Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for a copy of this audiobook in exchange for an honest review.

This book had me giggling at points because Lily was a hilarious main character. I loved her spunk and sarcasm. The story overall was a rom-com version of True Blood and it was enjoyable. It was a great October read to get in the mood for Halloween.

This was so fun! I'm so glad I got a review copy and after I finished I preordered a copy to have. I'm definitely going to look out for the next book this author puts out which I hope is another story in this world she is building.

This book is about Lily who is plus sized and very insecure about it and about a lot of things she accidently gets turned into a vampire by Tristan who tries talking to her in a bar one night. one thing leads to another and now Lily is in this world with Tristan and the vampires are not happy. Lily is learning to navigate this world as a new vampire learning how friendship, parents, and mortal enemies will work while trying not to fall in love.

I read this in a few sittings I was having such a good time it was decently paced and I enjoyed all the characters especially her best friend and work enemy turned slayer. I have 2 things that I want to note that I didn't like. first was the used of slang I know Lily is 25 but slang was used way to often, I may not be a spring chicken any more but do work with people in the 25 + range and I haven't heard that much slang in every day use. the second thing was her body insecurity it was literally in every comment and every decision she made. I don't want to say there are not people who think this way but I think that it could have been written differently and definitely not in every single though she was having. it was starting to affect me.

over all this was very fun

When Life Gives You Vampires by Gloria Duke
Narrated by Meg Sylvan
Publisher: Dreamscape Media
Genre: Romance | Sci Fi & Fantasy
Published: October 4, 2022

When Life Gives You Vampires by Gloria Duke is a standalone paranormal romance that was a lot of fun!

The narration by Meg Sylvan was great! She really brought the story to life!

I really enjoyed this book! I thought the story was a lot of fun and really interesting. My one frustration with it was the word "obvi"...for starters, it's not a real word, and secondly it was over used to the point that I can still hear it in my head.

I enjoyed that the heroine of the story was a plus-sized 20-something who was working through her issues with body image and trying to live up to her mom's unrealistic "size small" expectations. I thought it was fascinating watching her work through her self-loathing thoughts and seeing how she saw the impact of her self-deprecating comments impacted those around her. (Spoiler alert: being skinny does not equal happy!) As someone who has struggled with my weight my whole life, seeing this from an outsider really emphasized the importance of not fixating on my size, not delaying anything until thin, and to just be kind to myself and others.

Ok, back to the story...I thought it was a lot of fun. The romance was steamy & frustrating and there was a lot of action. I do hope this becomes a series because there is so much more that could come from this world!

This is a fun read! Check it out if you are looking for a different kind of vampire book. It was funny and inspiring in a shocking way!
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

This is a hilarious audiobook of learning to deal with body positivity issued and becoming a vampire... what a mixture of Twilight and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

This is a comical story of Lily who is usually always the shadow behind her friends, always watching what she eats and is not comfortable in her skin. This is relative to so many; myself included.

Then imagine becoming a vampire and you're stuck exactly how you are... forever! This explores tough conversations with yourself about body imagine and how to see yourself from someone else's point of view. Along with all the complications of becoming a vampire...

If you're not a thriller reader, this is a great alternate book for you! It's more along the lines of a romcom, with a bit of Stephanie Plum attitude! (For those Janet Evanovich fans!)

Thank you @NetGalley and @Dreamscape.Media for my audiobook!

Unfortunately I had to DNF this book very early on because of the fatphobia we get from the main characters. Fat characters can exist without constantly reminding us they are losing weight. They don’t have to. It’s just overdone.

I thought this book was super cute. I absolutely loved the narration of the audio book. It added a lot to the story. I thought that it was really cute and funny, but it still touched on important subjects that can be very touchy .like not being comfortable in the body you are in.

It was more like 3.5 stars. While I enjoyed the overall storyline, I didn't quite believe the romantic connection between the two protagonists. I also had to keep remembering that the heroine was an adult woman and not a teenager. Not sure if it was the writing or her behavior, but it felt more YA at times. I honestly don't think the narration helped with that. The narrator had a very young sounding voice, which contributed to my viewing the heroine as more immature.

I was ultimately left disappointed by the book, which was a huge bummer because I loved the idea of a plus-size vampire heroine. There was just TOO much dwelling on her weight and body image issues (largely thanks to her mom, who just makes it seem like it's no big deal at the end that she's responsible for making her daughter feel like crap all her life). Even as someone who's plus sized, I can't imagine having this take over my every waking thought. I just wanted to say, okay, we get it. Let's move on to developing an actual relationship or maybe develop the hero a bit more so he's not so one-note. He just seemed like a replica of Edward Cullen minus the sparkly skin.

