Self-Portrait with Nothing is one of the more creative novels I've read. For the first half of the book, it reads much like a literary novel, then more peculiar people sift into the story, followed by stranger events until the normally insecure protagonists finds that all the bizarre rumors about her birth mother are true. Billionaires, thugs, and carbon copies of her birth mother all want the secrets of Ula Foster's disturbing paintings.

Mystery, murder, forensics, and visitors from other universes. The future may hinge on these unnatural portraits.

Thanks to Tor and Netgalley for allowing me to read and review an eARC of Self-portrait with Nothing.

This book was supremely unique and I genuinely did have a fun time reading it. The world building was fantastic, and I felt fully immersed into the world. However, the author fell short on the character development. I couldn't connect to any of the characters, which is probably my only problem with this book. However, I did really enjoy it!

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<p>Review copy provided by the publisher.</p>
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<p>Content note that I wish I had had: the protagonist is related to veterinarians, and there are several graphic descriptions of veterinary procedures to sick and injured dogs. These descriptions have no bearing on the plot but they sure are present. If you don't want to read about a grieving family you'll never see in this book again euthanizing their pet, this is not the book for you.</p>
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<p>The tone of this book is extremely detached and abstracted from events, including vivid ones like the above. Pepper (the protagonist) spends most of the time trying to avoid having any emotional reaction whatsoever. Which is understandable in context (though not all of her actions ever were for me), but it still adds up to a particular reading experience. One of the drawbacks of an eARC is that I'm never sure whether the formatting is true to the final layout, but if it is, the texts between the protagonist and her husband--one of the closest things a book has to a major emotional thread--are weirdly and sometimes confusingly formatted.</p>
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<p>So what's this book <em>about?</em> Well, eccentric artist Ula Frost is rumored to paint portraits of people's alternate selves, from alternate universes. How does this work, and why would people believe this claim? That is not a topic this book concerns itself with. Instead it focuses on Frost's disappearance and relationship with Pepper, and the ramifications of both in the rest of Pepper's life.</p>
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<p>I finished this book largely because I wanted to see where Pokwatka was going with the speculative conceit in a very literary novel, but honestly where she went with it was not worth the dog stuff for me. I'm perfectly happy with meditations on loneliness and isolation (<em>I read Scand Lit for heaven's sake)</em>, but this was a fairly middle-of-the-road instantiation of that kind of novel, without particular insights into the artist's life, possibility, or other topics that the framing might have suggested.</p>
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What a strange and unusual book! I would love to see this on the screen.

Pepper Rafferty was raised by two mothers - she was found on a dog bed near their vet practice and quickly adopted. At 36, however, Pepper is still trying to find her footing in the world and truly understand herself. She has a habit of imagining herself in different worlds living a life based on different choices she would have made.

We find out that this is because she learned at an early date that her birth mother is the famous Ula Frost - a very famous and eclectic painter. Ula's models claim that her painting of them bring their mirror selves to our earth from other universes. Outrageous as it is, many believe it and Ula's paintings sell for millions of dollars.

This book was interesting until at 62% finished, it totally took off! Suddenly the parallel universes were brought to light, there was espionage and true thrills. I loved the last third of this book and it was worth reading the beginning even though (as you known) I truly loathe the "wishy washy, woe is me " female heroine. Pepper eventually comes through, as best she can. If you like parallel universes, wonder if there are other mirror lives out there, love artistically based books or just want a unique thriller, Self Portrait With Nothing is for you! #AimeePokwatka #Selfportraitwithnothing #netgalley #Tor #MacMillan #TorForge

I never could understand why they have the categories, Sci/Fi, and Fantasy as one category when clearly, they are two separate categories.
With that being said, this particular book fell under Sci/fi on some sites, yet Sci/fi/ Fantasy on others. Now I am not a huge Sci/fi reader by far, however the blurb for this particular book caught my attention, which made me want to read it.
I can honestly say that I was incredibly happy to have read this book. Pokwatka does an excellent job bringing mystery, science fiction and touches of magical realism to her novel.
Peppers character is likeable and relatable, and is a story about the necessity of finding out ones own true identity,
Praise for Self-Portrait with Nothing!

Thank you, NetGalley/Aimee Pokwatka/ MacMillan-Tor/Forge Tordotcom

There is a lot to love about this book. There are author does interesting things with the narrative voice, the world building is unique, and the plot is very fast passed. However, the characters don't ever feel real. I don't feel I understood much of them beyond the superficial. As a result I was never fully drawn into the story. Over all though it is an extremely enjoyable, quick read that is ideal for travel reading.

I really enjoyed Self Portrait With Nothing. What I liked about it most is how original the story was. I feel like so many stories follow the same generalities as others in their genre and this one was so different from anything I’d ever read. I love when an author can dare to be original and it pays off. Excellent novel. Highly recommend.

