Three Funerals For My Father by Jolie Phuong Hoang is a book told from two perspectives;
the author’s perspective and that of her father’s ghost. Jolie grew up in Vietnam, in a large and loving family where she was one of ten children, with the kindest parents you can imagine.
But their good life ended when the American war ended in 1975, and the communists took over Vietnam. The family was constantly harrassed and lived in constant fear of being sent to the dreaded new economic zone.

Desperate for safety, Jolie's father arranges three seperate escapes by a fishing boat. The first attempt to flee by boat sadly isn't a succes as they are discovered by the local authorities and very scary moments follow where the children on the boat are kept and investigated. The second attempt to flee by boat is more successful; six of his children, including author Jolie reach Indonesia and ultimately settle in Canada. But the third attempt to reach freedom is the heartbreaking drowning of father and his youngest daughter, as their boat sinks in the South Chinese Sea.

The book is not really a memoir, but it does tell the life story of the authors family, and that of hundreds of thousands Vietnamese boat people who where in similar situations. Jolie has chosen a very original narrative to include her father’s perspective and her own; her experience of the escape as a child, and she also writes about her emotional return to Vietnam as an adult in 2008. The story is heartbreaking, moving, emotional, and beautiful. This is a beautifully written non-fiction book that I truly recommend!

This is a truly beautiful memoir about a happy childhood in a privileged background in Vietnam, followed by trying times under the Communist regime and the family’s desperate attempts to escape as what we know as Vietnamese Boat People. But the real joy of this memoir is the detail about family life and the love their father showed them, a family closeness that transcended all hardship and separations. Then, once the majority of the family had escaped to safety, it is impressive how they were able to build up a new life, working hard and studying hard.

The book flits about in time, with individual chapters told by different characters. Each chapter is headed by a little medallion of a tiger, for those written from Jolie’s father’s point of view, or a lotus flower when she is the narrator. This gives us two completely different points of view: the father who had to cope with the realities of adult life and protecting his family and Jolie, a child’s eye view of daily life. We know from early in the book that her father and a sister did not survive their ordeal on the boat. Hence Jolie’s father tells his side of the story from beyond the grave, which adds an unusual twist.

Jolie Phuong Hoang travelled back to Vietnam for the first time in 2008, a first trip for her children, 25 years after she escaped the communist regime.

Ghosts
The author describes many supernatural events in her book. There is a distinct sense that the dead may remain with the people they love until reunited at death. It is difficult for them to communicate with the living, but those who are open to it may be able to hear them. There are several occasions where several family members hear unexplained footsteps on the roof as Father tries to reassure them he is near. There are also a couple of occasions where people have known things they couldn’t have known after a ghost has spoken to them in a dream.

Language
I really like the way the Vietnamese language is incorporated into the text. There is a small glossary explaining affectionate forms of address and family relationship nicknames. Very occasionally there is a short footnote to explain. Even though the names are unfamiliar, I soon found I was able to remember who was who.

If you are interested in what drives refugees to flee their homelands, or the specific tales of the Vietnamese Boat People and what caused the crisis, I highly recommend this. But this is a compelling story in its own right, even without a specific interest in refugees or the Asian cultures. It’s a story that reminds me of pioneering stories like Little House on the Prairie, tales of make do and mend in the Second World War and many other stories of people who would do anything to save their family. I am really glad I read Three Funerals for My Father.

Disclaimer: I received a free e-ARC from NetGalley. This review reflects my personal opinion after reading the book. Thank you for the chance to read it.

War stories are hard to read. For me, Vietnam War stories are the hardest. There is probably a recurring theme in my reviews regarding books by authors from the Vietnamese diaspora. I didn’t grow up a proud Vietnamese American woman. In fact, I was always rather embarrassed to be different. I’m so ashamed of that now, that I’ve finally come into my own. I love reading the stories of other Vietnamese women. And no, I don’t care to read Vietnam War stories by white people, so please stop suggesting them.

I 100% requested this book because the author shares a name with my father. He has a rather feminine first name, but it’s what his father wanted to call him. As someone who enjoys the trend of typically boy names for girls, I love this.

Jolie is Vietnamese Canadian, by way of escaping the war well after Vietnam fell to the communists. My parents were “lucky” to leave the day the South fell. My dad had a rather “easy” time of it, and talks about his experience. My mom, to this day, has not told us a first person account of escaping. I think that trauma continues to impact her health present day.

The story alternates between Jolie’s POV and her father’s. These aren’t labeled, so it’s sometimes hard to follow. Obviously, context clues help. Things get more confusing following her father’s death, as he continues to narrate.

Post-war Vietnam is a scary place to be. I can’t imagine what it feels like to be sent to a reeducation camp. You are punished for trying to leave. Jolie’s family tries to flee the country many times. They are thwarted countless times.

This isn’t a story for everyone. War stories are notoriously hard to swallow. But I think I needed this to understand my mom a little better. I used to be upset she wouldn’t tell her story, but I realize now she doesn’t owe me anything. Isn’t it enough that she survived and loves me?

In any case, this is a very moving read.

I knew this book would make me cry. Still, I didn’t expect it to resonate with me on such a deep level.

Jolie Hoang tells the story of her family forced to leave their home country in a desperate attempt to find freedom. It’s a story of a family torn apart, tender love, heartbreaking loss and invisible wounds that can never be fully healed. She alternates between two narrators: herself and her father’s ghost, offering more than one perspective on the events described in the book. Jolie’s father never made it to freedom and can’t tell his own story, but Hoang has found a way to make us hear his voice, and it’s incredibly beautiful.

The only reason I can’t go over 4 stars on this review is because of Hoang’s writing style. It’s very factual with lots of periods and abrupt sentences that don’t necessarily create a good flow. I feel that it takes away from the overall impression this story creates, especially given how much emphasis is put on spiritual experiences that transcend scientific reality. The language is not exactly dry, but it feels underwhelming at times.

I do 100% recommend this book. It was a very personal reading experience for me. There are certain parts anyone who has left their home country would relate to. There are also too many parts I wish no one ever had to live through, which is exactly why we need this book. I just wish I had read something like this in my history class instead of learning dates and names that don’t deserve to be remembered. This story and countless other stories like this one are what we really need to know.