It’s hard to express the love of a book, those that conjure up the darker side of humanity, without feeling a since of guilt as I bear witness to the depravity of man, woman, and in one story an actual bear, towards others as a means of entertainment.

However, as one who is interested in the inner workings of the criminal mind, the quiet subtle, and at times darker side of society . . .

Sorry Not Sorry—I Love Joe R. Lansdale’s Collection, THINGS GET UGLY: THE BEST CRIME STORIES!

I hope you enjoy the nineteen crime stories within, the following are my favorites:

‘The Steel Valentine’ — That Was Good!

Even before Morley told him, Dennis knew things were about to get ugly. A man did not club you unconscious, bring you to his estate, and tie you to a chair in an empty storage shed out back of the place if he merely intended to give you a valentine.

‘Driving to Geronimo’s Grave’ – Love this one, love Terri—she is my favorite kind of smart-*ss who takes after her Ma . . .

‘“Uncle Smat’s dead?” I said.’

‘“We wouldn’t want to bury him otherwise,” Mama said, “though it took a lot longer for him to get dead than I would have figured, way he honky-tonked and fooled around with disreputable folks. Someone knifed him. Stuck him like a pig at one of them drinking places, I figure.”’

‘Mr. Bear’ – HAHAHAHA – Creepy Good! Who’da thunk, that’s how Smokey rolls?....

“For a moment Jim thought the bear had gone to sleep, but no, the bear spoke again. “Now that we’ve got that out of the way, you want to talk, we can talk. Don’t want to, don’t have to, but we can talk, just don’t want to talk about the job and me and the television ads, all that sh*t.”

‘“You know what I’d like to talk about?”’

‘“What’s that?”’

‘“Poontang.”’

‘Six Finger Jack’ – That Was Good!

“Jack had six fingers. That’s how Big O, that big, fat, white, straw-hatted son-of-a-bitch, was supposed to know he was dead. . . . So he put the word out whoever killed Jack and cut off his paw and brought it back was gonna get one hundred thousand dollars and a lot of goodwill.”

‘The Shadows, Kith and Kin’– That Was Very Dark! Pun may or may not be intended *winks*

“The wind howls and the night is bright and the shadows twist and the moon gives them light to dance by. They are many and they are one, and I am almost one of them.”

‘The Ears’– That Was Creepy Good!

‘Santa at the Café’ – Love This One!

‘I Tell You It’s Love’ – Good! H*lla Creepy, But Good!

‘Dead Sister’ – That Was Creepy Good!

‘Booty and the Beast’ – That Was Good, Love The Ending!

‘Billie Sue’ – HAHAHAHAHA—Love The Ending!

‘The Phone Woman” – All Kinds Of Creepy!

“Dirt Devils’ – That Was Good!

‘Drive in Date’ – Dark And All Kinds Of Creepy

‘Rainy Weather’ – That Was Good!

‘Incident On and Off a Mountain Road’ — That Was Creepy Good—Love The Ending!

‘The Projectionist’ – Love This One!

Thank you, NetGalley and Bizarre Hands LLC (Tachyon Publications LLC), for providing me with an eBook of THINGS GET UGLY: THE BEST CRIME STORIES at the request of an honest review.

I received an eARC of this title from the publisher through NetGalley...

Joe R. Lansdale knows how to craft a story, with an instinctive grasp of character development. His language is such that he connects with readers and makes the task of reading an enjoyable escape.

While all of the stories in this book fall into the "crime" category, this is a very loose grouping. There is such a mixed bag of offerings here, from the noir to the really freaking weird. As with most collections, some stories hit with me better than others, but there really aren't any duds here.

THINGS GET UGLY: THE BEST CRIME STORIES OF JOE R. LANDSDALE is (obviously) a collection of short stories by @joerlansdale and I don't think I have ever had such a roller coaster of a ride in a book of short stories. I either LOVED these or I couldn't get through them. Every single one I didn't like was because it was my own personal trigger/boundary lines and if there is one thing I have heard about Mr. Landsdale's work is that there really isn't anywhere off limits for his twistedly scary imagination. If you choose to go into this one, definitely read with care.

I haven't delved too far into splatterpunk but this collection has made me realize I need to read more of this author's work. He writes characters on the dark edge of humanity, normally up to no good or otherwise getting into trouble in a very believable and skin-crawling way; swindlers, con men, heists and capers, serial killers, rouges, brutes, and even just everyday misogynists (and worse), he will make you feel the grit, the desperation, the scheming, the brutality. His storytelling is heavy with clever and even comical dialogue between memorable characters doing chaotic things. What is not to love?

