"Real self-care is not a thing to do - it's a way to be."

Psychiatrist Pooja Lakshmin revolutionizes the concept of self-care in her debut self-help book, Real Self-Care. Ask any woman today what self-care is, and she will likely throw out something along the lines of bubble baths, indulging in dessert, or clicking "add to cart" at her favorite online shop. While these behaviors might make the overextended modern woman feel better in the moment, they are not a solution to the troubles that cause women to need self-care in the first place.

This is where Dr. Lakshmin comes in. Through her book Real Self-Care, she teaches women in need of a little TLC how to change their lives through practices such as establishing boundaries and offering themselves self-compassion. If you do the work presented in Real Self-Care, Lakshmin promises that you will come out happier and more fulfilled, with the benefits far outweighing those that temporary fixes commonly thought of as self-care can provide.

I found Real Self-Care to be quite eye-opening. Having spent the previous year attempting to take better care of myself, yet coming out of it feeling a bit disenchanted by the whole concept of self-care, I realized I was doing it all wrong after reading Lakshmin's book. If I want to make true change in my overall well-being, I need to change the way I am being. Real Self-Care helps you establish a foundation to build on caring for yourself, and provides you with the tools you need to get there.

While this book presents a lot of valuable information, the delivery became a bit stale and boring for me at times. I do not enjoy case studies/clinical examples, and there are quite a few in this book. However, the general basis of this guide is sound and worth taking a look at if you are feeling burnt out and in need of a change.

I'll be honest -- I found this book hard to get into at first. That is the only reason that I am giving a 4 star instead of a 5 star review. Even though the author speaks with both personal and professional authority, and also has an engaging writing style, the book was hard to get into at first because the information was just so dense. After a while, though, it became easier to get into. This was when I was actually able to think about what the author was saying in a practical way that I can adapt to my own life.

This is the only book of its kind out there, which helps it fill a very needed void in the 'self-care' literature. This examination of what self-care really IS and what it means in our individual lives is absolutely vital, because self-care is not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. It is something we each have to examine in the context of our own lives, and create for ourselves. That is a lot harder than using an out of the box solution, but it is phenomenally more useful and rewarding.

I liked that this was written by an MD and isn't just saying to burn sage and collect crystals. There are actual methods of self care in here that have scientific backing. We will definitely be purchasing for the collection!

This was a great read about self-care. It was interesting to read about various types of self-care and self-care over the years. There are many practical examples provided. Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an ARC.

Real Self-Care; A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included) by Pooja Lakshmin, MD is a delightful book that belongs on every library shelf! I felt so lucky to get a copy for myself! I have shared on my goodreads, bookstagram, and booktok! I learned so much and this is a book I will re-read thru the years.

In this time and age, where women are desperate for "self-care", in order to find balance, and escape from the chaos that society forces them to have, this book is a must-read!

What an incredible book!!! Full of facts and numbers. Based on real people, with real problems. It's not just a "think positive and all your problems ill go away" book. Enough with those!

I heard about this book on the December 27, 2022 episode of the Book Riot podcast. It sounded interesting, the title is cheeky, and I liked the cover so I requested it from NetGalley.

Lakshmin has an interesting background having been the doctor for a cult. Now, preferring to teach real self-care, Lakshmin boils it down to embracing internal change and cultivating dialectical thinking (acknowledging that two seemingly opposite truths can occur at the same time.) And, of course, looking at what self care is, and isn't. Because, while spa days and perfect nails might seem like easy fixes, they often cause even more stress costing women both time and money. And heaven forbid mothers do anything like that. Judgment comes down even harder.
Self-care has so often been seen as a noun but Lakshmin offers the advice that it should be a verb. And, while hedonic well-being (spas, retreats, etc.) is good some of the time, what is really going to make us feel good is eduaimonic well-being (focusing on having our actions be in line with our values and having a life that has purpose.) The latter form of well-being also means being able to make difficult decisions and to be able to say the word "no" when activities don't align with our values. It also means treating ourselves with compassion and learning more about ourselves and being able to tell yourself that you matter. And, taking steps toward real self-care might mean more work. And there might not be a clear finish line.
I have read a lot of these suggestions before but the ones that I recognized are things that have worked (and are still working) for me.

