Thank you to Netgalley and Macmillan-Tor/Forge, Tordotcom for this advanced copy. All opinions are my own.

Wow. I was blown away by this book!

Kyr has trained her entire life to avenge Earth's destruction aboard Gaea station with her mess, the Sparrows. She expects to be placed in a fighting wing, but instead is placed in Nursery to bear humanity's future children. Shocked, and a little disillusioned, Kyr takes destiny into her own hands, with a captive alien and another Gaean. What follows is a heartwrenching tale through space, time, and different dimensions.

Everything about this book was incredible. Kyr goes through grief, disillusionment, and grapples with understanding who the "good" guys are, if there are any. This book explores what it means to be sentient, empathetic, what family is, and how to stand up for what's right. This book is also very heavy, as it deals with ideas such as indoctrination, eugenics, mass murder, cult-like communities, abusers, suicide, and the literal weight of the world. All was very well handled, with grace and empathy. It also featured many different types of relationships throughout contexts - whether it be familial, abuser/abusee, romantic, or interspecies. The characters were extremely complex, all wrapped up in their own biases and background while trying to make sense of the truth around them.

Though the beginning was a bit slow, it sped up quickly and alternated between medium and fast-paced. It was a very entertaining read, I was on the edge of my seat the entire time and felt extremely emotional by the end. The prose was beautiful but very readable, and I never felt like it was going over my head, nor that it was a simplistic read for the beach (though I did read this on the beach successfully since I couldn't put it down).

Overall, this was an incredible book that will definitely make my best book of the year list.

You will like this if you like: space operas, multiple dimensions, aliens, sci-fi, cults, strong emotions, heartbreaking conflict, and complicated characters.

StoryGraph review is being posted on 3/27/23 and an Instagram review with a buzzword graphic will be posted on 4/9/23.

Some Desperate Glory packs a great deal into this stand alone story. Our main character, Kyr, has been raised with a radical isolationist group of humans who survived the destruction of earth and swear to never forget in seeking revenge on the race that caused that destruction. We follow her as the ideas she has been indoctrinated with are challenged as her world expands beyond the station where she was raised. This premise sets up an interesting and laudable deconstruction of how fascism manipulates and controls through propaganda.

My experience reading was very divided between the first 1./2 (which I did not enjoy and almost DNF'd) and the second 1/2 which is far more engaging and interesting. The pace picks up, the characters become far more dynamic and I was enthralled in wanting to know how it would resolve. In hindsight though, I don't know if this completely makes up for the first 1/2. While it may be worth it for some, it may not be for others.

Because the novel is told through Kyr's perspective, and she internalizes racist, xenophobic homophobic and transphobic ideologies, she gives voice to these ideas repeatedly. For example, as a sign of disrespect she purposely misgenders a nonbinary alien character as "it " or "whatever" instead of the preferred "they/them." in ways that could be hard to read. Moreover, she is so self-absorbed none of the other characters like her, and neither do we as readers. We are supposed to understand this is part of her programing, but she is so complicit in it at times it is hard to care. I think had this encompassed closer to a third, rather than 1/2 of the book, it may be less glaring, but it went on far too long for me.

Secondly- while this is advertised as a queer normative world and comparisons have been made to Gideon the Ninth, know that the sapphic romance implied is even more scant. A M/M romance is featured more in depth but one of the characters here is also a deeply problematic ass. I also felt uncomfortable with the representation of nonbinary identity as "alien" without any human corollary. This character was one of the most interesting for me, but they seemed to deserve more than one of the revelations Kyr learns- "Aliens are people too"-- this seems to me to problematically reinforce the idea of gender nonconforming as "other" more than it subverts it as human. The Majoda also plays into the trope of the enlightened magical character there for special inspiration for the main character who is centered.

Even so, and without spoilers- there is a clear point 1/2 way where things change, and from that point forward I was hooked despite my misgivings. We can argue about plausibility and disbelief in world building. There isn't much, but I don't need it explained to me to enjoy it and any plot holes or leaps didn't bug me. I was invested in what would happen next and I was mostly happy with the conclusion.

