What a beautiful expression of the Love chapter of the Bible. Bent toward how to live a wayward adult child, this insightful book is filled with personal stories and gentle direction for living well, regardless of the circumstances. I found myself convicted not only about my relationships with my children, but also my husband, brother, and in-laws. The ideas about what it looks like to be kind, patient, not envious, not boastful… apply to all of our relationships. Excited to read this again in our small group and discuss how to better incorporate Mary’s suggestions into our daily practices of loving, praying, and listening.

A great new way to look at the relationship between parents and adult children. I plan to start implementing these ideas with all of my children this year. I believe that it will benefit me as much as it benefits them.

What a much needed resource, especially in today's times. Mary walks us through 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.NIV) and she has 15 chapters based on each one of these nuggets with a focus that is more on the parent than the 'wayward adult child' so it's more of an introspection on self, which is easier to navigate, to be perfectly honest. I can't change anyone else, I am only responsible for my actions. She not only walks you through the nugget 'love is patient', etc, but also ends each chapter with a 'love, pray, listen' section that helps you tangibly love your child better, pray over them (and self), and how to listen better. An excellent resource for both parents, but also adult children. Kudos!
*I received a copy of this book from NetGalley. This review is my own opinion*

When adult children go off the rails, when fear or disappointment begins to preside over the agenda and use up all the oxygen in the room, 1 Corinthians 13 provides the roadmap for a return to peace and mutual respect.

In Love, Pray, Listen, Mary DeMuth offers the love chapter as a solid game plan for loving well while parenting a wayward adult child. How will a love that is patient, kind, and free of all love’s harmful tag-alongs, change a fraught parenting relationship with someone who identifies as an adult, but whose behavior doesn’t necessarily support the label?

DeMuth draws from her own experience as a parent and the deep well of scriptural knowledge that has sustained her through the universal experiences of failure, repentance, and redemption that come to us all in our parenting journey. As believers, we walk with God at the same time as we are walking alongside our kids. The call to a “worthy walk,” then may actually complicate our parental role as we ask ourselves:

Can I trust for grace to stay within the bounds of orthodoxy and not give in to the temptation to adjust my theology in order to stay on good terms with a son or daughter who has strayed?
Can I embrace historical Christianity and still love an unrepentant sinner?
In fact, as I read, I asked myself, “Would I be able to read this book with composure if I was estranged from a child or struggling with a seemingly hopeless situation?” I’m not sure, but I do know that the book has given me extremely helpful insights into the complexity of parental love, the importance of prayer, and the crucial role that compassionate listening plays in loving our children well.

Many thanks to NetGalley for providing a copy of this book to facilitate my review, which is, of course, offered freely and with honesty.

Many Good Suggestions Regardless of the Status of the Relationship You Have with Your Adult Children!



When I received this book to review I was thinking “Another book that is going to make me feel guilty!” As I both read and listened there were many things that began to resonate and made me pause. Oh, how I could have used this book years ago!!! 



I know this was written to parents already in the thick of things with parenting grownups but I would highly recommend this book to parents getting ready to send their first child off to college, anyone about to be empty nesters or anyone interested in just learning to head off any issues before they occur.

I received a complimentary ARC of this book from NetGalley on behalf of the Publisher and was under no obligation to post a favorable review.

This book was amazing. I have adult children and navigating that relationship in love is hard sometimes while still respecting their own opinions, their choices and staying connected. This was a great resource and one I would highly recommend to others.

This is one of the books you never want to have to read. But if you find yourself with wayward adult children and learning how to balance being a parent and still showing Christian love like you would for anyone else (after all your kids were raised not to make wrong choices, right?), this book gives excellent insight. I just felt like the book was shorter than it should have been. Thank you NetGalley for providing a copy for me to read.

Mary's writing is very straightforward and helped me look at ways to reframe my approach to parenting at this stage. It was a good reminder that we are simply walking alongside our kids and being available to influence their lives by loving, praying and listening to them. So much easier to do when I let go of the burden of being responsible for them and let God work. I also appreciated the reminder that parenting is sometimes more about God working in us than what we're trying to see happen in our kids lives. I found myself having to slow down my reading because there was a lot of great truths packed into each chapter. I enjoyed the ARC so much that I got the audiobook which was great with Mary's soothing voice and bought the Kindle version of the book. I found myself going back to reread sections and highlight something in every chapter of the book!

