Vampires stories will be as immortal as they are. And it's because you have so many liberties to take when telling a vampire story.
This one had similarities to Interview With the Vampire. It was beautiful and thought provoking. The dual timelines alternating between past and present helped set the tone for our character and her struggles/changes.
I liked how she accepted Czernobog by the end. I think it was the only way to end her story, although those last paragraphs do make me want a sequel. So maybe that wasn't the end?
I had no trouble getting into the story, the writing captivated me early on. I loved this book exactly for what it was. Vampires. Historical fiction. I don't think you can go wrong. But this exceeded expectations.

TL;DR

The God of Endings by Jacqueline Holland is a unique take on vampire stories. It’s an existential novel pondering whether life is a blessing or a curse. This all too human portrait of Collette is wonderful. Highly recommended. I cannot recommend this book enough.

Disclaimer: The publisher provided a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. Any and all opinions that follow are mine alone.

Review: The God of Endings by Jacqueline Holland

Books are unique in all of art in that they allow us access to the thoughts of another. While reading, we are inside the head of another individual experiencing their life and their thoughts. While fictional characters don’t exist, fiction is as close as we can get to experiencing another person’s thoughts transferred directly into our brains. It’s amazing that we can find connection and a sense of community this way. It baffles me to no end. All books are entertainment, but some reach beyond that and strike me at the core of my being. I feel both bigger and smaller for having read them. The God of Endings by Jacqueline Holland is one of those books.

In 1984, Collette LeSange runs an elite school. She has built a quiet life for herself teaching children how to make art. She prefers younger children because they are so full of life that it distracts her from her existential woe. For Collette is a vampire; though, she’s unlike any other vampire I’ve read about. Collette remains human despite the gifts of eternal life. She struggles with depression, and her morals don’t let her feed from humans. She also doesn’t kill when she feeds. In fact, she’s collected a clowder of cats that she feeds from when needed. They are also the pets of the school, and in a way, the only family that Collette has nearby. Her immortal grandfather is only seen at the beginning of the book when she’s transformed; he remains a specter over the rest of the novel but not present on the page. His gift of immortal life weighs heavily on Collette and has throughout history. In 1834, Collette – then named Anna – was dying of cholera, following her brother and father. But her grandfather turned her because he saw a strength in her to live on. Collette spends the rest of the novel wishing she hadn’t been turned. But with the addition of little Leo Hardman to her school, Collette’s life is about to become a little less quiet. For with Leo’s arrival Collette suspects she feels the supernatural presence of Czernobog, the God of Endings. Hunger grips Collette in a way that it never has before, and she begins to wake up missing time. What does Czernobog’s sudden appearance in Collette’s life portend?

The God of Endings by Jacqueline Holland is a first person point of view novel that alternates between the present of 1984 and various other dates in Collette’s past. The pace is measured, and the book is less concerned with action than it is with observation. Collette seeks to protect her secret and twists herself up in many ways to remain among humans and live her own moral life. Holland uses Collette’s immortal existence to muse on whether life is a blessing or a curse. At the same time, Collette’s thoughts on art are wonderful. This is a slow, ponderous book that dwells, ruminates, and explores. It’s as engaging as any action packed blockbuster.

A New Kind of Vampire (At Least, to Me)

Holland’s take on the vampire mythos was a new, fresh take. At least, as far as my reading is concerned, that is. While Collette has certain traits to fit the archetype: a hunger for blood, super strength, super speed, healing, fangs for ingesting blood, and the inability to eat human food, Collette also deviates. She’s asexual; even so far as losing her human genitals and secondary sex traits. This makes sense, right? Vampires procreate asexually; so, why do they need human genitals? She’s not aromantic, though. Throughout her past, she falls for various men. She also doesn’t kill to feed and doesn’t feed off humans if she can help it. The exception to that rule is Nazis, and we can all agree that’s a good exception. Despite being powerful, she doesn’t seek to play hero or meddle in the affairs of humans. She simply wants to exist and make art. Her existence, however, weighs on her. For Collette immortality isn’t all its cracked up to be. She loses people over and over and over again. Her very nature always means she has to have one foot out the door, and this is a terrible thing when forging relationships with people. Collette wants connection so much, and that’s why she’s opened her school. She needs some sort of connection to people to survive. Holland gives readers a glimpse of various connections in her past, both romantic and platonic. But they all end in heartbreak for Collette, whether through death or the small-mindedness of humanity.

