Cover Image: My Child Told Me They're Trans...What Do I Do?

My Child Told Me They're Trans...What Do I Do?

Pub Date:   |   Archive Date:

Member Reviews

5* important book, important topic

This is SUCH a great book. Working as a volunteer with parents of transgender young adults, this book is very recognizable. The struggle, worries and emotions displayed in the book are all so familiar. The book does a great job in viewing these topics from various aspects, but always stays respectful. I highly recommend any parent to read this book, not just those of transgender/gender questioning kids. I the end it takes a village to raise a child and if we all read this and keep this in mind, we can all create a safer environment for trans & queer kids in the future. Highly recommend!
Was this review helpful?
Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an E-ARC of this book. 

This book did an excellent job of of pulling in commentary from a diverse set of voices. It includes subject matter experts including parents of trans youth, counselors, social justice journalists, physicians and psychologists. 

The basis of the book is to provide support of our trans youth with an emphasis on love and acceptance. The book references multiple times the high propensity of trans youth being homeless and at times wanting to turn to suicide. 

Passages within the book speak to acceptance like this statement: "Being transgender is not a 'lifestyle choice'; rather, it is just one more beautiful, normal variation of being human. Having the support of family is the number one way to prevent depression and suicide among transgender youth. Every child deserves to be loved and supported unconditionally". 

And later, "The short answer is to listen to, love, believe, accept, and support your child. They're going through a lot. So are you, but you can't let your child see that, since it probably took a lot to come out to you in the first place". 

The book is a very easy read and is not high brow what-so-ever. It's approachable and would provide a great talking points between adults in a family adjusting to their child's transition as well as conversational topics between parents and young adult children.
Was this review helpful?
Gracias a NetGalley por esta copia a cambio de una reseña. 

My Chid Told Me They're Trans... What Do I Do es un excelente libro, no solo para los padres, sino que también para cualquier miembro de la familia que esté lleno de preguntas. Aunque considero este libro muy importante para todos, no creo que se haya utilizado el formato correcto. Sí, contiene muchas preguntas buenas y por ende excelentes respuestas, pero no considero que sea el formato correcto para explicarle a alguien que está aprendiendo del tema. Considero un poco repetitivas las respuestas y hasta un poco largas. 

Recomendaría que se volviera a revisar el escrito y que pase por otro proceso de edición. Si su objetivo es ayudar a comprender y obtener respuestas a este tema, deberían comenzar de una manera más simple y directa.
Was this review helpful?
Just a quick warning that the book contains discussion of suicide that isn't preceded by a content note at time of writing.
It also seems a little manipulative with 'good parents' who have happy children and 'bad parents' who do not.
In reality, it can be a little more complex with parents who try their best and who are compassionate, but whose children struggle nonetheless.
Other children whose parents aren't supportive can still thrive in chosen families.
I can see why this tone might appeal, as difficult material is covered such as parents who have sent their children to conversion therapy, and who have lied to them about waiting lists.
I would rather the book weren't set up with a preaching tone, though.
The rest of the book flows more smoothly with introductions to the parents sharing information and then common questions answered by named individuals. 
Advice is often sensible like 'be loving... be approachable... be patient... be curious'.
More of this tone in the introduction would have improved this book for me.
Was this review helpful?
First of all I found this hard to read on my kindle which is not the authors fault at all, simply formatting issues, but obviously made the experience less enjoyable. But wanted to point out for the team behind this!
I love how the underlying constant was simply love your kid, love them no matter what. Sometimes, that’s all you need to know. But this is a good springboard. 
This is great insight and overview for parents genuinely wanting to know more and happy to spend that time doing so.
My worry is that parents looking for simple quick answers may be deterred as it’s not the most accessible and flowing text to read and get through. However, counter point is, if they’re not willing to try, then it’s not really made for them anyway.
Was this review helpful?
A really useful overview of many of the questions someone might have after their child or young family member has come out as trans and also for therapists. The book was designed in response to messages on facebook groups where the author notice that the same questions come up over again and the helpful answers get lost in the feed. The book therefore reads a bit like message threads, with a question followed by multiple answers from 'subject area experts' which I think helps to reinforce the helpful reassurance within and also makes it more human than reading a textbook. There is also a very helpful index at the back if you wish to go straight to the specific question you have, rather than starting with one of the chapters. One thing to note when this books responds to questions about laws, medical interventions and religion it is written from and set within the United States of America. I really liked that the most often repeated answer is love your child! There were also some great examples of what parents have done to support their children from practising pronouns, to refusing to have anything to do with family members who won't accept their child's transition. 

With thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Was this review helpful?
Thank you to NetGalley, Jessica Kingsley Publishers and Brynn Tannehill for this ARC. I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

This text works to answer most questions a parent may have about and for their child who is trans without putting the burden of information on the child.

