Cover Image: I Am Ace

I Am Ace

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Member Reviews

4.5 stars - Ebook provided by Netgalley

I Am Ace is part memoir part informational book about understanding accepting and celebrating your ace identity in all its forms.
Cody Daigle-Orians does a great job of explaining their relationship with their queerness throughout their life and relationships.
The book was very informational for those questioning Am I Ace? And made you feel supported by frequent reminders that there is not anything wrong with being Ace. It also helpfully included guides on coming out and navigating relationships.
I would recommend this book to everyone regardless of if they think they Ace or not.

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This is a very practical and down-to-earth book that addresses some basic questions about asexuality. These questions include what is asexuality? what kind of asexual am I? how do I come out as asexual? and asexuality and the queer community. They are questions the author is personally familiar with: he came out as gay when he was 18, and as an asexual when he was 42.

It is the sort of book to give to someone who is just coming out. It encourages knowing yourself and respecting your own boundaries; acknowledges the confusion that often comes with navigating an ace (asexual) identity, especially in the face of misunderstand and bias; and emphasizes that acceptance and understanding do exist in the wider world. Basic terms are explained, with the caveat that definitions are tools designed to help people, not rigid boxes to cling to. The book includes a short list of further organizations, books and podcasts for further information. Written in a very practical, caring voice, this books good advice for anyone who has ever had questions about their sexuality. That includes asexual people, their friends and families, allies--in short, for all of us.

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This is the book I wish I had five years ago. In some ways it was like reading my own experiences as an asexual individual, almost word for word. Cody Daigle-Orians does more than provide a dictionary definition of asexuality, the core of this book is about embracing your identity and what it means to you. He took great care in explaining not only the asexual spectrum, but the different factors that make up sexuality. I appreciated the care exercised in explaining the challenges asexual people face and the way to overcome them. This is the perfect book not only for teens questioning their identity, but also for those, such as adults, that have recently realized they are asexual. It touches on the variety of asexual relationships, healthy boundaries in romantic relationships, and how to safely come out.

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I Am Ace is one of the best books on asexuality I’ve read yet, and by far the best of its kind: a primer of sorts, an orientation for asexuality designed for young people questioning or having newly discovered their asexuality. With clarity, and the most compassionate confidence imaginable, I Am Ace introduces its readers to asexuality, the range of identities under its umbrella, and life as an ace person.

And perhaps unlike any other book or piece on asexuality I’ve read before, I never found an inaccuracy. I Am Ace defines a whole range of microlabels you’d rarely find anywhere else, explains the differences between allonormativaty and amatonormativity, clearly lays out different relationship structures and what they might look like for asexual people, and that’s barely a start on how expansive and informative this book is.

I Am Ace is so, so, kind to its readers. It never assumes they know something they might not, but it never talks down or belittles them either, just meets them where they’re at. It starts with the basics—asexuality is a valid sexual orientation describing no or rare attraction to any gender, etc, etc—but goes so much farther than your typical asexuality 101. Not only does it expand on aspects of asexuality almost never found in published literature, it does so with a constant reassurance that many young aces desperately need. The wealth of information that I Am Ace provides in just 200 pages could very easily be jarring and intimidating, but it is tempered with a strong dose of tender humanity, and makes the unfamiliar feel, if not easy, at least safe.

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I Am Ace by Cody Daigle-Orians is easily one of the most impactful non-fiction books I have ever read. Not only does it break down asexuality in a way that helps me better describe myself, but it also breaks down many terms and labels in ways that can easily be explained to anyone of any age.
While I think this book is key to anyone questioning if they are asexual, I also think it is a key book for anyone looking to figure out their identity within the queer community. A lot of the beginning parts are helpful for any queer identity you hold because it tackles so many of the fears surrounding labels, coming out, research, and community. Plus knowing the terms within this book is very useful to help you understand fellow members of the LGBTQIA+ community and the issues they face.
This book is full of important information, resources, and stories and it is written in a way that is accessible to anyone who is curious about their queer (but especially ACE) identity.

