Plus more hearts to the author.
Sometimes we don't know what we are born for. Does our existence has any meaning?
Read that book before too late.

Thank you to the publisher for access to this book. I am pursuing a career in psychiatry and believe that books like this are critically important to de-stigmatize the concept of mental illness/suicide prevention. It is proven that discussing suicide DOES NOT increase risk for suicidal behavior, and I think the author provides a personal and philosophical exploration of the concept of suicide. Very relevant for those struggling with mental illness, their loved ones, and anyone interested in the topic.

I found this book to be hard to read because its topic of suicide was quite confronting, and some of the accounts described are very blunt and graphic. Clancy Martin was very frank in his accounts of attempted suicide, drug use and alcoholism, and I would describe his book as a quasi memoir/non fiction/self help book. It is a long book however the last 25% of the book is a list of resources, self help information and footnotes.
Clancy is exploring several themes in his book, one of which is that suicide is one of the most selfish acts one can undertake, and that alcoholism and drug abuse is equally as paralysing and confronting for the user and loved ones. He refers to a lot of US data and also makes a lot of connections to authors who have also taken their own lives or written about suicide and mental illness. Clancy does well to address the shame and the silence around mental illness and suicide however he sometimes gets lots in the blame game – who is at fault, what is the cause, who is really responsible? He does spend a lot of time referring to friends and acquaintances who have taken their own lives or attempted suicide; some of these moments, including his own reflections seem to be very broad and generalised, and I think future editing could have intended up these connections to theory.

Clancy Martin is very brave to write about his life with such openness, and the final chapters is where readers will be able to witness glimmers of hope and his recovery and personal redemption.

How Not to Kill Yourself attempts to give people with a suicidal mindset a reason not to do it—at least not today. Overall, I think it achieves that goal.

Though obvious recommendations, like call a friend or just wait one more day, are discussed, many new ideas are also included. There are sophisticated philosophical reasons described that I haven’t heard of before. For example, how sure are you that killing yourself will stop the pain you are feeling? What if death is not sweet oblivion but instead a Christian’s burning Hellscape or a Buddhist’s endlessly worse reincarnation? In fact, what if your suicidal thoughts are left over from a self-inflicted death from a previous life? Some really deep thoughts populate this book that may haunt you for years.

While this book’s title implies it is only for the person with suicidal thoughts, it is also an excellent resource for those impacted by the suicides or attempted suicides of others. It explains some useful ways to approach a suicidal person that are empathetic without being judgmental.

Generally, a suicidal person does not want to read an entire book about it beforehand. The crisis is now! However, the author has provided a relatively short but excellent appendix (II) where real experts provide concrete advice. It should definitely be read first if suicide is imminent. The author also provides a list of ten questions that have worked for him to avoid suicide in his own life. In addition, there is another appendix (I) that contains phone numbers and webpages for help (along with helpful comments about which will result in an ambulance, in case you don’t want that kind of help).

How Not to Kill Yourself is such a valuable resource. Sure you can Google suicide but many of the results are sponsored ads for in-patient treatment, or worse, a graphic description of how best to kill yourself. This book is a thinking person’s answer to suicidal ideation, and let’s face it, suicides tend to be done by overthinkers. It’s not to be missed. 5 stars!

Thanks to Pantheon and NetGalley for a digital review copy of the book.

While this book may be controversial I’m so glad it was written. As a behavior analyst the data element of suicide has always been interesting to me, especially because our prevention efforts often don’t follow data patterns. Really enjoyed this book and will be buying a copy for my office!

Clancy Martin is the philosopher an alcoholic and author survivor of suicide and an honest and brave prolific writer. He proves it in this book How Not To Kill Yourself although I thought this book could’ve been broke up into more than one book I appreciate the fact he didn’t try to go for a money gram with his biography part one and then part two, because I’ve noticed that as a new trend in the past decade and for some reason I just don’t like that. I mean tell me a story if you’re telling it why does it have to be broken up but anyway Clancy Martin didn’t do that and I appreciated it and they were many things I really liked in this book and many things I disagreed with but overall I would definitely recommend it he talks about alcoholism about coming to his Buddhist religion and many other things I find it honest and brave. I also thought it was so important that someone finally said just because someone tries to kill their self that isn’t always a cry for help because it’s not I think it took a lot for this Mr. Martin to be a wall and give witness to the ugly episode in his life and I can’t recommend this book enough. I’ve seen and other reviews where people recommend you read a little bit at a time but I finish this book in a day and a half so I think it depends on the reader. I received this book from NetGalley and pantheon but I am leaving this review voluntarily please forgive any mistakes as I am blind and dictate my review.

