In this simple, yet profound book, Cherilyn Orr offers the gift of her story of parenting seven children, four of whom are adopted— and what she has learned along the way. Her journey of parenting so many children sent her on a quest to learn about brain science and how to interact with children in ways that bring positive growth. She believes in a parenting approach that fuses scientific research and biblical wisdom together, and through this book, she shares this invaluable tool with her readers.

The basic tool is a stoplight. Red. Yellow. And Green. When children are in “red brain,” they are functioning out of their brain stem— they feel unsafe, overwhelmed, and powerless. The child may be angry, unable to think clearly, and cannot learn well in this state. As parents, we are invited to respond to children in “red” by stopping everything and helping the child calm down. We cannot try to talk or problem solve or teach a lesson if the child is is red brain. The child needs connection and to feel secure and loved.

The yellow light is when children are primarily activating their limbic system, when feelings and emotions are clouding the situation. Children may be irritable, unfocused, and feeling stressed, unsafe, and perhaps also tired and hungry. If we are aware of the signals, we can see our children getting upset— functioning in “yellow brain.” And it is our role to make them feel safe and valued and connected so that they can return to green brain— instead of descending into “red brain.”

Cheriyln Orr invites us to help our children be in “green brain.” This is when children are cooperative, empathetic, feeling safe and valued and content. This is when children are ready to learn. This is when the child can function using their neocortex.

From her many years of parenting, Cheriyln Orr knows that every day is a new opportunity and challenge— to face many red light moments and yellow light moments. She provides real stories and examples to help the reader learn about how to help calm children in such states— to help children return to feeling safe and loved (green brain).

I have not read very many parenting books, but this is definitely one I will recommend to anyone with kids—or anyone who works with kids! This simple stoplight tool provides an unforgettable image that seems easy to apply and explain to our children as well. Each chapter ends with reflective questions and beautiful prayers for the reader to use for further reflection.

As a trained elementary teacher, I was really curious about a book that was going to use the red, yellow, and green traffic light signals for a new behavior system for parents. Since these colors have become so well known as a behavior management system that does NOT work for many children, especially those from trauma and hard places.

But to my utter delight, not only has Cherilyn Orr used this long-time behavior management model and color system to redeem that original common classroom strategy. She has really made it work! The goal was always to motivate students to improve, learn, and manage their behavior in a classroom, and yet so many kids were failed by the original levels, since once you moved to yellow or red, you identified to the whole room that you were struggling today, and this often was counterproductive and created shame and stress worsening the behavior.

The model that is taught in this book reflects three levels of a person's brain and regulation. It also links the truth of God's Word to the science and research on supporting kids from a hard place, and in reality ALL kids in learning to regulate and strengthen their brain functions to reach their pre-frontal cortex and manage their emotions rather than reacting. The model also expects that the adult embraces new levels of awareness of which mental state the parent is in when interacting with their children.

Who is the audience for this book:
*someone who wants to be given instructions, a mindset change, and techniques for supporting children. The author teaches the regulation system to all people including the adults involved. This tone in the audiobook especially may be misinterpreted by the listener.
*a believer or follower of Christ who not only wants up-to-date brain research but also follows the Word of God as a way of life and for self-reflection and instruction.
*A parent, teacher, or adult who is seeking advice for managing the children in their lives who are struggling without the best techniques to seek love, to support, and to function more appropriately with others.
*It is written directly to parents.
It is labeled a Christian living book but really functions as a 'self-help' book giving the reader a mindset of ideas, strategies, and questions to consider in how the reader manages and processes their interactions with the children in their lives.

What I like about the book:

The content shared, the strategies and ideas offered, and the research explained in this book from my many years of learning brain-based best practice strategies to support children are excellent. As well as the why behind many of the concepts that may be questionable to those new to parenting in this way. Time Ins, offering a treat and beverage, praising and connecting with the child to re-regulate over tackling the problem or inappropriate behavior immediately, which looks like permissive parenting, but is not when done correctly, as a child needs to connect before he or she can be redirected and learn how to resolve the need, problem, or learn the missing skill.

