I read some of this and it is great, but I had to stop reading because it was making me too sad. I have recommended it to others though, and they were so grateful to know about this book. Shoutout to Prachi for writing her story.

I winced several times while reading this memoir, alternating from feeling heartbroken, then aghast, then proud of Gupta for demonstrating such bravery in telling her story. The emotional and at times, physical abuse she, her brother and mother suffered at the hands of her father was shielded by the community’s pressure to excel only in certain academic subjects, follow patriarchal norms and keep up appearances at all costs. Gupta has a natural inclination for creativity and writing, which disappoints her parents but turns out to be her biggest asset. Though painful for her, she gradually gains the resources and courage to separate from her family, as she matures and gains confidence to follow her own heart and her own destiny. Most painful is the story of her brother, but I won’t spoil it here. Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher, Crown Publishing, for the opportunity to read Gupta’s story.

Such beautiful writing for a heartbreaking story. There’s a lot to digest here and I’m going to be thinking about this haunting memoir for a while.

An almost too-personal memoir about what it's like growing up in an Indian-American family, dealing with sexism, racism and unrealistic family expectations. A hard book to read, but a harder life to live through. Thank you Netgalley and Crown for the ARC.

They Called Us Exceptional
And Other Lies That Raised Us
by Prachi Gupta

They Called Us Exceptional And Other Lies That Raised Us is a memoir written by Gupta as an Indian American raised by immigrant parents trying to live the American Dream but continues to be oppressed by the ties that tether her to her culture. I felt that the author did a good job presenting her story that I feel she must absolutely write for herself, her mother, and for anyone going through the struggles of breaking free from the mold and expectations by lifelong traditions and trauma.

I found this book to be very interesting and intriguing. I would recommend this a friend because this is a book for everyone. I really enjoyed emerging myself into this book and it was just wonderful.

I find memoirs quite difficult to review as these are obviously very personal and quite often painful stories for the author to write.
This book is about the relationship of Prachi with her immediate and extended family. Prachi is born in America of two Indian parents. Her father was born in Canada of Indian immigrant parents, and her mother immigrated from India as the result of this arranged marriage. Prachi's father is very domineering and appears to isolate his wife ensuring that she is totally dependent on him for income, company and security. Because of this she is something of a shadow character in the book, however, Prachi appears to be telling the story for her mother to heal a rift that is very much caused by her father and his need for absolute control.
The discomfort in reading the book is that it falls somewhere between feeling like you are reading someone's personal diary and sitting in another person's therapy session. I can understand that this book will be very appealing and helpful to women who find themselves or their family members in a similar situation.
The narrative is quite harrowing in parts but in others somewhat repetitive, revisiting incidents and situations. It was easy for the story to get lost in some of these details.
The author has written a lot of pain into the words and pages of this book which is still quite unresolved and that also added to the discomfort, but that is the reality and cannot be changed. I hope that one day she finds peace and is able to reconnect to the central people in her life.
Thank you Crown Press and Netgally for the opportunity to read this digital ARC.

DNF @35%

If I had really looked into what this book was about, I would not have accepted the invitation to read/review it; I am very much NOT the target audience for this book and I have found, because I am not Indian/Asian, I will not be able to review this appropriately [which is weird for me as I have read many Indian/Asian books and have never had the issues I have had with this book], so I have decided to DNF and move on.

I thank the publisher, Crown Publishing, and the author Prachi Gupta for the opportunity to read this ARC and all opinions stated are exclusively mine.

"They Called Us Exceptional" by Prachi Gupta is the account of the author's life from the time she was a small child to the present day with a focus on being an Indian American raised by success-seeking immigrant parents. Throughout the book, and her life, Gupta aims to meet the many demands placed on her, but she continues to be tethered to the people who cause her the most harm, which holds her back again and again. Gupta longs for the acceptance of her parents, who hold her and her brother to the highest standards but ceaselessly beat her down. Her parents treatment of her is shaped by Indian culture and their desire to have a family who achieves the American dream in combination with decades of untreated mental illness. Decades of abuse and mental illness wear down all members of the Gupta clan, and Prachi must disentangle herself from the people to whom she wants the closest bond. Also, the book serves as a sort of series of diary entries to her mother, someone she loves and for whom she feels sorrow but ultimately never protects Prachi, or even herself.

