This is such a great book. It talks about death but it is such an uplifting read. It felt very honest. The main character is amazing. This book will make you laugh and cry

Rom-coms/ meet-cutes aren't my usual thing but I made an exception for Mikki Brammer's <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61214136-the-collected-regrets-of-clover" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><em>The Collected Regrets of Clover</em></a> because the main character, Clover, is a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_midwife" target="_blank" rel="noopener">death doula</a> - and grief-lit is my thing.

It's a simple story - Clover, an introverted and socially-anxious woman, lives a life structured around her work, her pets, and visiting <a href="https://deathcafe.com/what/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">death cafes</a> in New York City. Flashbacks provide context for her chosen profession - Clover's parents died when she was a child, and she moved to the city to live with her grandfather.<!--more-->

Clover collects what she learns from people at their end-of-life in three notebooks - '<em>...the first, REGRETS; the second, ADVICE; the third, CONFESSIONS...</em>' Her notebooks also provide a 'to-do' list, as she tries to fulfill the 'regrets' of others (ranging from learning Nepalise to colouring her hair blue). But of course, when you are so busy living out other people's regrets, you have no time left to follow your own desires. Clover's relationships with a handful of people highlight the deficits in her approach, notably a lack of spontaneity and love.

There are some important messages in this book about end-of-life and bereavement, and I think Brammer explores them sensitively, if not obviously in some of the death cafe scenes. The complexity of emotions about end-of-life, especially the assumption that elderly people might feel they've 'had a good life' and therefore 'happy' to die, is explored in a number of scenes. An exchange between Clover and one of her elderly clients illustrates this -
<p style="padding-left: 40px;"><em>"...I should be grateful for what I've had and should walk toward the end with grace."</em>
<em>"Maybe," I said, resisting the urge to placate. "But gratitude doesn't necessarily free us from sadness - or our fears."</em></p>
The idea that grief does not 'go away' but instead, that we adjust around it, is also explored. There's a quote in there about grief being '<em>...like a bag that you always carry...</em>', which reminds me of an illustration by Mari Andrew that I often share with my own clients.

<img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-38525" src="https://booksaremyfavouriteandbest.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Grief-Mari-Andrew.png" alt="" width="470" height="310" />

At some points I questioned Clover's lack of insight concerning her own unresolved grief but wondered if, because of my work in grief and bereavement, I am expecting too much (and taking away narrative opportunity!).

Lastly, regular readers of rom-coms will enjoy the sweet ending (I don't need things tied in a bow but I understand that's the genre).

I received my copy of <em>The Collected Regrets of Clover</em> from the publisher, Penguin General, via <a href="https://www.netgalley.com/catalog/book/275703" target="_blank" rel="noopener">NetGalley</a>, in exchange for an honest review.

3/5

From Mikki Bramer, The Collected Regrets of Clover follows Clover Brooks, a death doula who sits with the dying (like a reverse midwife) to advocate, support and care for those leaving this mortal plane.

Read on a gorgeous day out, I followed Clover’s journey with life, death and love with a little laughter, some wincing and eventually a couple of tears. It’s certainly not for everyone, as Clover can be hypocritical in her outward actions, but we do see her come to terms with at least some of it.

The story centres on grief, and in a way, the plot followed Clover’s journey through the stages - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Claudia was my favourite character, followed by Leo - their vivacious natures outstripping my reticence around Clover herself.

The romance element I could have lived without. While it certainly improved towards the end, it initially felt forced and felt like an unnecessary side plot. I almost believe the romance up until the trip to Maine could be cut out.

However, I did enjoy it overall and would still recommend it to people! It’s a poignant insight into the temporary nature of existence and how we should take every opportunity to not live with regrets.

Mikki Bramer’s sentimental debut is a poignant ode to living life to the full.

It’s about Clover Brooks, a death doula living in New York city. She spends her time providing comfort, companionship and support to people in their final days, but she doesn’t really have her own support network. The bustling New York city full of life works perfectly as the backdrop for this quiet story of a life dictated by death.

