With "How Not to Kill Yourself: A Portrait of the Suicidal Mind," acclaimed writer and professor of philosophy Clancy Martin has crafted an insightful, intelligent, and occasionally humorous exploration of what it means to live with a compulsively suicidal mind and how, at least for now, he's taken steps toward living a life where he's acquired the ability to resist compulsion and not actually kill himself.

"How Not to Kill Yourself" opens with Martin's honest exploration of his last suicide attempt, a basement attempt involving a dog leash that left him injured and having to explain his injuries in both personal and professional settings. This was one of over 10 attempts in Martin's life, at times what most would call a suicidal "gesture" and other times more serious attempts that would lead to hospitalizations that would prove impactful on his professional and personal life.

For some, especially those who've never been around the suicidal mind, "How Not to Kill Yourself" may prove a frustrating read as Martin is an obviously intelligent man and the uninformed will likely struggle to understand how such a well-informed human being can repeatedly fall into the cyclical nature of suicidal behavior.

Of course, for those who've either experienced the compulsion or been around it, "How Not to Kill Yourself" is filled with "Aha!" moment after "Aha!" moment.

I've long believed that a good majority of human beings have at least experienced the thought of suicide or at least a moment of "I Wish I Were Dead." While it's likely more rare to experience actual compulsions toward suicide, the truth is it remains such a taboo subject that I'm not sure it's entirely possible to know.

In other words, I think there's an audience that will gingerly move toward "How Not to Kill Yourself," though my biggest hope is that those who will read the book will actually talk about it.

As a survivor of multiple attempts myself, though I am many years away from my last attempt, I've also long been around suicide and have had multiple people, including my spouse, die by suicide. Following my years of compulsive behavior, I ended up working in crisis intervention for ten years and am known to still have quite the passion for those who struggle with the suicidal mind.

"How Not to Kill Yourself" is part memoir, part philosophy, part exploration of the influence of the arts, part coaching, and even occasionally has an almost poetic flow to it. While the book itself is rather lengthy, it's important to note that "How Not to Kill Yourself" has a lengthy resource section that comprises nearly 25% of the book's entire length.

In fact, I'd dare say that the resource section alone makes "How Not to Kill Yourself" a must read for those who've experienced or lived around the suicidal mind.

I will confess that I struggled at times with the structure of "How Not to Kill Yourself," a book that occasionally reads in compulsive and disjointed ways at time. While this is understandable, perhaps even intentional, it lessened the impact of the book for me and negatively impacted the actual reading experience. I'm also somewhat less than sold on the book's title, a compelling title and admirable goal but one that's not really thoroughly addressed until the final narrative chapter. When it is addressed, however, it's addressed well.

From a reader's standpoint, I must also confess I found the choice of font to be maddening. It's a tighter font that intensifies a reading experience that's already intense. It makes the experience of reading "How Not to Kill Yourself" a rather exhausting one.

In the end, however, I deeply appreciated Martin's boldness and openness in discussing with surprising candor a topic that seldom gets such transparent conversation. Martin writes with an objectivity that is surprisingly devoid of self pity or justification. Instead, Martin presents with an almost "matter-of-fact" way of writing that feels personal but not overly intimate.

As I wound down my time with "How Not to Kill Yourself," I realized I'd greatly appreciated the book even if I found it filled with occasionally unnecessary material that felt almost like a distraction from the matters at hand. At times I could understand this material's presence, but it still felt like a distraction for me that diluted the emotional and intellectual impact of the book. At times, it feels like Martin gets super close to actual intimacy in the book and then pulls back.

Martin himself sells the book, a man who's lived with his suicidal mind for years and who has also dealt with addictions and a myriad of the ways that addiction and compulsive behavior can tangibly impact one's life. He's successfully transformed his life, yet also acknowledges his awareness that the compulsion is still lingering in his mind ready to exploit a life circumstance, moment of weakness, or trauma. He's dedicated himself to corresponding with others, seemingly regularly, and in the end Martin comes off like a surprisingly ordinary human being simply trying to live a decent life.

At times rich in academia and other times incredibly personal, "How Not to Kill Yourself" is an engaging, thoughtful, and well resourced portrait of the suicidal mind and those who live with it.

I couldn't neatly fit this book into a single category, other than non-fiction. It's part memoir, part self-help, part philospophy 101, part AA, part psychiatry, part therapy, and maybe more I haven't thought of.

What I liked least was reading about revolting behavior Martin was subjected to by his father. It was irrational, extremely selfish, traumatising, cruel (if unintended), filled with distorted reality and extreme mysogyny. And the proof was in the pudding, as the author suffers the excruciatingly high price of life-long addictions to suicide and alcohol.

Martin is brilliant, a gifted writer, and deeply courageous to put this all out into the world with such remarkable candor. I do hope others will find in his book the hope and tools to survive their own greatest difficulties.

This is very vulnerable writing, as it is about severe mental health struggles and thoughts of self-harm. It's not sugarcoated and therefore, may be triggering for some. That said, Martin provided resources to help struggling readers, and his honesty will likely provide reassurance to readers who feel alone or like they are the only ones experiencing these types of struggles.

