This book is a stunner. It's good in so many ways at once--in so many ways that a book ought not to be good at once. It is beautifully and uniquely written and incredibly moving. It is about grief and mourning and preserving the love we have for those we've lost. It's about mothers and daughters and kinky, sexy, intimate, romantic, beautiful queer love. It's also about a dystopian society and the ways we all succumb to biases--about others and ourselves.

I loved this. Thank you.

Gut wrenching and visceral, heartbreaking and powerful, Crane’s story of love, life, and loss will drag you down and lift you up. The answer to the question of who are you, who makes you yourself, who gets to tell you your worth?

Nestled in a horror story of big government and bigotry, of science malpractice and found family, Crane plants a tale of extreme love and bitter sacrifice. It will tear you down and give you wings. Masterful!

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for my free copy. These opinions are my own.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the eARC.

I loved the concept of this book. I think the science fiction aspects and the philosophical aspects married together very well. I really enjoy books that go beyond the "chosen one" dystopia stories, and this one read more like a slice of life.

My minor gripes were that some of the kid's dialogue seemed a bit unrealistic for her age, the formatting of the eARC was off (hopefully it's fixed now that it's published), and sometimes the lessons of the story felt heavy handed for my taste.

But overall a beautiful story of queer love, biological family, found family, grief, oppression, and fascism.

I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself was one of the more interesting reads I’ve experienced in quite a long time. The United States has undergone a significant moral reversion. The amount of grief the main character, Kris, is experiencing after the loss of her wife is immense and heart wrenching. Many parents can relate to her struggle as a new mother on top of her grief. I was deeply moved by the author's story telling and by the complexity of the characters. For a first book, Maris Crane, nailed it!

Thank you, Catapult and NetGalley, for the chance to review this book before publication.

Pub Date: 17 Jan 2023
Star Rating: 5

Synopsis: In a United States not so unlike our own, the Department of Balance has adopted a radical new form of law enforcement: rather than incarceration, wrongdoers are given a second (and sometimes, third, fourth, and fifth) shadow as a reminder of their crime—and a warning to those they encounter. Within the Department, corruption and prejudice run rampant, giving rise to an underclass of so-called Shadesters who are disenfranchised, publicly shamed, and deprived of civil rights protections.

Kris is a Shadester and a new mother to a baby born with a second shadow of her own. Grieving the loss of her wife and thoroughly unprepared for the reality of raising a child alone, Kris teeters on the edge of collapse, fumbling in a daze of alcohol, shame, and self-loathing. Yet as the kid grows, Kris finds her footing, raising a child whose irrepressible spark cannot be dampened by the harsh realities of the world.

With a first-person register reminiscent of the fierce self-disclosure of Sheila Heti and the poetic precision of Ocean Vuong, I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself is a bold debut novel that examines the long shadow of grief, the hard work of parenting, and the power of queer resistance.

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Thank you to Catapult New York and NetGalley for the eArc of <i>I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself</i>. All opinions are my own.

I used to be obsessed with dystopian novels. Then, a real dystopian society happened and I switched to queer romcoms. While I certainly wouldn't call this book a romcom, the queerness and dystopian feel of <i>I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself</i> by Marissa Crane was an unexpectedly exciting combination. This book is wholly unique. Though it's clearly narrated in first person, the narrator, a Shadester (someone who has two shadows instead of one), is consistently addressing Beau, someone we quickly learn is her wife, giving it the feel of a second-person narration. This always leaves me slightly off-kilter, and it takes some adjusting to until we understand our narrator's story and why she has to keep talking to Beau from the beginning to the end of the book.

What unfolds after you get into the groove of this narrative is an important revelation about Beau and their new baby. It's kind of like plunging down the first drop of a roller coaster—once you realize what's about to happen, you can't help but throw up your hands as the narrator brings us up, down, around, and upside down through a world of grief, shame, anxiety and depression, and, improbably, happiness.

I highlighted so many passages in this book, because Crane's prose as our narrator crawls out of the depths, as we see the teeming insides of her brain and her hearts, is so raw, so beautiful, that I temporarily stopped breathing sometimes, I swear. Gems like "We is the most tender word I know" or "I am powerful in my powerlessness," and just the way Crane acknowledges that being a queer parent is just <i>different</i>—yes, it is—made me really stop and think what I would do, how I would feel, were I in our narrator's situation (nevermind the dystopian society part).

I'll admit I first saw Marissa Crane on TikTok and that's why I wanted to read their book. Now that it's out in the wide world, I'm so excited for them, and can't wait to see what beautiful, messy world they create for their characters next.

Wow. I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself was weird and inventive, dark and funny, thought-provoking and incredibly moving. It was totally up my alley, and I am beyond impressed that this was Marisa Crane’s debut novel.

I guess this book would be described as queer dystopian speculative fiction since its set in a United States very similar to our own, but with one key difference: the Department of Balance has replaced incarceration with an extreme alternative – forcing wrongdoers to carry additional shadows. This effectively creates a new caste system, with ramifications that multiply across society.

For all that this sounds very much like a science fiction novel, at its heart, I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself is a story about family and motherhood. Kris, the narrator, is left to raise her daughter after her wife dies in childbirth, with the challenges of single parenting compounded by mother and daughter’s “Shadester” status. While we wait patiently to find out how Kris “earned” her extra shadow, we see Kris grapple with grief for her late wife, struggle to raise her daughter to be free yet also survive (two goals that often conflict), overcome her paralyzing sense of shame, and assemble the most endearing found-family.

To me, I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself is proof that the most talented authors can write about whatever the hell they want and still captivate readers. Is this book narrated in second person to Kris’ dead wife (an approach I really didn’t think I would like)? Yes. And did Crane somehow pull if off? Also yes!