Clover is an interesting protagonist. She’s in her mid thirties and never been kissed – her character is a little bit of a juxtaposition; extremely kind and emotionally mature in some ways, but in other ways she exhibits behaviour which feels more like someone in their teens or early twenties.

She’s caring, intelligent and independent with a job which involves dealing with people at their most vulnerable. But she’s also extremely naïve, often antisocial, extremely introverted and unconventional. The book does explore her complicated past and the fact that she lost her parents very young, which might go some way towards explaining her uniqueness. And, the world is full of lots of different types of people, so why shouldn’t there be a Clover?

In a way, this is quite a quiet novel, and it’s slow at times. But, the author has a beautiful way of depicting regular interactions and experiences in a way which encourages you to appreciate them and look at them in a new light. I loved her description of a trip to the orchestra; “I closed my eyes and tuned into the ripples of anticipation that always came at the beginning of a live performance. That shared intimacy among strangers where, for just a moment, everyone laud aside the baggage of life to be completely present as one – a communal hopefulness.“

And, the bustling, colourful backdrop of New York city full of life works perfectly for this quiet story of a life dictated by death.

This sentimental debut about a woman who works with death finally learning to embrace life was a little slow for me but, ultimately, hopeful and uplifting. It carries a lovely message about living life to the full that anyone can learn something from.

Overall a good novel, easy to read, and with an original premise, but somehow also forgettable. I doubt I'll remember much of this book in a year time. Just okay.

Great read, perfect escapism.

Thanks to Netgalley and the publishers for letting me read an advance copy of this book in exchange for my review.

Rating: 2.5/5 stars

“Grief is just love looking for a place to settle.”

The Collected Regrets of Clover left me incredibly conflicted on how to rate it. From a reviewers perspective, it’s such an easy recommendation, as I can picture the exact audience that would eat this book up. If Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine meets The Midnight Library sounds like something you would love; you’re going to adore Clover. From a personal perspective, I hated both those comps, and Clovers story was one of my biggest disappointments of 2023.

The Good:
I was originally drawn to this story, for its unique-sounding premise: a contemporary novel, told from the perspective of a bit of an eccentric young woman, who works as a death-doula: the equivalent of a midwife for the dying. Through her work she meets a variety of people (dying and not) who help her grow and heal past her own grief and regrets.
This had the potential to be a contemporary(-romance) that was not only uplifting and cute, but also offered some depth and emotional balance as well. It certainly succeeds on the former half of that expectation, but not so much the latter…
If you’re looking for a cute romance, featuring a bit of a socially inapt female protagonist leaving her comfort zone and exploring friendship and love: this is it. As for the emotional depth; there are some good passages. Cliché mostly, but only cliché because they are true. They are unfortunately few and far between.

The Bad:
I’ve seen plenty reviewers praise this for being “sweet, but not too saccharine”. I disagree: this was too saccharine for my liking. See also the Ugly-section…
I also really disliked the character of Clover, who’s presented to be a wise, compassionate and selfless person, especially as she offers words of comfort within her job. Outside of her job however, she is shown to be an immature, naive, selfish, unprofessional and a complete hypocrite. She intrudes into people’s lives in ways that made it impossible for me to root for her as a protagonist. Snooping into clients personal affairs without consent, romancing the son of a client, not to mention actually spying on her neighbours with binoculars and it being played off as a “cute quirk”. Yikes… Worse than being an unlikable character, she’s an unbelievable one, with an equally unbelievable profession…

The Ugly (A.k.a. why it personally rubbed me the wrong way):
As some of you may know, I’m a medical doctor, working as a resident in Oncology and Palliative Care for the past year. On many occasions, I’ve felt like somewhat of a “death doula” myself… I’ve been at more than my fair-share of death-beds, both professionally and personally, and it’s because of that that I HATE the romanticization of death in media. The perceived wisdom and grace that’s put onto dying people, the misplaced “battle metaphor” of illness, the sanitized death-scenes depicting perfectly made-up people “drifting off into sleep”. It’s a slap in the face to what the real experience is like.
I’m going to quote one of my favourite passages from The Collected Regrets of Clover:

“Unfortunately, death isn’t always the peaceful slipping away that movies depict it to be – often it’s prolonged and very unpleasant. The sensory chaos of bodily functions shutting down or going awry. The gasping. The look of panic as people cling desperately to their final moments. Sometimes family members turn away or run out of the room to spare themselves from having such a confronting scene seared into their brains as the final memory of their loved ones. That’s why it’s so important to have someone like me there. Someone who won’t look away, no matter how harrowing it gets.”