*The author is an educator, and the way the book is written in her 'meta cognition' or thinking about her thinking and thinking about what needs the child has that are unmet, by looking at the scenarios as a detective, to identify the why behind the behavior, and a plan to help change the concern immediately and move to a level of thinking where the child can learn a better way.
*Strategies, techniques, and methods to support regulation are fully integrated across the book.
Images, cartoons, and visuals to support the concepts which make interpretation of the teaching clearer and the tone clear, the goal is just to help the reader grasp what this strategy looks like, sounds like, and how it relates to God's design for humanity and clarifies the tone from advice to content.
*The focus on how much managing and modeling our children's regulation rests on the adult remaining functional, aware that the child is not intentionally creating problems, but that they have unmet needs, unsolved problems, or a lack of skills.
*Recognition that fatigue, hydration, nutrition, hunger, activity, etc all make the above regulation struggles amplified.
*Stoplight Connections: Questions and tasks to complete as you read, that are educationally valuable in applying the concepts to your thinking.
*Prayer: ends each chapter and gives a true glimpse of the author's recognition that parenting is hard, often a struggle, and shows our humanness and flaws regularly keeping us dependent on the support of the Holy Spirit molding us.

What I wonder about the book:
*Would the audiobook version have seemed less cheesy or more authentic if read by the author herself? I'm not sure.
*How many diverse learners may miss the quality instruction, content, and thinking that is so well done in this book because they are triggered by the tone, style, or their misperception of the style of writing?
*If the unique aspects of biblical integration will be appreciated by readers or will create another trigger or struggle in hearing the much-needed message.

Thankful to partner with Netgalley and Thomas Nelson to read an e-copy of the newly released book, and thankful for Hoopla to have the opportunity to also listen to parts of the book as I wanted to continue to think and process the book before completing my review.

Thoroughly enjoyed reading this helpful guide which combines the latest in neuroscientific research with Biblical teachings. Using down to earth examples, the author deftly explains how we can regulate our own emotions and help our children to do the same. She uses the imagery and colors of a stoplight as an easy to understand way to explain the emotional state of our brain.

The green signal is used to explain our brain when we are calm and most able to learn and absorb information. “Green brain” is using our neocortex. Yellow represents when our needs aren’t being met and we are anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, etc. The yellow signal represents the limbic system where emotions cloud our judgement. Red represents the state when we are angry, out of control, and/or unreasonable. It’s impossible to deal rationally with someone in this state. The red signal represents brain stem function or the “lizard brain,” where the main concern is basic survival. With this in mind, the whole purpose of this book is to help recognize which state we are in and learn to guide ourselves and our children back to the “green brain” or a calmer state where we can make the best decisions and truly learn better behavior.

I could completely relate to many of the scenarios described when everything seems to be going wrong and patience is hanging by a thread. I found her advice extremely helpful and definitely learned something new even as a seasoned parent. It’s inevitable to make mistakes, and she provides a helpful way to reconnect with our children even when we make mistakes. The author also goes to great lengths to explain that this is not permissive parenting. It encourages children to take responsibility for their emotions and behavior with the goal of raising emotionally resilient children.

The author’s experiences with raising ten children, three of whom were adopted after enduring traumatizing circumstances, make this guide believable and practical. I also loved the biblical references and the comparison of raising children to being a gardener. The author explains that like flowers, each child is beautiful and unique. Even providing the best environment, children still have their individual choices and the outcome isn’t guaranteed. I also enjoyed how she explained a child’s behavior as safe vs. unsafe instead of good vs. bad. Ms. Orr is open and honest with her own emotions and weaknesses and this makes the book very relatable.

Though it’s geared for parents/caregivers and a Christian audience, I think anyone would benefit from reading this book. If you are striving to be a better, calmer person who’s more in control of their emotions, this guide offers useful solutions with practical applications. Highly recommend! I received an advanced copy from the publisher through NetGalley. All opinions are my own and I was not required to provide a positive review. 4 1/2 stars

Cherilynn Orr's new book, Signals, introduces the reader to brain science through a Biblical lens. Written for parents of children with trauma, Signals is applicable to any parenting relationship and is useful in the classroom setting. Using the imagery of a stop light, Orr provides the reader with a novel tool that can easily be integrated into daily interactions. Simple and straightforward, she provides practical examples throughout the book that demonstrate how to help you and those you care about reflect upon challenging emotions, provide correction in a loving manner, and maintain a healthy relationship.