Bent lovingly toward parents of wayward, adult children, Mary DeMuth’s Love, Pray, Listen exudes encouragement and comfort of the depth and realness that can only come from being anchored solidly in the Scriptures.

Framed around the love chapter, 1 Corinthians 13, Mary paints in words a beautiful way to approach the often-less-talked-about-but-just-as-heart-wrangling task of parenting adult children.

Reading her book has triggered a reframing in my own life of some “truths” about parenting that I barely realized had quietly stained my peace. One of them was handed down to me by my mother when she quietly, frankly told me that “every one of your children will break your heart.” Her tone was not bitter. I always accepted her wisdom. After all, she had parented ten children with a near-miraculous dose of gentleness and patience. Certainly, she knew a thing or two about what your kids can do to you!

What I didn’t realize was how her statement had leaked a cup of anxiety onto my spirit. Although I never talked or intentionally thought about it, questions flickered in the back of my mind: How would each of my three children break my heart? When would it happen? Would it be intentional or not? How would I cope? Would I be able to cope?

Reading Mary’s book surfaced these anxious thoughts for me, and then rinsed them out. I realized in a fresh way that the Truths of the Bible that have meant so much to me in other trials of my life are and will be just as relevant as I walk through this new-for-me road of parenting adult children.

I will be hanging onto this book as I move forward, dipping into it for reminders, intentionally replacing my tense questions about parenting my adult children with God’s Truth.

I found this piece of wisdom from Mary especially meaningful lately: “Perhaps the best thing you can do for all your relationships is to tend your soul, give your body rest, and let your mind find quiet space to heal. Shalom, that beautiful Hebrew word, doesn’t merely mean the absence of war. It means a body, soul, and mind at rest” (p. 93).

Mary’s naming of these years of parenting adult children as a time of “thriving” has also sparked a shift in my thinking. Until my eyes caught her uplifting phrase, I didn’t realize the dread tainting my subconscious for the time when my nest will be deserted..

My favourite part of the whole book is Mary’s tone of humble gentleness. Never shrill or harsh, Mary often mentions her own current struggle with the very topic she is writing about. Here’s just one example: “As I read over that list, a few of my interactions have sprung to mind, sadly. While it’s not easy to acknowledge those times I’ve been fully relying on my flesh, repentance is a big element of my love for Jesus” (pp. 99-100).
The tension knot in my back loosens as my spirit welcomes both her pointing towards the Truth I need to hear and the humble admittance that she is just as in need of daily help from a loving Saviour to put those Truths into practice as I am!

Thank you, Mary, for your obedience and diligence in writing this book.

Trusting in God

Hear this: The sin of your children need not sideline you.

Mary DeMuth could not have said it better. As she writes, "Yet so often I see this with parents of adult kids who have walked away from their upbringings." She states that some of us choose to live in perpetual grief that keeps us in a holding pattern of little growth, instead of grieving, then placing that grief in God’s hands and moving forward, we hold that grief in perpetuity, nurse it, grow bitter.

The author takes us back to the story of Adam and Eve, when they sinned. She states that God loved them still, that He interceded for their nakedness by covering them with animal skins, and He asked them, “Where are you?” then He listened.
Thus, this is how our God parented wayward adult children.
He loved.
He interceded.
He listened.
So we can only "Love, Pray, Listen," because as she states that our children were never ours. They were and are God’s.

This book has 15 chapters, all of which discusses "Love":
1. Love is patient.
2. Love is kind.
3. Love is not jealous.
4. Love is not boastful.
5. Love is not proud.
6. Love is not rude.
7. Love does not demand its own way.
8. Love is not irritable.
9. Love keeps no record of being wronged.
10. Love does not rejoice about injustice.
11. Love rejoices when truth wins out.
12. Love never gives up.
13. Love never loses faith.
14. Love is always hopeful.
15. Love endures through every circumstance.

