I was drawn to this by the cover and the description. I danced until I was 14 and have read several dancer autobiographies. Many of which the author quotes in this book. I liked how she asked questions without necessarily being judgmental especially about Mr B. Each chapter explores a different topic about the dance world given by one or more dancer's perspective. After reading it makes me want to find an adult ballet class. The author nails it at the end talking about those who did not make it but not quite wanting to give it up completely. I know and understand that feeling even though I never got to SAB or ABT. Great story for ballet lovers.

I've always enjoyed ballet, from my childhood days wistfully watching the students at a local dance studio perform on stage at town festivals, to doing some "faux ballet" moves at recess (once a teacher asked if I was in dance. I felt so complimented!). Then, when my girls were little, I had them in ballet and for several years I played for classes at our local ballet studio. It was all so pretty and interesting -- watching the girls learn their steps, learning a bit of French along the way (most ballet terminology is French), learning which type of music went with which practice exercise, etc. And every year, even though the girls are grown up, I treat myself to attending the local ballet performance of Nutcracker -- other performances too throughout the year, if they interest me.

So when I read a little blurb about "Don't Think, Dear -- On Loving and Leaving Ballet" in Dance magazine, I checked to see if it might be available to review at NetGalley. It was, and I dug in.

Author Alice Robb attended the prestigious School of American Ballet for several years until she was dismissed at age 14. Alice loved ballet as a girl, "the hyperfeminine trappings of it all, the unapologetic girlishness." Ballet became a huge part of her life, as she spent hours in classes and performing. When she realized, as a young teen, that she wasn't being cast for roles she wanted, and was then dismissed from the school, she went through a loss of identity and a period of grieving for what had been a huge part of her life. In this book, she tells a bit about her experience. But most of the book focuses on experiences of her ballet friends, as well as experiences of famous ballerinas as learned through their books.

I enjoyed the peeks inside the world of ballet, and it's a world that, as you might expect, is pretty extreme in its expectations. "The traits ballet takes to an extreme -- the beauty, the thinness, the stoicism and silence and submission -- are valued in girls and women everywhere."

As you might guess from that last quote, the book does dive into the woke, feminist mindset so prevalent among those Robb's age (she's in her early 30s). We hear a lot about #metoo and how NYCB founder Balanchine and NYCB choreographer Peter Martins were abusive to dancers. Balanchine claimed to choose dancers "as you would choose horses." As the years go on, Robb feels "guilty about harboring affection for a system that clearly harmed women." She is thrilled to attend a ballet and see a "gender nonconforming" dancer "(who uses they/them pronouns)" in a female role. She is ecstatic when, during covid, she sees dancers performing in masks.

So here's the thing about where woke meets ballet, to me: yes, I understand that ballet has high standards, both of physical appearance and of performance level. Most of us can never aspire to either. But, the few who can sure are gorgeous to watch. Do I want to watch people who are overweight or even average weight performing Swan Lake? Uh, no. Ditto do I want to watch people of lesser ability? Not really (unless it's my own kid). I went to ballets during covid and sadly I wasn't similarly thrilled with dancers wearing masks. It took me out of the moment as I meditated on how ridiculous it looked, and how useless it was too (the masks did nothing to protect the audience, and didn't the dancers spend time in close contact with each other daily? What's the point other than virtue signaling?).

Anyway, back to the book. I enjoyed the overall theme, but have to dock it for the "woke" as well as for the lengthy portions which read as book reviews on other dancers the author read about. It seems she did a bunch of research and wanted to include it all. A good editor probably could help here (and since I read this on NetGalley, this may still happen before the book is published).

"One prestigious summer program in New York housed female students in a literal nunnery in Greenwich village."

2.5 stars

If you are looking for a personal memoir, slowly set this book down and turn elsewhere. Unless by memoir you are thinking you want a pieced together book of about anyone who has ever danced and then written a book at ABT. Because that's what this is- a messy unorganized hodgepodge of many different dancer's stories. For me, that odd format didn't work at all, having chapters blend from quoting one dancer, to another, to a personal story. It's a shame because some of the personal stories really spoke to me, if that had been the bulk of the book I would have probably really enjoyed it; even if I don't agree with much of her message. I think this cements for me that ABT really is a cult, when you spend the first ten percent of the book telling a man's story (Mr. B), when he had been dead before you even stepped foot in the building. Many parts struck me as dated and stuck in the past, when I would have loved to look at a more contemporary view. If you were so unfortunate to have trained at ABT though, by all means pick it up, I'm sure you'll (be forced to) love it.