A different disciplinary approach, Orr provides consequences in ways that some may find too lenient. However, she convincingly addresses "spare the rod, spoil the child" which challenges the standard view.

Those interested in brain psychology, trauma, parenting and relationships, or classroom management will enjoy this book.

Favorite quote: So, no, you can't love your kids too much.

What is the connection between brain science and child development? Can this help us in parenting our children? If so, how much? How does stress affect children's behaviour? Based on her learning from "The Spotlight Approach" ministry, author Cherilyn Orr shares powerful insights about how brain science can help us in our parenting. Using the Red, Yellow, and Green colour method, we learn about what it takes to move from an aggressive and chaotic red to a calm green. This has benefits not only for the individual parent or child but also for the whole family. Recognizing signals from the brain is a big step up toward greater understanding. At the same time, being aware of a brain's neuroplasticity helps in reminding us about acceptance and healthy tolerance. Orr describes the different parts of the brain and their functions to give us an overview of their operations. She then goes on to describe the different colour signals used. Red Brain means there's anger and overwhelmed state of emotion which requires parents to stay calm and gentle. Yellow Brain means the child is in a state of irritability and parents should then slow down and focus on connecting with them, to make them feel valued. Green Brain signals readiness to learn. By becoming effective brain detectives, parents will then be able to adjust their parenting strategies and emotions accordingly. Following that, readers will get to dig deeper into the purposes, the processes, and the parenting strategies associated with each of these signals. In learning to be a "brain detective," we ask questions like:
- What do we see?
- What are we feeling?
- What the child is feeling?

Recognizing different feelings helps us discern the colour of the brain, which subsequently guides the way we respond to each of these feelings. Orr shows us how God models biblical attachment, on how we could connect to our children through each phase. She also shows us the needed responses during transitions between colours. Recognizing that the family is a central place for spiritual formation, this book is particularly relevant for parents wanting to bring up their children with scientific awareness and biblical obedience.

My Thoughts
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Parenting strategies have evolved over the decades. For many baby boomers, they remember the general fear-based upbringing that if we don't behave, there will be consequences. Using the famous teaching from Proverbs, that if we spare the rod, we will spoil the child, baby boomers who bring up their children will tend to expect rule-based obedience. Fast forward a few decades and we see how parenting moved toward more self-esteem affirming. At the turn of the century, with rising Internet connectivity, social media, the rise of Internet predators, and cyberbullying, many parents are gravitating toward protective strategies. As one who has experienced a wide range of parenting environments both personally as well as through her interactions with vulnerable children, author Cherilyn Orr opts for a combination of science, childhood development, modern parenting resources, and biblical wisdom to guide us in holistic parenting. In many developed countries, there is a gradual shift from traditional on-the-job preventative strategies to helicopter-parenting forms of protective strategies. Such strategies often began from a position of fear and worry. Instead, this book takes us away from ourselves toward wise discernment of the context of the child. Many books on parenting begin with how well-intentioned parents wanted the best for their children. They focus on what parents want and do for their children. Learning to understand children from their point of view tends to be less common. This book shows us the way to let the recognition of each signal guide our responses. The picture on the book's cover is a giveaway in terms of what the book is about. By showing us how to recognize these brain signals, parents will then be able to adjust their strategies accordingly.

This book is not a scientific manual but an application of some of the scientific findings the author had personally encountered through her ministry to children in Uganda. It has impacted her and her team so powerfully that she has shared these in this book. Some critics might argue about the relevance of Uganda to contexts in other parts of the world. Well, they might argue based on geographical and cultural differences. However, parenting is a lot more universal than geographical locations. Common themes of caring, sharing, coaching, connecting, disciplining, instructing, etc, are all common themes that transcend many cultures. The languages may differ but the importance of parent-child relationship is similar. If you are looking for a parenting book that combines brain science and biblical principles, this book is definitely a primer to consider.

Cherilyn Orr is director of "The Stoplight Approach," a ministry that aims to create safe places for vulnerable children. She is also an adjunct professor at Vanguard College in Canada.

Rating: 4.25 stars of 5.

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This book has been provided courtesy of Focus on the Family, Tyndale House Publishers and NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.