Ultimately this is a good book, but HEAVY, so be warned before you go into it and look at the subject matter.
Focusing on the author's grief since her boyfriend's death many parts of this were heartwrenching and told from, what I consider to be a real interpretation of that grief is like.

This wasn't really my cup of tea. I wanted to enjoy this, but the format just wasn't for me. Perhaps in written format it might be better?

Tiffany Philippou lays out all of the heartbreak, shame, and unhealthy coping mechanisms she went through after her college boyfriend’s death by suicide in 2008. Ten years after the event, Tiffany continued to struggle with alcoholism, an inability to create intimate relationships, and extreme anxiety despite repeated success in her professional life. Therapy eventually gave her an opportunity to talk about the events surrounding Richard’s death, the shame she carries for not recognizing the intensity of depression leading up to his death, and the ways that she felt and reacted to subsequent romantic interests as a result. There is quite a bit of detail about the suicide itself and the destructive behaviors that preceded and followed in her life, so this definitely is not for anyone easily triggered. It’s an important topic to discuss given the frequency of suicide in our modern society, and it’s helpful to see that Tiffany eventually reaches a point where she starts to heal the wounds by first acknowledging they still exist. The journey is powerful but also a little tedious, particularly in the many details about her professional life. Big thanks to Netgalley for the opportunity to listen to the book in exchange for my honest review.

as someone who has dealt with a relatively large amount of death in their lives and also thinks about death constantly i had to read/listen to this with one eye closed, feeling all of it too much. it started strong and lost its way a little bit but still a very frank and needed book covering grief and life after

Wow, this book was incredible. I admire Tiffany's openness about her struggles and willingness to be honest about when she was behaving poorly. I'm so glad that she found her way back living rather than running, that is something that I have struggled with myself. Her writing style is engaging and easy to navigate, and the narration added another level of depth to the story.

The subject matter is triggering the memoir to discuss mental health and suicide-related topics. Please pass reading this memoir if you are easily triggered by mental health topics. The memoir was narrated by the author Tiffany Philippou. I enjoy it when the author narrates their own story. The first quarter of this memoir was to the point. It was relatable and hit close to home. I was able to feel her grief, but as the memoir progressed it was difficult to get through the rest of Tiffany's story. I had to re-listen a few times because I totally ignored what Tiffany narrated. It is not an ideal recommendation, I would not recommend anyone listen to this.

Hard hitting and at times difficult to listen to, this is a book about grief, loss, and ultimately what it means to live and love after loss.

Based on the title, I was expecting a book that focussed on grief and getting past it.
Overall I did like the book, but it doesn't just focus on grief - it's so much more than that.

I love books which are narrated by the author, and this is a brave story highlighting the stigma surrounding mental health, following the author's own experience of trying to live with her boyfriend's suicide.

The subject matter is obviously incredibly challenging and the author goes into a lot of detail about the decade she spends
trying to cope by lurching from one extreme to another, before finally seeking the professional help she has been avoiding. If you are able to face it, this book might provide reassurance that you are not alone in how you are feeling. But the main takeaway is not to hesitate or be ashamed of seeking professional help for mental health issues.

You can call the Samaritans free on 116 123

There is lots of further information on their website https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

I feel bad for writing the following review as I do don’t want to take away from the traumatic experiences Tiffany experienced at such a young age with the death of her boyfriend during university, however this book is a seriously long slog.
I was anticipating she would talk through her life story and then explain what she has learnt from all these sadnesses but I honestly didn’t feel there was a single take home point made and I came close to DNF-ing.

Thank you for this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Whilst at university, Tiffany's boyfriend Richard took his own life. In the decade that followed, Tiffany went through the messy process of grief, something you aren't given a guidebook for, in fact as a young adult, you aren't given a guidebook for life in general.

This book is Tiffany's summary of those 10 years until she finally sought some professional help.

I had downloaded this audiobook from Netgalley just as @threadbooks reached out and asked if I wanted to take part in the readalong. This was an incredibly frank story off the back of an unimaginable event. An incredibly brave account, Tiffany says the things out loud that many of us would be too scared to, for fear of being judged or shamed.

Obviously this is a challenging subject matter, but if it is not too triggering a topic , I would definitely recommend a read or listen.

Firstly, I want to apologise now for this harsh review but I think this is the worst book I have ever listened to.
I found this book very disturbing and struggled to listen. (On so many levels).
I have many mixed feelings regarding the book / author.
I do feel sorry for Tiffany obviously, the author and narrator, who experienced the tragic loss, through suicide, of her boyfriend at a young age. But, I also feel her memoir is seriously full of 'woe is me' and she is soooo frustrating!
I have recently experienced an entire run of losing my closest family members and two close dear friends in aweful circumstances and therefore feel that I have experienced and am still experiencing grief and have a justified right to this view.
I understand everyone deals with grief differently but OMG Tiffany is so self consuming and the constant repetitiveness of and the shocking vocabulary and use of language is so hard to bare.
The title of this book is extremely misleading as it suggests that Tiffany is totally fine, she really is not fine, and with regard to 'lies she has told herself' this suggests that she is also 'projecting' that she is fine too. Also a fat big lie. She has no qualms in constantly living with grief and ramming it down everyone's throat. Throughout the entire book the constant reference to 'her' loss seems so selfish.
I nearly stopped listening on several occasions as I found myself shouting out loud, 'oh my god, please stop!' but I persisted as I really hoped the book would improve, alas it did not.
I had hoped that with what I have been through recently this would be a beneficial read, hence my request to want to read. Sorry Tiffany, this one is not for me! I do hope life has improved for you and you can find peace and learn to 'live'.
Thank you to Thread Publishing and Netgalley for an advance copy of this ARC in exchange for my honest review.