I really appreciated this memoir about being a ballet dancer. I myself was one for a while, so I really related to the cruelties and anxieties described. It was honest and relatable.

Pub date: 2/28/23
Genre: nonfiction, memoir, dance
Quick summary: Alice Robb didn't end up becoming a professional ballerina - but her training at the School of the American Ballet still changed her and her classmates' lives.

"Don't think, dear" is advice author Alice Robb got from her ballet teacher, and it sums up the ballet world quite well. Robb uses her own experiences, those of her classmates, and those of other public ballet figures to tell the story of this rigorous, pressure-filled world. Despite hard work, something as simple as the wrong body type can derail a once-promising young ballerina, like Alice's friend Emily. Those who do succeed will find themselves fighting through constant injury, like her friend Lily. The single-mindedness of the ballet world is almost impossible to contemplate as an outsider.

I enjoyed this book overall, but the sections felt a bit lengthy because Robb had so much material to cover. I think the first-hand stories were stronger than the material incorporated from the broader ballet world.

Thank you to Mariner Books for providing an e-ARC in exchange for an honest review.

As a former ballet dancer this book really resonates with how I also felt. I was a person who was not a typical ballet body so I knew becoming a professional was out of the picture. Ballet gives you a very strained relationship with your body, mind and how you view certain things in life. This was beautifully written novel as a former dancer.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC.
A deep and accurate dive into the world of ballet.
Really great and well researched book that I thoroughly enjoyed.
A book that tells you how ruthless the world of ballet truly is.
Great for those who dance and those who have never danced.

Thanks to a lack of both rhythm and coordination, I’m no dancer myself. But I loved Ballet Shoes as a child and The Turning Point as a teenager, so I decided to go ahead and request this when I saw it. I was expecting a simple memoir - not my favorite sort of thing - so I wasn’t really looking forward to reading it. But in the end, I enjoyed it a lot. 60/40 indictment of and love letter to ballet, the book featured some ballet history, some feminist commentary on the art and vignette-style bios of famous and not-famous ballet personalities. Highly recommended.

Thanks to NetGalley for providing an ARC copy for my review.

It’s hard to find someone who never had the fleeting desire as a child of dancing ballet like the beautiful dancers in the Nutcracker at Christmastime. Retiring my ballet prospects by the age of four, I knew I was never meant for more than a brief stint in toddler dance class. DON’T THINK, DEAR by Alice Robb is a memoir that explores the life of someone who did succeed in ballet, or at least, went much farther than I ever could. But more than the dancing itself, Robb’s story is a fascinating one of dedication, community, and self-reflection. Robb doesn’t shy away from the lows as well as the highs, from the damage ballet has done to her and others in addition to the glamor of the art form. She also weaves in the interesting history of ballet in America, and it was such an engaging read that I couldn’t put it down. I highly recommend this book to anyone with any interest in ballet, dance, or just memoirs generally. Thank you @marinerbooks for the eARC! ✨🩰

Don't Think, Dear is a thoroughly researched and heartbreaking deep-dive into the world of ballet by a former dancer at the School of American Ballet, the most elite ballet school in the country.

I've been fascinated by ballet dancers since I was little and, up until this point, I couldn't pinpoint why exactly. The poise? The precision? All the pretty, pretty pink outfits? (Four year old me is nodding vigorously at that last point.) As someone who grew up in a very strict and controlled environment, I suppose subconsciously I felt a vague, adjacent familiarity to ballet's highly controlled, highly competitive and highly mentally demanding world.

Don't Think, Dear is a lot to digest. It's not a juicy gossip-filled beach read but a think-piece. It breaks down ballet's psychology from the perspective of a former ballerina-slash-current journalist that showcases real-life examples of world-renowned ballerinas from every era with sprinkles of autobiographical anecdotes. It affirms that ballet isn't all tutus and graceful moves - it's an extremely cutthroat and vicious world that normalizes sexism, disordered eating/extreme calorie counting/body shaming, crossing boundaries, identity loss, subjecting your body to extreme pain, etc. at a young age, and that's not even half of it. "Toxic" doesn't adequately express how dangerous this world is and how most of the world is blind to the pain these young girls subject themselves to.

This book is a must-read for lovers of extensively researched deep dives and those curious about what ballet is really like.

Thank you Mariner Books + NetGalley for the eARC in exchange for an honest review!