Ironically, it perpetuates those exact stereotypes it critiques here. Clovers job of Death Doula is presented to consist of roadtrips, fulfilling final wishes, and “doing fun things” with terminally ill people and their families. I hate to break it to the fans of this book, but this isn’t the reality of palliative care. It’s beautiful, it’s fulfilling and there are unexpected moments of joy to be had, but it’s also incredibly taxing and far from easy. I wish Mikki Brammer had gone into those aspects as well, rather than serving up a glazed and sugarcoated imitation of the truth instead.

Many thanks to the publisher for providing me with an ARC on exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.

A wonderful story, about the meaning of life and death and the dignity we have with both. It’s a pougnant and engaging debut. Highly recommend.

Where do I start with this book. It was absolutely beautiful. As soon as I read the first chapter I was lost in the story. I devoured it in one day and then was sad when I finished. Loved reading it. It was so Beautifully written, very easy to read. It had a Great undertone to the story and a beautiful message one I think most people could relate to. I keep saying beautiful because I don't know how else to describe it. Loved it Loved it, loved it! Can't wait to read more from this author 💗

Well this was interesting completely different from my normal read, it was interesting and I am glad I read it. It however took me a while to read and I had to keep dipping in an out

I was given a free copy by netgalley and the publishers but the review is entirely my own.

This was such a super wholesome read - perfect for fans of Matt Haigs The Midnight Library, it gave me all of the feels and i definitely shed a few tears! xx

What a breath of fresh air, a book where romance and a relationship is not at all the goal to have a happy life. I enjoyed the writing style, the beautiful quotes, the courage to write a book that deals with death and all that comes with it and Clover's search for herself. Absolutely recommended!

Oh what an absolutely gorgeous book. I laughed and cried, I loved it so much. The characters are wonderful - Clover, Leo, Sylvie, Claudia, Hugo, Bessie and the rest. This book was just such a delight. Uplifting, inspiring and simply wonderful.

I loved the sound of this one when I first read the synopsis but unfortunately I just no longer have any urge to read it. I'm not sure if that's down to my mental health so I really do apologise.

Lovely book and storyline however I would have liked to know more about what happened after she stopped collecting regrets

We cant be reminded too often of what's important in life, and The Collected Regrets of Clover does that in abundance. Clover is a death doula, working with people at the very ends of their lives to ensure it can meet their wishes as far as possible. Throughout the story of her working with such a wide range of people, we as readers get to see what they felt was important in their one precious lives and what they regretted. There's a love story as well but for me, the power of the story is the message about about grabbing opportunities when you can and making the most of your live whilst you still can.

This was an unusual story, I was unsure about ho0w depressing this story would be. However, it was not depressing it was a beautiful story that celebrates life.

There were some characterisation issues and some parts that felt forced and unrealistic but overall it is such a moving story that you can forgive all those things,

It is the first book I have read by Mikki Brammer but I would not hesitate to pick up another one. Thank you NetGalley, Mikki Brammer and the publishers for allowing me to read and review this story.

