Thank you for an advanced copy of this book. I loved this book! It was very informative and helpful didn’t know I needed this read

This is a thoughtful guide that empowers readers to believe in what they have to offer the world. Thompson's writing is engaging and relatable, offering practical strategies to boost confidence in various aspects of life, including personal growth, career advancement, and financial success.

With its valuable advice and inspiring stories, this book is great for anyone seeking to cultivate self-assurance and achieve greater happiness and fulfillment.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for providing a digital copy to read and review.

Most women lack confidence in themselves. This is a bold statement and, intuitively, true. Statistical reports confirm it around the world. With that in mind, I read this book by Kelli Thompson, who attempts to analyse the situation and come up with solutions.

For the theme it tries to approach, I found it very entertaining, with authentic, beautiful, personal stories and would definitely recommend it to those of you who seek inspiration and a bit of a confidence boost.

In this article, you’ll find the most useful ideas I got from it. Take a look and decide if this book is for you!

You Lose Self Confidence Every Day When You Do This
You have unique talents, and every day you are not using them to their full potential, it’s a day wasted that chips away your confidence in your abilities. The best way to understand your unique talents is to observe your daily habits and where you spend your time and energy.

Classify all the projects you’re working on according to the amount of energy they require or provide you – energy suckers, energy stallers and energy surgers.

The more you work on projects that are energy surgers for you, the more happy and proud you will be of yourself. They are the ones that give you massive amounts of confidence.

Also, the way energy suckers work is obvious, but pay close attention to energy stallers! These kinds of projects feel neutral. They don’t spark real joy, and don’t ignite your energy, but, usually, they are paid well and that’s what makes you stuck with them. In the end, they will chip away at your confidence just like the others.

How to Start Gaining Self Confidence
Confidence starts with values. What do you stand for? Do you know? If your values aren’t clear, it’s time to really think and write them all down. This process in itself is the most efficient way to bring clarity and confidence.

Writing about your values for 10 minutes every day changes the way you think and the way you act. It aligns your mind and your actions. It brings intentionality into your day. It gives you a breather, a way to start your day with calm and tranquillity, and a reminder to think before you choose so that your choices reflect your intentions, not societal expectations.

When everything you want feels overwhelming, values help determine what is worthwhile actually pursuing. Values help you decide which goals you want to achieve and how to achieve them.

Naming your values, writing and understanding them entirely transforms the way you pursue goals. This clarity leaves you with the space to actually put values into action and achieve more.

Values provide you clarity, not certainty. (Dang it!) Only our ego wants certainty, so when you can ask yourself, “Is this decision in alignment with my values?” or, “What would be the next right choice in alignment with my values?” You’ll have more clarity on your right next step even when everything feels foggy. You can feel confident in claiming the roles you desire in work and life because you know they are genuinely and honestly in alignment with your truest self.

“Closing the Confidence Gap”, Kelli Thompson
I Will, but First…
The list of excuses of what you first need to do/be/have before you actually do what you want is endless. Most of them are false, negative and old beliefs. They are amplified by our ego which doesn’t like discomfort.

Most of all, these excuses are expensive to our peace, potential, and paycheck. But why do we tell ourselves these stories?

It’s all because of doubt and impostor syndrome.

How to Overcome Doubt and Impostor Syndrome?
Both Doubt and Impostor Syndrome are valid feelings. Most people (not only women) feel them both whenever they leave their comfort zone. While doubt is natural and unavoidable, impostor syndrome is indeed toxic. It’s the kind of doubt that has become so powerful, it leads to self-sabotage.

If you frequently think “I don’t belong here”, “My achievements are just a fluke”, “I was lucky” or “I’m not qualified for that”, there are steps you can take:

Calm down your body. Observe your body’s reactions and repeat box breathing (4 seconds inhale, 4 seconds pause, 4 seconds exhale and another 4 seconds pause) until you become calm. Drink ice water.
Calm down your thoughts. This part is more difficult. Start by noticing and naming your emotions. Move to recognise that even if thoughts are present, they aren’t necessarily true or helpful. Choose to only engage with thoughts that serve you. For every negative thought, find a fact or evidence that contradicts it.
Normalise feeling scared. Reframe this thought into believing “this is what growth looks like”, because it is. You are trying something new or something really important to you. Feeling the whole pressure of it is normal. It doesn’t mean you won’t be great at it. You can dare to do something while also feeling unsettled.
Use facts to ease your fears – actively try to find evidence for the opposite thought going through your mind.
Act now, no matter what you feel. Take a small step towards your goal. Doing something, anything means taking control — it’s empowering and will make you feel better.
Ultimately, impostor syndrome will disappear the more you get to know yourself and your true talents and start using them every day. Align your purpose and your talents, act according to your unique strengths and abilities and impostor syndrome will go away naturally.

Can Women Even Be Great Leaders?
Yes, most definitely! Women can do anything, but the leadership models we have today ask women to display what are traditionally viewed as masculine traits: assertiveness and control. The way we currently view leadership is only through a masculine lens. Can women display these kinds of traits? Yes! Is it in our best interest as a society for women to do so? No.

The better question to ask is then “Can women be leaders and also show up authentically?”. The answer to that question shows how we can improve a bit our norms.

Firstly, we need to acknowledge leadership can be different. Different doesn’t mean worse. Leaders, whether men or women, should be able to display more traits like empathy, kindness, selflessness, and cooperation, as well as confidence and assertiveness, without any of these being penalising. Today, that isn’t always the case.

According to a study published in the Economic Journal, likability is a factor when deciding on cooperation and support, but only when teams involve women. When teams are 100% men, likability doesn’t matter any more — men cooperate amongst themselves regardless but only cooperate and support women if they like them.

That is a problem because whenever women show qualities like assertiveness and confidence – the traditional leadership traits, they are less liked by everyone: men and women alike!

Knowing that, the second thing to do would be to try to counteract the subconscious bias: normalise the media image of empathic, kind leaders.

The goal is not to change women, it’s to get more women in leadership roles and normalise their natural traits as being desirable leaders’ traits. Media plays a big part in that.

Of course, it all starts with ourselves as well. We need to reframe our “flaws” and acknowledge the qualities they bring out.

If you are criticised as being “competitive and aggressive”, that also might mean that you are “focused and efficient”. If the criticism is that you are “quiet and indecisive”, it might also mean you are “genuine and inclusive”—the book abounds with examples of how you can reframe your thoughts and gain a better perspective on your advantages.

The most important thing to underline, however, is about authenticity. The more women can be authentic about who they really are in the workplace, the better it is for everyone. Whether you are very direct or very sensitive, be who you are. Stop hiding and use all your qualities. It is the only way to move forward. Everyone else will adjust.

Why Doing LESS Helps You Become a Better Leader
Women’s energy is often divided into a million directions. From kids to house work and doctor’s appointments, we do a lot of unpaid work at home and in the office and our calendar is usually full. Realistically, this is draining your focus and, though some obligations are impossible to delegate, most of them aren’t.

The trick, however, is to choose to do LESS (this useful list from “Closing the Confidence Gap” is a lot more detailed in the book):

Lose limiting beliefs around the obligation to say “yes”
Express expectations and boundaries
Shift your identity from Doer to Leader
Start delegating low-stakes tasks.
Doing LESS will enable you to focus on what is really important. You can’t do it all perfectly, but you can excel at a few things. Make sure that those few things are the ones that matter.

Boost Your Confidence by Listening to Your Head, Heart and Gut
When you are confident, you feel it and you know it!

“What do I know for sure? What are the facts of the situation? What evidence do I have? […]

What are my values? Does this align with them? What emotions am I experiencing? What’s their message? How do I want others to feel? […]

What sensations do I feel in my body? Does this feel of peace or dread? Is this a heck yes or hell no? What is mine to do?“

“Closing the Confidence Gap”, Kelli Thompson
The questions above will all help you connect what you know with what you feel. When your head, heart and gut are aligned, what you will really experience is deep confidence.

Conclusion
This book is great for an inspiration boost! The tips I found here about gaining confidence were helpful and accompanied by practical exercises for a better understanding of oneself.

If you loved what you read so far, the book can be found here:

Thank you for an advanced copy of this book. I loved this book! Kelli's stories were relatable and well scripted.