Pub date: Feb 28, 2023

I snapped this one up because I’m the mom to 2 girls who dance.
Alice Robb is a former ballet dancer with the American School of Ballet. That’s not your run of the mill dance school— it’s the most elite ballet school in the country.
There were a few juicy bits of gossip, but the overall focus is Alice meandering through and trying to focus her own feelings about ballet and about her past. Alive writes, “My feelings towards ballet…veered between longing and regret and feminist disdain.”
This is definitely true throughout the entire book.

This is a deep dive, memoir-style, into the behind the scenes life of ballerinas climbing their way into the uppermost echelons of American dance. It’s also filled with history, news, and interesting ideas about ballet as a career and a cultural marker. I was hoping for a bit more of the author’s personal story - she’s more interesting than she gives herself credit for and the personal side of this is what captivated me most. That said, this is a book any dance fan will love.

Thanks to NetGalley for providing a copy of this book.

As a former ballet student, I was so excited to read this book.

And the excitement continued!

This story follows a ballet dancer who ends up quitting ballet and telling her story. As someone whose entire life was ballet, I can say this book is very accurate—the commentary on weight, age, and body image was particularly poignant. I think ballet is often underestimated—it is both art and sport, beauty and pain, a dangerous dichotomy that has entranced audiences for ages. I think this book does a great job of depicting this—I will say that some scenes are triggering, however, ballet is a triggering space. I would read this over and over again. So good!

No one would think that ballet is easy, but this book is heartbreaking! When she was 9, the author was accepted into the prestigious School of American Ballet, where she worked like a lunatic until the day she was told that she’d never be a ballerina. She was let go, her life over at 15. Now a successful writer, Robb speaks about her own experiences, as well as those of her fellow students and other dancers. Every one of them endured unspeakable pain only to be forced out for reasons beyond their control, like their height, bone structure and, in one case, the shape of her calves. Even those who became successful prima ballerinas had to live through experiences that are hard to understand. Robb places these stories in context, analyzing the characteristics that make the world of ballet unique. This is possibly the only environment left in which treating women like objects is tolerated and encouraged. I liked the fact that Robb doesn’t judge. She explains how things have always been, how they are and how they may evolve, without judgement. I loved the historical context, the chapters devoted to George Balanchine and his muses, as well as the sacrifices that this art demands. Heartbreaking, fascinating and ultimately uplifting, I enjoyed this book a lot.
I chose to read this book and all opinions in this review are my own and completely unbiased. Thank you, #NetGalley/#Mariner Books!

The book “Don’t Think, Dear” tells about a former ballet dancer who started her journey to ballet and later quit. Alice Robb wrote this book as a way to go on a journey on writing stories about other famous ballet dancers. These dancers have to live through their lives during ballet. In addition, the book also talks about the challenges of being a ballet dancer such as losing weight, having toes pointed and other things.

It's an incredible reading about the life as a ballet dancer. Thanks to the publishers Mariner Books and NetGalley for allowing me to read this book in order for a review.

Thank you to NetGalley and Mariner Books for an advance read in exchange for this review.

I jumped at the chance to review this book as a former bunhead. It's always comforting to come back to the familiar language of ballet, and yet, it also brings up memories of the issues that dancers deal with in this secretive, destructive world.

Alice Robb does a great job of weaving together memoir, rigorous scholarly and historical research, and cultural criticism. The themes she touched on are ones that many women unfortunately relate to - the stress of unrealistic weight standards, ageism, pressure to be completely submissive at all times. She brings history of the art to her own reflections in the dance world, and the presence they have in our every day interactions as women.

Sometimes a bit repetitive, it's overall an engaging read on a topic that seems to always garner curiosity.

My rating: 5 Stars

As a former ballet student (couldn't quite categorize myself as "ballerina" as my training was only for 10 years and at a very relaxed pace), I thoroughly enjoyed this book by Alice Robb. Don't Think, Dear: On Loving and Leaving Ballet is a mix of a memoir and historical analysis on ballet, but more notably, stylized ballet reflective of George Balanchine. Robb dips into the culture of what it means to be a Balanchine ballerina and the standards this man set for his founding of the New York City Ballet. With historical notes of "Balanchine's girls" and how their careers either soared or plunged as they tried to keep up with the rigorous standards, readers learn a bit more of the perils and obstacles to become what most people see as "graceful", "beautiful", and "effortless". Dancers have a way of showing they can do incredible things without looking like they are trying. That's why I think the title Don't Think Dear is a perfect title for this work. Don't think about it. Don't worry about the pain. Don't think about what's outside of here. Just do.

