Cover Image: When I First Held You

When I First Held You

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Member Reviews

Thank you for sharing this book with me! It was a great read with a compelling hook and well crafted characters.

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This is a beautiful story. The story is told from a dual timeline. The characterisation is excellent. It’s a heartbreaking and heartwarming book.

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As a historical fiction fan and lover of all things Scotland, I knew I wanted to read this one set in Glasgow during the 60s. Judith and Jimmy fall in love while protesting nuclear war. When they are raided and Jimmy is arrested and sent to prison, Judith is left alone and pregnant. Forced to give up her baby in a home for unwed mothers, she is left with the trauma and heartbreak of both losses. Years later, Jimmy returns and old wounds are ripped open. This was such a powerful and emotional read of struggle, loss, mourning, heartbreak, love, and forgiveness. Well written and compelling, it is one of those stories that stay with you after you have finished it. Thanks so much to Anstey Harris, the publisher, and NetGalley for the opportunity to review this e-arc.

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When I First Held You tells the story of Judith recently bereaved after the of her decades long parent: the famous landscape artist Catherine Rolf and the sudden appearance of her first love James.

There is an exploration of a period of history that if written about in this review is somewhat spoiler for a reveal that occurs someway into the novel. The author has been motivated to explore this part of British history due to her own beginnings and life.

Although the story is an important one to be told and the characters are loveable, there was a magic spark missing from the writing style for me that prevents me awarding a higher star rating.

I would certainly recommend this book to others that have an interest family drama and historical fiction as some of this story plays out in the 1960s.
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Thank you Netgalley for the opportunity to read and review this.

Reading this book, left me just feeling wow.

This novel is about loss and love and how we are both broken and mended over time. This is beautifully written and also heartbreaking. Reading this, I find myself at a loss of words of how to describe this, except that I find this a must-read.

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Interesting read from Anstey Harris based on a time when women had some freedom but maybe less choices than they have today. Judith is working in her Repair shop and recovering from the death of her long term partner Catherine when a face from the past comes to her door, forcing her to address issues from her youth. Reflections of a time when young people were drawn to anti - nuclear causes, relationships were freer than they had been and forced adoptions were commonplace.

Thanks to Netgalley the author and publishers for an ARC in return for an honest review

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Absolutely loved this book!

The writing style was really good and I look forward to reading any other books from this author in the future :)

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It's easy to fix broken things, but how do you fix broken people? This novel is absolutely gorgeous.

A dual-timeline novel alternating between 1960s Glasgow, when Judith and Jimmy fall in love, and present day, when the two reconnect after 50 years apart. This is a novel about adoption, but this is also a lesson in how harrowing it was to be an unwed mother in the 1960s (let's face it, not that long ago).

All of the characters-- from the main players to the supporting cast-- are fully formed. The descriptions, particularly of Glasgow in the sixties, transported me there. This is a very personal story for Anstey Harris and it shows.

Lovingly written and lovingly read.

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This story covered some heavy topics and handled them very well. Was an amazing read, keeps you enthralled and full of twists and turns.

I couldn’t read this book quick enough and looked forward to picking it back up.

Thank you NetGalley and publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

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I highlighted this book on my Booktube channel. The video can be accessed here: https://youtu.be/0UGiE3mbWOs

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When I First Held You’ is the latest book by Anstey Harris.

In 1960s Glasgow, anti-nuclear activists Judith and Jimmy fall in love. But their future hopes are dashed when their protestors’ squat is raided and many, including Jimmy, are sent to prison. Pregnant and with no word from Jimmy, Judith is forced to enter an unmarried mothers’ home, give up their baby and learn to live with her grief. More than half a century later, Judith’s Mending Shop restores broken treasures, just as Judith herself has been bound back together by her late, much-missed partner, Catherine. But her tranquillity is shattered when Jimmy―so different and yet somehow the same―reappears, yearning to unpick the painful past. Realising they each know only half of the other’s story, Jimmy and Judith finally break the silence that tore apart what might have been their family. Amid heartbreak and hope, how much can now be mended?

It’s been a while since I’ve read a book by Anstey, but I’ve always had a soft spot for her debut novel called ‘The Truths and Triumphs of Grace Atherton’

In her latest book we meet Judith who met James during the 1960s, they were young protesters who fell in love and when James is arrested, Judith is left behind pregnant. She returns home hoping for her parents support but instead is sent to a mother and baby home, where her baby is adopted. Judith has never given up on finding her daughter and when James comes into her life, they face old ghosts as well as connect with Ruby, their granddaughter.

The story is seen through the narrative of Judith and Ruby as they meet and begin a new relationship. Both are tentative whilst James just jumps straight in. He’s unaware of the hardship that Judith went through after his arrest and it’s quite hard reading in parts, as Judith tries to keep her baby only for it to taken away.

The story is also written in past and present tense and really highlights the trauma a single woman has to go through when pregnant. The pressure and judgement from society and the church that forces women into these homes and tears families apart makes for really sad and upsetting in parts.

