Prepare to be captivated by Kim's latest work. Dive into this gorgeously crafted duo-timeline tale, What We Kept to Ourselves by Nancy Jooyoun Kim, and explore the threads that bind us across time and circumstance.

The story revolves around the Kim family, whose lives are forever altered by the mysterious disappearance of their mother, Sunny. In this timely and surprising novel, we get into themes that are right up my alley. We get into immigration, identity, love, and loss.

The narrative unfolds across two distinct timelines, 1977 and 1999. In 1999, the Kim family grapples with the aftermath of Sunny's vanishing. John Kim is 61 years young and is estranged from his grown children. He discovers a stranger's body in their backyard. Clutched in the stranger's hand is a letter addressed to Sunny, raising more questions about her past.

It’s 1977 and Sunny is pregnant, newly arrived in Los Angeles from Korea, and faces disillusionment. Her dreams of America collide with the harsh reality of loneliness and isolation. A chance encounter at a bus stop connects her fate with that of the stranger from the future.

As secrets unravel, the search for answers becomes a journey of self-discovery, migration, and the pursuit of home. Kim's writing is both riveting and emotionally resonant, capturing the complexities of family bonds and the weight of unspoken histories.

This is a powerful meditation on the human spirit, set against the backdrop of shifting identities and dreams in America. Whether you're drawn to mystery, historical fiction, or family sagas, this novel promises an unforgettable reading experience.

Thank you to NetGalley, Simon & Schuster Canada, and Atria Books for a temporary e-ARC in exchange for my honest review.

Unfortunately, I DNF'd this book. What We Kept to Ourselves is a slower paced book and I often found myself forgetting about it. I would put it down and weeks would go by before I picked it back up. I am very sad about because the topic is very interesting, but I couldn't get into it.

What We Kept to Ourselves is a heartwrenching story of a couple who escapes the war in Korea in the hopes of attaining the American Dream in Los Angeles. The story opened my eyes to the struggles of immigration, of leaving your homeland and your family behind in search of a better life, only to face more unexpected struggles. The author conveys very well the loneliness and alienation felt by the characters, the pain that chips away at your heart as your new country slowly strips away your culture and language. Even more difficult is the struggle of raising your own American-born children, of wanting them to be successful and to have the best life possible while protecting them from the struggles you’ve had to face yourself.


There are multiples timelines in the book, the present one also dealing with a mystererious death. While this part of the story added intrigue, I felt that it clashed with the rest of the timelines. One of the final chapters, when the mystery is resolved, especially didn’t fit well with the pace of the book, and I unfortunately felt that it took away from the story as a whole.

Read if you like:
👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Family stories
🗺 Cultural stories
📅 Multiple timelines

⚠️ Potential trigger warnings: PTSD/war trauma, strained family relationships, death of a loved one, abortion (may not be an exhaustive list)

🙏 Thank you NetGalley and Simon and Schuster Canada for the gifted electronic copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Title: What We Kept to Ourselves
Author: Nancy Jooyoun Kim
Genre: Fiction
Rating: 3.50
Pub Date: October 10, 2023

I received a complimentary eARC from Simon & Schuster Canada via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own. #Gifted #Ad

T H R E E • W O R D S

Intriguing • Digestible • Messy

📖 S Y N O P S I S

1999: The Kim family is struggling to move on after their mother, Sunny, vanished a year ago. Sixty-one-year-old John Kim feels more isolated from his grown children, Anastasia and Ronald, than ever before. But one evening, their fragile lives are further upended when John finds the body of a stranger in the backyard. The tragedy seems random until they learn that the dead man was carrying a letter to Sunny, sparking a desperate investigation into the stranger’s history and possible connections to her—only to reveal that someone has been watching them.

1977: Sunny is pregnant and has just moved to Los Angeles from Korea with her aloof and often-absent husband. America is not turning out the way she had dreamed it to be, and the loneliness and isolation are broken only by a fateful encounter at a bus stop. The unexpected connection spans the decades and echoes into the family’s lives in the present as they uncover devastating secrets that put not only everything they thought they knew about their mother but their very lives at risk.

💭 T H O U G H T S

I was initially drawn to What We Kept to Ourselves based on the dual timeline synopsis , so when the publisher reached out to see if I wanted an advanced copy, I agreed. I hadn't realized it was written by the author of The Last Story of Mina Lee until I had finished.

Nancy Jooyoun Kim delivers a complicated, multilayered family saga told in dual timelines and from multiple perspectives. The cast of characters were great, and I really couldn't figure out whether to love them or hate them. Each was bitter, troubled, and flawed in their own way, and I was drawn into their messy lives.

