Normally, I find myself more drawn to fast-paced books, but there was so much to like about IF I CAN GIVE YOU THAT, I didn't even mind the realistic, slower pacing. It is authentic and beautifully written, with great queer representation and mental health representation. Gael is extremely relatable as a character and it is exciting to see his internal journey of being able to open himself up to others. There is a good balance of sweet scenes that relate to a budding first love and painful scenes that have to do with a broken family, both of which readers can get a lot out of or relate to immensely. Overall, IF I CAN GIVE YOU THAT is a heartwarming and heartbreaking read that will stay with readers long after the epilogue.

Thank You, Harper Collins Children's Books, for allowing me to read If I Could Give you That early.

Loved this book! Loved Gael, loved Declan, loved Gael’s relationship with his mom, loved the trans rep, loved the mental health rep. Just loved this story so much and can’t wait for Michael Gray Bulla's sophomore story. Everyone who loves queer YA stories should check this book out!

If I Can Give You That follows seventeen-year-old Gael, a transgender high school senior whose social life consists of waiting tables part-time at Joey's Pizzaria, hanging out with his twenty-year-old best friend, Nicole, and doing his best to care for his mentally ill mother. Nicole has been Gael's only real friend since he and his mother decided to relocate after his parent's divorce and he left behind his middle school friends to begin his transition on his own terms. All Gael wants is to keep his head down and get through his senior year unscathed so that he can start his real life outside the walls of his conservative Tennessee high school, but when Nicole drags him along to a meeting of Plus, an LGBTQIA+ support group for teens, he gets to know the sweet and charming Declan, who opens up his world in ways he never could have expected.

As the two boys get closer and Gael is pulled into a group of friends that make him feel comfortable being himself, he finds himself feeling a sense of belonging that he had never let himself believe he could have. As time passes and his friendship with Declan starts to become something more, the secret of his mother's worsening mental health still looms over them, complicating everything. When things take a turn for the worse, Gael must choose between the familiar comfort of retreating inward and finally opening himself up to the love he's never quite believed he deserves.

There is so much to love about this book. The trans solidarity that Nicole and Gael's friendship is built upon was incredibly heartwarming, and how everyone came together to fight to keep Plus, their queer safe space, open was nothing if not an accurate representation of the resilience of the queer community. Gael and Declan's journey was beautiful, the amount of patience and understanding that Declan shows when Gael is at his worst is something we should all aim for. And despite being at times difficult to read, Gael's mother's mental health struggles are written with respect to the characters, as well as compassion for those actually experiencing depression and suicidal ideation.

With this debut novel, Michael Gray Bulla has written the coming-of-age story I needed as a queer trans teen. Like so many trans folks, Gael holds himself back by doing everything he can to make his identity easily digestible for others. He is so concerned with being the kind of man that he thinks he should be that he doesn't allow himself the freedom to discover who he is for himself. He closes himself off to the love of those around him because he doesn't see himself as worthy of it. We watch him, like countless queer trans men before him, repress thoughts of romance and attraction because he hasn't allowed himself to even consider that he may be anything but straight. Gael's view of his own masculinity is so tied up in the false limitations society puts on men, and without any gay trans men around him, he has a hard time even considering that he could live as one.

Gael's journey with his sexuality really hit home- it is undeniable that trans male representation has historically been that of straight men, only in recent years are we seeing more diverse representation, and it's still not the mainstream. Because of this, I, like Gael, spent so much time questioning my trans identity because I wasn't what I thought a trans man should be: devoid of femininity, same-sex attraction included. Like Gael, I spent way too much time questioning if I was trans enough, or man enough, because books like this, and representation like this, just didn't exist. Here we are over ten years later, and stories like these are finally hitting shelves, where they wait to be picked up by a new generation of trans teens. I am so glad to know that they will see themselves reflected back at them in these pages.

DNF 58%

There are some important topics here - dealing with a mentally ill parent, figuring out sexuality when you're not cis, divorce, suicide - but the way it's presented is very "how do you do, fellow kids?" to the point of being painful. I'd recommend it for situations where someone specifically needs something about dealing with a mentally ill parent but generally this will not be on my list of recommended reads.

A heartwarming and engaging debut! Gael's relationship with his mom is heartbreaking and beautiful - it's impossible not to want to give him the biggest hug and wish all the best in the world for him. I also loved the core friend group, plus Declan is the sweetest LI around!