But as I contemplated my review, I still have to ask myself was it worth enduring the first 1/2, and I am honestly still not sure. I do appreciate that the author gives clear content warnings at the beginning. "Some Desperate Glory contains sexist, homophobic, transphobic, racist and ableist attitudes, sexual assault, violence, child abuse, radicalization as child abuse, genocide, suicidal ideation, and suicide. " That's a lot to absorb. Tesh herself has said he world is dark, but not hopeless. I'd agree, but proceed with caution.

Thanks to Tor.Com for allowing me access to an eARC through NetGalley in exchange for this fair review.

This is a hard book to review for me. I don’t have a whole lot to say about this book, because overall it was just okay. The concept was really cool, but nothing about it really stood out for me and it was a pretty mediocre space opera. I think a lot of people will love this, but for someone who reads a lot of science fiction it might feel a bit generic.

The main thing I have to comment on is the main character. It’s been a long time since I so fiercely despised a main character. She was so awful that I almost DNFed the book because I could barely stand to read her POV. I mean, yeah that’s totally the point – I get it, she’s been brainwashed as a super soldier to follow without question. But holy god. It went far beyond that tbh, because Kyr was a straight asshole. She was horrible to everyone around her. She was selfish, entitled, full of herself, had zero regard or respect for anyone around her, and she was ignorant on top of that. The ignorance can be chalked up to her upbringing and background, but everything else was just because she was a terrible person.

"[Kyr] had never understood why anyone would let a sex thing distract them so much. It worried her a little that Vic was being so visibly stupid about it. She was already so jumpy and fluttery so much of the time. It would be embarrassing for all of them if she got gossiped about."

That quote was after a Vic got separated from a girlfriend she CLEARLY adored. In another part, Kyr dresses down a younger girl and her team for wasting water, which was totally reasonable – except, she went above and beyond and outright humiliated the girl. (during which there was this gem: 'And she was enjoying, as she usually did, being in the right.' Barf.) She takes credit for others’ accomplishments and acts like they wouldn’t have said accomplishments if it weren’t for her, which is just gross. (Oh and another fun line: 'Kyr had tried and failed to teach her, and if she couldn’t do it, no one could.') She treated other people like shit, then acted like they were the assholes (specifically, Avi). She treated other people like shit, then was all surprised when people didn’t like her or wouldn’t cooperate with her.

She did have growth, thankfully. I never ended up actually liking her, but she at least realized she was wrong and that she was horrible to people. I didn’t really care about any of the other characters, either, except Yiso. I did love Yiso! None of the rest were particularly compelling or relatable for me.

The Majo were interesting, and so was the Wisdom, but sometimes parts of it were a little hard to picture because everything was a bit vague.

I just finished this book, and I'm reeling.

This book is built on the notion that the rest of the universe sees humans as, basically, orcs. Humans are bigger, stronger, faster, and tougher than all other sentient species, and among the most warlike. When humanity made its way to the stars, of course war broke out between us and the Majo, an interspecies Federation governed by an AI called "the Wisdom" with immense reality-bending powers. The Wisdom decided the best course of action was to destroy Earth entirely.

Jump forward almost twenty years, and we get to our story. Valkyr is a cadet on Gaea Station, a rock with a few of humanity's surviving dreadnoughts strapped to it & cannibalized to provide support to a few thousand surviving humans.

"While we live, the enemy shall fear us" are the words they live by. Valkyr has spent her life training ferociously, determined to dedicate her life to humanity's never-ending war for vengeance. The book begins as she is finishing her cadet years and awaiting her assignment … which is to the so-called Nursery Wing. Her skills as a soldier are not nearly as important, in Gaea Station Command's judgment, as her capacity to bear the next generation of humanity.

For the first part of this book, I really *disliked* Valkyr. The universe, the Majo, the Wisdom, Gaea Station, and the long-ended-yet-never-ending war are all more complicated than she was raised to believe. And she is so heavily propagandized that not only does she take everything she was taught as truth, she is violently (literally) against having those "truths" challenged. Being in the head of someone who believes so many obvious lies is a frustrating experience, to say the least.

But luckily being frustrated by her doesn't mean I didn't empathize with her, and her eyes do gradually open. As the book goes on she confronts the truth of the war, her childhood, her prejudices, and above all herself. Which is the beginning of the story rather than the end.