Behind the mystery of the dead man in the backyard and Sunny's disappearance, there is a narrative exploring the isolation of immigration, the American dream, the consequences of family secrets, and the search for belonging and identity. While I appreciated learning more about certain things, I definitely think it bogged now the main narrative at times. For this reason, the writing wasn't smooth, and made for a slow unravel.

What We Kept to Ourselves was a solid story, yet it lacked a bit when it comes to the execution. It quite possible it tried to do too much with one story. I have a feeling this will be a polarizing book.

📚 R E C O M M E N D • T O
• fans of the family saga
• bookclubs

⚠️ CW: infidelity, racism, racial slurs, pregnancy, abortion, death, death of parent, grief, abandonment, war, gun violence, mental illness, PTSD, injury/injury detail, blood, classism,

🔖 F A V O U R I T E • Q U O T E S

"Death was so much easier to explain. Death was the period at the end of a sentence. A disappearance was a question mark. You'd always be left waiting for a response."

"His kids were soft, hasn't gone through war like he has at thirteen, hadn't lost their family and home, too. They didn't know what it was like to climb over dead people, bodies bloated and rotten, or to steal from the dead because you never knew when you could get another pair of shoes. They never has to wear another man's socks, with another man's blood on them. They didn't know what that was like, that smell, all those bodies, the shit and urine, those maggots and flies. These American kids would never get it."

"It was so much easier to be angry at, to blame people we didn't know, wasn't it? Because being angry at people whom we knew intimately was like being angry at ourselves. We had some great stake in it."

"And maybe home was not the place where you thought I'm here. It was the place where you felt I've returned."

This is a family saga with an interesting premise: a family grieving their missing wife and mother who unexpectedly find a dead man in their yard, ans their quest to find out if these two events are connected. It is told from multiple points of view and hops between years and countries.

Unfortunately, I felt the pace of this book was a little too slow for my taste, and although I found myself initially drawn to some of the characters and settings, I found it hard to remember to pick this book back up once I paused my reading of it. There is immigrant and first generation representation of a Korean family, as well as discussions around racism in LA in the 1980-1990s, as well as sexual healthcare and queerness, but I have a feeling this one isn't going to stick with me very long despite ticking so many boxes.

Thanks to NetGalley and Simon & Schuster Canada for this read. I like the read but it was extremely slow for me and it felt like the book was going no where but it was alright just slow.

Mystery and family drama story.

Sunny and John Kim left Korea for America where their two children, Ann, and Ronald, were born. One day, Sunny unexpectedly disappeared. Her body was never found. A year after that incident, a dead man was found in Kim's backyard carrying a letter addressed to Sunny. His name was Ronald Jones. The same name as their son's. A few days later, Ronald's daughter, Rhonda, came to look for answers of her father's death. Ronald Jones was a war veteran, then he worked at the police station as a janitor, but later ended up homeless. The investigation revealed secrets and mystery behind both incidents.

The story is told in two timelines. The first timeline was told in perspective of Sunny and her struggles to live as an immigrant in America. She missed her family and couldn't find happiness in a new place. Until one day when she met Ronald. In this section, author nicely presented daily life of the immigrants in a new country and the beginning of marital problems.

The second timeline started when Ronald's body was found in the yard. It covered the investigation of Ronald's death and tied it to Sunny's disappearance. I didn't expect this book to be a mystery and I'm glad that author included chilling actions into this story.

This is the story of survival in a foreign country. It's a story of a family who lost their bond due to secrets and lack of communication. It was an interesting story that most readers will enjoy.

What We Kept to Ourselves is an unfurling mystery not only of a missing mother, but of the changes that overcome a family when secrets are kept and things are untold. When children turn into adults and realize that their parents are actually people with wishes and dreams, hopes and ideas.

This is a multi timeline story, showing us Sunny's life in 1977 as she has moved to America with her brand new husband and taking on a life that was more polished up in telling than was reality. She has many regrets and we learn of her struggles with being in a foreign country.

The other timeline is in 1999, when people were scared of the Y2K bug and the end of the world, Ana is a grown child and Ronald is starting to discover his own life and dreams. Both children are dealing with the grief of their missing mother when a the death of someone who may have answers occurs right in the family backyard.

This is a slower read but I think that the way the family dynamics and the untangling of the story is very well done.

Simmering, dramatic, and sensitive!

What We Kept to Ourselves is a tender, compelling tale that sweeps you away to Los Angeles between the 1970s and 1999 and into the lives of the Korean-American Kim family as they grapple with the disappearance of the matriarch one year ago, the sudden discovery of a dead man in their backyard in possession of a letter addressed to their missing mother, and all the wounds, secrets, tears, and hurt that seem to have swirled around them forever.