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I was a follower and subscriber of Ace Dad Advice for a long time on Instagram and youtube, so when I saw that he is about to publish his own book, I was over the moon with excitement. When I learned that ARCs are being handed in NetGalley, I was practically ready to burst. The acceptance email got me ready to cry, and the book itself...the book itself was a treasure.

There are many times in my life that I have searched for comfort, I have sought mental blankets of protection around me and have chosen and fought to be comfortable and proud of myself as an ace person. This book was exactly that for me. It reminded me of so many things I tend to forget, so many ways in which our community is beautiful, so many wonderful reasons to be unapologetic and loud and incredibly outspoken. It is divided into many categories and is much simpler than Ace, the other non-fiction I have read about asexuality because it is meant to address baby aces and/or allos who want to be educated. All of them contain an amount of information on the community, mixed with words of affirmation, the author's autobiographical experiences and a ton of positivity, awareness and conversation.

I learned so much from this book, even though I am not a baby ace. The author is sex-favourable (aspec who is interested in partaking in sexual activities), and I am sex-repulsed (aspec who experiences negative emotions regarding their involvement in sex), so this crossing of experiences, both different and similar in ways, gave me such a beautiful perspective in the diversity of the community. It brought back so much pride mixed with so much fear and unfairness, it made me cry multiple times but ultimately it made me stare at the ceiling and think "This is it. We are doing it. We are out here, in the world, and we are doing it. Our voices are heard. We will not let our rights be debated. We are making history."

Read this book, no matter who you are. If you are an allo person, read it to learn how we experience intimacy, how you can negotiate it with us, how we feel, what we face and how much we have achieved. If you are ace, read it because this belongs to us. It is a breath of fresh air, a push towards action, a wonder. No matter who you are, please take some time to appreciate this. Thank you. And thank you ace dad once more for reminding me of what we're fighting for.

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Has a lot of good stuff in it, but is super repetitious. I keep dipping into it, but haven't finished. There are other ace books that I like better. But for a bigger collection this one would be a fine addition.

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This is a great introductory to the Ace spectrum. It wasn't as helpful to me as an older person who is familiar with the terminology, but it is especially helpful for younger people and questioning people who might be less familiar. I would have really liked to have this as a younger person. And it's always comforting to read about people who experience things similarly to you. I appreciate Cody's personal story and experiences with asexuality that's woven in between the more technical aspects. I also think his experiences as an older and married asexual give a unique lense into the topic, and was the part that I personally found the most helpful.

Thank you to netgalley for a free copy in exchange for an honest review!

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A nice primer for those new to the subject, one that goes a long way towards cutting through the confusing sea of labels.

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Wow. There was a lot of really great advice packed into this book. It was affirming, making me feel empowered and proud to be a part of the ace community. (That chapter on ace joy was really great too, and a re-read for sure.)

The first section was mostly educational, but did a great job of presenting different ace identities and was really inclusive, welcoming you in no matter where you fall on the spectrum. Sometimes when I read books by ace people I start to question my own still-pretty-new identity or my place in the community because my experience is different from theirs, but as I read more and see more representation, I recognize that this diversity within the ace community doesn’t make someone more or less a member. Long story short, I thought Cody did a fantastic job in this book including everyone and explaining why everyone who feels ace is included.

The second and third sections on ace people in relationships and ace people in the world were especially interesting to me, particularly with Cody sharing their own story. Advice on setting boundaries, when and how you might come out to people in your life or potential partners in dating situations (with the emphasis that you don’t owe anyone your sexuality or disclosure of it), and living in an allonormative, amatonormative, and chrononormative (a new word I learned for something I’ve always struggled with!) world. I’ve read several books on asexuality now and I appreciate all of them for different things, but this is probably the one that spoke the most to me. I really loved it, and there are so many things I’ve bookmarked that I know it won’t just be a one-time read.

