Why Read a Book on Parenting if Your Nest is Empty?

For the first year or two of our empty nest, I secretly congratulated myself on the fine job we’d done as parents. Our daughters appeared well-adjusted and stable, and for the most part, they seemed to retain the values they’d grown up with. When an undiagnosed mental health crisis blindsided us, I scrambled to learn everything I could. I struggled to understand the disease and researched ways to respond appropriately and with love while still respecting our young adult daughter’s responsibility to care for herself.

After that one-year anomaly, I once again fluffed my feathers and shined my beak. We had successfully fledged two amazing young adults. But as storm clouds gathered on the horizon, I grasped the branch beneath our nest with terror. Conversation by conversation, I started to patch together a rather tarnished picture of how our oh-so-wonderful parenting had felt on the receiving end.

By the end of 2021, I struggled with depression and guilt. I started seeing a counselor. Love has held our family together, but I needed help dealing with the regrets and the consequences. When I saw Mary DeMuth’s book Love, Pray, Listen on NetGalley, I immediately requested a copy of it. Any book offering hope and encouragement to parents of young adults sounded like a lifeline.

Love, Pray, Listen

DeMuth did not disappoint. The author uses 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 to show readers how to fully love their adult children, get rid of the guilt that accompanies parenting mistakes, and learn to listen to (and appreciate) the person your child has become.

Christian parents in my generation (me included) thought we had it all together. Unlike our parents, we didn’t teach religion as a series of does and don’ts. We taught our kids about God’s grace (but we may have struggled to extend that grace to our kids and others). Instead of focusing on God’s control, we focused on growing kids ‘God’s way.’ Which I now realize was just us trying to control our children (I make a lousy substitute for God).

No wonder we feel gob-smacked when our adult offspring make choices we would never make (and we so comfortably assumed they would never make). DeMuth reminds us “Parenting is a long journey of releasing, of allowing our children to become adults, stretch their wings, and fly into an unknown future.”

Love, Pray, Listen shows us how to let go. It looks a lot like fostering self-awareness, kindness to ourselves and others, trusting God (and giving up on the idea we can control people or situations), and developing humility.

Why I Loved This Book

DeMuth’s book came at just the right time. Now I know I am not alone in my empty nest of regrets and despair. I wish I would have had a book like this to read back when I poured over parenting books as a young mother. Maybe I would have parented differently (and with more humility).

But it’s never too late to learn humility and try new approaches. DeMuth’s parenting journey reminds me a lot of my own. She comes alongside readers and gently points out areas of growth. When we can’t listen (because our children no longer communicate with us), we can still love and pray.

I loved everything about the book except the subtitle. Maybe the word ‘Struggling’ instead of ‘Wayward’ would have worked better. Wayward sounds too judgmental. I don’t see my kids as wayward. They have chosen a way I don’t understand, but as adults, they have the right to make their own choices. To understand their choices, I can humbly seek answers and give them the space to be experts on themselves. Their fledging signaled the start of my letting go (of control).

DeMuth’s encouragement to ‘experience the joy of letting go, the power of encouraging our kids, and the adventure of trusting God’ in the empty nest stage of our lives.

I am thoroughly enjoying Mary’s book. I have read numerous titles by this author and have enjoyed them all.

I am so thrilled someone who understands what parents encounter with older children wrote this wonderful book: Parenting Your Wayward Adult Kids with Joy. I am especially thrilled Mary DeMuth wrote it.

She is so right, our roles do change drastically when our kids become adults. And sometimes as a parent you aren't sure you like the new boudaries our adult children seem to set without knowing it. It is a definite learning experience for the parent as well as for our adult children. But through God's help, we will eventually, by prayer, get on the same page.

As Mary said, there is a lot of spiritual growth in the new era with our adult children. Only with the help of the Lord will we be able to bridge the gaps and have the relationship we need with them and that they need with us. Mary has done a beautiful job with this book. IT answered a lot of questions. I recommend it highly.

As a child I grew up stubborn and extremely rebellious. Now that I have a daughter of my own, I worry about how I will get her to make the right choices as she grows.

While there is no magic formula to this or to parenthood, this book provides a lot of things to consider. As well as helpful idea's on how to cope with those things as they happen!

Definitely a book worth giving a try!

This book is filled with so much hope! The words went straight to my mother's heart and I was so encouraged! Filled with story and scriptures that give wisdom and help on the path to praying for adult children!

I received this book from the publisher through Netgalley for review and all thoughts and opinions are my own.
For parents experiencing the pain of estrangement, reliving the painful conversations you've had with an adult son of daughter, this book is as healing as it is revealing. Well written and based in biblical truth, this book gives insight on how to keep the doors open for conversation and even reconciliation in future.