This is a masterpiece of a space opera. It’s tense, it’s relentless, it tears your heart to pieces and stitches it back together so it can tear it apart again.

Content warning for this book: graphic depiction of suicide.

I often struggle with media that relates to time loops or time travel, so I don’t think this book was really meant for me. I had a hard time getting into it since it hits the ground running so fast. I was often a bit confused about what was happening, especially later in the book. I did get more invested as the book went on and the main character grew/became more tolerable, but by that point I had struggled too much to really get into it. There is some great writing and I can tell the author put a lot of effort into creating this world, I just personally might need a little more hand holding with sci-fi like this.

Some Desperate Glory is a fun yet dark post-apocalyptic space opera with a delightfully unlikable female protagonist. It took me some time to get hooked, but once I did, I didn't want to stop reading. I thought all of the characters were well-rounded and lovable, even if they made some (very) morally questionable decisions at times. My main issue with this book was that it took a lot of effort to understand the world-building, and I don't even think I fully grasped the extent of it by the end. I also felt that the end was a bit rushed - it didn't seem like we got closure for all of the characters. Overall though, I thought this was an enjoyable read and I would definitely recommend sci-fi lovers to give it a shot!

Thanks to the publisher & Netgalley for the complimentary e-ARC. All opinions provided are my own.

Some Desperate Glory by Emily Tesh is a sci fi book that startles into a beginning. At first I was like “what? What is happening? What is that?” but soon the confusion was (mostly) swept away by the secrets that are revealed & the magnetic plot that keeps serving twists & jolts & somersaults.

The book opens with Kyr, a soldier on a station called Gaea Station. Kry & the other people living there are descendants of Earth, a planet that was deliberately destroyed in a war against the majo. Throughout her life Kyr has been taught to wage war & to nurse the vengeance & hope that she’s been told is her due.

But she’s only 17 & we can see—& gradually, slowly, Kyr too—that things aren’t quite as they seem.

This book is complex—immediately after reading I felt a bit awed & very aware that it would take a while to wrestle with what happened & what the implications are. It’s one of those books that has the shine of brilliance to me—you know those wildly inventive books that go places you aren’t expecting?

This book definitely did that. & did it again.

4.5⭐️. Out 04/11.

CWs: please see a trusted reviewer’s list of CWs.

[ID: Jess’s white hand holds the book in front of a white metal cart filled with books. Behind that is a brown roll top desk & white curtains covering a window.]

Genre: science fiction

Valkyr, called Kyr, has been raised on Gaea Station, training to become an elite warrior for the protection of humanity after the majo aliens destroyed the earth. She’s near the top of her class, ranked only behind her twin brother and several other males, and she’s worked tirelessly to shake the reputation of the turncoat older sister, who deserted her post. But when she receives her own posting, Kyr is stunned at the results, and in the process begins to see that much of how she’s been raised and trained is war-hawk propaganda.

Some Desperate Glory is multiple timelines done absolutely right. At times it reminded me both of Ender’s Game and of The Space Between Worlds, this is military science fiction at its finest. Kyr recognizes her role as a cog in the great war machine, and she’s always accepted this because of the destruction of earth. She’s starchy and proper in the way I like my military heroes, but she’s young and stubborn enough that it takes some convincing for her to see where Gaea Station has erred. It takes repeated encounters with majo for Kyr to recognize that her venerated uncle may have been lying about a great many things related to the war, and for her to push through to find a moral path.

There’s a lot of self-discovery in Some Desperate Glory. Some of that derives from the youth of the main characters - Kyr and her brother Mags are only seventeen. At the same time, though, Some Desperate Glory never felt like a YA novel, despite the sometimes naive behavior of Kyr and her messmates. There are moments of realization scattered throughout the novel, as Kyr discovers cover-ups and tries to forge a path forward, she realizes that without her original Cause and belief in the mission of Gaea Station that she is incredibly lonely and highly unlikeable.