Holland’s take on the vampire myth allows her to philosophize more. Through Collette, she ponders whether life is a blessing or a curse. Rightly so, she doesn’t give an answer; Holland leaves it up to the reader. This worked for me. Ultimately, the purpose of life is an individual thing we must all figure out for ourselves. Holland presented arguments for and against life as a blessing. Even though Collette wasn’t aware of some of those arguments, Holland put them in there for the reader to see.

Art as Purpose

Collette paints. She’s an artist, and that’s what her school is about. The reason she takes to Leo so strongly is his abnormal ability to create art. He’s a prodigy who’s skill level is way above where it should be for his age. Readers see Collette give him instruction, and through her instruction, we see the joy that art brings her. Holland muses on art throughout the book, and though it’s not the main purpose of the book, I can’t help but see it as a love letter to creativity. Art give Collette purpose at various points throughout her life, both high and low points. It keeps her human because it allows her to express emotion. And Collette is full of repressed emotion. How could she not be? She has a huge secret to keep, and it weighs on her. But when she’s creating, she’s in the moment. She’s being. She’s observing nature. She’s focused. These are good things that art can bring to a person. Creativity is an excellent form of mental healthcare. For Collette, though, art is so much more than that, so much more than a coping mechanism. It’s a way to connect with other people.

It seems as if art and the humanities are always under attack, and right now as the U.S. careens towards totalitarianism, having art be the purpose of your life brings about ridicule or disdain. To say you’re an artist takes courage. People will nod at you but wonder what you ‘really do.’ If you’re not getting paid for it, then people question whether that really makes you an artist or not. When the answer is simple. Ask yourself, do you create art? If the answer is yes, you’re an artist. There’s no other qualifier necessary. Art can be life saving, and Holland shows that to be the case with Collette. Though Collette is immortal, there is a small portion of the book where she’s existing but not living. It’s her art that differentiates living from existence. This is true for many of us.

Czernobog and the Supernatural

Holland never indicates whether there are other supernatural entities in her world. Other vampires exist, but as for werewolves and other myths, Holland doesn’t say. It doesn’t matter to this novel whether they do or not except for Czernobog. I liked this because Collette is attempting to be human throughout her long life. She’s not trying to integrate into the supernatural community. By keeping her exclusively in the ‘human’ world, Holland shows that Collette doesn’t suddenly become part of a new world. She retains the same sort of life many of us have. Through this, she attempts to remain human, just with a few caveats.

Czernobog may exist or may just be Collette attempting to make purpose of changing events. The fact that Collette doesn’t know is fantastic. By putting The God of Endings in first person, Holland lets the reader decide. Collette’s belief in Czernobog is another way of expressing her humanity. Readers don’t see religious vampires; in fact, religion is often a weapon against them. But Collette learns of this ancient Slavic god and sees his effects in various traumatic moments in her life. Czernobog is not a comfort to her. In a way, though, he is an old friend. He connects her to a long lost love. I don’t know if Czernobog is in the novel or not, and I love that. To me, that’s more powerful and meaningful than if he had appeared directly on the page taking responsibility.

Conclusion

Jacqueline Holland’s The God of Endings blew me away. It works as a character study, as a philosophical rumination on life, as a vampire story, and as an acceptance story. Holland’s Collette is a unique vampire in a genre suffused with vampires. But it’s not the supernatural that makes The God of Endings wonderful, it’s Collette’s humanity underneath the weight of history, of loss, and of pain.

Highly recommended.

I love vampires and love to see them making a resurgence in a much different way. Collette is worn down by her immortal life and I love the way the author managed to slip back into the past to give glimpses into her change and her fears of losing control of herself. All the best vampire stories to me are centered around that lack of control and what it means to try to hold onto humanity in the wake of such a monsterous awakening. It did drag a little in the past and there were some things I didn't think were handled the best (particularly the prejudice for Roma and Jewish people) but the story overall was an enjoyable read. It left me with many things to ponder on.

The God of Endings follows Collete, an immortal woman, over centuries of life - a life often fraught with regret, hunger, and loneliness, though also kindness.