Mary discusses each chapter in great detail and reminds us that Jesus is our consistent hope, even if our parental expectations remain unmet and our family looks different than we imagined. Listed below are two scenarios, where she utilities her Love, Pray, Listen process:

She states that: Love is patient. God is patient. And that we must be patient with the journey God has for our adult kids, and like us, they have been gifted free will, and as sinners, they will exercise that free will, sometimes to our delight, other times to our stress and sadness. But ultimately, we can rest in the beautiful truth that God is so very patient with us— something that builds our faith and increases our joy. No matter what our children do or don’t do, every single day we have the opportunity to be loved by God, to rest in his embrace, and to grow.

Love: Ask God to search your heart in relation to how you’ve treated your adult kids. If he reveals that you have a lack of patience toward them, ask for forgiveness.

Pray: "Lord, I know I need more patience. I know I fail often in this area. Help me to see my kids not as my own, but as yours— and you love them far better than I do. Teach me the ways of patience, particularly this week. Amen."

Listen: Look back over your life and see how God has been patient with you. “Listen” to what he reveals to you. May his patience toward you bring deeper patience in you.


Love: Read through the 1 Corinthians 13 passage again, thanking God that he practices that kind of loyal love toward you.
Pray: "Lord, I confess that I have chased favorable circumstances and expectations instead of resting in your plan. Soften my heart as I read this book. Open my eyes to ways I can seek you in the midst of letting go. Amen."
Listen: In one of your conversations today, make a concerted effort (ask God to keep you quiet) to truly listen to the person who is talking.

Ultimately, the author states that we must search our heart in relation to how we’ve treated our adult kids, and ask God to reveal if we've a lack of patience toward them, and pray for forgiveness.

Though Love, Pray, Listen: Parenting Your Wayward Adult Kids with Joy is a fantastic book for parents who find themselves navigating the difficult path of dealing with a prodigal child. However, I found it incredibly helpful—and inspiring and motivating—for those of us who don’t fall into this category, those of us whose children have followed a godly path.

My husband and I have been empty nesters since 2014, and we are grateful to have enjoyed a positive relationship with our adult children and their spouses. That being said, I always feel like I can learn more about how to better interact in a way that affirms their adulthood while still being their mom.

To that end, consider this gem from Chapter 4, “Love Is Not Jealous”: God entrusted our children to us to raise, love, discipline, and nurture for eighteen years. Eventually, those “gifts” are launched into the world. We shift from being responsible for them to being responsible to pray for them. This is a subtle linguistic shift, but it’s important. Just as our children were never really ours to own (even though they lived under our roof), they certainly aren’t ours to control when they begin building their own lives and families.

What a great nugget of wisdom for parents of young adults! I found myself nodding my head as I read, sometimes from agreement, sometimes from being challenged to try something new or look at a situation differently.

Bottom line: This book will bless parents with wayward children, and it will bless parents of children who have stayed true to their parents’ teaching and a godly path. I can imagine myself referring to it again and again during my parenting journey. It’s truly a must-read!

I’ve read several of Mary’s books, and she always points me to Jesus. Her writing is theologically sound. In Love, Pray, Listen, Mary has a profound way of interpreting passages and applying them to our struggle with our wayward adult child. She goes deep. This book is rich, and not one word is wasted. It couldn’t have come at a better time for me personally!

Mary unpacks I Corinthians 13 and relates it to this stage of parenting, especially with an adult child who is struggling. At the end of each chapter, she gives practical ways we can love, pray, and listen. One particular tool I found so helpful was writing a personal lament using Psalm 43. This was a powerful exercise!

It’s easy to lose our spiritual foothold when we have a wayward adult child. Mary reminds us of who God says we are by the truths in His Word. “Your value does not lie in your ability to perfectly parent, nor does it come from adult children who make perfect choices.”

It’s apparent that the Lord has done a great work in Mary’s heart and mind regarding loving, praying, and listening to her own adult children, and she’s sharing her God-given wisdom with other parents who desperately need this encouragement.