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Thanks to NetGalley, the author, and the publisher Jessica Kingsley Publishers for this ARC! Asexuality has come into discourse recently, and this book is perfect for anyone who wants to better understand what asexuality is or who is curious about whether or not they may be ace. The author of this book writes wonderfully about their experience and also provides guidance on topics such as the difference between orientation and attraction, as well as navigating things like coming out and relationships. A great read, and a wonderful book.

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While I don't identify as ace, I learn so much about identity and more from Cody Daigle-Orians' @AceDadAdvice on IG so I could not pass up an opportunity to review an ARC of his first book! (Go follow him if you don't already.) Note: Cody uses he/they pronouns and I have used both in this review.

I'm so glad I did read this book because, while I was obviously interested to learn more about asexuality, I was also able to take away a lot personally as an allosexual person:

"All of the complexity we've discussed in this book about asexuality and how asexual people are experiencing sex and attraction is happening for allosexual folks as well. They experience different kinds of attraction. They have they can have attractions that work independently of each other. They can have varying relationships to the physical act of sex. They can experience change in variation in that experience over the course of their lives."

Cody writes this book directly to people examining their potential asexuality. They use very accessible language, with Cody often using helpful analogies and personal examples to illustrate ideas and concepts (and those are the most compelling parts of the book.) Never a gatekeeper, he uses his trademark kindness, compassion and flexibility to guide people in their journey.

The foundational information Cody shares in the beginning about understanding how and why labels are about describing experience is helpful for anyone examining their identity - not just ace folks. They are careful, thoughtful and inclusive, reminding us often that human sexuality is complicated. I love the way Cody talks about labels and microlabels and about how labels work for us, we don't work for labels and how what matters is focusing on what you experience and what you feel.

The way they describe understanding and sharing your asexuality also resonated with my own experiences with my identity. I often found myself nodding along and feeling very empowered, especially in the part about coming out. I think there are powerful parallels in the experience of asexual folks coming out and other people who may be straight passing because of their circumstances. Although, it was in this section that I had a couple of things to quibble with - mainly that it takes so long to talk about the idea that you don't just come out once but that it's a life-long process and also I think there is room to frame the idea of parental expectations in a less absolute light.

That said, Cody is always so affirming, for example the idea that identity is a feature not a bug. And they offer the reminder that passing as hetero doesn't take away from one's queerness (while recognizing the privilege that comes with passing).

This book made me reflect on how heartbreaking it can be to think of how almost non existent visible ace rep there is and young and questioning ace folks are lucky to have Cody out here giving his Ace Dad Advice with so much patience and compassion.

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This was simultaneously the most in-depth and most validating, affirming book for any asexual to read. There is no “right” way to be asexual. There is no checklist or official diagnostic sheet that grants you the right to call yourself asexual. Your identity is whatever feels right to you.

I also just really appreciated that this book had genuinely useful information for asexuals in their everyday lives, from how to know when the right time is to come out that makes sense to you (or if you need to come out at all), to navigating the realm of dating and relationships as asexual.

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This is the book I wish I could have had when I was younger, and figuring out my own sexuality. Daigle-Orians presents an extensive and informative look into the facets of asexuality, identifying and much more - even though I thought I was pretty well-informed on the subject I still learned a lot of new information here!

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My thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for this digital ARC. This is honest and unbiased review.

This is such an informative and educational book. This book is for anyone questioning whether they are ace or for anyone who wants to learn more about asexuality, It's full of information, conversational in tone, educational, and very readable.

The author's style is so engaging. The book felt like an ongoing conversation with Cody, with resources and information in the narrative. It is a book about a complex, multi-faceted subject but the author made it easy to read and absorb.

I have read a fair number of books about asexuality in the past year and this book is the most informative and comprehensive book I have read. The layout makes it easy to focus and the bullet pointed items kept it organised.

This is a thoughtful book, an approachable book. It is comprehensive and relatable. I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to know more about this subject. It is written with empathy, understanding and a wealth of information and terminology.

HIghest recommendation. I learned so much and I found so much to relate to.

