Cover Image: I Am Ace

I Am Ace

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Member Reviews

Tldr; This is a lovey, wholesome, informative, compact book that anyone (questioning, queer, or straight) should read.

This was a lovely book. Like a warm sunny day or a cup of coffee or a warm hug. I've read other books about sexuality (including asexuality) and they have had a clinical, very formal feeling to them. But not 'I Am Ace'! It reads more like a coffee date with a friend.

Cody does a great job at summarizing various asexual orientations, while allowing room for more detailed and nuanced understandings. If someone wanted to discover more about a certain micro label, they will know what to look for and won't find conflicting definitions. He uses great analogies that make concepts like, sexual attraction, easy to understand. The tone of the book is light with humor sprinkled about. Even thought the book is lighthearted, it is still very considerate of the topic of asexuality and everything that entails.

I take a long time to read non-fiction books as my brain enjoys plot and visual descriptions to keep it engaged. So i really enjoyed the way the book was broken into many small sections. The three main parts (Asexuality and you, Asexuality and Others, and Asexuality and the World) are further broken into 11 smaller chapters. Each of these chapters are also broken down into smaller chunks, no more than a few pages long. It makes it very easy to stop and start without becoming lost. The breaks also give you time to think and process the information that has been presented. The breaks are well organized so that you are always left with a complete thought, picture, or idea. However, if you are not like me, it would be a very easy and quick read, coming in under 200 pages.

Some topics that Cody covers in the first section of the book are what is asexuality, what type of asexual am I, and am I really asexual? This section is for people who may be questioning if they are asexual or for someone who has never heard of the definition before.

The second part of the book covers topics like how do I come out, how to deal with microaggressions, and can I have relatio0nships as an ace? This section also includes a topic on healthy relationships that I think every individual can learn from, queer or not. Honestly, I think it should be mandatory reading for everyone over the age of 14. Communication and boundaries aren't talked about nearly enough in any type of relationship and the ideas presented here are easy to understand and apply to daily life.

Section three covers how asexuality fits into the queer community, into the rest of the world, and finding joy in being ace. Things like heteronormativity, amatonormativity, and chrononormativity. If you have never heard of these words before, please pick up this book or at least do a google search. Aces deal with this every day, but it also affects other queer and straight individuals too. There is also a lovely little part on activism in this part too.

Getting into some of my favorite parts of the book, starting with the font that was chosen. It's a little thing, but it's really adorable and adds to the feeling of comfort and joy that the label of asexuality brings to me (and the author and others).

I really appreciate that the reader is continuously reassured that asexual people are not broken, abnormal, or unnatural. They do not need to apologize for who they are as a result of this false brokenness.

As a final thought, Cody uses the word queer throughout the book. He explains why he chose this word near the end, but also addresses that it can still be triggering for some. If you are one of these, this may not be the book for you.

I believe there is a typo on page 57 and 105, so hopefully these will be addressed in the final publication.

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I love Cody and all of his insta and TikTok posts have really helped me through my own journey of accepting my asexuality so I was really excited for this book!! It didn’t disappoint! I love young people are going to have this guide to help them through their own experiences, this is definitely something I wish I had as a teenager/young adult!

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I first discovered Cody on TikTok, so when I saw his book was available on NetGalley, I leapt at the chance to review it. As a new reviewer, I didn't hold out much hope I'd get it, but I had to try because his unique content resonated with me. I was thrilled when I received a copy; that excitement didn't diminish after finishing the book.

I Am Ace is great for people who are interested in learning about asexuality. It spends a lot of time validating it as an identity, and it doesn't try to "other" it as something that needs to be overcome. My only slight critique is that it doesn't talk much about aromanticism, but it makes sense, given that the author is polyamorous. There's also a plethora of resources available at the end, which is terrific for those who want to explore further.

The book is very informative, but since they are writing about their own experience as an asexual person, it doesn't feel academic or clinical, which is especially important since society tends to pathologize asexuality. Instead, it covers everything from what it means to be an asexual person, common misconceptions about asexuality, and how it's experienced differently by each person who identifies as such. It also does a fantastic job of discussing how asexuality fits into the larger umbrella of queerness.

One of my favorite things about this book is how it mirrors their online content. They are very honest, open, and vulnerable in their writing. It feels like they are speaking to the reader as a friend or mentor. There are many analogies and anecdotes, but what stood out to me was the story at the end. I feel like there is often a lot of focus on coming out, but not as much on stepping in to the queer community. That can be a big scary step that can be made easier by the compassion of other queer persons. Paul was that for Cody, and now Cody does that for others with his platform and this book.