Honestly, the more I think about it, the more disappointed I am with the story. I think it's a good concept but it wasn't executed well at all. It probably would've worked better in YA and maybe as a series, because it was just too rushed and settled too quickly.

Oh, Lily! It was pretty funny start to the book when Lily wakes up and discovers she's vampire without a clue how. OMG! The night before unfolds and we meet hunky Vampire Tristan and learn how he mistakenly turned Lily into a Vampire. I had some Laugh out loud moments in this book but at times, Lily's harshness on her body size is maddening.

This book is great for the halloween spooky season. 3-3.5 stars.

The first few lines of this book will grab your attention immediately!! It's ridiculous and sweet and totally will suck you in. Pun intended. It's almost like a spoof on a vampire novel, and there are sooooo many references (especially twilight, which I loved but some people really do not, so take that as you will)

This book is about a fat girl and her transformation into a vampire and her journey to self love. Which sounds cheesy, because it is. The blood lust/diet culture mashup is unexpected genius. It's wacky and funny and it really works! No way I would be as cool about big news like becoming a vampire, but I love how she is more upset about being fat forever than being a vampire. That's real.I will say, this is kind of triggering if you're a person who has some trauma around growing up fat. Also, Lilly is kind of annoying, but in realistic ways.

I love how they talk about consent, this makes me pretty firmly #teamTristan. I also like the spider character dynamics, the vampire slayer thing and her bestie.

Is it well written? I don't personally think so. There are some plot holes, the author really leans into use of brands and books/movies for world building, there is a fair amount of outdated/kind of cringey slang used throughout and there is some overall confusing plot points, all of which made it feel a little unfinished to me. BUT I do think it's thoroughly enjoyable and worth a read.

The narration was well done and overall, I thoroughly enjoyed listening to this story...so much so I literally did not even take a break. Great use of an afternoon!!

When Life Gives You Vampires is just the kind of fun read I was looking for. Lily is unexpectedly made into a Vampire, and the way she processes through this cracked me. It was a great start and really reeled me into the story.

Lily ends up teaming up with her maker, Tristan as the vampire overlord is coming after them. There is also a new vampire slayer (a la Buffy) that comes into play that leads all of them on a wild ride. Lily was assertive and told Tristan under no uncertain terms that she was NOT to be pushed aside and saved, and I was here for all of that. Thanks to her mother Lily suffered from body issues, which as a plus size person I totally get. She especially needs to come to terms with the fact that she will no be that way for the rest of her life. I though Duke did a really great job here.

My only minor issue was how things got resolved with her mom at the end, but it was minor enough that it didn't effect my enjoyment of the book.

If you like Molly Harper's books I highly recommend this one!

Thanks to Dreamscape Media for another advanced listener copy.

Sadly this one fell massively short for me. I was very much looking forward to a fat main character waking up to the realization she's become a vampire and the difficulties that come with that. It could have been a really cute romcom for spooky season, but it wasn't.

There is so much fatphobia, so much negative self talk it was incredibly triggering. I get if Lily made a comment or two to herself in self deprecation at the onset as a way to establish how she has been unkind to herself as a result of diet culture and a pushy mom. But that should have been the end of it, she should have had a moment with her new vampire senses where she really sees her body as being beautiful and powerful and accepts herself, especially when she has much bigger issues now. But no, it was an ongoing theme in the book constantly grinding on, absolutely detracting from any enjoyment that could have been derived from the rest of the story.

I don’t like to DNF. It really makes me feel bad because I feel like I’m not giving a fair and accurate review of the entire consumed piece that an author no doubt spent a lot of time and effort working on. However, life is just too short and my TBR is way too long to force myself to finish something I’m not even enjoying at a three out of five star level.

At only 10%, I think this is a new DNF record that will be difficult to beat. I was drawn to this audiobook at first based on the very cute graphic on the cover. After reading the description, a romcom about a plus size train wreck of a woman accidentally turned vampire was interesting and relatable to me, especially during the Halloween season.

As someone that struggles with body image, some of the language in this was very triggering. Self-deprecation isn’t cute or funny. The story also beginning right off the bat with Lily waking up on the floor, half dressed, repeatedly discussing a craving for blood, it just wasn’t a good, interesting start in my opinion. Good plot idea, poor execution.