The use of dual timelines and the pacing at which certain moments of Collette's life are revealed was done beautifully. The exploration of what immortality could actually entail - not only what one would stand to gain with everlasting life, but what one may face losing was such a compelling take on the classic subject of vampires. With that, it also poses the question of where the line exists between endings and beginnings. While we often encounter the fantastical and romanticized in this genre, Holland's take felt like we were diving into a more intimate look at our main character - their humanity.

I’m really looking forward to what comes next from Jacqueline Holland and recommend this to fans of The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue and Woman, Eating.

Thanks to Netgalley, Flatiron Books, and Jacqueline Holland for the opportunity to read this book in exchange for my honest review. All opinions are my own.

This was a cool book that I wasn’t expecting. It had so many layers to it that I found myself sucked into it. It had parts that were slower and that’s when I found my attention waning but for the most part I found myself thoroughly immersed and enjoying in the story. It was an interesting read I’d suggest others check out.

Thanks to NetGalley and the Publisher for the ARC.

Vampires are making a comeback and I’m not mad about it. This seems to be a story of what it means to truly be alive wrapped up in a neat, vampiric bow to draw in the appeal. Half of the book follows Collette as she is now and half follows her during her childhood and change, which I really enjoyed. We follow along as she struggles with the possibility or thought of losing her mind and her control - two things that one could argue are imperative to a vampire’s existence. But is existing the same thing as living?
This is beautifully written and an interesting book to read. It isn’t a new conversation people are having, but it does offer an intriguing look into what immortality could actually mean, both good and bad. There are some drawbacks. I didn’t really connect with the characters much if I were to be completely honest. I can see people not enjoying the dual timelines and some could get bored with it, as it isn’t the most action-packed read. However, if you enjoy wondering around with a main character who is contemplating their existence and quite possibly losing their noggin, you may enjoy this one.

I received an ARC in exchange for my honest opinion. Thanks goes to NetGalley and Flatiron Books.

Genre: Fantasy, Literary Fiction, Historical Fantasy
Violence: Low-Medium (Blood but nothing too horrible on the page.)
Trigger Warnings: Even though the violence on the page isn't high, there are still things that could be a trigger for some people. Self-harm, Abuse, Drugs, Prostitution

There is a LOT going on in this 480 page chunky book.

It's been a long time since I've read a book with vampires in it, but I decided I was in for the ride.

These are not your campy or typical vampires.

Collette runs a preschool. She's rather disaffected with life and living and would welcome death. Through the past, we see how she became the person she is at the school (1980s). The "God of Endings" is found in the past sections and essential to understand for this book.

I was initially interested in both the past and the present timelines. Once she moves through her "art period" in the wilderness, I found myself less interested in the past portions. Some extreme prejudice is examined. Specifically the Roma people and the Jews—I'm not sure about how I felt about this because it didn't seem like the character was specific enough in her reaction to know if there was a feeling of censure or acceptance of the prejudice against marginalized people. I was also not comfortable with the interaction with a young black woman named Dream (this fell into a stereotype and didn't seem to have a strong balance on the other side—you'll have to see what you think).

As Collette's growing hunger takes over, I kept wondering why—what does this signal? She is also wondering what this change portends. I also felt a sense of dread because of her life in the past. And the only "solution" I could see was not exactly heartwarming or even felt satisfying. So, I kept reading.

Typical for me, I truly felt for the preschool boy with the terrible home life. Leo is plagued by his own demons via his family. Collette accidentally becomes embroiled in this family's problems. So, this is the second major conflict that I wanted to see how it was resolved.

I'm not sure why, but the conflict with Leo and his family seemed like the more pressing one. Perhaps, because it involved a child.

By the end, I felt a bit wrung out. And I'm having a hard time giving this book stars. I feel like the point of the book is that life is not fair. Or possibly to love the life you're given, if you want more optimism. If this review was for myself, I would leave it empty. But as an ARC, I must give it a rating. I will say 3.5, rounded to 4.

Hauntingly beautiful and structurally epic, this deeply rich character piece explores the value and vicissitudes of life and how our desire to control it can destroy us.

All that wrapped up in pretty vampire paper? Yes please.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for my free copy. These opinions are my own.

Thanks to Flatiron Books for the copy of this book!