I would recommend this to anyone who is looking to learn more about asexuality, who is ace or who has an asexual partner.

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Thank you to NetGalley for access to an ARC of this book.

RATING: 4.25/5

I Am Ace is a thorough and insightful book that everyone should read, whether or not they are asexual, questioning, know someone who is asexual, or have never heard of asexuality before. This book is so easy to read and its pacing is perfect as it delves into a wide range of topics related to asexuality with nuance and compassion.

At first, I was somewhat disappointed with this book because it seemed to only cover the “basics” - the type of things a Google search on asexuality would answer. However, it’s clear that the author simply uses these fundamentals as a jumping-off point for more specific discussions on everything from coming out to relationships to acephobia. As someone who had to slowly navigate this alone over many years, I can imagine the profound impact a book like this would have had on validating and supporting me, and I hope this book can serve that purpose for other people coming to terms with their asexuality. However, as mentioned earlier, this book is NOT just for asexual people, and I believe everyone would benefit from understanding asexuality better in addition to examining their assumptions about attraction and relationships.

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I found it very informative and easy to read. I'd definitely suggest to my friends and family that they purchase a copy when it's finally published.

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As a fellow Asexual person, I really appreciated this book. It's the first book I've seen dedicated to the topic. Cody does a wonderful job and being both informative and compassionate. I wish I had this book back in High School (or even Middle School!) when I was trying to figure out why I wasn't interested in sex and wasn't sexually attracted to the "crushes" I had then. I, too, found my asexuality and aromanticism thru Tumblr and what this book does best is compiling all the bits of information out there on what asexuality is, coming out, dealing with discrimination and microaggressions, and accepting yourself as a perfectly whole human being.

This book is what I would call required reading for the queer community. It gives definition to the many factors at play in discovering your asexuality and gently encourages the reader to move thru life knowing that we deserve love and respect despite our minority status. We bring diversity and joy to this human experience. Cody also does a good job inserting topics of intersectionality and is fully aware of his privilege of being a cis white man. So if you are questioning, already discovered you are Ace, or just want to learn more about this niche sexuality, then this is definitely the book for you!

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I absolutely adored this book. This would be perfect for a teen, or anyone really, who is either questioning if they might be ace, or just wanting to learn more about asexuality. The book is incredibly informative and well-written without feeling like a textbook--and is really funny! The informal way the author writes makes it feel as if this is simply a conversation that you, the reader, and him, the author, are having in a coffee shop. Absolutely wonderful.

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This book is written from the perspective of a polyamorous, gay oriented, asexual man. This is one of the best books on asexuality that I have read. I love the writing style. It is informational while providing advice at the same time. The sections on microagressions and relationships are particularly good. It provides advice on relationship boundaries that can be applied to any relationship.

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I think this book provides a wonderful introduction and exploration of what it means to be an asexual. I am Asexual and I felt seen. I also felt like I was given permission to exist and be joyful and explore my own identity. It also gave me new language to share my own experience with others. I will buy this for my friends, my partners, and my family members who want to learn more about my experience!

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I wish this book had existed during my young adult years so I could have figured out my orientation sooner. Instead, I was in my 40s when I started identifying as aromantic asexual. 7 years later and this book still taught me new things I didn’t know. I’m so grateful this book exists to expand asexual awareness in the world. It’s a comprehensive and easy read.

I’m grateful to NetGalley for the ARC. I loved this book so much that I’ve already pre-ordered a physical copy to add to my personal library.

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This is a great introductory to the Ace spectrum. It wasn't as helpful to me as an older person who is familiar with the terminology, but it is especially helpful for younger people and questioning people who might be less familiar. I would have really liked to have this as a younger person. And it's always comforting to read about people who experience things similarly to you. I appreciate Cody's personal story and experiences with asexuality that's woven in between the more technical aspects. I also think his experiences as an older and married asexual give a unique lense into the topic, and was the part that I personally found the most helpful.

Thank you to netgalley for a free copy in exchange for an honest review!

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4.75 stars

*eARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review*

this was an excellent book that really fulfilled is purpose as a guide to teens questioning if they're on the ace spectrum. it was really heartwarming to see it was written by a queer polyamorous married man in his forties and he had a comforting narrative voice throughout when talking about his personal experiences. there's a really good mix of defining terms, defining the difference between attraction, libido, and arousal, but also about asexual life and community, like coming out, microaggressions, and activism. what i really liked as well is that the author had a section dedicated to defining some key academic terms in accessible language, which helps to contextualise the ace experience within queer theory. i'm really happy this book exists!

