Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for granting me free access to the advanced digital copy of this book.

Wow, this is a new contender for best book I've read this year. It took me a while to get through only because it was HITTING. The title (describing this as a "speculative memoir of transracial adoption") and cover piqued my interest and I'm so glad I picked this one up. The book alternates between the author's real memories as Shannon Gibney, adopted by Sue and Jim Gibney, and Erin Powers, the name (and life) she would have had if her biological mother hadn't given her up for adoption. It jumps timelines and is interspersed with real scans and photos from Shannon's life and journey into discovering her heritage. It's weird, raw, unflinching, and trippy as you alternate between realities and uncover fact and fiction as you go. Paragraphs will shift from third to first person in a way that would be jarring if it weren't so well done. Everything about the story is immersive and transporting. Even though I am not an adoptee, I found Shannon's journey and her explored "what if's" resonating with my own fraught and unknown origins and heritage. This is written for and targeted to a young adult audience, but it definitely has a mature appeal and weight. The end of the book features references to other materials on transracial adoption, many of which I added to my tbr. Highly highly recommend to anyone looking to read something weird that will slice you open and leave you with lots to think about.

I am not really a fan of speculative fiction, and I did not realize this book was part speculative until after I started reading it. The biography part I really enjoyed, the speculative part, it took me a minute and at times I had a hard time understanding. I was able to finish the book. I am planning to read the previous biography book by this author. That book seems more my speed. I was just not the audience for this particular read

I received a copy of the book via Netgalley and am voluntarily leaving an honest review of my own thoughts and opinions.

Good story about a girl growing up black where there weren't a pot of Black's. I think this is the authors personal story. While some aspects are traumatic or sad it's still a really good book and a good way to see how your life was/is compared to others

DNF(Did not Finish): 40%

It wasn't bad but I had a really hard time following the story mostly because of the writing style and the overall structure of the book. I was really confused for a majority of what I read. I am 100% not the correct audience for this book as I'm not an adoptee.

Part memoir, part science fiction, THE GIRL I AM, WAS, AND NEVER WILL BE is an incredibly unique book that explores the thoughts and feelings of an adoptee, working to understand her identify. The story really delves into the question of what would have happened if Shannon had not been given up for adoption; what would her life have looked liked.

Gibney creates a fictional story around Erin Powers, the name given to her at birth, which is told alongside the story of Shannon. As the two stories flow and intertwine, Gibney adds layers of science fiction to imagine the two girls knowing of each others existence as they live parallel lives.

I thought this was a really interesting way of exploring the identity of an adoptee and the questions that exist as you reconcile your life with an adopted family versus that of your biological family. It really shines a light on what it’s like for children and adults who have been adopted and how that impacts their identity.

The most powerful part of Gibney’s story is the way she reconciles the time she lost or never had with her biological family and the way she explores that type of loss through the world of science fiction.

Overall this was a really beautiful and compelling story. I loved how the author approached this book and really made it a unique story.

What a book! I've heard the term "speculative memoir" many times, but had yet to read one. Author Shannon Gibney's THE GIRL I AM. WAS. AND NEVER WILL BE demonstrates why we need this form. Her layering of the Erin/Shannon and imagining what life might have been like for her as a child in different scenarios is riveting. Gibney creates such vivid imagined scenes that it's easy to feel her loss, to feel her longing for relationships she never had while also understanding the life she did have with her parents. As someone with a "what if" childhood, I can't imagine a better way to explore that story. I can't wait to share this with my students--I know many of them are going to feel seen by Gibney's work and her speculative approach to telling her story.

One of the reasons I wanted to read this book was because I want to read more about adoptees’ experiences. This book did not disappoint in the slightest.

This book takes a unique spin on sharing the author’s experience as an adoptee—she shares real-life examples while also sharing an alternate timeline that could’ve happened. At first, it totally tripped me up. I kept switching between which one was “real.” However, in a sense, they *could* both be very real. Who is to say that it isn’t?

Because of this, you have to pay attention to details or you will get lost. Just trust me. This isn’t a book you just blow through (like what you might do with a light romcom). It’s a lot to process and think about. I had to reread parts to remind myself of timelines and people.

This book 100% has inspired me to read more books about adoption.

What’s unique about this book is the artistic nature of the speculative fiction part and how it really expresses the complexity of the adoptee’s experience. I have to say that I’ve never read a book quite like this.

I think it will resonate with a lot of people who were adopted.

Thank you PenguinTeen and NetGalley for this eARC!

Truly something original and special and unlike most things I have read in the best way. Highly recommend.

Beautifully written, and incredibly poignant. I don't read a lot of speculative fiction, but wanted to pick this one up since it relates to the field of work I'm in, and will definitely be recommending this for the work book club!

Disorienting, as it should be. The format of this book gives those who have not been through adoption a window into the emotional double exposure of that lived experience. The ARC e-book made tracking the different experiences a little bit difficult but the blurring of the lived experience and the imagined reality had Gibney's birth mother made another choice served to convey the emotions of growing up with the weight of that personal history.

This book was wonderful and absolutely eye opening for me. I love reading about the experiences of others and appreciate the vulnerability it takes to put your story out there. This story is raw and powerful and deserves all the recognition.