Four stars
This book comes out March 14, 2023
ARC kindly provided by Penguin Group Viking and NetGalley
Opinions are my own

Real Self-Care by Dr. Pooja Lakshmin is not your typical self-love manifesto. What makes Dr. Lakshmin, her work, and this book stand apart is that she is a South Asian American woman raised by immigrant parents who is also a physician specializing in the field of psychiatry with expertise in the niche of women's mental health. She brings her lens as a woman of color and her professional experiences of seeing how the medical model does not serve women's most pressing emotional and psychological needs to her work. Dr. Lakshmin writes based on over 12 years experience training in her field and many more years working directly in clinical practice to support the
well-being of women in a society that is failing to support us on our caregiving journeys.

The book is divided into two parts. In part one, Dr. Lakshmin deconstructs this notion of self-care and some of the problematic messages within the self-care industry. She helps readers made a distinction between faux self-care and real self-care by helping us dig deeper, unlearn harmful messages from the wellness industry, and focus on our own inherent values, boundary needs and core principles so that we can best guide our lives and decision-making.

Dr. Lakshmin shares case examples from her work with women in the therapy room. By helping us understand the presenting problems of these women, how they engaged in faux self-care, the thinking errors that kept them stuck in a faux self-care cycle, and the ways she was able to help them identify their care and connection needs using her Self-Care Compass, we can consider what we need to implement actual self-care in our own lives as well.

As a mother of two under five, this book deeply resonates with me in ways I know other women and caregivers will also understand. This is the book we needed while parenting at the height of the covid-19 pandemic and I'm so grateful it exists now.

Dr. Lakshmin writes: "We must always tailor real self-care to where we are on the map. And, when you come from a family with intergenerational trauma, the work of speaking to yourself with respect and really believing that you do deserve rest and kindness can feel downright ludicrous because it was never positively modeled for you....".

This is why her Self-Care Compass is built on the questions: What, How, and Why? Her compass is made to help us consider what feeds and nourishes us specifically for our current season of life. Once we identify these values, we can get clear on how to achieve actual self-care on a consistent basis. With the way the information is presented and made easily digestible, this task for real self-care feels down to earth, manageable, and possible even for the most stressed and exhausted among us! Dr. Lakshmin also helps readers identify when professional help might be needed beyond daily self-care rituals and provides resources at the end of her book to assist with seeking out someone who can help.

Thank you so much Dr. Lakshmin for your work and your words!

Pooja Lakshmin, MD dares to attack the capitalist wellness industry in Real Self-Care, and it's largely effective. The book has moments that left me scratching my head—it seems to be uniquely targeted toward overworked women who are mothers, which wasn't indicated in the title or description. The book drives home again and again that major systemic change is needed in order to support mental health overall, but Lakshmin also states that "burning it all down never works in the long run." Where's your revolutionary spirit, woman?!

Anyway, once Lakshmin digs into the meat of what authentic self-care IS—setting boundaries, treating yourself with compassion, getting closer to yourself through a deeper understanding of your own values and personal manifestos, and asserting your power—there's some very beneficial content here. I took lots of notes! She encourages her audience to "do the work" without downsizing their issues or making boring attempts at blanket positivity, and she connects burnout back to collective societal problems. Thanks, NetGalley!

This is a book I did not know I have been waiting to read. "Real Self-Care" by Pooja Lakshmin, MC, cuts across the current culture of quick, unnecessary, and often extravagant "self-care" cures and goes much deeper. Lakshmin illustrates how real self-care Is an inside job. Read this to find out more about authentically caring for yourself and others. Thanks to NetGalley for this ARC.