This one was tough to review.
While it was well written and had a very interesting premise, I didn't find myself connecting with any of the characters until very close to the end. Maybe that was intentional, as Kyr did a lot of necessary growing and changing throughout the story.
There were times when it felt oversimplified, and I was a little disappointed that one of the most emotional moment of the books was almost immediately taken back - don't worry we have time travel!
But overall, a good story with some new ideas and strong character development.

I read this on a recommendation from a coworker, and while it took me a minute to get into it I ended up quite enjoying it. Interesting premise, great character development and plot twists that I never saw coming. Overall a very satisfying read, a solid space sci-fi novel.

This starts out as post-apocalyptic sci-fi young adult, with a sullen indoctrinated teenage girl starring in a hardscrabble resistance cell. It does not stay that way. By the end my brain almost hurt keeping track of who had been where when, who knew what, what powers were working where... I was carried along with Kyr's desperate ride to make sense of her world, to make something good out of a lot of terrible things, to maybe salvage a life worth living. I was also really happy to see adults actually having motivation and agency in a YA dystopia! Some of them are awful people, some of them are actually working on their own goals. Finally, an answer to "where the heck were the adults while the kids were stabbing each other."

There are some themes in this that a reader should know about going in. There is an extensive content warning. Read it. These are not topics that are lightly brushed over, they are major recurring elements.

Glorious. Divine. Just wow.

The range emotions Tesh had me feeling is insane. I went from HATING the mc to rooting for her with my entire soul. An amazing queer space opera. I recommend to every scifi/fantasy lover.

What a mind bending flip of the standard space opera trope of Earth's survivors defending the tatters of humanity from alien aggressors! You think it's one thing, then the universe flips and you see it all differently. Sometimes you just have to fall in love with an alien and accept it.

One of the best ending lines in all the SFF I've read!

I think that this book really hit the ground running from page one. However, around the middle, it takes a...weird turn? Everything takes a sort of strange psychedelic turn that is such a sharp turn from the more hard-Heinlein-based-sci fi that the first half of the book, and the general synopsis, promised. I really, really enjoyed the first half of the book and I can definitely see where people will love this, it just didn't end up being my thing. I would absolutely love to read more by this author, though! I'm looking forward to it.

I really wanted to love this book. Dystopian autocratic space station isolated with a complicated backstory? Love it. Strong female lead in a militarized setting that is clearly informed by Heinlein? Love it. Looming twists that you're just waiting for the main character to discover? Fantastic.

I loved the first half of the book, for all of the reasons above. Valkyr, our problematic lead, is convincingly written as a woman living within a morally compromised society--we are allowed to feel with her and understand why she believes and acts as she does without being tricked into *siding* with her allegiance to that society. The gradual unfolding of her society's founding is done smoothly and with some very satisfying reveals. The first half is a delightful military space opera set up.

I got bogged down in the quasi-psychedelic turn this novel takes around the middle of the book, and just couldn't climb my way out from there. I lost some of the clarity that the initial, relatively hard-SF first half offered.

It's a book I may revisit in the future, knowing the shift in focus will be coming may make the transition easier. But right now, I'm just looking for some good hard SF that still manages to speak to social justice.

[3.5 rounded to 4] SOME DESPERATE GLORY is a stand-alone science fiction novel about the lengths humanity will go to seek revenge. This story follows Kyr, the female main character, on board Gaea Station where she trained through young adulthood to carry on avenging the human race. She awaits her final assignment, which she will carry out for the rest of her life. A warbreed, specifically bred to be large and strong, Kyr expects to be assigned to an action post. But behind-the-scene events result in an unexpected assignment to Nursery. There she is expected to produce babies to carry on the species and ultimately annihilate the majoda, who carried out the demise of humanity. However, a series of events lead to Kyr's avoidance of Nursery, catapulting her off of Gaea and onto an adventure she never anticipated.

The story is mainly through Kyr's point of view. But some information is presented in a textbook-like format to provide the reader with an anthropological point of view. The voice in those sections analyzes humanity's general propensity toward war and a host of other semi-philosophical angles. I actually found those parts the most interesting because I felt they summarized the various themes presented in SOME DESPERATE GLORY.

