking a bit longer to get to the roots of the book. I feel like some parts of this story feel cluttered, and I would prefer for the story to be a bit more concise.

So. This book. This book is about two boys; Adam and Ben. They are 18. They are gay. They are in New York City in 1990. Ben has left home and come to the city to live with his brother. Adam has met a man named Callum and is going on a date with him. Over the next several months- and several hundred pages- their stories will unfold, cross, re-cross, and weave together.

I love this book. I cried several times while reading it. I sighed in nostalgia for the cusp of the 80s and 90s while reading it. And I felt the white-hot rage that has never quite gone away; the rage at AIDS and how our society chose to react to it.

Adam and Ben and the people around them are painted in a realistic light and are dealing with real issues from the time. AIDS is part of the story- a huge part of the story- but the author builds a very real and very compelling world. Every character has moments of insight or revelation. And there's a framing sequence that pays off beautifully at the end.

Like I said, I love this book. I highly recommend it.

“He squinted at himself. Why can’t he be beautiful? Everything would be easier if he was beautiful.”

When You Call My Name follows Adam and Ben, two gay teens with different backgrounds, as they learn about themselves, friendship, and love.

This book is so indescribably real. Every word I read felt like it had been lived, because it has. When You Call My Name depicts the struggle of the LGBTQ+ community during the AIDS epidemic, and the fight for love.

There’s no one demographic I would recommend this book to. Anyone could read this book and learn something from it, and I encourage whoever reads this to do so.

This short review took a while to write, because When You Call My Name left me speechless for days after I finished it. For that reason, I’ll let the book do the rest of the talking.

“The opening scene is easy. Exterior: Greenwich Village. The first week of a new decade. A gust of wind, a lucky taxi, a question. Will you come? And then the rest will unfold in mysterious and surprising ways. But there will be no happy ending, because there will be no ending at all. The movie will last forever.”