When I read "vampires + Addie LaRue vibes" I knew I had to pick this book up. While there isn't a strong romance storyline like there is in Addie LaRue, The God of Endings is a strong character-driven story about a women who is turned into a vampire by her grandfather at a young age when she's on the brink of death. He says, "This world, my dear child, all of it, right to the very end if there is to be an end, is a gift. But it's a gift few are strong enough to receive. I made a judgment that you might be among those strong few, that you might be better served on this side of things than the other. I thought you might find some use for the world and it for you. But if not, my sincerest apologies for the miscalculation."

As we follow our vampire, Collette LaSange in the 1980s timeline, we get flashbacks to her childhood a century and a half before and her reflection on her grandather's words throughout her life. She struggles to source her food while also presenting as "just your regular, everyday art teacher", to be a vampire while also caring for small children, and to continue on with life when she longs for the silence of death.

I enjoyed this read. It's definitely for a particular type of reader, and is a slow and winding story that I believe is best read over the course of a week or two - which is also how I read Addie LaRue. I absolutely loved the ending of this, too!

Read if you:
- Enjoy character-driven stories
- Like vampires
- Loved The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue
- Want to take your time with a read

This book delves into the themes of making difficult choices, persevering through tough times, and discovering hope. The use of a narrative point of view in this book adds a personal and touching element as the protagonist, who happens to be a vampire, shares her life story. The emotional journey of loss, heartbreak, and isolation is truly heart-wrenching. It's a thought-provoking read that will leave you contemplating your own existence.

In terms of pacing, I noticed that certain parts of the story were moving slower, which impacted my engagement with the material. However, I recognized that these scenes were essential to the overall narrative and thus had to be included.

Thank you to NetGalley and Flatiron Books for the ARC copy in exchange for my honest review.

I'm seeing comparisons of this to The Invisible Life of Addie La Rue and I can see that, but beware that Addie is soft and sad, while this is sharp and dark. Yes, it is a vampire story but much more The Historian than Twilight. Collette LeSange (the protagonist's current name) is experiencing a sudden increase in cravings. "For more than a century, I could have set a clock by my cravings, and a quart of blood every third day never failed to satisfy them. But suddenly and mysteriously, this is no longer the case." Pursued by Czernobog, the god of endings, we follow Ana/Collette across the globe, through war and persecution, landing in 1984 teaching privileged preschoolers at her private home school. As she becomes intertwined with one of the students and his mother (think A Simple Favor) her actions become more dangerous until she acknowledges what she must do to curb her increased appetite. This story unfolded in so many directions that I could see it being turned into a television series.

At 480 pages this debut novel runs long and the nonlinear timeline confused me a few times, but I was truly invested in and enjoyed the story. No spoilers but the ending is both final and leaves the option for a sequel (or series) that I would love to read.

I just couldn't. It ended up on my DNF list. The page in my blog notebook got ripped out The download was deleted from my library. I wanted to so badly, but I just couldn't. This felt NOTHING like Addie LaRue (a book I adore to my very core) and I can almost feel Anne Rice rolling her eyes into the back of her head over the comparison with Interview With a Vampire. I may have maybe more lenient if it was left in Northern New York, an area I know and love. I had high HIGH hopes when I saw Plattsburgh mentioned at the beginning. But no. We jumped times and locations and right on my last nerve. Maybe it would have worked if it had been severely edited down to half its length -- cut out some of the jumping around, the apparent hatred of the Romani, the endless rambling that I tend to do in my reviews. Maybe MAYBE it would have been finished. Maybe.

Thank you to Netgalley and Flatiron books for a copy of this ARC in exchange for an honest review!~

The God of Endings by Jacqueline Holland follows our main character Collette/Anna/Anya/No One as she's given the gift of immortality. A gift that, surely, she would have preferred been given to someone else. Starting our story during 1843, in a town that believed illness was brought on by the devil and the dead, Anna just wants to let her illness take her. Instead, her grandfather, a man she's never met, strolls into town and takes her back to his estate, with the intentions of using "modern medicine" to cure her ailment. After little success in her treatments, he makes a decision, he turns her. Flashing forward to now, the 80's in New York, Collette runs a fancy painting academy for welloff children. Things have been going well and she's been following a routine that works for here. Strangely enough, once she welcomes a student with troubled parents into her school, her life is turned upside down. Why has she meddled in the personal lives of this child and his parents, why is her thirst for blood suddenly so much stronger and frequent, where is she going in the middle of the night?

