I didn’t know what to expect from this book other than a reflective, heartwarming read. It wasn’t until I was almost done with reading it that I learnt that Debbie Howells is actually better known as a thriller writer and I honestly never would have known that by just reading this book!

Since their romance as teenagers, Anna and Will have spent most of their lives bumping into each other. 20 years after they dated, Anna is unhappily married with a grown up stepdaughter while Will is about to be divorced from his daughter’s mother. While sorting out his recently deceased father’s house, Will meets Anna in the local park and both of them discover that they still have feelings for each other. The spark reminds Anna of who she used to be and she starts to wonder how she can get that girl back. Can they both rediscover joy and will this time finally be the right time for them?

Every time that Anna felt she was too old to restart her life, I wanted to yell at her that she wasn’t. I am a firm believer that anyone can make a fresh start, whenever their life simply isn’t bringing them genuine happiness and I was really proud of Anna, when she finally took that leap. I didn’t enjoy how long it took her to do that though!

One thing that really frustrated me is the amount of time the protagonists spent doing absolutely nothing to help their own romance along, especially as they were both very open and honest about their feelings from the very beginning. The fact that they were both very quick to declare their love for each other is another issue I had (especially as Anna was still very much with her husband at this point). I understand that the author was trying to build the ‘will-they-won’t-they’ thing but it was always very obvious that they would, so that didn’t really work as well as it could have done, had there been some more ambiguity about one or both of their feelings or some bigger obstacles in their way.

While I know that some step-parents can become better parents than biological parents to their stepchildren, I didn’t see the connection between Anna and Millie until about two thirds of the way into the book. In fact, I think Anna and Millie talked on the phone once before this point. Therefore, I just couldn’t get on board with the fact that Anna saw Millie as her daughter, when she insisted several times that she was. I needed more interactions between them throughout the book rather than just at the crisis points in order to fully believe their relationship.

Anna kept getting ‘messages from the universe’ via her Facebook feed and this all felt a bit strange and unbelievable to me. I know that she is a middle-aged woman on Facebook and perhaps this is the kind of meme or post that typically floods her news feed but she was getting them daily and it just felt forced.

There were parts of the book I enjoyed. I loved the theme of living your best life and trusting your heart to tell you what’s right. However, I didn’t like that I was still being introduced to characters halfway through the book (Charley -no mention of her before 50% in despite her apparently being Anna’s oldest friend) or being re-introduced to a character who appeared briefly in a paragraph of a very early chapter before they faded into the background again (Liza).

I was still learning about Anna’s passions (apparently she likes gardening) in the second half of the book too, despite having spent a good few hours of reading time inside her head by this point. I’m not sure what the author was trying to do, but none of the characters -and I include the protagonists in that- were very well-developed at all. While it’s not all that important, I had no idea what either Anna or Will looked like apart from the fact that Anna had brown hair. I couldn’t picture either of them as real, living and breathing people in my head, so that sadly diminished my connection to them.

I also needed James to be a much more obvious villain for me to be OK with Anna cheating on him. I know that he had an affair before and so you could consider them to be ‘even’ now but Anna did choose to stay with him, signifying that she forgave him somewhat. To me, James seemed like a typical husband of his age -selfish, thoughtless and perhaps a bit misogynistic but he’s definitely not uncaring or the worst husband in the world. I think Millie even says at one point that she ‘doesn’t think he knows any different’, suggesting that’s just how he is -almost certainly a product of toxic masculinity, neurodivergence or both.

Considering Debbie Howells is a psychological thriller writer, I really expected the plot to be more fast-paced. While I recognise that this isn’t a thriller at all, I’d expect to see markings of that within the writing, if that’s what the author usually writes. While it was a readable story, I just wish I’d been able to believe the characters more. If I had, I’m sure the high emotion at the end would have affected me far deeper and I’d have been fully invested in the central themes of true love, fate and discovering your true self.

This romance evoked all the emotions, it was so thoughtfully written. I think the ' grown up' sliding doors angle made it lovely to read. It wasn't just a will they - won't they romance, its equally heartwarming and heartbreaking how they keep missing each other when they genuinely belong together. I love the fact the fact that we get a detailed look into Anna and Will's pasts and present woven together seamlessly. I don't want to say too much so I don't spoil this lovely book, but I will say if you like a real romance that you can lose yourself in then this is perfect.

This book was such an emotional rollercoaster. I laughed and I cried. It was both heartwarming and heartbreaking.

We follow Anna and Will on their journey’s in life. The story goes back and forth to when they first met as teenagers and to other points in their life as well as the their lives now. We also hear from the POV’s of both Anna and Will which I really liked.