Two themes dominate this story. The first is revenge and how strong of a driving force that is to sway emotions and allegiance. Revenge is not usually a good way to solve a problem. But it's especially dangerous when wielded by those who crave control, particularly in an isolated environment. The second predominant theme is whether artificial intelligence should be used to play god. The Wisdom, created by the majoda, is a machine that runs scenarios about what is best for the universe. Should we use AI to make our decisions? Or should the amalgam of races throughout the universe decide on their own fates, however good or bad the outcome?

Overall, this was an entertaining introduction back into science fiction for me. But there were times I skimmed the text because I wasn't interested so much in the tech aspects. (Though, for sci-fi, it's relatively light on descriptions of weapons and ship systems.) I also got a little bored with the various reality iterations. Kyr definitely experienced character growth, but for some reason I didn't connect with her as much as I expected to. Rather, I was more sympathetic to the alien she picked up along the way.

I think the biggest sticking point for me, though, is SOME DESPERATE GLORY tried to bite off more than it could chew. It tries to tackle a lot of different themes. Some it does well, like the revenge and AI elements and learning to think for oneself. It also explores the mental strain of needing to hide one's sexuality when queerness is frowned upon due to the need to propagate one's species. But there is also the incorporation of systemic racism and default White-ness, which Kyr recognizes near the end of the book and felt sort of like an afterthought. There is also mention of the decision to abort female fetuses so that there are more males to fight for the cause. This was also relatively unexplored territory.

Despite this, I still recommend SOME DESPERATE GLORY for those who prefer lighter science fiction fare in terms of technical descriptions. Also keep in mind that I am a critical person. Themes that I thought were relatively weak might not seem as such to other readers. SOME DESPERATE GLORY is an exploration of whether artificial intelligence should have the responsibility of deciding the future and whether revenge is the best way to move forward.

blog post will go live here at 7am UK time 20-Mar-23: http://www.nerds-feather.com/2023/03/review-some-desperate-glory-by-emily.html

A surprisingly emotionally complex novel about the stories we are told about the world around us, and how those stories survive contact with our own experiences of life.

Kyr has grown up on Gaea Station knowing that she and her fellows are the last scraps of humanity, their asteroid the solitary bastion of a destroyed world and culture, holding out against a hostile universe that killed their planet. She's one of the best fighters of her generation, and knows she's destined for one of the elite military roles when she finishes her training. Kyr is, more or less, happy with her lot.

Then her brother, her shining, perfect soldier brother, disappears, and she's relegated to a role she never thought would be hers. Everything about the life she thought she'd live and the world around her comes crashing down, and she is forced to seek out her brother's strange, irreverent, potentially seditious friend and a captive alien to find the answers to her newfound questions. When she leaves the station that's been the only home she's ever known, she begins to understand that what she's been taught is only part of the story, and that the world outside her own is a more complex place than she ever thought possible.

Unsurprisingly, given the title, Some Desperate Glory is a story about war and propaganda, and about the complexities of conflict. It's a story about the beliefs we're raised with, the stories we tell ourselves to survive, and growing up to realise that maybe, just maybe, what you've been taught isn't necessarily all that's out there.

It is also a stunning, surprising, intensely compelling novel, and an unflinching character view of someone with some really quite unpleasant beliefs.

It is a story that asks - what would it be like, to be someone brought up to believe the propaganda? What would it be like, to think you're the best of the best, and have a duty and a destiny to fight, to kill, even if triumph is beyond you, because everything outside of your own little world is evil, and lesser, and alien, in a literal and a figurative sense?

It's not a fun story, let me put it that way.

But, difficult and uncomfortable though it is, it is a fascinating story and a unique one, and not just because of its chosen character perspective. Tesh plays with our expectations throughout the story, and balances some interesting chronology choices - the closest parallel I can think of isn't another novel, but the game Bravely Default - and, critically, the gorgeous prose that made Silver in the Wood such a joy to read. Though here she's bringing to life the dull corridors of a space station, the algal bloom on an alien world and the vivid experience of fighting for your life in a simulated battle, something of the wonder that she wrote into the woodland of the Greenhollow duology is still here. There's a magic to the world she writes, and it brings a joy even to the grim and gritty parts of the universe she's written.

