This was not my favourite audiobook. It was a decent story and the narrator was ok but it wasn't my favourite. Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for giving me the chance to check this one out.

An honest and very open minded look at drug addiction, hitting rock bottom and moving towards a new life. The author explained how his addiction started, but how it continued even after several attempts at rehabilitation. A great read for anyone except those who may have addiction in any form in their lives. In these cases, perhaps it is not an advised reading.

Netgalley, thank you so much for giving me this book

#knockingsorrrzdown. #Carlos Vieira, #drugaddition, #netgalley

The synopsis hooked me: "Knockin' Doorz Down is the inspirational story of one man's heroic struggle against inner demons that nearly destroy him, though he ultimately recovers and finds a unique pathway to redemption and peace."

This spoke to me, as I actively seek to employ folks with felony convictions, and many of those have drug involved convictions and pasts. I regularly reach for stories of the lives others have led, because I have not ever been in this situation, although I do acknowledge that I have a personality that could easily go down that road. All that said, unfortunately, I found none of the synopsis to be true or valid in regard to this title.

First and foremost, this is a book about mental illness and extreme privilege. While Vieira claims to be from "working class potato farmers" he neglects to share that at the time most of his struggles are taking place, his dad is operating a billion dollar operation. A.V. Thomas Produce - which he name drops several times in the book - is the largest sweet potato and yam producer in California, and according to their site, they are the largest grower, packer, shipper in the US, Canada and Mexico. You'll see that come out clearer as the book progresses if you chose to read it, but the 'humble roots' take is just one of many ways the author is claiming to be a "victim of circumstance" that he doesn't seem to actually be (from everything I have seen after reading the book).

Vieira describes his life of luxury, multiple marriages, and brags about running the company so well that his dad gets 'jealous' and boots him from the sweet potato throne, causing Vieira to once again spiral into drugs because he's "bored" instead of getting the mental health help he needs to be a productive member of society and put all his privilege and claims of "genius" to use.

Never does he mention looking for coping strategies that are healthy or getting any sort of mental help. He says he loves the Scientology rehab, though, which is not only a whole different level of yikes, but also shows just how much financial backing he has. He name drops his families farm what felt like at least 15 times, with all his great ideas he's claiming as 100% his own with no help from anyone, and plugs his own brand several times. He seems to be uneducated about healthy ways to cope, and is continuing to double down on an unhealthy lifestyle that continues his cycle of mental illness.

Vieira mentions selling a very expensive car more than once to pay for drugs and going on month-long+ binges, being shot at, 'watching his own back', buying friends, etc. Never once does he seem to sit with the fact that his actions, regardless of the cause, put himself and those around him in serious danger. He seems to still think that he is immortal and incapable of being taken down or having anything actually bad happen that he can't buy himself out of.

I believe that his chain of mental illness begin with his dad based on what little was mentioned of him in the book. I do not believe that he has learned any real coping strategies, and his solution of "so then I started racing cars and making my own booze brand and selling merchandise" is a bandaid at the very best. I believe that it's a bit absurd to have this be marketed as a solution that is remotely in-touch with reality, and it's extremely offensive to folks who are actively struggling to overcome addiction and make positive changes in their lives.

To add insult to injury, he then speaks of a (barely noticeable) surgical scar on his nose as another terrible thing he's had to overcome, and uses it as a springboard to say if he can overcome a facial scar, then you can overcome anything!

I would not recommend this to anyone, and I'm a bit shocked it was ever pushed through to a published title, much less an audiobook. (That is not even read by the author!)

A much better option for a biography that covers struggles with both mental illness and drug addiction would be Nikki Sixx's book, The Heroin Diaries.

Thank you NetGalley and Deyan Audio for sending this book for review consideration. All opinions are my own.

A very personal story, and it is interesting to hear the way his brain was working (or maybe not working).
It was not always clear to me where the story was time wise, it jumped around a bit.

A great read for anyone who is dealing with or has dealt with addiction! It’s an eye opener for non-addicts as well and may help you understand what a loved one is going through. It’s always baffling to hear addiction stories and the doors people are to breakdown to heal and make their way to be sober!

Highly recommend

Certainly an intriguing, very personal look at a life of a rich, drug user. The author is very lucky to have had such a supportive and financially-stable family and their support.
The book starts in the middle of the "action" of the night and details of preparing and using drugs. He then goes back and tells his life story chronologically, but focusing mostly on the 13 years of his drug use. The last chapter and epilogue could have been shortened. I thought the end of the book was neigh several times before he'd launch into more recommendations for rehab, support, etc. There's also a minor section where he talks about the products his 5150 Company sells and the controversies around that.
The audiobook was well done and easy to listen to - a couple minor sound glitches.

⚠️ Content: extremely detailed descriptions of drug preparation and use (cocaine, meth, weed), alcohol use, violence, mental instability, abandonment, sex is briefly mentioned in passing

🏳️‍🌈 Representation: autobiography of his experiences, race and ethnicity are not discussed in the context of his story

🎁 Gift to: anyone interested in what the recovery process looks like for a person using drugs

✍🏼 *I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.*

A new and fresh train of thought! With my struggle with anxiety, I find it difficult to relax my mind. This is truly a blessing and gave me new tools to utilize. I prefer Not to think of it as “self help” but new motivation of self! I used several ideas and exercises for journaling and to quiet my mind. 10/10!!!

An honest and very open look at drug addiction, hitting rock bottom and moving towards a new life. Not only did the author explain how his addiction started, but how it continued even after multiple rehab attempts. A great read for anyone but repertory those who may have addiction in any form on their lives