This book is bleak and joyful and hilarious and important, and I hope you all read and love it as much as I did. Thank you to NetGalley and Catapult for the eARC in exchange for an honest review.

A debut novel that gripped me from the first pages.Multi layered original beautifully written.A novel and author I will be recommending a story so raw so involving.amazing debut.#netgalley #catapultbooks

I saw another reader talk about this book as an experience in their review, and oh god yes, I agree. This book was an experience for me; a profound one that shifted some plates in my geography. As a new parent, as a queer person, as a human being filled with old and new shame and grief and desire; whew. This book, this book, this BOOK.

Crane's prose is the rare type of beautiful that hurts to touch. I underlined so many lines and would have returned to them except I think they live in my brain now. And the characters are painfully real, gorgeously flawed. Kris (and the kid's) story of survival, dignity, and loss is something I moved through with them. They felt entirely real, and they chipped away at me until I had nowhere to hide by the end. I was in tears.

If this review is erratic it's because I have too much to say and am on such little sleep. Just thank you, M Crane, for this place to visit, for this story. It's something so specia

I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself by Marisa Crane (they/them) is an incisive portrayal of one family trying to survive the clutches of a government that resembles Big Brother.

Set in the near future, the government has found a new way to deal with crime. Instead of incarcerating people, the government dispenses extra shadows for each infraction of the law. It’s a very right-wing leaning government that offers scant civil rights to offenders, or as they’re known in this world: shadesters.

Kris and her newborn daughter, whom she calls the kid, both have a second shadow. Kris’s wife Beau died in childbirth, leaving Kris to grapple with the grief of losing her while finding joy in raising their daughter.

There’s not much of a plot in this novel; it’s more character-driven. It follows this family and their close friends as the kid grows up and starts questioning the injustices of this world. The narrative voice is slightly unusual, in the second person, with Kris talking directly to Beau.

There are no distinct chapters, but there are frequent breaks in the text.

Even though this novel deals with darker themes, like loss, grief, and shame, it also balances the story with humour and joy. The writing style is both accessible and insightful. It’s deceptively simple yet packs a big punch.

Initially, I struggled with this book’s lack of a plot, but once I decided to read a few sections at a time, I appreciated it a lot more.

If you enjoy speculative fiction, I highly recommend giving this debut author a try.

Thank you to Catapult for providing an arc via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

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I will say that overall this book isn't for me, but that does not mean it isn't a good book.

This book reads like a stream of conscience and that may not work for everyone.

The concept is great, as well as the content but getting accustomed to the structure of the novel was an adjustment.

I seem to be an anomaly on this book, I could not get into it and perhaps it was just not for me. I do think if this type of story interests you that you should give it a try. Thank you to #Netgalley and #Catapult for the ARC.

A genre-transcending work of speculative fiction, Marisa Crane's debut novel is a sharp, tender look at life in a carceral society. Eliding the cliches that have plagued near-future stories over the past decade's glut of books written in response to rising fascism, "I Keep My Exoskeletons To Myself" is a personal story played out against a backdrop of crushingly banal cruelties. The book is sure to find fans among those who enjoy dystopian classics such as Margaret Atwood's "The Handmaid's Tale" and Aldous Huxley's "Brave New World."

This is a unique story, well-told by Crane, with an allegory for oppression and marginalization that I think works well. For whatever reason, I had a hard time getting into the story, but ultimately the prose kept me reading and the pages turned quickly. I really enjoyed the cast of characters here, and the complex characterizations along with the relationships between characters were strengths of this book. It doesn't stand out as a favorite for me, but it's a unique and successful entry into literary speculative fiction, especially centering queer characters and experiences. I enjoyed it quite a bit, but I don't see it being successful at my library.

Inventive, tender, and honest. This book is queer and vivid all the way through, and approaches parenthood from a truly vulnerable lens. I loved it as a speculative work and found the prose to be so gorgeous!

Following our narrator in the aftermath of their wife's death as they raise their child, this story dives deep into the perils of a society run by second shadows. This book was unlike anything I've ever read, and it entranced me from the start. If you're looking for something with humor and joy that will also pack an emotional punch, pick this one up immediately.

An incredible and immersive debut from Marisa Crane. Sharp, witty, dark and poetic, Crane engrosses us in a story from the first sentence, and continues from every page on.

I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself is set to be published on January 17, 2023. Thank you to Catapult, Counterpoint Press, Softskull Press, NetGalley and the author for the ARC.

Grief, fear, guilt, anger, love — so many feels in this dystopian novel that imagines a surveillance state where transgressions are punished by adding shadows to those accused of breaching protocols. Utterly disturbing and wonderfully written.

Very strong writing here. This is not normally the kind of story I'd pick up but I was pleasantly surprised. I suspect this story will stick with me for a while. Recommended.

Thanks very much for the free ARC for review!!

Whoa, here's one to preorder! I was hooked from the first page, completely mesmerized by Crane's sharp prose. The voice is so direct, witty, and intimate. The story is utterly terrifying and enthralling. Such a devastatingly beautiful novel.

This was a great scifi novel, I was invested in what was going on and appreciated how well the surveillance state was used in this plot. Marisa Crane has a really well done writing style and I enjoyed going from beginning to end. It worked great as a scifi story and it was what I was hoping for. This was a great debut novel and I hope to read more from Marisa Crane.

"I only resumed speaking because something within me had mutated, not that I realized it at the time. My anger didn’t always behave like anger—sometimes it acted like resignation, other times like a disappearance. I could tell by the way you looked at me that you saw the change."