Thank you NetGalley for this arc!! I enjoyed reading ‘self-portrait with nothing’ a lot! If you like sci fi, parallel universes, and a bit of magic this book is for you. Four stars

I had such high hopes for this, but unfortunately the pacing was way off which made it hard to get into. The premise is good, as are the characters - the plot moves both too slowly and too quickly, and imo, just didn't work too well.

In a parallel universe, I liked this book more. Sadly the pacing was off, I couldn’t connect with any of the characters, and as it was a mystery the magic of the twist never came and it was disappointing. It wasn’t all bad though, it was an entertaining enough story for me to finish and i’m sure there’s an audience out there for it. Unfortunately it just wasn’t for me. Thank you for the chance to read and review!

I received an ARC of this novel from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

Pepper was adopted by loving parents and later discovers the mystery of her birth. She investigates her mother's life and discovers truths about what was and what was a possibility if different choices had been made.

I’ve seen Self-Portrait with Nothing shelved as Sci-Fi or Fantasy, but it’s really a bit of light Mystery with a twist of magical realism: Pepper Rafferty is a thirty-six-year-old academic and forensic anthropologist — working at the university on archaic remains and with the police on fresh ones — and hers is a loving and stable life, supported by her two moms and the husband she married seven years earlier. When Ula Frost — a famous artist from Pepper’s hometown — is reported missing, a strange connection between the two women, and a threatening group on Pepper’s heels, will propel Pepper from clue to clue on the reclusive artist’s shadowy trail across Europe. Like a mix of Recursion, The Da Vinci Code and The Picture of Dorian Gray, with a nod to the Bones novels, debut novelist Aimee Pokwatka has written an interesting and engaging story. Pepper and her husband, Ike, are wonderfully and believably fleshed out, but if I had a complaint, the rest of the characters are just kind of props (some cartoonishly so) for Pepper’s story. The magical twist isn’t really explained (it’s just accepted, but is it necessary?), and while Pepper follows a series of puzzles, codes, and clues, I wouldn’t really call this a mystery. With a background in anthropology and an MFA, I reckon Pokwatka is going for literary fiction here, and while Pepper does come to some conclusions about life and its meaning, there’s nothing very deep or revelatory here. Still, easy and entertaining, I was happily propelled along.

Maybe there is a universe where I never had the opportunity to read Self-Portrait with Nothing, and I never wrote that review. I'm certainly glad that this wasn't the case in this universe.

Sometimes there is a book that you open and know immediately that you will love. It took me very little effort to all into the rhythm of reading, and Potwatka makes it so easy to become entranced in her world: the intrigue of Ula Frost, the relatable awkardness of Pepper, the chilly foreigness of someone you ought to know intimately and yet don't, what being a mother truly means, the unpredictable variability of what-ifs and maybes and if onlys...

Self-Portrait with Nothing is really a discovery of who Pepper really is, In the beginning, she’s unsociable, quiet, and really wants to be left alone. Not that she isn’t at the end, but she’s discovered aspects about herself that more solidly cement her own self identity. Pepper is someone who will stay behind in a foreign land to untangle the sticky messes of a woman she’s never known, even if it's dangerous to herself. Pepper is someone who loves her husband Ike, and maybe doesn’t really know how much until she's completely honest with both herself and him — and it's impressive to see how much she dodges topics with him sometimes for two people who understand each other so well. And finally, Pepper is someone who ultimately gains the strength needed to try and say, do and hold onto the things she'd never thought she'd been able to — but really, could always before.

Throughout the novel, Ula is more fiction than fact, and the different versions of her only add more speculation to the mystique of her true self. But her final reveal is short and disappointing, and over before it ever began, which I thought was fitting for a character like Ula, because this isn't a novel about her so much as it is a novel about her legacy. I found the final reveal as to why Pepper had to be given up especially depressing because a look into the multiverse showed so many other different routes their relationship could have taken instead (RIP Blue!), although whether Pepper, not Ula, is "happier" in those is a completely different story entirely. I think Ula's power really was much more of a curse than a talent, and it's terrible to see how she and any chance of a relationship with Pepper was destroyed as a result of it.

In contrast, I felt that Ike, surprisingly, served as a good foil to Ula; he's always there as a constant, and he absolutely adores her, though they have their ups-and-downs like any couple might. Ike! How can I adore another character more, who supports his wife's bank heists and wild adventure in Poland and brushes off getting punched in the face like it's nothing. I feel like Pepper is a character that is constantly fantasizing about other worlds and therefore needs someone to ground her to this one, and Ike fits perfectly (in contrast to Ula, who is the one introducing her to these other multiverses). Throughout the novel, Pepper constantly thinks about what life would have been like if they had both chosen different partners, but I don't think those are really her honest thoughts but rather intrusive ones as a result of her self-esteem and initial unhappiness. There's one thing that Pepper texts to Ike near the end after he lists all the reasons that he loves her — !!! — that I thought was particularly touching and really encapsulates everything that she was withholding inside her before and could never really say out loud: "this universe with us together / definitely my favorite universe / and i love you like a snake loves the sun / i can't move without you".