The pacing too, and those interesting chronology choices, are well handled (though they may not always seem it in the moment). Reading as an e-book, I had a couple of double takes, thinking the book was almost over and then... oh not there's 40% left? Huh? But once you reach the end, it all slots into place, and I honestly cannot fault the choices. Trust the process.

And this is all great, but in my opinion, the truly, bafflingly best bit of this whole story is the character of Kyr herself. Because Kyr... isn't very nice. Kyr isn't good, or pleasant, or particularly likeable. She's definitely not charming. On paper, Kyr is primed to be hateable. And yet... I never could. I was so embedded in her thoughts, in the way she was experiencing the events of the story, that I could never find it in myself to truly rage at her, not matter how much I disliked or disagreed with her opinions and actions. More than any sad emo boy with a sword, Kyr is an anti-hero how they ought to be done, morally tainted to her core and thoroughly compelling in her journey.

Because the book is, for the most part, about that emotional and moral journey Kyr is undertaking. It's not quick, it's not easy, and it makes it all the more satisfying, because the reality of these sorts of changes isn't the lightswitch moment of revelation we get in many stories. People don't become different people overnight. People don't necessarily become different or better people for the right reasons. Sometimes it needs to be personal for them to see what's really going on, no matter how we may judge them for it needing to be there.

Though we are settled very firmly in her perspective, this doesn't cut us off completely from the other main characters, all of whom bring something to the table and play off each other really well. Kyr's squadron mates are an eclectic bunch, and being able to see how they relate to Kyr - sometimes before Kyr realises it for herself - is really enjoyable. Her brother isn't the most exciting man in the universe, but his friend certainly makes up for that, and provides one of the best counterpoints in opinion and just vibe that Kyr gets through the whole story.

And it's a book that's really thinking about how the environment would shape the characters. They all fit - or do not - so perfectly in the world that made them, and it's very clear why they've become the people they have, responded to the pressures of the world as they have. Whenever I come to imagining them all, I can only think that Tesh has put so much careful, considered deliberation into who and how they all are, and it's great.

Which is somewhat my overall impression of the book - down to the last detail, it has been considered and thought over and examined from different angles to make sure each piece fits neatly into the whole.

Safe to say, then, that I loved the book. But I don't think it's going to be one for everyone. There are moments in the story when we have to watch something really difficult occurring, and deal with the fact our perception of it as the reader isn't necessarily going to align with our viewpoint into it. You have to be willing to sit with some ugliness, some just wrongness, to get through past it and see the story for its value in the end. Which, for me, was worth it, and at no point did I feel like Tesh was letting you think those opinions were right. There's no apologism here. But that doesn't always make it easy or worthwhile, so if you're going in, go in aware that it's not a happy fun light joyful time.

But if the grim and awful - which gets, at times, really grim and awful - and sitting inside the head of a character thinking deeply unpleasant thoughts at times is something you can get through? I truly think this is a fantastic book, and likely set to be one of my best reads of the year.

I was interested in the conceit of Some Desperate Glory by Emily Tesh, and mostly enjoyed the book, but at times the execution was a bit uneven. However, overall this is a satisfying novel and one I would recommend to fellow readers.

This book is grim, well written, but grim and I didn’t enjoy reading it. I know plenty of other people will like it, because some people enjoy grim. I nearly abandoned it several times. Emily Tesh’s main character, Valkyr, starts off Some Desperate Glory as a joyless, intolerant fanatic who thinks she is better than almost everyone else. To be fair, she has been raised to be so, in what we come to realize is an extremist death cult.

Earth has been destroyed and a small group of humans cling to life on a barely livable rock. Some human live on habitable planets, but they are considered collaborators and traitors by Gaea Station. They live by the motto, “Earth’s children endure and while we live, the enemy shall fear us.” Kyr’s cohort is on the verge of receiving their assignments, the roles they will play for the rest of their adult lives. Kyr has trained relentlessly to be the best so that she will be assigned to a combat squad. The greatest glory would be to die fighting the enemy, the majo. The worst assignment would be the nursery, where Kyr would spend her time being pregnant to hit “population targets” and raising the babies she did not give birth to.