I was initially intrigued by the amount of topics the text worked through from coming out, surgery, family planning, school, religion, and more. However, the largest flaw of this text is every question is answered by many of the same experts and it appears these answers are edited down in any capacity for succinctness. Thus, a repeating consequence of this would be that I would often read paragraphs of the same answer written again and again, with little to no new information being provided. I can see the benefit of this formatting for repeated information to be reinforced to the reader. Overall, for me this text did not work because of the lack of editing and repeated language.

I would recommend this text if it was shorter and went through more drafts.
Was this review helpful?
I think it's a useful resource for parents but I fear the language used in it might be hard to understand at times.
Was this review helpful?
I think this is such a necessary book, however I don't think it's particularly helpful.

I like the way the book is structured - with a Q&A style. However the answers given are really quite complicated. The language is tough to get through, and it can be very overwhelming at times. I don't think that it's as accessible as it needs to be.
Was this review helpful?
This was a great book to read for me as a bonus mother to a transgender girl. 
I am raised with respecting everyone and have been around people that are transgender, transvestit and more from the LBGTQI+ since I was kid so when my bonus daughter came out I already knew a lot but I feel like this book gave me a few valuable information even though I don't live in the US.
Was this review helpful?
Thank you to Brynne Tannehill and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for me copy of this book.

As a nonbinary parent of two trans children, I find it imperative that there are books out there for parents who may not even know what it is to be lgbtqia never mind transgender.

It is important to point out that the book covers potentially triggering topic matters but as difficult as it is, they are there as a means of education. I would feel wrong not mentioning it however, and I shall list them at the end of the review so it is your choice whether you check them or not rather being mid-review.

When you're questioning 'What to Do?' Brynne Tannehill has successfully combined a lot of the answers and given it in a manner that isn't too overwhelming as often your mind is already running at a mile a minute I imagine. Providing a question that is commonly asked, the reader is provided with several answers from parents who have already faced the beginning of this journey and bring their own life experiences into play - this gives you the opportunity to see what might be your best approach for the problem you're facing.

My only issue was it is focused on America as far as I could comprehend as I hadn't encountered some of the situations these parents have. If I am correct, and you aren't within America, this book is still excellent but you may need further information relevant to your location.
Trigger Topics: Deadnaming, Transphobia, 
Misgendering, Bullying.. Non-Affirmation and other potential topics but these stood out to me the most.
Was this review helpful?
This book is a great companion for any parent of a trans child, sincerely, a trans individual!
I came out when I was 11, and my guardians, who happened to be my grandparents who adopted me. They knew nothing, we live in a small town, at the time no one else i knew was trans. It was a learning curve for everybody involved. I scoured the internet for good articles to send to them, and my grandmother joined a “parent of transgender children” support group which at the time had only four members!
If this book was available, it would’ve been the first thing i purchased for her to read. There’s so much information, so much good and valuable insight!
Was this review helpful?
*Special thanks to Jessica Kingsley Publishers and NetGallery for the eARC of this book*

*NOTE: This review comes from a non-binary trans person who is also the parent of a trans child.

TW: Transphobia, dead-naming, misgendering, bullying, stories of non-affirmation

I'm so happy this book exists. It is going to be life-saving and relationship saving. I know parents who have approached me with "What do I do" questions and I've had to have many sit-down sessions and recommend several books in order to help. This is all my usually advice wrapped up into one easy and accessable place. 

The format is great. A question with advice from several people/parents/professionals. The parent or guardian can figure out what works best for their family and situation. It felt like having different people to bounce ideas around with rather than one "you have to do it this way" (the narrative self-help books can often unintentionally push).

So many questions from real people are asked and answered, and it covers so much. I especially appreciate that it offers great insight for diaspora of differing cultures.

All libraries should have this book.
Was this review helpful?
This book as amazing. From the first chapter ,which let me know exactly who was giving me advice, I felt like I was in a safe space.  

The answers were supportive and built around connecting with your beautiful child. It's okay not to have all the answers, but reach out and find try to find them by asking questions.
Was this review helpful?
I took a look at this book because my oldest child came out as gender fluid a few months back, and I have already recommended it to my mother, who has a lot of these questions but I haven't always had the capacity to answer.

Our family has spent much of our time figuring out what works for us, and it looks like essentially what this book boils down to, but there is so much comfort in reading this chorus of good parents who have made mistakes, who own up to them, and who do better. 

This book has a great deal of value in what it is doing, and I know that as we progress in time, there will be stronger guidebooks out there that won't need to answer those questions because our society will have moved forward. I didn't need some of the answers that this book provided but that's because I was already on the other side of the questions, which to me means this book is ideal for someone who has just found out the news that their child's gender does not identify with the sex they were assigned at birth. 

I'm grateful to this book, and I'm proud of my oldest child and all of their bravery and beauty in understanding who they are. I've learned so much about my own relationship to gender through my thoughts and conversations with them.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing a copy in exchange for an honest review.
Was this review helpful?
This is a great resource for parents who want to support their child through gender transition. It contains views from multiple sources, parents and professionals who have gone through these transitions with their children. This book helps support acceptance of gender fluidity.
Was this review helpful?