Content Warning: grief, drug use

I read this book in one sitting even though I thought at times it moved slowly. It's about a girl, Hannah, and her cousin who is like a sister to her, Sophie. Sophie dies tragically in a drug overdose and everyone is blindsided by it. Hannah's purpose is to get to the bottom of who gave Sophie those pills but along the way she learns more about Sophie's secrets and needing to let go of her pain and embrace life and love again.

Hannah is grieving along with her family and Sophie's best friend, Gabi. When Gabi and Hannah team up to investigate who could have given Sophie the pills at the party they have to confront a few truths about Sophie as well. I really appreciated how the author considered all sides of the situation. Sophie's access to the drugs, Sophie purposefully seeking out drugs, the consequences that is appropriate for the one who gave her the drugs, and some solutions a community can offer for people struggling with drug addiction. Hannah's own father is a recovering alcoholic and he gives her some insight into addiction - some insights that Hannah had a difficult time comprehending. But I like that there was a discussion in this book about grief, secrets, drug addiction, and resources.

There is even romance in this story and it was so unsuspecting! I didn't expect Hannah and Christian's interactions to have so much chemistry and spark. The two of them are rivals. Debate team rivals so the arguments between them are epic and so sweet when they both cave in to the attraction between them. I love how he's there for her because he's gone through grief as well.

Now Hannah is a flawed character. She loves to argue, she likes things to go her way and she can be stubborn. I was bummed when she let things get so bad between her and her best friend Lincoln but I understand she was going through a rough time with Sophie's death. She does grow as a character though.

Also the story is told in two timelines, past and present with the past just being one year ago. So there were times I had to backtrack because I lost my place on which timeline I was in - but that might be how the ebook arc is formatted.

The story was too slow to be a thriller, even when they figure out who it was that gave Sophie the pills. There wasn't anything sinister about finding who did it, because as it's stated, Sophie was at fault also. And the person who did it was having their own struggles. Overall it's a tragic story, and an important one about how the opioid epidemic affects family, friends and a community.

Tropes: rivals to lovers

Why you should read it:
*a complex story about grief, love, and drug addiction - it kept me intrigued

Why you might not want to read it:
*topics about opioid use and grief

My Thoughts:

I've read a few Emery Lord books but I think this is her darkest one with heavy themes. But I love how she wrote the story, making the reader question all the aspects of the situation that has taken place. I love that it sheds a light on the opioid epidemic and how shame and judgment is a big part of how someone might not seek treatment. Overall, I thought it was a goo

I think my teens at the library would really enjoy this one, it just wasn't for me (and that's okay). It felt really targeted for YA and I think it would be a really good one for book clubs since it tackles some tough subjects.

Thank you to Bloomsbury for sending me an arc in exchange for review.

This was such a good read. it felt very similar to Sadie mixed with A Good Girls Guide to murder but i still really enjoyed it. the story is fast paced with chapters from the past as well as present. I loved the writing and the characters felt very well rounded.

Once again, Emery Lord skillfully pulls at the strings of our hearts, composing a poignant melody that resonates with our emotions. In her latest novel, she weaves a poetic, heart-wrenching tale of grief, longing, addiction, alcoholism, and suffering, leaving us utterly speechless by the end. As you read the pouring words, you'll find yourself choking up at several moments, as they awaken a multitude of complex emotions you never knew existed, hidden behind the walls of coping mechanisms you've built over the years.

While the book may start off a bit slow, with its narrative moving back and forth between two timelines, I sincerely advise you to be patient. As the past of Hannah and her relationship with her cousin Sophie intertwines with the present, numerous pieces will fall into place, revealing profound meanings hidden within the words and tearing your heart apart.

The story unfolds on prom night, where Hannah MacLaren is called to the headmaster's office, an act of rebellion that threatens to mar the night and possibly lead to legal consequences. Drenched in her fancy gown, she stands accused of triggering the fire alarm just as the prom queen crown was about to be placed on her cousin Sophie's head, who tragically succumbed to an opioid overdose.

Under mounting pressure from the headmaster, Hannah begins her tale from the beginning.

We are transported back and forth in time, witnessing Hannah's profound grief over losing her cousin and her determination to change schools and infiltrate her cousin's inner social circle, assuming a disguised identity, all in search of the truth—finding out who supplied Sophie with the opioids and ultimately, who was responsible for her death.

Surprisingly, Hannah finds an unexpected ally in the most unlikely of places. Christian, her long-time academic rival, transforms into someone she can trust and lean on, leading to an unforeseen romance that gradually blossoms.