The collected regrets of Clover is a beautiful story about learning to know yourself even when you think you already know everything. It is about growing as a process and not a result, as well as the importance of who and what you choose to be.
Starting with an intriguing first chapter that shocks the reader from the first line, the book proceeds by taking you to know the main character as she is in the present, and as she was in the past. This way of narrating the person lets the reader see how past experiences help shape who we become. It also gives a good rhythm to the chapters, alternating between now and then.
In the first chapters we as readers get to know Clover as a thirty-something that enjoys her own company and is contented living as she does. But is it really so? [SPOILER] The more we read the more we perceive that Clover herself is indeed satisfied with what she is doing in her life, but feels some things are missing from it, and we get to see her decide to try and get out of her comfort zone.
I must admit that I can totally relate to the anxiety of meeting new people and try to turn them into new friends, as well as maintaining the relation once it is established. I think that the friendship between Clover and Sylvie is realistic, and I appreciate them being able to talk about many different topics. I did not love how Clover seems to be extremely teenager-y about her relationship history; I do like how well she fares in relating to people in her job and in being herself with her friends because it does feel she is an adult in those cases, but when she talks about never having had a relationship I felt like I was reading the diary of a fourteen years old. I imagine that it is because the author wanted to show how inexperienced she is in that field, but I think a person in their thirties would behave differently from a teenager.
That said, it is also possible that the author just wanted to show the difference between [SPOILER] how Clover relates to Sebastian and how she relates to Hugo. When reading the blossoming of the relationship with Hugo I finally felt at peace and at ease after being irritated with everyone when Clover and Sebastian tried to date.
In general, I think that one of the best things about this story was how death and people dying and it being the end of their lives were treated with calm and honesty, and not necessarily as the worst thing in the world. There is a point when Clover says that she could not say anything at Claudia because everything would have been wrong and because Claudia just needed her to be there and to listen and to see her, and it was the most honest moment of death I have ever read.
I also loved the feeling of hopefulness and light-heartedness I felt after finishing the book. It does not happen often for me to be happy and sort of relieved at the end of a book, but in this case Clover (and the author Mikki Brammer) let me go with the hope of finding myself and what I really want to do in life, just as Clover succeeds to do.
I am incredibly happy to have been able to read this book prior to its publishing, and for that I must thank NetGalley and Penguin General.

It took me a long time to read this book. But it shouldn't have because it was beautiful. It has such a good message. I should start with what attracted me to the book. I love the cover and the title itself. I love books about second chances and death is always terrifying and intriguing. Therefore, this was a perfect book for me to read

You immediately love Clover, she's so vulnerable but real. The other characters take a while to whole heartedly love, but they add depth!

I loved the plot and how Clover makes it her responsibility to fulfil everyones regrets, although I feel it could have been taken a step further. The ending was perfect!

“But the secret to a beautiful death is to live a beautiful life.”

Though its subject is confronting, The Collected Regrets of Clover is a life affirming debut from Mikki Brammer.

Thirty-six-year-old Clover Brooks works as a death doula in New York City, a vocation inspired in part by being absent when the grandfather who raised her passed away. It is her privilege, she feels, to support people during the last precious weeks, days, or hours of their lives, but in surrounding herself with death, Clover has forgotten how to live.

Clover is a sympathetic character who lives quietly in the rent controlled apartment she grew up in with only her rescue pets for company. Her history of loss, including both her parents at six years old and her grandfather, has left her with unresolved grief that has affected her ability to make secure social connections. Given the nature of her job, Clover’s relationships are generally fleeting, though she visits death cafe’s (gatherings for people to discuss death and dying) when loneliness threatens to overwhelm her. It’s at one of these meetings that she meets Sebastian who hires her to support his beloved grandmother, Claudia who has end stage pancreatic cancer.

Claudia is a wonderful character, at 91 years of age she is a tough, no nonsense type of woman, who has lived a full life, but is not without her regrets. Though Clover has always kept a professional distance between herself and her clients, she and Claudia quickly develop a close bond, and whereas in the past Clover has simply recorded the last words of her clients in one of three notebooks titled Regrets to be examined later, this time she decides to play an active role in resolving one. It is in attempting to track down the source of Claudia’s biggest regret that Clover is challenged to finally face her own.

In balance with the thought-provoking exploration of the themes of loneliness, regret, death and grief, Brammer also examines compassion, grace, friendship, and love. Though occasionally maudlin The Collected Regrets of Clover is never mawkish, instead it’s ultimately inspiring and uplifting. I also found it informative, fascinated by the unfamiliar role of a death doula and the services they can provide.

A captivating and stirring novel, The Collected Regrets of Clover is a reminder that life is too short to not take chances with your heart.