This is a very deep, intellectual read. Deming tells of six people from history in different fields and tells of their lives, their back stories, their longings and loneliness. I especially loved the sections on Rod Sterling and the artist Schiele (how did I never know of him, and oh my goodness what a tragic story). Some of what I learned about all these people was so fascinating and heartbreaking, and I found myself repeatedly reading sections to my 25 year old as we’re staying with family friends in Nebraska together this week. This is a very heavy read but parts of it will stay with me, probably forever. As someone who reads hundreds of books a year, that is saying something.

I read a digital ARC of this book for review.

"The Exquisite Loneliness" presents a nuanced portrait of several lived-experiences of grief, loneliness, and solitude. Philosophical, memoir, and primary research techniques are utilized to examine the scope of author Richard Deming's lifelong exploration of loneliness.

Through a historical lens Deming revisits the research and creative works of Melanie Klein, Zora Neale Hurston, Egon Schiele, Rod Serling, Walter Benjamin, and Walker Evans. Sifting through the sands of their lives, Deming links poignant emotional and sociocultural moments to his primary theme of loneliness, while highlighting a necessary solitude for honing great art.

The addition of Patton Oswalt as the introductory author is spot on. His own experience with grief, as well as his comedic and acting careers--both rife with loneliness, disconnect, and addiction, lend credence and levity to Deming's exquisite argument.

Thank you to PenguinViking, Richard Deming, and NetGalley for the eARC.

Loneliness is a universal experience, of course. I enjoyed this meditation on the connection between loneliness and creativity, as I am intrigued by the connection of creativity with emotions and traits that we normally consider negative, such as boredom and neuroticism. Focusing on six individuals and their singular experiences was an effective way to explore these ideas.

"I believe we must reinvent loneliness in order to survive it."

The author begins with this rather contemplative premise. Of course, everyone has experienced loneliness. So how do we survive it?

According to the author, "exquisite loneliness" is "emotional awareness sharpened by the pain of feeling excluded or isolated."

And by understanding that feeling, we come to understand ourselves and what we need in order to survive. Beyond that, the author attempts to point us toward what living beyond and through loneliness can inspire, especially after his own experiences after COVID.

Deming draws from many sources for inspiration and insight, and though the book is well-crafted and thoughtfully written, it didn't really resonate with me.

The conclusion is actually the best section of the book. So many moments of truth and illuminated thought here. I certainly appreciated the author's choice of Thoreau & Emerson as reading companions, as well as his ascetic cabin sojourn.

The author of This Exquisite Loneliness has been through some extraordinarily difficult times, and he is not afraid to share those times with the reader. He comes at the questions of loneliness and isolation by working backward from his own and others’ life-threatening addictions.

The question Deming is writing about is not “How can I get rid of my loneliness?” Rather, it’s more along the lines of “What can I do with my loneliness?” or maybe, “How can I use my loneliness?” He starts from the premise that to be human entails a certain amount of loneliness because it entails a certain amount of separateness.

Though he quotes many authors and uses other people’s stories, this is essentially his own story. There are no easy answers here, but the author present a heartfelt analysis through the lens of his own life.

I would be less than honest if I didn't acknowledge that I found myself drawn to Richard Deming's "This Exquisite Loneliness: What Loners, Outcasts, and the Misunderstood Can teach Us About Creativity" in the early weeks after having experienced a major cancer surgery that has left me acknowledging the dual realities of a dramatically changed physical being and also having the privilege of being defined as "cancer free."

I am in my three-bedroom home in Indianapolis, a home where I live alone and a home where I now work toward physical healing with a good majority of my hours spent alone. Having been a loner for a good majority of my life, solitude doesn't negatively impact me. In fact, it often fuels me. However, there are undeniable moments during this experience when I've acknowledged to my peers that I do, in fact, feel lonely.

And yet, I struggled early on to get into Deming's rather lyrical rhythm that practically defines "This Exquisite Loneliness." I struggled to understand where "This Exquisite Loneliness" was going and I struggled to surrender myself to the journey. Yet, there came this point, an Aha! moment of sorts, when everything began to click and I began to understand Deming's intimate yet intellectually satisfying exploration of what he refers to as "exquisite loneliness." Deming turns this literary lens inward throughout his writing here, however, he also focuses his lens on six groundbreaking figures to explore how these loners, outcasts, and misunderstood figures used loneliness in remarkable ways.

These figures include Melanie Klein, Zora Neale Hurston, Walter Benjamin, Walker Evans, Egon Schiele, and Rod Serling. My guess is that at least a couple of these names are easily familiar, though it's quite beautiful how Deming shares their works and also shares their lives in painting poetic and precise essays on exquisite loneliness and how it can serve as a fuel for intense creativity.

Presenting as meditative in spirit, "This Exquisite Loneliness" isn't likely a book for everyone but for those who embrace it this will be an exceptional and meaningful journey and one, I'd dare say, that fosters a sense of connectedness. Easily one of the more unique reading experiences I've had in 2023, I can also say that "This Exquisite Loneliness" is also one of the most meaningful.

Sometimes I feel lonely even though I'm surrounded by people. This book made me feel more connected to those feelings. Deming explores themes of loneliness and mental health. I found it unlike any other book I've read about the topic. I appreciated the multiple stories on the topic. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. Four stars.