The prose is fluid and smooth. The characters are bitter, troubled, and flawed. And the plot, using flashbacks and a back-and-forth style, is a captivating tale about life, loss, heartache, guilt, love, secrets, revelations, acceptance, familial drama, friendship, hope, racism, misogyny, corruption, forgiveness, introspection, and generational trauma, all interlaced with a sliver of mystery.

Overall, What We Kept to Ourselves is a heartfelt, multilayered, timely tale by Nancy Jooyoun Kim that reminds us that families are complicated and messy, the choices we make often have far-reaching consequences, and secrets often find their way to the surface no matter how well they’re buried.

[arc review]
Thank you to Simon & Schuster Canada for providing an arc in exchange for an honest review.
What We Kept to Ourselves releases October 10, 2023

<i>“We need to survive, and yet surviving might be what is killing us.”</I>

Predominantly set in 1999, on the cusp of Y2K, we have a multi-pov family saga of a Korean immigrant family, blended with a mystery and an unexpected love story of sorts with some then/now backstory for character build up.

Nearing the one year anniversary of Sunny’s disappearance, John stumbles across a dead man in his backyard, who just so happens to be holding a letter addressed to Sunny, his missing wife.
As the story unfolds, we learn who this person meant to Sunny and how they first met, while watching both of their children (Rhonda, Ana, Ronald) piece together how everyone is connected and what secrets they left behind.

This was a well crafted story. From the children of immigrants who take on the role of being the translator, to the father with an American dream who’s doing his best, and the mother who longed for so much more and found herself stuck between a place of wanting to adapt and embrace change but also missing the comforts of home and her family.
The subtle nuances of being Asian — being reserved in this tepid and humble way, or using food as a love language; showing bravery in different ways (navigating a world not tailored for you, overcoming war struggles, etc.)

The “then” chapters were done really well and I was able to get a clear sense of who Sunny was and the types of things she was feeling and struggling with that the average person wouldn’t have picked up on at first glance.

The characters weren’t perfect, which brought dimension. Sometimes I wish there would have been more communication between John and Sunny, and that she didn’t up and ghost everyone, but at the same time it gave the story some grit and it was cool to see her have this epiphany moment as a woman.

Definitely a lot of little themes and things to dwell on pertaining to race, class, gender that are weaved throughout and are worth noticing if you take the time to peel back that surface layer.

A complex story that is beautifully written and maybe a little too long. A story of an immigrant family and the successes and losses of making it in a new country. I liked this, but found it had a complicated timeline.
A mystery/family drama mix.

What We Kept To Ourselves begins in 1999 when a body of a stranger is discovered in John Kim’s backyard, along with a note addressed to John’s missing wife, Sunny. The dual timeline then flips back to previous years, starting in 1977 as bits and pieces of the story are uncovered. The story is about love and secrets and similar to The Last Story of Mina Lee, there’s insight about the pressures and challenges Korean American immigrant families face. There’s also callback to historical events of that time, such as the 1992 Rodney King riots in Los Angeles, and the paranoia surrounding Y2K.

I personally loved all the descriptions of the food. I lived in Seoul many years ago, and so many of the dishes described- samgyeopsal, japchae, and the banchan side dishes made my mouth water. The scene where Ronald was trying recreate his mother’s recipes was so touching and heartbreaking.

Overall, the book was a bit of a slow burn, and at 400 pages, I think it could have moved along quicker had it been a little shorter. That being said, I’m glad I read it. Thank you @simonschusterca for my arc. It publishes October 10, 2023.

3.75 stars

Family secrets and the search for identity, scorched onto every page.
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How did the book make me feel/think?

“What We Kept to Ourselves” by Nancy Yooyoun Kim eloquently highlights the exploration of the American Dream, familial secrets, and the struggles of finding one’s identity in a complex and oft-times unforgiving world.

Kim scorches themes of family secrets onto every page and the search for identity.

I am the product of a dark family secret, being born into societal shame, leaving me with a lifetime of trying to cobble together the missing pieces of who I am. Because of this, “When We Kept to Ourselves” resonated deeply with me and will with anyone who has experienced the weight of a dark family secret. The notion of trying to piece together one’s identity when faced with such secrets is a poignant and relatable struggle for many individuals.

Kim also touches on the reality of a fracturing American Dream and the challenges faced by those seeking a better life in a new land while encountering resistance from those with long-held advantages, speaking to the broader social and cultural context in which the story is set. It underscores the idea that pursuing the American Dream is not always straightforward, and obstacles and prejudices can shape one’s journey.

Kim is a masterful storyteller who captures the complexities of navigating a new land and ever-changing life realities are a testament to her ability to create impactful narratives that will resonate with readers on a deep level.

WRITTEN: 10 September 2023

I absolutely loved this book!! I couldn’t put it down.
I just loved all the characters. I highly recommend this book.