A weird read—and not one I’m entirely sure how to review. One part haunting memoir, one part psychological evaluation of the death drive, Clancy Martin’s How Not to Kill Yourself was at the same time incredibly relatable and incredibly frustrating. I’d skip this one if you’re not in a good headspace; if you are, buyer’s beware.

I'm stumped about how to even begin my review of this book which I got from NetGalley. Let's start with basics: It's 464 pages which is quite unbearable for a memoir with a little bit of self help advice. It's not a scientific text—not that the summary pretends it is. It explicitly says this is a memoir. There is, however, no way I can think of to write this without including a lot of GIFs.

Clancy Martin is a well-educated professor, world-traveled, and a Buddhist. That Buddhism is something that can be appreciated for American/Western readers. Like The Beatles and many other white, westerners, Martin encounters Buddhist monks who influence him and change his life (Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse Rinpoche and Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche). Before them, he was encased in unfortunate influencers, people he still (by the end) refers to as his heroes: Édouard Levé, David Foster Wallace, Sylvia Plath, Nelly Arcan, Jean Améry, Paul Celan, Primo Levi, Emily Dickinson, and others. Within the "others" who have had influence on him is the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill W.

There are hundreds of pages about Martin's experience in AA. He doesn't fully endorse it, but admits that some of it is useful. He has no problem pointing out the many flaws with Bill W. as a person and the 12 steps. The great part about Martin's insight into AA is that he shows there is still a tremendous amount of stigma surrounding the use of doctor-prescribed and -monitored medication. Does it suck that to get off one vice a person needs to be on another substance (or several, none of which provide any fun at all)? Sure. But if there is a part of neural wiring that makes some people obsessively thinking about self harm and death, and the solution of the time is to be dull, even lifeless, it needs to be accepted in places that are supposed to be safe to be oneself.

If this book had been cut in two and one about alcohol addiction and the other about suicide, my brain would have accepted it easier. There is so much dedicated to Martin's father's addiction (the man also had schizophrenia) and his own alcohol addiction. But Martin states that they are not causal in relationship to each other. I questioned, "Was there an editor on this book?"

Several celebrity deaths are discussed thoroughly including: Robin Williams and Anthony Bourdain; with cases that are considered parasuicide meaning that they lived dangerously through habitual drug use like Amy Winehouse and Kurt Cobain. Of the celebrities mentioned, Martin's discussions on Bourdain offer the most. There are quotes from Bourdain's friends that offer insight into a man who struggled deeply with depression and anxiety and was willing to appear always comfortable when around people and cameras.

As far as the interviews included, I was beyond excited to see Dese'Rae L. Stage and Andrew Solomon included. Here I am 100% biased. I've known Dese'Rae for years. She kindly included my own story in her Live Through This project. It's to show that people who try and die at their own hands are not one "type" but rather from every class, ethnicity, educational status, religious background, sexuality, or age.

Now I Understand Why Chidi Went to The Bad Place:

Martin's writing has a particular flaw that bothered my own reading experience so much, I started to highlight it every time I saw it. He uses the she/her female pronouns almost exclusively when speaking in general (notice that I said almost). He uses he/him male pronouns when discussing specific people. There was a lot of subconscious emphasis on women. Maybe he meant to it. I don't know. As soon as I noticed, I kept getting annoyed and irritated that a moral philosophy professor wouldn't use they/them or give equal usage. He even includes a statistic in one of his sections on Anthony Bourdain that states: men over 65 were the most likely to die by suicide according to a 2015 study. Yet, he continued to make obsessive thoughts about death a female problem. Perhaps if even half the middle-aged white men in the study went to therapy and sought help, they wouldn't be the biggest of the statistic. Needless to say, I got sick of seeing phrases like, "her despair," "her psychological condition," "choosing to kill herself," etc.

As previously stated, this book could do with some major editing or overhaul it into two smaller guides. Did you see The Good Place? Do you remember how long Chidi's thesis was?