This debut really blew me away. I read it in three sittings, which may have been a bit excessive. For the first half of the book, I found myself much more interested in what had happened in Collette's past. The children at the art school were interesting, but it kept me hungry for more info on why she's at where she is today. As we approached the climax of the Leo situation, I was hungry for more chapters on what was happening in present day!!! That whole situation really caught me off guard because I was so focused on the past. I really wish Collette the best, I can't believe how she's survived so much pain in her long life. While I very much loved Piroska, Vano, and Ehru; I think Paul's story hurt me the most. I also find it very unique that in most vampire stories, vampires are very sexual creatures. The twist of her body changes were a very different change of pace, and made her transition and immortality all the more tragic. Holland has quite a way with writing tragedy - I hope to read more from her in the future!

I DNF'd this book a little over the halfway point and will not be posting a review on any of my platforms because I don't have much to say about what I read beyond it desperately needing editing and a few sensitivity readers. This book is incredibly racist towards Romani, heavily featuring the Magical Romani trope, and as someone with Romani heritage I found it truly awful and disgusting. I didn't grow up around my Romani family members so I don't feel as though I have the ability, not being raised inside the culture, to call myself Roma but I will still actively call out anti-Roma racism when I see it. Portraying Romani people as mystics and magical/supernatural is racist for a plethora of reasons (think the magical Black person trope that was so popular in the 80s a la Stephen King), but the main one is that for centuries the only way Roma women could make any money or support their families were to open their closed religious practices and closed personal practices to gadje in the form of card reading and other forms of divination. There's also a brown man that is Very Dangerous, a Black caretaker (mammy? stereotype), a Magical Black Woman, and a brown orphan who is Very Ambitious despite their social standing and will do anything to get ahead. The interesting set-up and premise were entirely wasted on this racist garbage. Oh! And apparently most of these very stereotypical POC characters die. I don't think it takes a genius to figure out why that's incredibly problematic. It was also so unbelievably repetitive. This book has no redeeming qualities. As I previously mentioned, I will not be posting this incredibly negative review on any of my platforms beyond telling people that it's intensely problematic because I don't want to promote this book in any way whatsoever.

I'm not sure how many of my readers have read Interview with a Vampire, but this is somewhat like the modern, less angsty version of that book mixed with The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue. I enjoyed this far more than that book and found The God of Endings to be an unputdownable read that really took me by surprise.

Collette LeSange has lived for far more years than her youthful visage would imply. The “present day” is 1984 and Collette runs a posh French pre-school where she teaches art and music. Being surrounded by the joy of the children keeps the existential crisis at bay. Things are going well enough, despite her loneliness, until she begins to feel a growing, insatiable hunger and a dark presence she calls Czernobog returns. The story alternates between 1984 and the years after her change to immortality. Though she is in New York in the present day, Collette travels widely from eastern Europe to France to Egypt in the years prior and experiences numerous moments of heartbreak.

The story is an emotional one, where our main character experiences years of peace and relative normalcy which are invariably shattered by violence and heartbreak. One of my favorite segments was when she lived in Chamonix, leading up to the German invasion during World War II. Collette had built a wonderful little life after years of wandering the forests alone only for it to be disrupted by German forces. She proceeded to lure them from their camps and drain them of blood, earning the moniker of Night Beast. The present day (1984) chapters were quite emotional for a different reason. Collette is ravenously hungry and keeps waking to find herself covered in blood or mud with no memory, which makes running a pre-school full of children somewhat dangerous. There’s a little boy named Leo, a budding artistic prodigy with dysfunctional parents, who Collette just loves. She never explicitly says it, but the boy is dear to her and dealing with his wreck of a home life only adds to the drama of the story.

Overall, I am pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed this book and delighted to find a vampire book that explores the drawbacks of immortality. I loved the ending though I would have killed for a proper epilogue set several years into the future. The God of Endings was a poignant debut novel that left me pondering the beauty in brevity.

At its core, The God of Endings is a deep exploration of the human condition. Holland's exquisite writing and immersive worldbuilding perfectly capture Anna's long, dark descent into paranoia and loneliness, as she struggles to cope with her undesired immortality.

The God of Endings is a hybrid of literary fiction, Gothic historical fantasy, and a contemporary domestic thriller with vampires. Told through multiple timelines, many will compare The God of Endings to The Invisible Life of Addie Larue. In as much as the novel interweaves the present day with those of Anna's past as she grows to understand her immortal nature.

