Member Review

Wow! Color me surprised in the most glorious fashion.

When I first heard about this book, I was definitely interested… but I also anticipated an “Ace 101” type introductory text. I had just recently read Sherronda Brown’s ‘Refusing Compulsory Sexuality’ and I was amazed by its comprehensiveness. I didn’t expect that same level of societal examination from a book described as “what it means to be asexual, aromantic, demi or grey-ace.” Of course, I know now that I am a fool and I never should have doubted Eris Young and their work - or the quotes compiled from across the community.

Eris makes it very clear in the ‘Who Are We?’, ‘Microlabels’, and ‘When Language Isn’t Enough’ chapters that, although they are providing some general definitions for various identity labels, these words should absolutely not be taken as gospel. They discuss the use of these words as “identity” vs “description.” They challenge the very need to include a glossary like this in Queer nonfiction. (Where Queer folks are “queering” the very concepts of sexuality, romance, and relationships in general.) They see the beauty in ambiguity.

And then! They explore intersectionality, which (in my opinion) no book on Queerness should lack in this day & age. They connect our topic to race, gender, disability, neurodivergence, and mental health. They ask us to consider the definition of “love” while explaining the split attraction model. They talk explicitly about sex and the continuum of experiences with it across the Ace community. And all along the way, they ask these incredibly thought-provoking questions for any reader: ace & allo alike.

I can sing the praises of the material written within this book very easily. I can point to my multitude of tabs with notes like, “Did I write this part?” and “OMG, it me” and “Mood.” But what I think makes this book even more powerful is that Eris seems to have found a part of themself while on this writing journey. And in that, the book takes on the feel of a memoir - in a very nontraditional & beautifully queered way. What a joy to share as a reader!