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A must read for anyone questioning whether they are ace or on the asexual-spectrum and a valuable resource for anyone wanting to learn about asexuality. I personally really loved this book. I don’t typically read nonfiction but I wanted to read this as someone who is ace but was still lacking confidence in my sexuality and was also unable to articulate some of the experiences and thoughts I had. Reading this was incredibly helpful in not only explaining the concepts I had trouble with, but also giving me the confidence to truly embrace my asexual identity.

The writing is simplistic and super easy to read despite its complex subject material. The metaphors and analogies used were relatable, easy to understand, and humorous a lot of the time. And despite its simplicity, the author acknowledges that some terms and concepts could not be summed up in a few short sentences, which is something I’m glad was mentioned. Furthermore, the abundance of resources included at the end of the book was amazing; not only further reading, but also a-spec fiction books and ace activists, educators and content creators to follow which I thought was super important.

I really loved the chapter on microaggressions because even though I already knew those microaggressions to be untrue, it helped to deconstruct them in a way that I understood and thus I could finally articulate exactly why they were untrue, instead of merely knowing they were. That applies to the whole book; it was incredibly helpful in explaining some concepts that I only vaguely knew about and some I’d never even heard of. And whilst there is quite a bit of new information, the book is structured in little sections that make it easy to put down and pick back up, so there is no need to take it all in at once. I also loved how the book ended on such a lovely note. (And slightly off topic but I did not realise I followed the author on Tiktok until about 60% through the book but that was a fun surprise!)

If I had any issues, it’s that I did wish it went into more detail at times, specifically in how the asexual experience can be impacted by other identities like your ethnicity or gender identity, but it did not take away from the reading experience, particularly as there were additional resources provided that do offer deeper analyses.

Overall, a great book that serves as an expansive but easy to read introduction into asexuality and the many experiences that asexual people may go through.

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This may very well be my favorite comprehensive book on asexuality that I’ve come across yet. This went above and beyond any other book I’ve read on asexuality that, comparatively, felt a bit more basic and rudimentary. They would only ever skim the surface of all that asexuality is and can be for many different people. Because after all, asexuality is far from being a monolith, which is one of the points that Cody drives forward in this book, delving into all of the intricacies, nuances, and micro identities that fall under the umbrella of experiences that is asexuality.

Even just reading this myself, I came across nuances explained in the book that I myself experienced in my own asexual identity but always struggled to come to terms with because I feared that it made me “not asexual enough” or “not really asexual.” But it was only because I didn’t have the vocabulary until now. This just shows that your identity can constantly shift and grow as you gain new insight into asexuality that you hadn’t know before. This is just one of the many reasons why this book is so, so important, not only in highlighting these other micro identities that are seldom discussed about in detail, but in Cody’s insistence to the reader that your journey with asexuality is yours and yours alone. There is no “right” way to be asexual. There is no checklist or official diagnostic sheet that grants you the right to call yourself asexual. Your identity is whatever feels right to you.

I also just really appreciated that this book had genuinely useful information for asexuals in their everyday lives, from how to know when the right time is to come out that makes sense to you (or if you need to come out at all), to navigating the realm of dating and relationships as asexual. This gives so much more of a jumping off point for asexuals to even after finishing this book, to incorporate and practice in their own lives that goes so far beyond just a basic Asexuality 101 with basic terms and vocabulary.

This was simultaneously the most in-depth and most validating, affirming book for any asexual to read. Cody not only brings in-depth knowledge of asexuality to his book but also comes forward with such empathy and reassurance, reminding us that our asexuality is not something to apologize for but a part of ourselves that should be celebrated and embraced. This is a must-read for anyone who belongs to the A!

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I was interested in reading this book because I wanted to learn more about asexuality. This book provides an excellent and accessible introduction to asexuality and the asexual spectrum; I would recommend it anyone who wants a better window into this under-represented and misunderstood group, but especially to anyone pondering how they fit into the broad realm of human sexuality, to parents trying to understand their children, and to educators and counselors.

I could not have asked for a better introduction to this topic.

(I will post a mini-review of this on my blog on July 23, and will prompt again in January upon the book's publication.)

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