I loved the concept of Self-Portrait with Nothing. I saw other reviewers question why someone would want a portrait that would ruin their lives, but I really think it's the human side of us that desires to see a different version of us that finally answers all of the what-ifs: what if I was better looking, what if I was smarter, what if I was more successful. Or maybe sometimes we simply can't find someone who understands us better than ourselves, and simply forget, as Ula did, that we are also our own worst critic.

I received a copy of this novel as an ARC from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

This is a book about mothers and daughters, paintings and parallel universes. It's strange, it's complicated, it's messy and it's deeply endearing. I really enjoyed reading Self-Portrait with Nothing, with it's intriguing storyline, mysterious figure of Ula Frost, and with Pepper, the novel's protagonist, who finds herself wrapped up in a story full of far more mothers and far more danger than she could ever expect. Even at her most frustrating, she is hard not to love. Overall, I found this book to be really enjoyable and highly recommend.

SELF-PORTRAIT WITH NOTHING is an astonishingly memorable book. It's not just the fantastic premise (full of multiverse shenanigans and doppelgangers), but the writing was so striking and the book had so much heart I felt like I wanted to live inside of it for longer. Reminded me a bit of books by Blake Crouch, but with more emotional resonance and with a more female-centered narrative (in a very good way). Definitely a book I will be recommending to friends (and buying multiple copies of for gifts)!

This book did not hold my attention and I could not connect with the writing style. I DNF’d this book at around 40%.

A puzzling story that focuses on the daughter of an elusive painter whose clients claim that her paintings are portals to alternate versions of her subjects.

Pepper’s specialized field of expertise, osteology, has her asking ‘what.’ What does the size of the pelvis tell you? What does it mean if two bones in a certain place are fused? This prodding line of thought extends to her thoughts and imagination, constantly asking ‘what if’, constantly wondering how else reality, hers or otherwise, could’ve gone down. What if she hadn’t been given up by her birth mother? What if she never got together with her husband Ike? It becomes clear that she’s unhappy and unsure about her life, or rather unsatisfied with the imperfections of her reality and wanting a better one but constantly struggling to know if any of the scenarios she conjures are actually better. Though it was a long journey of trying to track down her mother and unraveling the mystery behind the claims of alternate doppelgängers relating to her mother’s paintings, Pepper ultimately makes peace with her imperfect life (and I appreciate that it’s a mixture of the little and big things in her life).

I feel like the different plot lines came together quite nicely to support the main theme of the book. I like the sci-fi elements. The story felt well-paced to me and I really enjoyed reading all the reflective sections as it best complements the theme of the story. I enjoyed Pepper and Ike’s relationship; despite going through a rough patch during the story, they still try to maintain communication with each other, and very honestly but lovingly calling the other person out when that person is lying to themselves or each other because they know each other well. It was fascinating reading how Ula was characterized through the client’s experiences or lack of, creating a grand, maddeningly mysterious profile of the artist.

Thanks to Netgalley and Macmillan-Tor/Forge for providing me with the e-ARC in exchange for an honest review. (less)

I am glad I read this. I was a little wary because I am not a big sci fi fan, feeling like I never really understand the science involved. But I was drawn by this novel by the idea of exploring the multiverse and whether other versions of yourself are living better lives, making better decisions, etc. I'm glad I gave this a try. It was very interesting and not too science-y. The main character, Pepper, is very relatable and very human. I enjoyed her self-discovery as well as the mystery in this novel.

I always find it harder to write a review for a book that I adored, for some reason, and so had to really sit and think about what to say other than: OOF but this is good. I found Self-Portrait with Nothing to be immensely moving, but in a subtle way which caught me unawares. Especially as someone prone to their own "in another universe" thinking, it really resonated with me. This perhaps isn't surprising - alternate universes are a favourite feature in fiction for me - but this book seemed to hit something deeper. The alternate universe aspect allowed for a lot of reflection, rather than just being a plot mechanism.
Pepper, the protagonist, is far from perfect - but she acknowledges these flaws in a way which really helps you to empathise with her. There's also an unwinding and intricate plot, meticulously thought out, and with a lot of intrigue. I kept turning aspects of the book over in my mind upon finishing it.
I'm hugely keen to see what Aimee Pokwatka writes next!

A genuinely moving and lovely book. I was rooting for Pepper - I liked her, with her two moms, and her constant pondering of what she might be doing in another universe where she made different choices. I do the same in my own life, but the biological mother who was an artist gave it an interesting twist.

Pepper is a woman surrounded by supporting and loving people. Her moms and their veterinary practice, her job where she is well respected. Her husband who adores her, even though she would go days without calling. Yet with all the love around her she is still seeking out her biological mom. Her "what ifs."

Highly recommended.