Here are my most favorite titles from this collection:

🔪 THE STEEL VALENTINE
🪓DRIVING TO GERONIMO'S GRAVE (Terri is such a spicy meatball!)
🔪MR. BEAR
🪓SANTA AT THE CAFE (2nd fave)
🔪BILLIE SUE
🪓DIRT DEVILS
🔪INCIDENT ON AND OFF A MOUNTAIN ROAD (1st fave)

Thank you to the author, @netgalley and the publisher @tachyonpub for the e-ARC.

I am not sure how I have never read anything by this author, but now that I have gotten a taste of his writing, there will be no turning back now!

I am generally not a crime story type of reader, but these short stories provide a twisted look at what could potentially happen if you let your imagination run wild. Take, for example, the story about a certain bear that many of us might remember from television commercials way back in the day to help prevent forest fires. Now take that same bear, and insert him into society as you would a human with a twisted sense of morality. The end result just might be this story.

I really enjoyed reading how he came up with the ideas for the stories. It gave me a sense of his thought process, but I by no means totally understand it! Writers are unique, and the stories they create will entertain or haunt us long after they are done.

The title of this book is also very appropriate because things do get ugly in most of the tales. However, you might uncover some witty moments that might surprise you. I remember chuckling through a few of the stories, surprised at the humor that was included. But sometimes, all you can do is laugh.

Each story is unique and varies in length. There is a warning from the author that if you are a sensitive reader, you might want to skip this book. I might agree. While none of the stories bothered me, I can see where it might bother some. But if you are open and not squeamish, you just might enjoy these tales.

We enjoyed this book and gave it 5 paws up.

Magnificent as usual! I didn't read it, I simply devoured it twice since August! Mr Lansdale just gets under your skin and then it's very very difficult to walk away from his genius...It's raw, it's juicy and it's simply mind-blowing! I would probably consider swimming across the Atlantic from overhere in Western Europe to get anything published by Joe! He is one of the best wordsmiths at work in the English-speaking World nowadays! Long live my Joe!

A collection of short stories by Joe. Lansdale. If you have read any of his work then you are familiar with his work. Most of the stories follow along those same lines. I enjoyed most there were two that I did not care for but I am sure everyone has their own opinions. Berofr each story he gives a little history about it. The about Santa really stood out for me with the way he writes. Good book all the way around.

THINGS GET UGLY is an enjoyable collection of Joe R. Lansdale's crime fiction that deserves a place on longtime fan's shelves.

A collection of gritty, raw short stories, Things Get Ugly: The best Crime Fiction of Joe R. Lansdale features some of his favorite tales. Full of plot twists and seriously demented characters, this is a horror crime fan's treasure chest. When many people turn away from news stories telling of unfathomable acts, Joe Lansdale looks straight into the eyes of the criminal, enters their mind, and paints for his readers a picture of the workings he sees there. What he sees is fascinating and terrifying.

Lansdale is an incredible storyteller, capable of taking the most mundane topic, the most flimsy cue, and turning it into a story that one wishes would never end. The short stories in this collection, almost all of which have been rescued from various anthologies and magazines, and thus already published in the past, are all crime stories in various ways, and have one thing in common: the events are at first simple, almost boring, everyday affairs, and then, as the title says, 'things get ugly', sometimes in a surreal way. As in all collections, something is above average, something is below average, but the overall level is stratospheric.

OK, so here we go. I am so sorry, I don´t want to write anything bad about the book, it just wasn't my cup of tea. Don't get me wrong, I do like to read about crime, but somehow I wasn't engaged at all.

I don't think it's a bad book, it just wasn't a match.

I've read all the Lansdale work I could get my hands on and this collection is a pretty good one. Lansdale is able to mix humor and bumbling characters in fun to read whodunits. Personally, I think Lansdale works better in long form, as the characters can ring a little thin in these shorter tales. But there were only two in the collection I wouldn't want to read again. For long time readers who haven't read the collections these come from its a just read. If you're a new fan, I'd check out one of his other collections first (but you'll probably end up addicted and coming back to this one anyway).

After reading these short stories by author Joe R. Lansdale, one thing became crystal clear: Joe R. Lansdale writes what Joe R. Lansdale wants to write. That may seem an odd thing to say, but between the words I’m telling you that this author makes no pretense of being “politically correct” with his stories.

Admittedly, this is my first experience with Joe R. Lansdale, and I think the title of this anthology—Things Get Ugly—says it all. I imagine that Lansdale’s fans accept this kind of writing from him. Those that don’t accept it—well, it’s their loss in my opinion.

Someone once said that it takes much longer to write a short letter than to write a long letter. I agree with this. However, I don’t think that fully applies to short stories and novels. But I definitely think that being a great short story writer takes a skillset beyond that used by average novelists. There is much less time for character development, less time to immerse a reader in a scene, and good pacing becomes something much harder to achieve.