If you watched The Good Place, there were many key elements about Chidi teaching Eleanor and the others moral philosophy. In one of the lifetimes, Eleanor finds Chidi all the way across the world because she found his speech online titled What Do We Owe Each Other?

This is important. Martin—in his standard of presenting all sides to an argument approach—debates whether suicide is the most selfish act a human could possibly do. He talks about loved ones mostly. The ones left in grief could be thinking the person should have continued suffering for their needs. Is it the bravest act to choose to live for others? This brought me to Chidi's speech that urges Eleanor to get on a plane and learn how to be a better person. Mind you, Eleanor is not suicidal nor depressed nor self harming. She is however, a selfish Arizona trash bag (the show's words).

There are other overwhelming contradictions besides whether suicide is selfish or not. The book is a roller coaster of mind-fuckery.

I think the interview portion could have been in a better format and included photos (maybe they are in the published copy, but not the review copy).

To complete my honest review, I'll state that when I reached 50% in the review copy, I couldn't take it anymore. I skipped to Appendix II (the interviews that are supposed to make the reader feel better, but that's debatable); then back to the main text for another two paragraphs and skipped ahead again to Appendix I (links and phone numbers); then back to a little bit in the section on relapse (chapter 9). Then I gave up for good.

Summary:
I cannot recommend this book no matter how much I wanted to. If you feel like reading a moral philosophy thesis mixed with a memoir on alcohol addiction, go for it. At least I learned some terminology.
Rating: 3 stars

INFO:
Live Through This http://livethroughthis.org/
Patreon.com/livethroughthis
CrisisTextLine.org
US National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Veterans' Crisis Line 1-800-273-8255 (also has an online chat function through veteranscrisisline.net)
Trans Life Line http://www.translifeline.org/
US: (877) 565-8860
Canada: (877) 330-6366
NAMI http://www.naminj.org/us.html

How to Not Kill Yourself by Clancy Martin

Published: March 28, 2023
Pantheon
Genre: Psychology/Self Help
Pages: 464
KKECReads Rating: 4/5
I received a copy of this book for free, and I leave my review voluntarily.

CLANCY MARTIN is the acclaimed author of the novel How to Sell (FSG) as well as numerous books on philosophy, and has translated works by Friedrich Nietzsche, Søren Kierkegaard, and other philosophers. A Guggenheim Fellow, his writing has appeared in The New Yorker, New York, The Atlantic, Harper’s, Esquire, The New Republic, Lapham’s Quarterly, The Believer, and The Paris Review. He is a professor of philosophy at the University of Missouri in Kansas City and Ashoka University in New Delhi. He is a survivor of more than ten suicide attempts and a recovering alcoholic.

“The prelude to compassion is the willingness to see.”

This was a heavy book to read, and there were several moments when I had to put it down and take a break.

Suicide is something that catches people’s attention. The stigma attached, the judgment, adds unnecessary weight to an already desperate feeling.

The manner of suicide discussed was genteel. It was kind, and that won’t make sense unless you have read the book. Clancy states early on that he will discuss suicide with kindness, and he absolutely does.

The research is vast and thorough. And there are a lot of cited texts and experts, survivors, and stories about those who have died by suicide.

I found the use of the word heavy. But the reason was to bring a sense of normalcy, to remove the knee-jerk reaction most of us have when we hear the word suicide.

The stories shared and the details are heartbreaking and enlightening. The fact is that this is not a manifesto to death but a guide for getting yourself through whatever muck you’re in.

The accountability that is discussed is also quite heavy and, at times, can feel harsh. But Clancy is delicate in how he handles the people. The human element in this book is beautifully sculpted, and I found the lack is accusation powerful.

The delicacy in which Clancy discusses suicide, alcoholism, and addiction, in general, makes this an engaging read. The conversational writing style leaves you feeling like you’re chatting with a friend.

Part three was my favorite section, as I felt the most sincere and compassionate explanations from the author.

Overall, this book has a lot of information and a different perspective. I appreciate and value Clancy’s experience. He was honest, raw, vulnerable, and believable.

I feel like this man wants to help others, and he is using his struggles to further the conversation. The lack of judgment and stigma throughout this text was fantastic, and the resources available are excellent.

I really enjoyed this novel. This book is part memoir with frank discussion on suicidal attempts and ideation and alcohol abuse, amongst other mental health issues. Along with this he pulls in content from history, including philosophical works and novels around the idea of suicide.