There was nothing wrong with the narrator. In fact, she sounds a look like Anna Kendrick.

Thank you to NetGalley, Dreamscape Media, and the author for an advance listener’s copy of this title in exchange for an honest review.

I had no idea when I started reading how adorable, funny, and full of body positivity this would be. I enjoyed Lily she's a frothy, quirky, broken-but fixable heroine that I know I would be friends with.
The lore is delightfully self-aware, which makes Gloria Duke's world-building a great deal of fun.

I keep using the word fun because fun is the perfect word to describe this book. This is a story you relax and have a great time reading. I hope that the author gives us another one because I would love to know more about Lily's new undead life.

I'm gonna guess based on reviews that this is best experienced as an audiobook. Meg Sylvan's performance is spot on! I lived for every "Ok."

This book is great all year long, but I love that it came out just in time for the spooky season.

Thank you to Gloria Duke, Dreamscape Media, and Netgalley for a chance to read this book.

Thank you to NetGalley and Dreamscape Media for the audio version of this book. Everything I write is of my own thoughts feeling and opinions. I am not compensated in any way.
This was a great October read!
After a crazy night out with her friends Lilykes up with a appetite for blood. after researching and digging she finds out she has been bitten by a vampire. The vampire that has bitten her is absolutly hot. She is isntantly attracted to him. She then learns that he did not have permission to bite her. then a kidnapping happens to her mother who is visiting her. To find out more read it.

What a disaster disappointment. Well I was looking for a book with a fat main character dealing with being unexpectedly turned into a vampire, what we actually got is a fat main character with so much internalized fat phobia, a piece of absolute garbage love interest, way too many freaking Twilight references, and just so much predictable cheesiness.

I mean I cannot get over this. How long ago did Twilight come out and why the hell is it being used as the main vampire media in a book published in 2022? Not to mention all of the outdated references and the weird text talk. Like no one says"obvi" or "irl" when they're actually speaking.

The sex was weird, the plot was weird, I was super super over all of the fat phobia and ultimately it is a hot hot mess. The ending is terrible. Honestly I can't believe that I wasted time listening to this book.

I'm so glad that society is finally ready for plus-sized leading ladies! I'm also delighted vampires are back because I've been obsessed with them since Twilight. They never went out of style for me! My only critique is that sometimes I wish that there wasn't a need to make a fuss about the MC being plus-sized. As a plus-sized woman myself, I understand the insecurity. But wouldn't it be nice if it doesn't even need to be addressed? This is fantasy fiction after all lol. But that's more a critique of books with plus-sized MCs, not just this one.

A great job!

Honestly, I'm really over the fatphobia everywhere type of books. We've made progress as a society and even though we still have a lot of work to do, there is no need to re-traumatize people with books like this. The writing was also forced and out of touch.

🧛‍♂️BOOK REVIEW🧛‍♂️

Title: When Life Gives You Vampires
Author: Gloria Duke
Publisher: dreamscape _media
Pages: 320
Pub Date: 10/4/2022
Goodreads Rating: 3.23
My Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️💫/5

This is a really cute paranormal romcom debut, perfect for the Halloween Season. I loved that the FMC is a plus sized woman who’s confidence and self worth grow stronger as the story progresses. The overall body positive message is really well delivered and something I can certainly relate to and appreciate.

As someone who studied communications, I did feel the use of “ummm” in the dialogue was way overused. I also found the repeated arguments over the same issues between the main character, Lily, and her love interest Tristan, a bit redundant and boring.

Overall though, there was great humor in the writing and I’d recommend this for lovers of:

🧛‍♀️Plus Size Representation
🧛‍♀️Body Positivity
🧛‍♀️Paranormal Romance
🧛‍♀️Vampires
🧛‍♀️Romcoms
🧛‍♀️String FMC
🧛‍♀️Feminist Perspective

Please, please do not push a “I never would’ve if I didn’t have your consent” narrative when consent was so very clearly not given. Working in a miscommunication about whether or not there was consent to fit the plot of your story is not only super gross, but it’s also very problematic. The only thing that this sort of forced narrative says to me is that this character is a piece of absolute garbage and that is not the way that the author intended him to come across. This sort of non-matching of authorial intent and the actual characterization that’s shown is the very blatant problem that Fifty Shades of Gray has re: “Christian is totally not abusive!”