The mystery, the love story, the drama, and the thought-provoking exploration of addiction and dysfunctional family dynamics blend seamlessly, culminating in an emotional finale that will elicit the rawest of tears.

Emery Lord's realistic portrayal of the characters and the pervasive sadness that permeates the pages couldn't be executed any better in this poignant story.

As I wipe away my tears, I wholeheartedly recommend this captivating read to you.

I extend my sincere appreciation to NetGalley and Bloomsbury USA Children's Books/Bloomsbury YA for providing me with a digital reviewer copy in exchange for my honest thoughts.

A really gut wrenching look at loss and grief.

This was really powerful, and while I don’t buy the idea of teenagers playing jenga with their lives, concocting elaborate plans to find the answers to certain truths they are seeking, I found this COMPELLING.

I found this book to be a really unique and fascinating take on grief. Our protagonist Hannah has lost her cousin and best friend, Sophie to a drug overdose. And she is determined to find out the who, what, where, why, and how of it all. She cannot cope with this severed loss, so she devotes herself to finding answers.

Along the way, she makes new friends, finds potential love where she once found an enemy, and learns a lot about the opioid crisis. The message in this book is something I hold close, having seen many friends and family members go through addiction to alcohol and drugs. I myself am newly sober. I’m almost a year into my sobriety so a lot of this book rang true for me.

I thought this was written well, with so much love and a lot of hope. I really enjoyed this book.

Thank you to NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review!

I really enjoyed this book. I wasn't sure at first as it went at a bit of a slow pace, but I do ultimately think that is was necessary for the author to get the depth of character development that she was able to accomplish. This story shares an important topic about opioid addition and the fallout for everyone involved with those using. The author handles the topic very well, and gives insight into the impact of family and friends of those who have overdosed. There is also a dual-time line with past events and present events intertwined. I thought this was helpful to the overall story and keeps the reader guessing, but as the time lines came closer together I did find myself having to double check which I was currently reading through. Overall, definitely recommended to any fans of realistic fiction.

If you can suspend your disbelief, then this book is for you.

There are touching parts here, but for the most part our heroine enrolls in the school where her cousin (who is no longer with us) use to go.

Hannah is already a bit over the top - thanks to her personality but also to the events that have happened to her family.

At times, I am like "oh boy!" and then others I am saying "wow, that was interesting", so definite love/hate relationship with this book.

This book was a heartbreaking, but honest look at grief and the opioid crisis. I liked the two separate timelines, one leading up to Sophie's death and the second with Hannah dealing with the aftermath and trying to find details about her cousin's final hours. The mystery is compelling, but like the opioid crisis itself, the resolution isn't as clear cut as some might like. I would definitely recommend this book.

#AllThatsLefttoSay #NetGalley
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an E-Arc copy of this novel. A must read!! Emery Lord left me sitting for 30 minutes after I finished reading this with nothing to say. I just stared into space. Wow! It was a read.

How far would you go to find the truth? After her friend/cousin dies from a mysterious overdose, Hannah MacLaren is left with so many questions and her grief, she is willing to do anything to find out what actually happened to her best friend and who is responsible.... but the answer is never simple and she’ll have to rely on the one person she hates the most, her academic nemesis who broke her heart to help her. Hannah and Sophie are cousins and best friends, but one day Sophie dies from an overdose in their junior year and now Hannah is drowning in grief and left with the question of : who gave Sophie those pills? Hannah will do anything to get the answer, even if it means transferring to her cousin’s elite school, pretending to be someone else, and investigating all the students who are suspects. To top it off she finds herself partnering up with the one person she least expect, her academic rival and boy who broke her heart, Christian. She just can’t seem to shake him and he is determined to not only get under her skin but to get her to see that their rivalry isn’t so much about being enemies but the fact that he might have been in love with her the entire time. Hannah is dealing with so much, but can she find the answer or will she destroy herself in the process? This was a really interesting read, it goes back and forth between Hannah’s junior year dealing with the grief of losing Sophie and coming up with the plan and her senior year, her investigation and current progress. I also liked the relationship between Hannah and Christian, they’re academic rivals but also friends who feel for each other (plus I am always a huge fan of academic rivals to lovers trope). The grief and pain Hannah was dealing with was so realistic, the need for answers and the obsession with finding out who was responsible was very well done. The overall mystery felt realistic and I honestly had a great time reading this one.

*Thanks Netgalley and Bloomsbury USA Children's Books, Bloomsbury YA for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

Holy moly! This is book is a lot. But a good a lot. I was so hooked and so confused from the get go. However, that just makes the reader even more invested in Sophie’s journey to figure out who was responsible for giving her cousin the drugs that killed her. It’s a brilliantly, messy story.