𝙏𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙟𝙚𝙘𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙞𝙢𝙖𝙜𝙚 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚𝙡𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙡𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙.

Prachi Gupta gives us a raw, unflinching look at how growing up with the pressures of the American Dream were toxic under her Indian American culture, with a father pushing myths that demanded perfection and achievement above all else. Her father is a doctor with a ‘war-time personality’, famous for his wrath if he encounters any resistance from his children or docile wife. His formula for success involves endless hours of study, structure, self-improvement, there isn’t time for play or reading books at leisure. There is always something to learn, if Prachi and her brother Yush have any hope for success, they must soar academically and at the same time respect their heritage and never challenge their Papa. But Prachi is born to resist, to expand instead of shrinking, and for a time, her mother protects her children from their Papa’s impossible standards. Over time, that too changes. If at first Prachi admires her father’s success, intelligence, accomplishments, he poisons it with his irrational rage and unrealistic demands.

It is a hard read, her mother is bullied into submission, hounded daily and disrespected, made to feel stupid. Even moments of happiness hinge on their father’s moods, “𝐴𝑛𝑦 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑓𝑙𝑖𝑝 𝑖𝑛 𝑎 𝑚𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡.” Living like that is torture, it makes children hypervigilant and it’s a miracle Prachi and Yush were able to succeed in school at all. Fitting into white suburbia, making it look painless, is a battle, and a lie Prachi and Yush were forced to live. Her mother was someone different before her fateful marriage to their father, and Prachi often feels robbed of her mother’s rich history, having given up an entire country and family to make her life in the West. It is heartbreaking to read about her life in India, where she was protected, cherished before she fell under control of her husband. Prachi has deep love in her heart for her mother, but it is bitter too, with the betrayals. The passages directed at her mother made me want to cry.

Assimilation molded her family members differently, and Prachi tries to understand her father’s wrath and her mother’s obedience. Prachi navigates the past, the wounds, the crack in her family’s facade, to understand the estrangement between them. Race cannot be left out of the formula; it has snapped at Prachi’s heels even at school. Eventually moving to a wealthier neighborhood, enrolled in private school, she met other South Asian kids and thrived, but there was always a cost. Outside they were the perfect family, but behind closed doors her father behaved more like a king, her mother his servant, it took a toll on Prachi’s relationship with her mother, leaving her stewing in anger and shame, tainting her understanding of womanhood. There is no denying the West pushes myths about Asian Culture, that they never struggle financially and are born to thrive academically, it denies the hard work and sacrifices they make. In fact, this book highlights the struggles and the ignorance such myths perpetuate. The pressure Prachi and her brother Yush were under throughout their formidable years and beyond is eye opening. They lived in fear of their father’s disappointment and anger, wrestling with their love for and resentment of him.

As the years pass, Prachi refuses to play her ‘assigned role’ within the family, which places her directly in her Papa’s line of fire. She remains driven to succeed in life, but it won’t come easy, and she must decide what her dreams truly are, without it being determined for her. The rift between she and her parents often includes her brother Yush, who for all his genius has emotional struggles he has kept hidden. For this high-achieving American Indian family, ambition may well be its destruction. If they could have allowed for stumbling and ‘failure’ maybe they could have prevented what was to come.

It’s always difficult to review memoirs and biographies because they are non-fiction, a spilling of the heart and soul. I can’t imagine how vulnerable sharing these revelations must have made Prachi feel, but my wish for Prachi is that it was a cathartic experience. I could feel the anger and hurt through her words, and the stunning grief. This is an important read that reveals hidden aspects of cultural myths, immigration, assimilation, and the heavy cross children of immigrants often bear, particular those painted with the brush of ‘high achievers’. This memoir is not easy to classify and I imagine a reading group would have much to discuss. Yes, read it!

