To be resilent one must first feel safe. For many safety comes in many different shapes or forms, especially those who are trauma victims. Aundi Kilber is a trauma survivor. She has taken what she has learned and put it to work as a counselor and now in the book, "Strong Like Water." Kolber explains how the sympathetic nervous system, ventral vagal system, dorasal vagal system and parasympathetic system work and how this relates to the trauma victim's reactions and feelings to the past and present. She provides insight as well as resources while doing it with a Biblical focus. I especially liked her comment that we all need support-lifelines, internally and externally, seen in the form of prayer or just having someone to talk with in a loving community. Counselors, medical personal, community people will find a wealth of helpful information within the pages of this book to be released in 2023.

This book is not meant to be read in one sitting but rather be savored over time. I took it slow and I'm glad I did. There are many charts and exercises in this that are so interesting. While it got repetitive at times, it provides a well-rounded discussion on regulating your emotions and nervous system—especially for those who feel like they need to be "the strong one."

I was so excited to pick up Aundi Kolber's second book, Strong Like Water. In this book, she expands on themes from her first book (Try Softer) and encourages her readers to go deeper with strength to become your truest self. That self is not unaffected by past pain and trauma, but rather seeks growth and change through it.

Like her first book, Strong Like Water pair solid psychological research with Christian truth and values. While I can't say that I agree with every Biblical interpretation the author makes, I feel like her point comes across well - the God who loves us wants to see us healed. He wants to heal us and help us move from "situational strength" (a strength that helps us survive stressful circumstances) to "transitional strength" where we live to our fullest potential, who we were created to be. It is in this transitional strength that we can truly love your neighbor and work for change in the world. A person living from a place of transitional strength is grounded and present and alive, even in hard situations.

This book is written in a voice of love and compassion, from a person who has been there both in her own life as well as alongside others in her therapy practice as they have walked through very real challenges in life. It is well written, and easy to read, yet important to savor. The exercises and practices that are suggested at the end of each chapter seem very useful as well as stepping stones to growth.

Though it may sound like it, this is not a quick fix self help book. It is also not a book that encourages picking yourself up by your bootstraps or "arriving" at some mythical end point on the road to personal change or better mental health. It is a book that recognizes growth and change is a journey, not a destination. (I don't mean to sound cheesy, alas.) I appreciated that Aundi used many personal anecdotes to illustrate the trajectory of change in her own life. Though she did include (highly edited) client stories, I felt her personal illustrations made the book very relatable and real - but I am of a similar demographic to her from what I know via social media (a white Christian woman in my late 30s living in an upper middle class setting). Though the author is not a person of color, she does include some points about ongoing racial trauma, and from following her on social media, I believe advocacy in that realm is important to her. I mention this not because it is a focal point, but because it is brought up several times throughout the book.

I highly recommend this book, and am sure I will return to it again in the future.

Thank you to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for the eARC. All opinions are my own.

Scripturally-based and psychologically-researched, Aundi’s new book encourages readers to be resilient and grow through the hard times. Sometimes her writing is so heavily researched that I have to reread sections a few times to grasp the concept, but overall it is a helpful and encouraging book.

Kolber writes a very compassionate book about mental health (mostly in a Christian context) and how we can seek to be strong like water. I appreciated her pairing of Christian truths with psychology research and emphasis on the importance of working through trauma and difficult situations.

She explains situational strength which is where we exhibit strength in individual situations and becomes the default mode for a lot of us. We go from stressful situation to stressful situation. Her desire is for people to reach a transitional strength space where they can recognize when they're going through something difficult but still remain grounded and not feel out of control.

The reader is encouraged to feel things and not just bottle it up (situational strength) which I was encouraged by.

"We cannot logic ourselves into safety or out of trauma. Telling our bodies that we're safe and feeling safe are two very different things."

"It's vital we remember that we have a God who can hold and honor both our lament and our joy. We don't and shouldn't shame uncomfortable emotions like sadness, anger, despair, and confusion."

Some parts of the book felt a bit woo-woo but I think that is partly because I'm not as used to how counselors speak. Towards the end of the book Kolber said it's important to love your neighbor as yourself but interprets it as that we should first work on ourselves and then turn to our neighbor as we are able. I don't fully agree with this because I think much good comes out of putting aside our problems and pain and sacrificing for another. However, I see her point that for those who tend to overaccomodate others that focusing on themselves may be important if they always focus on others.

Thanks to NetGalley for the e-ARC. Aundi writes with compassion and clarity, weaving psychological wisdom with practical exercises to regulate body and mind; all rooted in a deep understanding and application of scripture. Highly recommend.