Thank you to NetGalley and Mariner Books for an advance read in exchange for this review.

This book is about Alice Robb's journey in and out of the ballet world. She makes it to School of American Ballet but she doesn't end up becoming a ballerina. While I appreciated the background and history, as well as commentary from other ballet stars, I really wanted more of Alice Robb's story. Overall, it is a good read for someone who is a dancer or a fan of ballet.

Alice Robb was one of Balanchine's girls: as a student at the School of American Ballet, it didn't matter that Balanchine had been dead twenty years; his ghost still roamed the halls, and girls clustered, breathless, around dancers who once upon a time had studied with Balanchine, who could impart his wisdom.

Robb didn't make it as a professional dancer. Ultimately, her body was not built for the exacting requirements demanded of Balanchine's ballerinas, and she moved on to other things. Yet ballet had wrapped its pointe ribbons around her soul—she could leave ballet, but it would not leave her. Thus this book: "Don't Think, Dear" is part memoir of being a student, part dive into the history of Balanchine and all that surrounded him: the New York City Ballet, the School of American Ballet, the Balanchine technique (which enabled dancers to perform surprising new feats, but at a steep cost to their bodies), the way Balanchine demanded dangerous thinness and complete submission of his dancers.

I've read many, many ballet memoirs (though I'm no former dancer—I took one community class as a kid, then moved on to other activities—I just have arbitrary interests), but I am *quite* sure that Robb has read many, many more ballet memoirs than I have. If you too have read more than your fair share, you'll recognize some of the material Robb quotes from but also find yourself highlighting passages or folding down corners as you find new things to read. I admit that my knowledge of past generations of ballet dancers is not as sharp as it could be, and it was fascinating to read about Margot Fonteyn and Alicia Alonso in particular—the former, famed for her artistry but prepared to throw it all away for a toxic marriage; the latter, refusing to let increasing blindness keep her off the stage.

If Chloe Angyal's "Turning Pointe" was a bit too much modern history and not enough memoir for you, but you want something more contemplative than a standard ballet memoir—or if you're interested in hearing more stories that don't read like a litany of successful performances with the occasional worrying injury thrown in—"Don't Think, Dear" makes for a compelling middle ground of personal narrative and broader view. And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to peruse Robb's bibliography...

Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a free review copy through NetGalley.

4.5 Stars

When I saw the pink ballet shoes on the book cover I was immediately drawn in. I was always attracted to ballerinas as a child, and fondly remember one spinning elegantly in a music box I owned. I also took ballet lessons while in grammar school, though my true talents were with tap dancing. While I've always romanticized ballerinas I never truly knew of their dedication and physical suffering until reading this book.

The author's greatest wish was to be chosen as a professional ballerina as a teenager, but didn't make the grade. Like others who suffered the same disappointment, she found success in another medium- writing. Robb tracks the life paths of other wannabe ballerinas from her youth, spinning stories of their physical and mental breakdowns, difficulties in establishing romantic relationships, eating disorders, etc. Underlying all of these cases is the singular thing in common: that they can never quite accept their failure to become a professional ballerina. It's always there, and even defines whatever profession they ultimately transition to. This was illustrated perfectly by one such young woman named Meiying who became a painter of ballerina-themed art.

A name that dominated the book was a legendary ballet choreographer named Balanchine who was notorious for favoring and ultimately marrying various ballerinas, a cut-throat intensity to push dancers beyond their physical limits and caution them to keep their weight down, or "lengthen". Despite multiple boundaries Balanchine would cross of propriety, iconic ballerinas worshipped him unquestioningly. Even after his death Balanchine's teachings dominated as the standard of excellence and would be employed by others.

Another interesting facet was how young women would be handled by their male ballet counterparts, with their hands practically in the womens' private area. This became such an established norm that when these young ballerinas might make some sort of contact with the opposite sex they wouldn't even understand when someone was hitting on them. Also, injuries and pain weren't doted upon; as such ballerinas would have a higher threshold for pain than the average person.

This was truly a fascinating dive into another world which has whet my appetite to read other books, watch documentaries and movies about this subject. There were no photos included in this advance reader copy, but perhaps there will be in the final publication. No matter, I found myself constantly performing internet searches as I read the book, my interest was so piqued. If I had one teensy complaint I would have edited the book just a little bit shorter. It is just over 300 pages, but she really got to the "pointe" way before then. However, Robb has a beautiful and easy-flowing writing style, and this is an excellent book.

Thank you to the publisher Mariner Books for providing an advance reader copy via NetGalley