Very moving book with a great deal of personal insight. Reading this has caused a lot of introspection. Only read when you feel able to handle the deal with things you may have "put away". I found it best to read in small chunks as it brought some things to the forefront that I needed time to reflect upon. Written in a gentle tone.

Clancy Martin's How Not to Kill Yourself: A Portrait of the Suicidal Mind is somewhat of a hybrid memoir/research study on suicide, which left me sort of not knowing who the best audience for this was. Memoir fans are going to get bogged down with the data, while readers wanting to know more about suicide are going to get distracted by the meandering personal experiences of the author. Martin is very frank on the numerous attempts he made on his life through the years starting at a very young age. I caution anyone to read this book if they are experiencing any suicidal ideation because there are major triggers for explicit descriptions of suicide methods. Martin uses examples from his own life, studies that have been done on the suicidal mind, and well-known individuals who have died by suicide. The examples of others (writers, actors, etc.) I felt were used inappropriately at times as some of what he brings up is hearsay as to why that person took their life. As someone so in tune with the field of suicide it was disappointing to see him use outdated language of "committing suicide". I feel like I've read better non-fiction books on suicide and better memoirs on depression and suicidal ideation. This hybrid of the two came across to me as not having a clear take home message to the reader.

Thank you to Pantheon via NetGalley for the advance reader copy in exchange for honest review.

An insightful, and sometimes humorous, exploration of the suicidal mind. The author last tried to kill himself in his basement w/ a dog-leash. But he did not die and hid the attempt from those closest to him. He has tried to commit suicide 10 times throughout his life. This book chronicles those attempts and the mind-set of someone hell-bent on self-destruction.

*Special thanks to NetGalley and Pantheon Books for this e-arc.*

I appreciate that author Clancy Martin is willing to share his experiences with such difficult and taboo topics as addiction and suicide. This book is not for the fainthearted and Martin pulls no punches.

The author makes some profound statements in "How Not to Kill Yourself" and gives his readers a lot to consider. I think he's on to something when he asserts that suicidal thinking can be its own form of addiction, playing in the mind in ways that are both self-soothing and self-destructive.

Respectfully, the ARC reads like a first or second draft - especially in the final third of the book. We return to the same points, themes, and points of reference over and over again. It could be half as long and remain just as impactful. I wish Martin had committed to making either a memoir OR an examination of the suicidal mind - in its current state, it feels a bit muddy in its purpose.

I see what Martin is aiming for here and feel "How Not to Kill Yourself" would vastly improve with an additional revision.

This memoir deals with a topic that can be difficult to read and even tougher to talk about. I appreciate the author’s ability to share and discuss suicide and suicidal ideation in a language that was easy to understand and accessible.

One of the most thorough books on suicidal thinking that I have ever read. This book is not for everyone and there are chapters in it that I would not recommend reading if you struggle with suicidal thoughts. There are many tools and conversation starters given if you do have someone in your life you are concerned about but do not know how to help. I got a lot out of this book by just getting a glimpse of understanding what some people struggle with. It brings to mind the lyrics of Before You Go, "It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless". I would wish anyone struggling with suicidal thinking could seek out treatment and know there are people out there that care about them.

This was a heavy, great book that delves into depression and suicidal ideation. It took me longer to read than I expected, but I really enjoyed it.

It felt a bit predictable at times, but the overall portrait of a struggling mind was an intense and beautiful one.

My reading experience with How Not to Kill Yourself by Clancy Martin was an extended relationship. It took me approximately three months to finish it, because I read each chapter individually and took breaks in between. The material is useful, to be sure. As someone who has lived with depression and suicidal ideation for my entire lifetime, I recognized a lot of knowledge and understanding that I've gleaned through years of therapy, journaling, and other self-work. I think it is immensely valuable to have a book available that could serve as a compendium of such perspective, especially since Martin provides a cross-section of spiritual, philosophical, and psychological examinations of the chronically suicidal mind and thought patterns. The introduction directs readers in immediate need to the appendices, which are carefully curated and full of resources for individuals in need of assistance, and for their caregivers. There is a tactical component to this book, and that is my favorite thing about it. My hope is that someone who is struggling in the dark could read this book and get some perspective that might actually sink in, since the book lacks the triteness and platitudes so often present in this kind of material. Perhaps they could start their therapy, self-reflection and/or self-work process at a more enlightened level for having read this book. I applaud Martin for his candor and his lack of vanity, for telling the truth even when it is deeply unflattering. At one point in the book, he references a conversation he was having with another person living with suicidal ideation, in which the person said that the most useful thing you can do to help someone in need is to share your own story. I feel that Martin took that idea to heart, and did all he could to share his story with thorough and absolute honesty.