News flash: Christian is abusive and the vampire in this story, despite saying he would never have done what he did without consent, did what he did without consent. Period.

Now that the consent problem is…somewhat out of the way…let’s dive in.

When Life Gives You Vampires is so incredibly bad that I had to stop about 51% in. And this seems to be a trend with books that are clearly very much some form of adultified Twilight fan fiction. Ultimately, it comes down to some combination of exceedingly poor content / plot writing, horrible characterization, and lust-driven romance.

As to that last one, there’s nothing wrong exactly with lust-driven romance, when written well. However, as someone who is far more emotionally connected with love-driven romance, this is by far the last sort of thing I’m going to respond positively to in a story. I’ve come to learn that I’m very much not interested in the “why do I have to find them so attractive? I hate them but also I really want to jump their bones” sort of initial romance connection. And don’t get me wrong, I love enemies to lovers tropes – but I do not want romances that are driven by lust first and then develop into love later. Enemies to lovers plots are perfectly capable of developing more organically than just finding the other person “hot” and having that alone fuel the desire and eventual transition to love.

Add in the fact that this entire relationship began with a situation in which consent was not given and the man gave some pathetic “I totally got your consent or else I never would have and I’m so sorry that you feel like I didn’t get your consent” response when the main character brought it up and the lust-driven start is just suddenly so much worse in this novel.

Outside of this, the characters are written and developed horribly. They’re all very caricature-y and, while I did not finish this story, don’t develop at all up to the point I got to. It genuinely just feels as though excuse after excuse is made to explain away why a character was not problematic rather than acknowledging any issues and then actually spending time on giving the characters any genuine arc or evolution. Which brings me to yet another issue within the writing of this story – so much is told to us instead of shown. And then what is shown often doesn’t even match what is told.

Did I mention that the vampire love-interest is a romance author writing so-called “bodice rippers” under a woman’s pseudonym and so, because he’s able to write these super popular books, he just totally fully and completely understands all women? I’m surprised my eyes didn’t roll all the way into the back of my head at that little tidbit. Oh! And she also needs to drink his blood to gain her full powers, as she refuses to drink from a human…but drinking his blood is so erotic that she’ll just be completely unable to help herself from attacking him sexually when it happens.

I…just…

Please stop.

Plot-wise, this story just continues to get worse. There’s some vampire council out to get them because she was never supposed to be made into a vampire. Meanwhile one of her journalist co-workers just decides completely out of the blue that he wants to do an article about real vampires who live in the subway systems because he is just magically aware of this underground world that’s supposed to be very, very secret re: the vampires don’t want to be found out and work diligently to ensure no human knows of their existence.

What, are they just incredibly incompetent at this despite what I reasonably assume would be generations of experience? Why is this happening so suddenly right after she becomes a vampire? What even is the point of this additional side-plot? Somehow, I feel like I would just be cringing significantly if I’d read far enough into this book to figure out why because I have a sneaking suspicion that the answers to these questions would be a very poorly written and plotted idea.

Also, the main character comes off as an idiot despite supposedly having advanced brain capacity and senses due to her recent transition to vampirism, leading me to not believe for even a second that the author intended for her to come off as stupid. It’s kind of like with the vampiric love interest; he was supposed to come off as a considerate man who cared about consent and was really in-tune with understanding women. To which I’ll just say…ha, yeah, okay.

Anyway, read at your own risk.

I did get this copy as an audiobook and the narrator was very young-sounding. While I don’t have much of an issue with her overall, I do think that this has a negative affect in a sense because it adds to the writing issues that are already there. Had the book been written well, however, this might not have been an issue.

If I could give this title a 0 star rating I would. This is a DNF for me. I'm not willing to sit through several hours of listening to this woman complain about her body image. This is way too triggering for me to wait for character development. I made it about 10% of the audio before I had to stop.

As someone who has gone through a journey of finding peace with their body, this is not the type of Fat rep in books I am seeking in the books I read. To me this book does a disservice to any efforts to portray fat women as strong, independent, and confident.

Some FMC’s behaviors that triggered me:

- Self-deprecation and fat shaming.
- Stuck in Diet Culture mentality. Lots of diet talk.
- Envious of her best friend because she had a
better job, "better body", and was volunteering.
WHAT?
- Belief that her appearance makes her less
valuable, therefore not worthy of male attention.

I had high hopes for this one, instead it was incredibly disappointing.