I’m sure this is likely true of his other anthologies, but Things Get Ugly is a masterclass on short story writing. The story Dead Sister, for example, has some wonderful pacing. It’s a classic gumshoe tale with a supernatural twist. The author gets to the climax somewhat quickly, but then he prolongs that climax with the addition of a small disaster.

Santa at the Café is another great story! What I enjoyed the most was the number of plot twists that the author could squeeze into it.

I previously mentioned that this author does not worry about being politically correct, nor does he seem to worry about offending his readers. As I said, if you’re a fan, you accept this. For example, in one story two men are sent to beat up a grade school girl to teach a lesson to the girl’s father. Another story has a young man and his younger sister hauling the two-week-old corpse of their uncle in the back seat of their car during a Texas summer. (The description the author uses in that story is pretty ripe, I’ll tell you!) Another story touches on necrophilia.

Before each story, the author has a little blurb about how he came to write the following story. Maybe this is meant to show that some of the “subject matter” of the stories actually had some meaning to them. (That’s just a guess.)

I think my favorite story is Mr. Bear. In this story, there is a bear. But this bear is somewhat of a celebrity, and he walks and talks and does pretty much everything a human does, including having sex with humans. It turns out that the bear is somewhat despicable. I can understand how a story like this can ruffle some feathers (or fur, as the case may be), but I just tell myself that it’s only a story. Complete fiction—obviously. Some of the things they do in cartoons are also somewhat despicable if you take them out of context.

These short stories may not be fully enjoyed by everyone, but if you’re game to give this book a read and you have the thick skin to accept the innards at face value, I can say without any hesitation that you’ll enjoy it!

This is a collection of short stories that provide the seediest, darkest, most grotesque personalities and actions I've read in a while. Reader beware! This book absolutely delivers on its name. It's a fun time as long as that's acknowledged from the start. This book isn't for the faint of heart. It's definitely thrilling, at times cringey, and always full of bizarre novelties - some of which are very entertaining.

The most narrowing thing about this collection is its form; most patrons are inclined to read novels. But man, if you're looking for a book of crime short stories, you're not going to find much better than this. Lansdale is a legend in the genre, and the collection, while not exclusively his his best known work, is carefully chosen and paints a real picture and mood. I found it an absolute delight to read, and it's been a great gateway to leading library patrons back to Lansdale's novels -- in particular, Donut Legion, which came out earlier this year.

Definitely worth adding to public library collections.

This is not a book for the faint of heart or stomach for that matter, the level of violence in some of these stories and the graphic descriptions could be off-putting for some. That said, these are all very well written and very good stories, considering they are short stories, the characters are developed very well. The author includes a blurb at the start of each story describing how he was inspired to write it, very interesting on its own. A couple of my favorites were 'The Steel Valentine' - a man takes his anger out on the man who was having an affair with his wife, didn't end the way he expected, 'Driving to Geronimo's Grave' - I especially liked the young girl in this story, she's quite the spark. A couple that I found more disturbing 'Boys will be Boys' - this two boys are the ones you never want to cross, 'Mr Bear' - this one was a little out there for me, the Bear is a riff on Smoky the Bear, but he's a real badass in this story. I would highly recommend this collection as long as you are not easily offended. Thanks to #Netgalley and #Tachyon Publications for the ARC.

If you enjoy crime with bits of horror tossed in, dive right into Things Get Ugly. I can not say if it is the best crime fiction written by Joe R. Lansdale since I have not read all of his fiction, but it is a mixed bag of short and longer pieces covering all phases of crime. There are murder tales, twisted tales, and horror of several flavors mixed into the crime tales. My favorite stories were "Driving to Geronimo's Grave," "Santa at the Cafe," and "The Projectionist" (which I had read in the Lawrence Block anthology). "Incident On and Off a Mountain Road" has a very interesting twist ending that makes it memorable. A nice feature of a Lansdale story collection is the intro he provides. If you enjoy Lansdale, pick up this volume and enjoy!

Thanks Netgalley for the chance to read this title!

Thank you to the author, Tachyon Publications and NetGalley, for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

The title got me interested, and I whipped through this collection of very short to shortish crime fiction from a much-decorated (but unknown to me until now) author. Dark, definitely ugly, some very nasty characters and some very disturbing, raw violence - and now I know why the author has received pretty much every award going. As with all collections, some stories appealed more to me than others, some I read and breathed a sigh of satisfaction, others I was glued to the page with incredulous horror. There aren't really any heros here, just degrees of ugly - but so readable.

There’s a reason that Joe Lansdale is considered one of the top writers of mystery, suspense, and horror working today. That’s because he’s one heck of a storyteller.

You don’t have to like the horror genre, or the explicit gore that often pops up in his suspense, to appreciate the scope of his talent. In fact, I’m a reader who doesn’t particularly care for horror or graphic violence, but I can recognize, and appreciate, craft that is used so well, and I’ve enjoyed several of Lansdale’s books before this one.