This book is about Tiffany and the grief she went through over the span of a 10 year period and unfortunately I had to DNF it. I couldn’t get through it because it was just hitting me too hard. I don’t know if it’s my own mental health struggles lately but I couldn’t keep listening to this book and hear the author go through the grief in such detail. There was a suicide scene in it just just hit a bit too hard for me and that was that.

If you’re considering reading or listening to this one make sure you’re mentally prepared for a slapping. This isn’t a book that everyone is going to be able to read and finish.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for an audiobook in exchange for my honest review.

After experiencing a sudden loss last year, I've searched high and low for grief memoirs and stories of how we move through those early days and settle into eventual life without the person we love. I'd seen this book about on the socials, and thought I'd give it a go. This book offers a particular experience of a young woman living her life as any woman would, and doing her best to manage the ups and downs of early relationships impacted by depression, who then must face tragedy when her partner ends his life. Her reflections on her time with her partner, and her own considerations are so raw and honest. Considerations on guilt and drinking and school life and career-focus prior to her partner's death, and then her eventual grief and processing of that grief given all that had happened. I felt so much for her, and for the families grieving. The narrator does a great job at telling the story clearly and sensitively. Thanks!

This audiobook is beautifully narrated by the author. It tells the story of Tiffany’s life starting when she left London for Bristol University.

It’s where she met Richard, who became her boyfriend. Tiffany describes their relationship and university life, and events that led to Richard’s suicide.

She has spent nearly a decade blaming herself, thinking of other possibilities, the what ifs… After Richard’s death, Tiffany found solace in alcohol and parties. The book follows Tiffany as she enters the world of work and she begins new relationships.

She depicts with brutal honesty how she would lust after men that didn’t want her and her social anxiety is palpable in each chapter.

Tiffany left for New York, where she gained weight and got into debt, before finally coming back to the UK, and obsessing over exercise to lose weight.

As I was reading (well, listening!), I got an impression that Tiffany was always doing things in an extreme way, she was always searching to fill the void. I was glad to find out she got into therapy and received all the help she needed, however, it took her a long time to search for help.

Overall, it’s a heart breaking and poignant read. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain that Tiffany has gone through.

Thank you to Thread Books for accepting my NetGalley request to review this copy.

I love discovering new nonfiction, especially through audiobooks, so I am super thankful to Netgalley and the publisher for providing an advanced listener’s copy in exchange for an honest review!

I really wanted to love it, but unfortunately it just wasn’t for me. Philippou is by no means a bad writer, but both her writing and narration style are quite plain, which I typically don’t like, especially in memoirs focused on emotional topics like grief, and this definitely impacted my enjoyment.

I do really appreciate that this memoir shows all sides of grief, including the ugly, selfish sides, but that being said, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to take away from this book. I was expecting a motivational or emotional story of grief, but this book is just as much (if not more) about repeating unhealthy relationships and Philippou’s mostly irrelevant career choices.

The book’s tagline is “what my decade in grief taught me about life”, but throughout it, I didn’t get the feeling that Philippou learned anything, and it frustrated me to no end. I am not questioning the immense pain of losing someone to suicide, but my sole takeaway is that Philippou only moves forward after getting the professional help with her mental health she has been avoiding for a decade. This is of course an important message, but not one that necessitates an entire memoir.

While this wasn’t my cup of tea, I’d still pick it up if it sounds intriguing to you! If you like simple writing, stories following real people through the ups and downs of everyday life, and a focus on grief and finding yourself in your twenties, you might enjoy it!

Ms. Philippou did an absolutely beautiful job of telling her story of surviving the aftermath of a loved one's suicide. She lays out every dark detail and the light at the end of the tunnel. I found this a very mind opening look into what the people left behind go through. I always love when the author narrates their own book and she did an excellent job of it.

This book is the story of Tiffany's grief that she went through over a period of 10 years. I must be honest, and say that I found the book hard to listen to. Although I sympathised with Tifffany, and her grief, and how life must have been very hard for her, I just couldn't really connect with the book on a really deep level, as I found it too painful. I think maybe it reminded me of my own grief, and it made me feel a bit sad. I am also highly empathic, so I could feel Tiffany's feelings through her voice as she read her story, and it was hard for me to feel her deep grief. I think it is great though, that Tiffany has spoken out about her life and her feelings, and I wish her well and send her love.

Many thanks to the author, publisher and NetGalley for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

To be honest I thought this book would be slightly different, I expected it to focus on grief, loss and mourning, and in a sense it does, since obviously everyone mourns in their own way, so this is the author's way and it's ok, but since there's a lot of description of other matters I found myself losing interest in the story unfortunately.
I liked a lot the first part, but not so much the second one.
I listened to the audiobook and read it also as an ebook, and I preferred the latter version.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with an ALC in exchange for an honest review.

Tiffany has a voice that many can relate to. It's not always someone who has gone through a life lived through extreme circumstances that has a story to tell. Tiffany lost her boyfriend at a vulnerable time, while she was still young, understanding herself and what life was about. She opens up about the selfishness of that time, and the inability to cope with such a tragic situation. And how she is still working through that now, many years later. How losing Richard shaped her life today.

I enjoyed the university days as I too went to Uni in Bristol so could relate to the scene and the places talked about. I got a sense of listlessness and a general malaise to focus on any given thing, giving in to the flow of situations. Unable to have a healthy relationship as she attracted and felt she deserved the wrong people. I would have liked to have understood more about how the techniques she used to help guide her in her late 20s had an effect, as this wasn't clear.

I listened to the audiobook, and have to say it is the first book I've speeded up as Tiffany narrates slightly slow for my tastes. An enjoyable read, if a little unfocused at times.