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This book is perfect if you're questioning or if you've just found out your asexual. It breaks down the various feelings that comes with the realization and what to do afterward. It concerns coming out - and how it isn't a one time experience, concealed to one moment, but it stretches and repeats all over your lifetime - and why you should (or shouldn't) come out.

The one thing I appreciated the most about this book is how 1) it tells you to be unapologetically asexual and 2) it presents suggestions on how to navigate different types of relationships after figuring out you're ace (and "relationships" includes more than the typical monogamous romantic relationship between two people). There is a special light (and much needed one, to be honest, because, until this point, that was not a thing I had considered for myself either) on how to navigate intimacy, as to articulate your needs to your partners and vice-versa.

It also reiterates that it's okay to not immediately know everything about your sexual orientation - we are people and people change overtime. The label you use today may not serve you the same way tomorrow. And, as the author rightfully repeats: labels are tools and they are not meant to define us forever. I also appreciate (as an aroace) how there is one chapter dedicated to aromanticism.

I should also mention that this book being written by an older ace means quite a lot - because, no matter what, there is also that underlying doubt that comes with figuring out you're asexual, the doubt that it is "just a phase" and that you'll "outgrow" it once you "find the right person". In spite of everything, every once in a while I do feel like maybe that will happen to me. Having someone older describing how they've felt like this for such a long time and took so long to find the right word and still identify as such makes me believe those doubts are just the fear talking and I will be, unapologetically, like this forever.

I very much enjoyed this book. You can never have too many ace books. And you can never have too many ace books encouraging you to embrace your identity and find joy in it.

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Since coming out as greysexual recently, I have been scouring to find books to learn more about it. Since I haven't been able to find books specifically about greysexuality, I have turned to read books about asexuality.

I have to say, I really liked this book. It explained things in a simple but effective way. I really liked that the author mentioned greysexuals. I think the author did a great job of breaking up the topics through a frequently asked questions format. This allowed me to skip around as I don't have a need for the coming-out questions, but I could go to the intimacy and relationship questions very easily which is what I was mainly interested in reading.

This is definitely my favorite book so far about being ace. It was easy to read, covered a wide variety of topics, and was personalized by the author's experiences. It also gave the feeling of being very welcoming which can be hard to do when providing explanations and discussions. I highly recommend this if you're new to the asexual spectrum or want to learn more about asexuality in general.

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I Am Ace is an useful book for anyone who wants to learn about asexuality. Separated in different parts: what is asexuality, how does one experience life as an asexual person (including all the hatred and disapproval that comes from others who do not understand),

Personal bonus points for explaining how asexuality is different for every asexual person (and explaining the different labels associated with being ace), as well as for being open about how difficult it is to come out constantly because no one believes you/accepts you due to lack of general education about asexuality.

Thank you NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for the access to this ARC.

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I read I am Ace in less than 24 hours, and it’s one of the most easily readable non-fiction books I’ve ever read.

I’ve been thinking about being ace (demi/grey) for a while, and this book made me feel seen. Most of it I already knew, but the examples and the definitions were so recognizable that goosebumps danced on my skin once in a while. It’s the recognition that asexuality is far more than the first sentence on Wikipedia: ‘Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity ‘ why I felt seen throughout the book.

I think this book is not only important for people searching for their (asexual) identity but even more important for people who know someone who’s asexual or have a relationship with someone who’s somewhere on the asexual spectrum.

Thanks, Cody, for writing this book and explaining so clearly how I feel!

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This was fabulous. I’m going to write a longer review later, but this book meant so much to me as an aroace :)

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I was keen to read this as I wanted to know – and understand - more about asexuality and the asexual spectrum
The book is an excellent introduction – asexuality is generally overlooked in the media and in coverage of sexual preferences and this book will be a valuable reference for anyone who wants to understand more about asexuality, either because they feel they may be asexual – or on that spectrum – or because they know someone who’s struggling with their feelings. I’d also recommend this for teachers, counsellors etc.

Well worth reading.

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This book has HORRIBLE ebook formatting but I try to overlook that in ARCs. Onto content...I wasn't sure who the target audience was age-wise. Some discussions were geared maybe towards teens but some were more adult in nature. As an ace person myself, I did find myself nodding along thru a good portion of it. (Although I will say I was horrified to read the author saying sexuality can be a choice.) So a decent primer on ace life but not quite sure for whom

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This book was everything I needed, and if you are new to the asexual community (or if someone you love is ace), this book is a great place to start. Cody is sympathetic, upbeat, and willing to share from his own experiences to show the wide variety of ace experiences. I found it affirming and useful.

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