Lansdale doesn’t pull away from tough stuff. Not human depravity. Not graphic violence. Not graphic sex. But he presents that to the reader in stories that pull you in, along with characters not easily forgotten. Then there are the descriptions that rise so far above the ordinary. A good example is this from the story Rainy Day. “The man shook the cigarette out, lit it and puffed. Smoke went up and over the man’s head and sucked out the window, as if it were in a hurry and had some important place to go.”

The first book of Lansdale’s that I read was The Bottoms, and I could see why it won The Edgar. It’s still one of my favorites. I’ll admit that I haven’t read all of his books as I don’t enjoy the ones that focus heavily on horror elements, but I could never fault the writing. His novels and short stories run a gamut of topics and styles and it’s always a pleasure to dig into one to see what’s in the offing. Lansdale can write in almost any genre and pull it off.

Every story in Things Get Ugly has some kind of twist, or two, and Santa in the Cafe had so many I felt like a pretzel after reading it. Never saw the surprise at the ending coming, but I should have, knowing how Lansdale likes to toss in a zinger just when you think the story is over. That was one of my favorites in this collection.

I also really enjoyed Driving to Geronimo’s Grave, a story that has two young kids driving a dilapidated old car to Oklahoma to pick up Uncle Smat’s dead body that is currently residing in a hen house. Set in the Depression Era, the time and place were an integral part of the story, and it was laced with humor that had me chuckling. That mix of sardonic wit and dipping into the dark side of humanity is a specialty of Lansdale’s.

Driving to Geronimo’s Grave wasn’t so much a horror story as a suspense, and maybe that’s why I liked it best of all the stories in this collection. If you’ve yet to give his books a try, I highly recommend starting with this one. Then maybe picking up The Bottoms and work your way down his list of published work.

There is absolutely nothing I can say or write that could compare to what Mr. Lansdale’s own peers have already raved about. I’m a reader not a writer, suffice it to say I adore the author’s vast collection of stories. I watched the Hap and Leonard series – unbeatable characters. He’s from my home state and portrays the nuances of its people and places like no one else. The forward by S. A. Crosby says everything far more eloquently than I could.
I rarely read short stories but, as gritty and disturbingly dark this collection of hard-boiled fiction is, I was glad to take a break between chapter. I could only read in small spurts, it was miles beyond my usual comfort zone. I did have a favorite in Geronimo’s character.
Thanks to NetGalley, Joe R. Lansdale and Tachyon Publications for the digital advance reader copy of “Things Get Ugly: Best Crime Stories”. These are all my own personal, honest thoughts and opinions given voluntarily without compensation.

Things tend to get ugly when Joe Lansdale is involved. And dark, too. Sometimes brutally dark. But Joe, to his credit, also tends to bring about some good times – depending on one’s perspective.

Things Get Ugly is subtitled as he Best Crime Stories of Joe R. Lansdale and is an assorted collection of hits; some misfires too. Again, it’s all about perspective and Joe delivers some honest storytelling set to the poetic beat of his Texas cadence. His writing is biting and compelling. Things Get Ugly makes for a great read. Even on a sunny day.

Writing short stories is a distinct artform and Lansdale is a master craftsman. Where his skill particularly excels is with his opening sentences. They perfectly set the tone and immediately captivate the reader into following. And Joe’s Pied Piper will take you down some unfortunate alleys, too. But away you most certainly go. And the trip is fun.

Highlights within include:

The Steel Valentine – An adulterer tries to escape capture and torture from his lover’s husband. And their dogs. Woof.

Driving to Geronimo’s Grave – A coming-of-age type story set in the Dust Bowl Depression where two siblings run into trouble while trying to bury their uncle. An overly ripe uncle at that.

Six-Finger Jack – An assassin makes his mark. Now he just wants his payday. Is that so bad?

Santa at the Cafe – A department store Santa becomes involved in a late-night stick up. Ho-ho oh-no.

Incident On and Off a Mountain Road – A woman with a basic understanding of survivalism becomes hunted on a mountain road by a serial killer straight out of an eighties horror movie. Sharp knives included.

The Projectionist – Being a movie theater projectionist back in the days of those grand, single-screen houses was probably the safest job around. Right? Wrong.

Lansdale takes chances within the crime fiction genre. He will break new ground, even if that’s only used for a grave. The stories about the serial killers taking their prey to the drive-in movies; one about two rather nasty teens and their mutual attractions; and oh yeah, the high-flying, low-talking Mr. Bear did not carry the same resonance as other chapters. Sometimes the dark and dirty gets downright filthy.

Then again, the book is called Things Get Ugly after all.


Muchas gracias to NetGalley and Tachyon Publications for one ugly read.