A tender and beautifully written story about the horrific times women had to go through, ‘When I First Held You’ is an emotional story about, love, loss and reconciliation that will tug at your heartstrings.

You can buy ‘When I First Held You’ from Amazon and is available to buy from good bookshops.

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I have followed Anstey Harris's writing for some time, she has such passion and grace in her prose. When I heard about this book, I knew i had to read it- and what a story. Heartbreaking and tender in equal turns, this tale of life in an unmarried mothers' home and what happens afterwards will leave you emotionally broken but with hope for the future.

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This book was hauntingly beautiful - I was hooked from the beginning!
One of the things that stood out for me was the characterization of the book, I felt like I knew Judith and Jimmy.
Although the story flows between different timelines as a reader you are never lost. As a reader you can understand the feeling of lost chances and the misunderstandings which is brilliantly encapsulated.
I will forever recommend this book, if you're looking for an emotional read.

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Thank you so much for the ARC. It’s a story about how two individuals met and fell in love as anti nuclear protesters. Unfortunately they separated and reunited after 50 years. The writing really touches your soul and makes your heart ache with tears flowing down your eyes. It’s not all sadness too as there’s laughter. Really worth the read,

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I loved this book. Anstey is a gifted storyteller, her books draw the reader in. I read this book over the last two days and I'm so sad that the story has come to an end. Such beautiful, engaging and memorable characters.

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A heartbreaking story told with great sensitivity which draws on the real life experiences of unwed mothers in the 60's in Scotland. The characters are richly developed and I was invested from the beginning. The story follows Judith and James when they first meet as idealistic young adults and when they reunite 50 years and a lifetime later. The story moves between the times and unfolds Judith's story with care and an unexpected twist and betrayal. Beautiful narrative and prose, not to be missed.
Thanks to NetGalley and Lake Union Publishing for the opportunity to review this eARC.

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Judith and Jimmy are in love. They are anti-nuclear activists and very much in love. Then Jimmy is put in prison and Judith sent to a home for unwed mothers. She is forced to give up their baby and has a hard time dealing with it. Over 50 years later they meet again and have a lot to deal with. A lot to catch up on.

This book is beautifully written and very heartbreaking. It will have you weeping. Also very angry. I loved both of these characters very much. There was a couple of things that I didn't much like but overall it was perfect. It seems to grab you by the heart. Squeezing it in places also. From start to finish it was a great read.

Thank you NetGalley for this ARC.

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4.5 Stars. Anstey Harris’ The Museum of Forgotten Memories was one of my best books of 2020. It was deeply moving and uplifting fiction, not afraid to challenge perceptions and powered by emotional honesty. So I already knew the author would explore When I First Held You’s traumatic subject matter with uncommon sensitivity, perceptiveness and nuance. Then, when I learned this fiction drew on her own lived experience, I was confident the grief contained would be worth traversing.

When I First Held You is a journey of emotional, historical and personal discovery for both its characters and its readers, so I am loathe to pre-empt its several ‘reveals’ in this review. Instead, I will discuss the elements I found most striking and impactful about this story’s execution.

With a captivating alternating first-person narrative, Harris cleverly dials up the volume of the female voice and perspective, specifically incorporating that of a younger generation, that which was historically ‘unheard’. But she does so metaphorically… there is no shouting. And, most importantly, she does so without diminishing the male characters. (In fact, they are wonderful also.) Regardless of gender, their power stems from purpose of action, compassion, endurance and resilience. From seeking to better understand their own, and others motivations; and from supporting each other.

Yes, When I First Held You interrogates grief and loss in its myriad forms – of lost love, lost company and support, and most devastatingly, lost opportunity and lost hope. It shines a light on the untold damage that can be inflicted by the best of intentions.

But, it is also a thought-provoking exploration of the perils of judgement without full context and information, and the treasures that can be found in new perspectives and experiences, new comradery and companionship, no matter our age. And, there is of course authentic humour when moments in real life call for it too.

Harris’ prose exudes a highly accessible literary sensibility that is just a pleasure to read. The unbridled emotional honesty is both heartrending and heartwarming, yet staunchly authentic.

When I First Held You is another deeply moving read from Anstey Harris…. an author with important things to say and a very special talent for doing so without judgement.

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Excellent, well done book. A bit of a slow burn, but absolutely worth reading. Definitely recommend!

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In 1960s Glasgow anti nuclear activists Jude and Jimmy meet at a squat and fall in love. When their squat is raided they lose touch for over 50 years. When they meet again by chance they share their secrets and the heartbreak that followed their separation over half a century ago.
I was completely drawn into Jude and Jimmy's story; I loved the dual timeline and the author beautifully portrays the relationship between them in the past and present. As someone who was adopted in the 1960s I found this to be a very moving and emotional read that had me in tears on a few occasions. The author writes from her own experience and for me this made the story even more heartbreaking. It's an experience shared by so many and the author writes with such insight, warmth and empathy.
A beautiful and hopeful novel that I would recommend.
Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read and review this digital ARC.

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