Publication Date: August 22, 2023 Available Now

Crown Publishing

Family, culture, and pressure to succeed take place in this memoir about an Indian-American woman who grows into adulthood trying to understand what makes her family different. Written as a tribute to her mother, Gupta distances herself from her family and Indian community, trying to live her life on her own and "stand on her own two feet," but is continually manipulated by her father who ultimately is the central figure in so much dysfunction

The author philosophizes throughout her memoir about her father's volatile and controlling personality, what caused it, how it affected herself, her mother, and her brother, and how they each tried to deal with it in their own way. This memoir is about a family consumed by turmoil because they were under pressure to excel and be exceptional in every way. It is an interesting cultural read that is heartwrenching in many ways.

"They Called Us Exceptional" by Prachi Gupta is a profoundly moving and illuminating memoir that exposes the fractures within the seemingly perfect façade of the model minority myth. Gupta bravely peels back the layers of her own Indian American family's life, revealing the hidden struggles, dissonance, and emotional toll that the myth of exceptionalism can exact. With unflinching honesty, Gupta weaves her personal narrative with insightful reflections on identity, culture, and mental health, showing how the pressure to conform to societal expectations can silently erode one's sense of self. Through her intimate conversations with her mother, Gupta unravels the complexities of their shared experiences and delves into the tension between living up to societal standards and seeking authenticity. This powerful memoir transcends personal boundaries to challenge prevailing stereotypes and inspire a profound reevaluation of what it truly means to belong and connect in a complex world. "They Called Us Exceptional" is an essential read that will leave a lasting impact on its readers.

The author reveals her very painful, traumatic, and tumultuous childhood and relationship with her parents.
The narrative is like she’s in a long conversation directed at her mother. It wasn’t my favorite style to read.
It’s not an easy book to digest since both of her parents are emotionally volatile.
I couldn’t believe what I read about her brother toward the end of the book.
I hope Gupta found solace.

The Called Us Exceptional follows Prachi Gupta and her family through how they (outwardly) fit into the American dream as well as the trauma that comes in behind the scenes. Gupta is very raw and honest when it comes to fighting back against her abusive father, breaking cycles of abuse/trauma, mental health, and unpacking internalized model minority myth. One thing I really found interesting is that this book strays from typical memoirs by addressing her mother throughout. Prachi, I hope your mom reads this one day.

Thanks to netgalley and Crown for an e-arc in exchange for an honest review.

Thank you NetGalley for an advanced copy of THEY CALLED US EXCEPTIONAL by Prachi Gupta. I appreciated learning about Gupta's point of view on the model minority myth for Indian Americans and how trying to meet that exceptional, impossible standard quite possibly tore her family apart. Reading about her father's abuse and the way it influenced her brother as he grew up and how it pushed her away from her family was horrible and eye-opening. At times, the book was a bit slow for me, but overall I though it was an important story that we all need to learn from to be more aware of the effects of racism and stereotypes, even ones that seem positive.

Thanks Netgalley for allowing me to read this book. Prachi tells story about being an Indian American. How to live with your Indian values in America. Hiw hard it was going to grade school. This book touched on mental illness which is frowned upon in many cultures. This book was book was both open and honest in its writing.

I’d like to thank the author for her courage in being vulnerable and sharing her journey to raise awareness and inspire others in her journey towards healing. I can relate to parts of her story, there is an undercurrent of collectivism in most Asian cultures, where there is a pressure to defer to authority. Her story is raw and deep, exposing the dysfunction that goes on behind closed doors. It depicts the struggle of a person who has been exposed to both individualistic culture and collectivistic culture, her emerging individuality squashed, stifled and suppressed by the collectivist culture of her family. Beyond cultures, there are some personality trait disorders that were being explored as well, the interaction and expression of these traits in the prevailing culture. It is a very well written and engaging read.