By 1984, Anna, now a teacher at a small school, has learned to survive in a world not meant for her. She surrounds herself with children to cope with her solitude. However, when she becomes overly involved in one of her students' lives, Anna's world begins to unravel.

If I have any complaints, it was a tad too long, and I was left feeling a bit unsatisfied with the ending. However, I can't wait to see what Holland writes next.

Thank you to Netgalley, Flatiron Books, and Macmillan Audio for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.

What a good read this is! Colette, who owns and runs an upscale pre-school in New York State in 1984 has a big secret- she is a vampire who was actually born in the 1830s and lived most of her life in Europe. This moves between her life there-in the woods, in a chateau, during WWII- and 1984 when she's struggling to feed herself and her world is beginning to close in. Holland has done a terrific job of creating a character you'll care about, especially as she deals with a life she never expected or wanted mostly on her own. She finds and loses love, her need to feed serves the French Resistance (which doesn't appreciate what she's done), and now she's worried about Leo, a child whose mother and stepfather don't seem to care about him. While there's some graphic violence here (after all she must eat) this never goes over the top (although animal lovers should be aware) and it never gets melodramatic. There are a few surprises and a twits or two (no spoilers). Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC. I gotta admit that I didn't expect to enjoy this, let alone become completely wrapped up in it but that's what happened and I'm very happy to have found it.

I feel like this was written just for me. Between the totally engrossing historical portions and the beautiful set up for the present day, this book kept me totally invested from start to finish.

Colette is a reluctant immortal who is dealing with a new insatiable hunger. She feels she is being hunted by a god from her youth who she has credited with all her misfortune. The feeling of dread I felt almost the entire time reading this was so intense.

In her job as a private preschool teacher she grapples with the meaning of life, regret, art and loneliness. There are some really lovely passages where she works through her thoughts on these things.

There are so many separate pieces of this novel that I feel were effortlessly woven together to make a damn good debut. I would recommend this to those wanting a more literary fantasy with a serious tone and former teenage Twilight nerds looking for an adult vampire novel not centered on romance and angst.

I received an eARC via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review

In the 1830s, a dying Anna was turned into a vampire by her grandfather. The gift of eternal life often feels more like a curse to her, however, as she spends the next century and a half afraid to make connections with those whose lives are so fleeting. In the 1980s, Anna now goes by Collette and runs an upscale arts-focused preschool. The arrival of a child with a troubled family to her preschool, however, forces Collette to reconsider her relationship with immortality and the fragility of human connection.

The God of Endings is slow and meandering, but ultimately worth the wait. Holland flits between Anna/Anya/Collette's past and her present, exploring her roots and her lonely past. There is definitely a sense of melancholia that permeates the story: a key part of Collette's struggles center around that every time she creates a connection with someone, she inevitably loses them. The prose is gorgeous. I loved the juxtaposition of a caring, adored preschool teacher with a bloodthirsty vampire struggling with her ethics.

I also really enjoyed the mythology here, although there's a lot that's left up to the reader's imagination. The "God of Endings" is Czernobog, a Slavic god (who I admittedly only knew from the book American Gods). It works as a great narrative device to further the themes of beginnings versus endings - Collette spends her life trying to run away from endings but is finally forced to confront them.

I can definitely see the comparisons to The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, though this is its own unique story. If you like literary fiction, vampires, historical fiction, or questions about morality, definitely check this out - this is a slow, thoughtful tale to savor. 4.5 stars from me!

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the eARC in exchange for my honest opinion.

I really enjoyed this book. However, it was NOTHING like I was expecting! I think I saw a review talking about vampires and focused solely on that going in - when in reality this book is so much more. A beautiful yet tragic telling of the very interesting and intensely lonely life that Anna leads. Honestly while reading, I got some Addie LaRue vibes -- but it was SO MUCH BETTER. Parts of this book were so raw and full of emotion, and other parts were simple and sweet (I absolutely adore Leo and his giraffe). This story bounces around from present day, Ana (going by Collete) as a preschool art teacher, to many different time periods in her past. Some of the stories in the past were interesting, but didn't quite make sense with the storyline. There was a lot of build up to #thegodofendings and that part turned out to be a bit confusing to me. This turned out to be such an atmospheric, beautiful story about family, motherhood and what actually matters in life, and I actually really loved how this book ended (despite not being what I was imagining!).