My criticism of the book is a small one, and it is simply that there are a section of chapters in the middle that focus primarily on Martin's alcoholism, and the intersection of his addiction with his depression and suicidal ideation and attempts. This material was very educational to read, and I think it was important for Martin to include all aspects of his story and experience, so I'm not saying that those chapters should not have been there. Nor am I suggesting that the relationship between addiction and mental health struggles is not relatable to many people. However, for me, the middle of the book became more focused on alcoholism than on suicidal ideation. Martin's alcoholism was one of his parasuicidal behaviors and is absolutely a crucial part of understanding his journey, so I really don't want to criticize the inclusion of this material. I just felt that, in terms of pacing, my reading slowed down considerably and I took a longer break while reading this part of the book.

In closing, I don't really think there's anything in the book that doesn't need to be there. I appreciated especially the analysis of the many philosophers, spiritual leaders, authors, musicians and public figures who have made statements in their various mediums about the suicidal mindset, and how those themes were present in the lives of those individuals. The book also includes references to a wealth of other titles that would be useful to someone who wants to read more on these topics. Overall, How Not to Kill Yourself by Clancy Martin is a valuable read. I think it is a useful resource for anyone who is struggling with depression and suicidal ideation, a message delivered honestly from someone who deeply understands the experience. I have already recommended it to multiple people, and I will continue to do so.

I’ve been reading “How Not to Kill Yourself,” since November. An ARC sent to me with a 3 day deadline, obviously I missed it, I thought would be something I would get through pretty easily. Nope. This was one heavy, but important, read. Trigger warning- suicide, suicidal thoughts, actions, tendencies, alcohol and drug use.

Clancy Martin calls his memoir, “A Portrait of the Sucidal Mind.” The book is split into three parts, “Suicidal Tendencies,” “One Foot in the Grave,” and “The Long Road Back.” How grateful I am Martin made it down “The Long Road Back,” in order to write this book which I hope can help us be kinder to one another and to ourselves. As he tells his story Martin goes back and dissects the culture of suicide. He uses philosophy, literature, pop culture and his own experiences to shape the narrative of his multiple unsuccessful suicide attempts and their consequences to the relationships of those around him. He writes about why people kill themselves, how we feel after other people take their own lives, and how substance abuse can trigger suicidal tendencies. He also includes tools for helping someone who is contemplating suicide and resources for more help.

Suicide is something we need to talk about more. There need to be more resources for those who are battling mental health issues. Therapy needs to be accessible for all. Suicide pacts shouldn’t be a thing, living pacts should be. I don’t have the answers on making this better or possible, but I do know that if we all start talking to each other more openly and honestly, it could help. One commonality I found through Martin’s text was him being alone with his own thoughts. One of his failed suicide attempts, he was on vacation, with his family, in Hawaii and went out to pick up takeout from a restaurant, when instead he swam out as far as he could into the ocean, and then as deep as he could and hoped he would drown. He didn’t. Defeated he returns to his family and the consequences of another failed attempt. It’s so important to remember that just because things seem great on the outside, or even worse seem wonderful on social media those aren’t always accurate depictions of a person’s true attitude towards life.

Martin writes, “My admittedly ambitious hope for this book is that someone who is thinking about suicide might pick it up and find that she need not act on the thought, or that the urgency of the thought has diminished a bit. I also hope that the book may help people who are approached by a friend or acquaintance who is feeling suicidal.” As this book continues to go through the publishing process, I hope Martin can comprehend how important it is for him to be here on this earth with us and how very many people this book will help throughout time.

If you want to read this one please let me know, I’ll make sure you get a copy upon publication.

Thank you to Clancy Martin for sharing your vulnerability, and to NetGalley for allowing me to read and review early.

Thanks # netgalley for this book in exchange for an honest review. At times I got bogged down in the authors lengthy use of philosophy but it was worth reading. Highly recommend