The writing didn't always flow flawlessly, but I don't think the point of his book is to always have a smooth reading experience. It is more about what is said than about how it is said. Overall, although I can't say it was always an enjoyable read because of the heavy topic, I can say it was an important read and would likely appeal to those who can identify with the topic.

I was given an advance copy by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Wow this book was so healing for me. Six years ago, my cousin called me and left an unusual voice mail telling me how much she loved me and was sorry. Unfortunately I was at a busy conference and had my ringer off. I didn’t hear the voice mail until the next morning. Later I found she had suicided and I had been the last call she had made.

For six years I carried the weight of that and felt great guilt. This author has helped me to discover that if anything, my love and friendship may have delayed her decision.

As someone experiencing a lifetime of suicidal thoughts, the author lets us inside the mind of someone who has those tendencies.

This was a worthwhile read. I found it sometimes a little drawn out and repetitive but I am better for having read it.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for sharing an advance copy in exchange for my fair and honest review.

Received a complimentary ARC of How Not to Kill Yourself by Clancy Martin from Knopf, Pantheon, Vintage, and Anchor/NetGalley. Scroll to the very end for a cut-and-paste of the flyleaf copy for if you want to read my thoughts on the book in the context of a summary.

So many thoughts on this book. SO many thoughts. So let’s start with a…..

So.

So, first of all, I misunderstood that I had only three days to download this book from NetGalley (it was a “Read Now”). I thought I had both to get it and read it within three days. It is way, way too long and heavy/intense of a book for that sort of thing, so I should’ve realized a lot earlier than I did that the three-day thing was just how long I had to acquire it, not to read it. Duh. Point being: If you are reading this Book Report and trying to decide whether to read the book, my guidance would be not to slam it back like a shot of whatever your poison is; instead, read about 25 pages a day or something.

Second, I’m reacting to this book as someone who has dealt with clinically diagnosed anxiety and depression for most of her life, and for whom active suicidal ideation was a very real thing for a great deal of said life. Thankfully, I had a major brain chemistry change concurrent with menopause, so that seems to be in my past. Hopefully forever. Also, I never actually attempted _active_ suicide.

Third, I’m reacting to this book as someone who personally knows five people who have shot and killed themselves. Tangentially knows a few more. Knows even more people who have actively attempted suicide (hanging, pills, razors in the bath, handgun, etc.). It’s not like this is unfamiliar territory.

[Side note: Oh, wow, I just realized I said “knows” instead of “knew” in the above paragraph. And I guess that’s technically correct; in my mind, they’re all still alive, just as they were when they made their choice to leave this plane of existence. In order…..Kevin, Mrs Eubanks, Neil, Adam, Tommy.]

Fourth, dear sweet Jesus but does Clancy Martin need an editor or what? I mean, not every book he’s read on this topic can be “one of the best.” Some of them are just books, OK? And cut it out with the faux intimacy. I am God’s Own Expert at faux intimacy, so I recognize it when I see it; just enough “details” to make you think you’re bonding, but you’re not telling the really real truth. And speaking of cutting? How about delete about a third of it all? So. Much. Repetition.

All that said……

If you’ve never read any (other) comprehensive works on suicide, then this is a great book for providing you guidance about what all else to read and resources about how to understand/perhaps even manage the primal suicidal impulse and/or interact with someone who is actively suicidal and/or navigate your life after someone you know decides to die by suicide. Is it a great piece of writing? Nah. Do I want to drink a proverbial beer with Clancy Martin? Extra-nah. Is that latter reaction probably me recognizing my younger and much-more narcissistic self in him?

[Shifts, awkwardly, in chair. Mumbles.]

Fifth & Finally: I can’t/don’t/won’t/wouldn’t ever presume to judge whether someone’s choice to leave this particular plane of existence at a time of their own choosing was/is the “right” thing to do. Do I understand/empathize more with people who are in their 70th and 80th decades who have been presented with diagnoses of fatal and painful diseases and are facing years of horrible pain and decide to make that decision? Well, of course (even though I’m a bit out from that yet, I hope). Do I wish I could stop the teenagers from thinking it will never get better and making those choices late some night, those particularly dark nights of their souls? Of course. Do I wrestle with the idea that it is so unfair to those loved ones left behind that the choice can never be correct? Um, well, yeah. Of course, again.

So, kudos to Professor Martin for putting it all out there (and, of course, for writing books!).

And, I’ll give him this. He made me realize that, in the end, I don’t have a high-enough risk tolerance to bet on the come, so to speak, of whatever might be “the afterlife.”

Still, though. Dude. Get an editor.

FLYLEAF COPY
An intimate, insightful, at times even humorous exploration of why the thought of death is so compulsive for some while demonstrating that there’s always another solution—from the acclaimed writer and professor of philosophy, based on his viral essay, “I’m Still Here.”

“If you’re going to write a book about suicide, you have to be willing to say the true things, the scary things, the humiliating things. Because everybody who is being honest with themselves knows at least a little bit about the subject. If you lie or if you fudge, the reader will know.”