I could totally understand Anna’s feelings towards her husband and I admired her finding her way in choosing to live her life how she wanted to. Doing what she had always wanted to.

I thoroughly enjoyed following the story with the twists and turns. Definitely recommend this one.

Thank you to Rachel’s Random Resources and the publisher for having me on the tour and for my gifted copy of the book.

A beautiful read from Howells'. I loved reading about Anna and Will as life seems determined to keep them apart. It was a frustrating read in that sense but also kept my attention. This is a classic will they won't they read and one with beautiful characters and landscapes.
Thank you to NetGalley and Boldwood Books for an advance copy.

The ever elusive joy that seems to be missing once people reach a certain age is becoming quite a trope. Stale marriage? Taken for granted? Treated like a doormat? What you need is joy!

I love a good ‘will they won’t they’ and I did like the MC’s Anna and Will. Old loves reunited is also close to my heart but I didn’t like the way they went about things. Sneaking, lying, and don’t even get me started on staying in unhappy marriages for children. It never works and just makes everyone unhappy.

Told via dual POV I liked seeing both sides of their lives, the paths they have taken and the reasons behind their choices. While most I did not agree with I could still understand.

For me the strongest characters were actually best friend Luce and Anna’s awful husband James. I felt that they at least had the guts to be who they were even if with James that was not a good thing.

The saccharine ideals was my main struggle with this book and the repetitive messages from the universe. Maybe I’m just an old cynic/non believer in all that sort of nonsense but to me if you’re unhappy do something about it without excusing or reasoning from some other worldly existence.

The Girl I Used To Be totally gave me One Day vibes so, if you liked that, this will be a hit for you. It does follow the well-used “will they won’t they” plot line but somehow the author hasn’t made it feel weary. I think it’s because both Will and Anna are very likeable and the obstacles thrown in their way aren’t the same as similar stories.

It also made a difference that we get both perspectives throughout the book. It meant getting to know Will and Anna a bit better and being able to see them as human, flaws and all. This aspect certainly helps you root for the characters a lot more.

I will say that The Girl I Used To Be is a slow burner. Certainly some chapters could have been removed and, at times, I wonder was their any need for so much back story for their relationship. I felt that some of the instances where it wasn’t the right time yet again felt too forced and unrealistic. What I will say was that the ending was emotional and down to the last chapter, I was still unsure how things would turn out. It wrapped up the book nicely for me.

This novel tells the story of Anna and Will as they each look back, separately and together, upon their younger years and consider what led them to their lives today. Told through alternating POV and going back and forth between the present and about 20 years prior, the story slowly reveals several elements of their lives and how they got to where they are today. The characters are very well developed, as are their backstories and the plot. Even though it alternates perspectives and time periods, it is not difficult to follow and the author gives adequate information so that you know what is going on when. That being said, I did find that it was quite slow moving and there was not a lot of real action taking place. While the past is not as prominent, since it is only featured in flashbacks and generally in shorter, italicized sections, the actual meat of the story often is told in those sections. As would be expected by almost any person reflecting back on their younger years; the past is often where we learned, grew, made mistakes and had a lot of fun, all before the responsibilities and challenges of adulthood really take over, so it makes sense that those sections have more interesting content, but it made it hard for me to really enjoy the story as a whole because of this contrast. I think that I also expected the reflection to be about Anna's life from childhood (maybe the cover and the term "girl" swayed me) when it was really more about her late teens/early twenties. As a result, it was also not quite what I was expecting. Overall it was a good book, just not as engaging as I would have liked.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher, Boldwood Books for giving me the chance to read and review this book and to Rachel from Rachel's Random Resources for her help organizing the blog tour.

#blogtour

What an emotional rollercoaster!

The Girl I Used To Be by Debbie Howells perfectly articulates the idea that timing is everything when it comes to relationships. Sadly, two people who love each other deeply and are perfect for one another, are forced to deny their hearts out of brokenness, obligation, or protection.

I appreciated that Howells had Anna go off to Ibiza and find true happiness on her own. She cultivated a life there that was filled with friendship, purpose, and fulfillment. Too often authors reinforce the narrative that it is only with a man a woman can find her happily ever after.

Hot take- I wish the book would have ended differently! I am sure the majority of readers were happy with the ending. I just felt that this book was one of the most authentic takes on love. Changing the ending would have felt more realistic.

Special thanks to NetGalley.com and Boldwood Books for allowing me to read this book in exchange for my feedback.

Okay, so don’t read this round other people, unless you’re not an ugly crier like me! Not going to lie I was sobbing on holiday over this book.

I am a massive fan of this author, in both genres and she has blown me away again. I completely fell for the main characters and their interactions.

This covers all of the emotions and has it all friendships, families, love and finding yourself.