It is our enduring love for our adult child that propels us to even pick up a book like this. As she walks us through the 1 Corinthians 13 passage on Paul’s description of love and relates it to our parenting of wayward adult children, Mary reminds us, “This kind of enduring love seems impossible because it is. It is the stuff of God, and we cannot love this way without him.” Yet, it is how he calls us to love. Mary gives us an eternal perspective that shifts our hearts and minds as we navigate difficult territory with our adult children. If we love how God’s Word instructs us; and want to use His Word to help us in our struggle with our wayward child, this book is a must-read!

Mary Rymer
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Love, Pray, Listen by Mary DeMuth
Love, Pray, Listen: Parenting Your Wayward Adult Kids...
by Mary DeMuth
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This is a must read for parents. Period. Life throws us all curves, especially when relationships with our adult children offer unexpected and sometimes unwanted changes. In this book, author Mary DeMuth tackles some very tough family issues in a practical, nonjudgmental way. Using the Bible's 1 Corinthians verses on love as a guide, she shows how love can survive and even thrive in tough situations no matter what. Using concrete examples from research and wisdom from scripture, DeMuth weaves a tapestry of hope without losing sight of some often painful truths.
This book offers a compassionate process for managing our current tough parenting times with godly principles. It is a powerful read and very much-needed. It is outlined well, so it is easy to pick up off the shelf and refer to if needed. I think this book will help knit today's family, in its myriad forms, together with love, respect and gratitude.

What an encouraging book ! Our roles do change with our children as they grow into adults . I love how she brings to the front our spiritual growth as well as theirs!They are their own people who God loves and has designed. We need to allow them to be themselves...A new season for us as well as them! Our relationship can become even more fulfilling as we love them and accept them as our Father does us. When we remember how He works out all things for His glory I am excited to see how HE will use my adult children . Liking at it as HE is in control brings a wonderful peace...... TY Mary! There are also many gems that you can take away for relationships in general.....

This is a life changing book I will return to over and over again. And I will be sharing with so many of my friends. It is a book of Godly insight and practical encouragement. As a parent of 3 adult children and 3 in-law children I could relate to almost every page. I appreciated how Mary did not shy away from Truth and yet was totally relatable to the humanness of parenting children as we learn to let them go and begin their own seasons of life. Thank you, Mary, for writing this book. I can't wait to start reading through it again!

I always felt alone in my parenting difficulties. Especially with my youngest and oldest during their teen and adult years. But as I read about the various hardships other parents had gone through, including the author, it brought much-needed relief. Mentally, emotionally, and circumstantially. To be seen and understood, knowing I was never alone. Knowing I'm still not alone.

The relevant Scriptures and prayers within each chapter filled me with encouragement as well. They’re fitting and heartwarming, written in a way to personalize them for your children, and yourself. Besides the relatable content of parenting older children, or the struggle of relating to them, I love being reminded that life’s journey doesn’t end once our child/children venture out on their own. Rather, it’s a time when we start the next adventure with God. Thanks, Mary, for helping me see this perspective! And for writing Love, Pray, Listen. I love it so much, I've highlighted almost every page!

For those who’ve struggled (or still do) with their teens/adult children, prodigals or not, I think you’ll find comfort and hope in this book too.

“Love, Pray, Listen” is the book the author confesses she didn’t want to write. Its subtitle highlights just one of the book’s themes — namely how to joyfully parent adult children through loving, praying and listening. Mary DeMuth’s own dysfunctional childhood of sexual abuse, her father's early death, and her mother’s multiple divorces all contributed to her own fear of parenting. This fear led to a later false belief that she was a poor mother. This belief was put to death by seven words of life spoken over Mary by a friend who said, “Your children know that you love them.” Even so, there has been a learning journey with triumphs and trials, humour and heartache along the way.

On the surface, the book is presented as lessons learnt by Mary in parenting her own adult children. But one key theme not shown in the title is the importance of embracing God amid the trials of life, including parenting adult children. From this theme of being God-focused flows themes of joy and love.