The last time Clancy Martin tried to kill himself was in his basement with a dog leash. It was one of over ten attempts throughout the course of his life. But he didn’t die, and like many who consider taking their own lives, he hid the attempt from his wife, family, coworkers, and students, slipping back into his daily life with a hoarse voice, a raw neck, and series of vague explanations.

In How Not to Kill Yourself, Martin chronicles his multiple suicide attempts in an intimate depiction of the mindset of someone obsessed with self-destruction. He argues that, for the vast majority of suicides, an attempt does not just come out of the blue, nor is it merely a violent reaction to a particular crisis or failure, but is the culmination of a host of long-standing issues. He also looks at the thinking of a number of great writers who have attempted suicide and detailed their experiences (such as David Foster Wallace, Yiyun Li, Akutagawa, Nelly Arcan, and others), at what the history of philosophy has to say both for and against suicide, and at the experiences of those who have reached out to him across the years to share their own struggles.

The result combines memoir with critical inquiry to powerfully give voice to what for many has long been incomprehensible, while showing those presently grappling with suicidal thoughts that they are not alone, and that the desire to kill oneself—like other self-destructive desires—is almost always temporary and avoidable.

3.5/4 Stars

Clancy Martin combines memoir and philosophy to bear witness to the moral/ethical issues of suicide and addiction. The main CW would be that he takes the reader through his suicide attempts and describes the success and failures of other authors and celebrities. He takes the reader through many avenues of his life and we meet several characters that provide insight into his being, while also admitting that they are the reasons he is still here. There were many things I was enthralled with, and yet there were many things that I found much too dense to feel invested in.

PROS
It is a good book for philosophy majors and instructors who are looking for an honest, raw, deep dive into the mind of a man with such self-destructive tendencies and an explanation of how they have best dealt with it.
It would also be good for the reader who has the same inclinations but sees that they want a way out of them.
There are great things about it. It is easy to read, as in, it isn’t flowery writing. When it is short, sweet, and to the point, it has the simple effect of helping you see through the problem of suicide and addiction.
It will be important for people to read this (4 stars). I believe it will help people save their lives and Clancy should be proud.

CONS
At times, especially in the midsection, it became taxing and I would just skim it. It is all about the people he mas admired who have died by suicide, so it is only fascinating if you’re curious to begin with.
Throughout the book, he mentions a lot of the same years, and eras, repeatedly. After a while, I thought it would have been better if the book were more linear. I would have preferred having been taken thoroughly through these eras of self-medication and suicide attempts instead of rambling in and out of times/places throughout most of the first and last sections.
It would not be good for people who are in the midst of a suicidal attempt and intend to do immediate self-harm - Clancy mentions that those who are should seek professional help instead of merely reading his book as an advisory against it.

At times, it reads like an academic paper (hence, leaning toward 3.5 stars). There are many references to other people’s works so that he can make a point. By the end of the last chapter, I had taught myself what I did and did not want to read, and began skipping over those parts. Perhaps when I decide to take a class in philosophy or think more deeply about this topic, I will refer to this work.

In the end, you learn so much about Clancy that you trust his advice. His life is filled to the brim with legitimate reasons to not want to be here, but he is here. And he wrote this book. There are quite a few gems to adore about it (“A time and a time”; "Please don’t", and Tools for Crisis), but the surrounding nature of philosophy and references to philosophical works is a whole different book. It’s not meaningless, it just means you have to be dedicated to parsing through them to find the gems.

Thank you to the KDGP Influencer Program, Pantheon Books, and NetGalley for this advance review copy.

There is a lot of bravery in any memoir, regardless of topic, because it is brave to share yourself with others, to engage in self reflection. Clancy Martin's memoir is brave for sharing taboo and very raw insights about mental health and self harm; this is a tough read and felt overwhelming in places even for me with a psych and some clinical background.. However, it should be hard to read, I think that was the goal and to ask people to be receptive the emotions and experiences.

Lots of content notes though as this should be read by people able to engage in the content in a healthy way.

I appreciated the spaces that focused readers on next steps/what can be done. I am an applied developmentalist, always asking students and others to think about what we know and what we can do with what we know.

This is recommended for readers who are open to a challenging theme and very open writing about mental health. Readers who connected with I'm Glad My Mom Died might also appreciate this memoir.

This book was very very hard to read and I barely made it through. It made me rethink all the things people who are suicidal and what they are truly going through. I mean we all say killing yourself is not the way out and we all say that if you just get help then things will get better but by reading this you start to realize there is more to it. I truly think this book could help someone but for someone in a vulnerable position this could be very bad. I honestly believe that in a way this book in a way romanticizes suicide and that is extremely dangerous. I just can’t recommend this book right now. It was true, raw and real but also sometimes way too much and I am worried for someone who would read this.

This is a book about the though processes of a person who is thinking about ending their life. Clancy Martin does an excellent job of making this difficult conversation personable and relatable while giving excellent advice and strategies to help people in need.

If you or someone you know needs help reach out to The National Suicide Prevention/ Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.