An absolute must read ❤️❤️

I thoroughly enjoyed this book, which was a complete change if genre for me.
The story follows Anna & Will over twenty years, alternating between the present and various times in the past. It is all about true live and how life keeps getting in the way of a happy ever after together. It is also about how their love survives over time spent apart.
I would definitely recommend thus book.
Thank you to Rachel's Random Resources for this advance read and for my tour space.

4.5 stars

Anna & Will... an epic love story or a story of missed chances and what could have been?

This story is told from dual point of view, by Anna in first person and about Will in third person. It is told both in present times and going back to when Anna and Will first met more than 20 years ago. The characters developed and became three dimensional, flaws and all. We hear about their ups and downs and their various encounters over the years and join them on their self discovery journeys. There were some very touching and heart-warming moments, but also some heartbreaking times. Anna and Will's connection so strong, even if the timing was often wrong. I loved Anna's best friend Lucy with her never ending support and Anna's bond with Millie was also really special. There was more sadness than I had expected. The story moved a bit too slow for my liking but the last 20% I was really living and feeling the story and not just reading it.

The book description drew me in because I love second-chance romances. However, I wasn’t quite prepared for how the book panned out.

A very true to life story that could happen to any of us. Anna and Will are young sweethearts, separated because Will wasn’t able to cope with a devastating loss that Anna knew nothing of. They keep bumping in to each other, but it’s never quite the right time for their love to turn into a comitted relationship.

This time around Anna is contemplating leaving her husband and he’s not the man she thought he was. Will is in the process of getting a divorce too. So they seem ready to take their relationship forward, until Will’s family needs him. While mourning the loss of what might have been, her meeting with Will, gives Anna the impetus to get a divorce from James and truly follow her heart.

This beautifully told story moves between different timelines, locations and points of view. Anna and Will are lovely people, whose only fault might be that they are not confident enough about themselves. When the strength of their characters and love is severely tested, one wonders if they will ever be able to get together finally.

Great supporting characters, who in Anna’s case, are there for her at every turn, show how friends can be family when family isn’t.

I thoroughly enjoyed this engrossing read.

#blogtour

I was fortunate to receive a space on this blog tour from Boldwood Books.

This is a beautiful book. It really made me reflect on life and the decisions we make and what love really means. I particularly loved Anna's relationship with her stepdaughter Millie. And also all the friends she made who became like family.

Tread carefully with this one if cancer is something that is hard to read about. It's something that has touched most of us somehow, but that doesn't mean it's easy 💜

My favourite quote:
"There was this human tendency to leave everything until tomorrow, when life was about now."

One phrase that describes this book is ‘A total joy to read’.

When I started reading, I found the story to be easy, enjoyable and uncomplicated. I wondered where the plot could go. Don’t be fooled, how wrong was I? Here they were, the cleverly interwoven threads that bind the characters and plot delicately together. Realistic and likeable characters facing ‘normal’ or relatable life experiences, make it easy for the reader to be swept along.

The story gathers pace, with unexpected turns as the characters face increasingly challenging situations. How Debbie Howells creates such clear images of the settings is beyond me, but I was there, in Bath, Glasgow and Ibiza, seeing the views they saw, hearing the cicadas and feeling the warmth of the sun, living the story with Ella and Will, caring very much about their relationship and developments. Having them alternate as narrators gives a well-rounded view, Lucy, a long-standing friend, gets a chapter later on in the plot too. Add to that flashbacks, which fill in back-stories and developments and you have a great read.

The author sensitively covers many difficult topics in this book: divorce, grief and loss, friendship and the importance of a life lived positively. Either the research was fabulous or the author speaks from experience.

Throughout the plot, we travel with the characters on a journey of reflection and self growth. The reader experiences bravery and overcoming adversity. The power of dreams, friendship and ‘family’ in its many forms is clearly portrayed.

There are so many reflection points in this book that pulled me up short and made me stop and think! I have bookmarked several pages to revisit. Ones that stay with me are: it is never too late; happiness comes from inside; we are not defined by the past, in fact we are prepared by the past. There was even an emotional gasp moment which I had to stifle, as I was reading late into the night. Another great read from Debbie Howells.

I've never read anything by Debbie Howells before, but I was absolutely mesmerised by her writing. The Girl I Used To Be is a really emotional story and the author captures all the feelings within the novel so well that I couldn't help but be caught in the moment as I was reading.

Unlike a lot of couples in romantic comedies, Anna and Will already know each other from the outset. The chapters mostly alternate between the viewpoints of the two lead characters and it is through this - and the frequent flashback scenes - that we get to know them and the nature of their relationship. I became really invested in their story and I really wanted them both to find happiness.