Mary takes 1 Corinthians 13, the famous Love chapter, that discusses what agape love is and what it is not. Each aspect is covered in 15 separate chapters. These chapters are book-ended by an introduction and a conclusion.

In the introduction Mary outlines her purpose of loving, praying and listening: “... you'll have a better understanding of how to practically live in the midst of this parenting teeter-totter ... You’ll unpack what it means to tangibly love your adult kids … You’ll understand the importance of deepening your prayer life … You’ll decipher the true gift that listening is.” Love. Pray. Listen. Three little words that bring big challenges. The God-focused life is essential to fulfill the task of living well.

Each chapter follow a pattern, with the relevant title e.g., “Love is Patient." A quote then follows, e.g., “‘Humility and patience are the surest proofs of the increase of love.’ John Wesley.” The Greek is explained, e.g., for ‘patient’ the Greek is ‘makrothumeo’ meaning ‘long emotion.’ Interspersed in the discussion are highlighted summary points, such as, “What if our act of patience, fueled by the Spirit, is not merely so that we can endure our adult children’s choices, but for our betterment? What if this is not about this is not about us but about our relationship with God?” (I agree with Mary. This last question is the core theme.) Each chapter ends with a practical application to love, to pray and to listen.

The conclusion is based on Luke 15, commonly known as the Parable of the Prodigal Son. Here there is a practical demonstration of loving, praying and listening by the Father for the prodigals, us first and then for ourselves to love our children in the same way. We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19.

There is also a key underlying theme of the ways words are to be used. To listen and to pray well are clear examples of using words well. But to love well incorporates using loving words plus the practical action of agape love. And we are reminded that in the beginning God spoke and brought families (i.e., community) into being. He has spoken by His Son and He is still speaking today by His Spirit. He is the source of how we are able to love, to pray and to listen well.

Overall, I think that Mary DeMuth has done a great job in this book. It would work well for a Bible study group discovering truth in community. Each chapter does have points that lead into discussion. A study guide could be a later development. It is very meaty in transformational information and needs to be read slowly, thoughtfully and prayerfully. At 224 pages, it is a medium-length work. I just wonder whether this book could have become a little shorter and snappier. As a hardcore bibliophile I managed to get through the book, but I just wonder how well the average reader would cope.

Mary DeMuth has tackled a subject that is so prevalent among thousands of parents today: How do we parent our adult children who don't always make decisions we can agree with? How do we navigate the twin tunnels of relationship-building and letting go.

Being a parent of 40-somethings, and a grandparent, these beautifully-written reflections anchored in the love passage of 1 Corinthians 13, has given me nuggets of truth and grace that will sustain me as I continue my journey with my family.

Highly recommend!

A must-read book on parenting young adult children. We have always seen material on navigating early years, infants, toddlers, etc., but the parenting journey does not end when our child turns 18. If anything, it gets even more complicated.
As an Immigrant Indian parent in this country, I have often struggled to find the balance between raising my children in their culture of origin and the culture they are growing up in. My only resource has been my faith. But navigating Jesus's teachings and applying them to parenting is not always easy. Parenting is a form of discipleship, and when we as parents examine our hearts, fear and control drive us compared to patience and love.

Mary's writing is honest and refreshing. She writes about her experiences and journey of being a mother. Her words are rooted in scripture, which we need as Christian parents. I appreciate the reference to the Hebrew and Greek root words as it tells us how often we have been reading and misapplying scripture. She challenges our assumptions and encourages us to look deep into our hearts to dig out our pride and selfishness.

I have already given copies of this book to other Indian American parents, and I would love to see this book being used in book discussion groups and parenting classes. Everyone at the stage of young adult parenting needs to purchase this book!

I will read and re-read this book with a prayer on my lips. Mary provides much encouragement and wisdom throughout the book, and she guides a parent on their journey of discovering how to better serve their child(ren) by learning how to just love, pray, and listen to them. She uses the backdrop of the verses from Corinthians on what love is and what love is not as a parental guide, and helps us to take the log out of our own eyes as parents so we can fashion our parenting to resemble God’s own parenting of us.