Gaea Station is a fascist military dictatorship, controlled by Aulus Jole, whom Kyr thinks of as an uncle, a mentor, and a hero. The core message that Kyr learns in many iterations, is that fascism is bad and worship of the military allows petty people to turn the populace at large into meat for the grinder. Gaea Station is gender essentialist, stripping Kyr and most of the people there of bodily autonomy. Though Kyr has turned herself into a highly skilled soldier, she is only valued for her child bearing abilities. The fascist obsession with genetics is fully on display here too.

In addition to being grim I’m not sure it entirely sends the message it wants to send. Part of the problem is making one man the lynchpin for everything bad. In truth there is never one man at the root of all evil. Complex issues are flattened until they are almost meaningless. If you are looking for a Sapphic space opera, Some Desperate Glory, is technically that, but I found the Sapphic part of that description very underwhelming.

CW: a couple of genocides, murder on page and in past, violence, suicide on page, torture, queer phobia, transphobia, forced pregnancy, sexual assault, rape of minor discussed.

I received this as an advance reader copy from Tordotcom and NetGalley. My opinions are my own, freely and honestly given.

DNF @ 57%.

Content notes for what I’ve read so far includes mentions AND committing genocide, homomisia, a lot of transmisia, violence, suicide, deaths, brainwashing, ableism, sexual assault, mentions of sexual abuse/rape of a minor, forced pregnancies, and mentions of frequent deaths in childbirth.

I’m sorry, this is the worst book I have ever read. Or at least in a VERY LONG TIME. I went into this thinking we’re going to get a queer romance book in space with the MC learning to escape from a military space cult and who will finally get to live her life in peace and comfort. BUT NO. This book is awful and I would never recommend it.

I got into this book because it’s a monthly pick for a book box, and they’ve done queer books I’ve liked before like Winter’s Orbit and merch for Murderbot. But I will have you all know this book is NOT like those books at all. This book is miserable. Even for a book about escaping a cult. Almost makes First, Become Ashes look like a masterpiece and I can at least say I finished that book.

This book is just the worst. I like a book that has an unlikeable heroine. We don’t get enough of those. But Kyr here is truly awful. We only get the story from her third-person POV, and there’s really nothing all that likable about her. She is DEEP into this military cult and everything she thinks or feels is still through that lens. For almost 50% of the book she’s deeply transphobic because that’s what she knows. The book does point out that she’s not homophobic though. But that doesn’t make it any better to “save” her character because her love interest is a nonbinary alien called Yiso and Kyr spends way too long calling Yiso “it” or “he” or even “she” at some point even after knowing Yiso prefers “they” in the T-standard language Kyr speaks. The transphobia in this book lasts too long before Kyr comes around and refers to Yiso with they/them and it’s only after realizing she might like them. I’m over Kyr and Yiso deserves better.

The rest of this is spoilers but also the thing that breaks the camel’s back for me in this book.

*****SPOILERS AHEAD*****

Okay. So the whole reason there’s a military space cult in the first place is because the aliens decided to commit genocide on most of the human race. 14 billion humans dead. Then years later, we’re in this storyline and Kyr, her brother Magnus, and their new friend Avi who is a computer genius (Magnus also likes Avi) decide to work a mission and winds up doing genocide on trillions of people of the alien race (they’re called the majo or something, I still can’t tell you the specifics if they’re the majoda, the majo zi, etc.).

I CANNOT believe that this book decided MORE genocide was the answer, kills off Magnus (by suicide), kills of Avi (Kyr kills him), and then decides that they need to undo everything by TIME TRAVEL.

There’s nothing more I hate from books than time travel. I HATE it. This book made the characters so unlikeable by the end of what I read that I don’t even care for any of this to be “fixed” and they can all rot for all I care. They already made their choices in this one timeline, and going back in time to try to fix things is so ridiculous. Part 4 starts out with everyone back in another timeline and Kyr with a different name and now we have to go through a whole different storyline with the same characters again. I AM SO OVER IT.

I wanted a fun f/nonbinary space romance and a fun m/m side romance because the characters did have potential for, like, the first 25% of the book. But now that I’ve made it to 57%, I’m over all these assholes.

***Thanks to the publisher for giving me an e-ARC for review on Netgalley***