The Girl I Used To Be is set across several different locations and each one is described in perfect detail. I could picture myself wherever the characters happened to be, but I had a particular enjoyment of the scenes in Ibiza as I hadn't realised it was so picturesque!

Throughout the novel, Howells explores a number of themes and they all felt relevant in some way to me. The beauty of Howells' writing is that each reader will take a different message from the novel, but I'll definitely be thinking about the messages it held for me for a long time to come.

A sweet and emotional story about love, losing and finding yourself. I found it quite sad at times, which didn't really put me in the mood to pick it up but I think that was more to do with my mood. I liked the way the story went back to Anna and Will's past and I just wanted them to be happy, it was a bit frustrating that they wouldn't give up the marriages that made them unhappy but also understandable I guess, to be afraid to let the security go. I also found Will very frustrating as a character. However, that ending!... I was a wreck!

Something I really liked about this book was the authenticity of Anna’s experience – there aren’t always explosions and pyrotechnics as a relationship dies, sometimes it just withers and dies through an absence of care. I found it difficult to forgive her husband for his failures – and I totally identified with Anna as she asserted her right to live her own life and find her own path to happiness.

And then there was the romance, the lovely Will, there in the background for much of her life – the catalyst for her taking some action to do something about the joylessness of her life, it had a particular emotional intensity and I found myself entirely invested in its many twists and turns, hoping that they’d both find lives that brought them happiness. Their personal baggage – the families, the obligations and commitments – repeatedly keep them apart, and there were times when this book really broke my heart.

I really must commend the writing – it moves between the viewpoints of Anna and Will, into their innermost thoughts and under their skins, capturing the complexity of their emotions and the depth of their attraction to each other. And if that all sounds rather heavy, it really isn’t – there are plenty of moments of sheer joy before the barriers rise, touches of lightness and humour that make your heart sing. I liked the way the timeline was handled too – dipping into the past, their long history, all those opportunities that didn’t quite come to fruition.

The supporting cast is excellent – much of the book’s message is about people being there when you most need them, and Anna’s friendship network is particularly strong and well drawn. And then there are life’s surprises – the clouds that often eclipse the sunshine, the darkness you don’t see approaching, so sensitively handled – there’s heartbreak between this book’s pages, but it did leave me uplifted by its messages and with a smile on my face.

The author’s first book for Boldwood was a particular emotional rollercoaster – so is this one, but I thoroughly enjoyed the ride. Quite a read, and one I very much enjoyed – very highly recommended.

Anna and Will dated when they were younger, but split up. Many years later they bump into each other whilst at the same time their marriages are struggling. Could their romance be restarted?
To be honest this is not really my type of book, it covers two failing marriages which from personal experience I know how painful that can be. On the more positive side it balances this with how enduring love can be and how unimportant possessions really are. The switch between first person for Anna and third for Will was initially confusing, but quickly I didn't notice this any more. I certainly felt for both Anna and Will stuck in a seemingly impossible position and had admiration for her ability to strike out on her own, something I'd never have the courage to do.
In summary this is a book that l kept dipping in and out of, but had to read to its conclusion and hence isn't a light read, but certainly worthwhile for those who enjoy slightly "heavier" reads.
I received an advance copy of this book from the publisher through Netgalley, however this did not influence my review of the book.

What a beautiful book!

Tissue warning, you'll need some.

I found it a bit slow to start, but once the story got rolling, it kept my attention and captured all my emotions. Anna and Will's story is one of missed opportunities, many second chances, love, friendship, families and hope. Their timing was off for many years, after a breakup as young adults up to very recently when his daughter was in crisis. I found myself rooting for them, the next time they'll meet, what will happen, etc., really invested in their story.

I won't go into detail to avoid spoilers, but I highly recommend this book.

Thanks to the author, publisher and NetGalley for the opportunity to read and review this book, but my opinions are my own.

Ana met Will as a teenager he was in a band and her best friend Lucy drug her to the show. They had an intense connection but later on drifted apart. When he comes back to sort out his deceased dad‘s home he keeps running into her Ana is married to James and has a nice home and loves her stepdaughter but after she sees Will again it seems James is snoring couldn’t be louder when they run into each other again they form a a tentative friendship, at least at first. There’s a reason why we don’t forget our first love and sometimes it’s because it was the real thing. I loved this book and at first I felt bad for James but after you hear the whole story you’re really root for their friendship to be so much more. I loved this book and have with many other books for this author. When I see Deborah howell’s name on the book you know it’s going to be good and this one did not disappoint. I received this book from NetGalley and the publisher but I am leaving this review voluntarily please forgive any mistakes as I am blind and dictate my review.