Cover Image: It's Not Your Fault

It's Not Your Fault

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Member Reviews

I really enjoyed this book! It was a quick read and it didn’t feel like a regular self help book which sometimes feels a bit judgmental. But this one didn’t. I would recommend this book to my friends.

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NetGalley Review

Books on trauma and healing are always the Hearst to review. But i will say this author creates a space where she talks about human experiences everyone can relate to and the trauma that can come with it.
She gives authentic ways to work through and over come what may be holding you back or blame yourself for.

This book or style of working through things isn’t for everyone, but it is a great resource for those that it will help and align with the values this book holds.

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This is the first non-fiction self-help and self-discovery book I’ve read and I really related to it! I self-sabotage a lot and this book was very helpful and insightful. It was refreshing to know that others were going through the same thing and the author wrote in a way that was personal and as if she was having a friendly conversation with us. It expanded on topics I have learned from my own psychologist such as attachment styles in a way that was easy to follow and understand and provided helpful tips on how to improve on overcoming these issues and overall improving your self-love and self-care. The chapters were broken up nicely and labelled clearly with each topic that was going to be discussed which made the book flow effortlessly.

Thank you to netgalley for the copy! ✨

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This book is just what I needed at this moment in my life. it feels like a conversation with an old friend, and a lot of it made me open my eyes. This book is for EVERYONE that has ever doubted themselves. Each chapter is laid out in a simple format and I didn't get overwhelmed with all the information being thrown in my direction like I normally would from other books. It gives good information on healing at the end of each chapter. I will be buying this book!

5/5 stars! I will recommend this book to EVERYONE I know

Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for an arc in exchange for an honest review.

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"It's Not Your Fault" is an important book for those who are their own worst enemies, their own worst bullies, and struggle with realizing that the weight of the world is not on their shoulders. I had no idea that so many of the issues we as a society struggle with are due to our parents behaviors and traumas that so many of us have gone through.

For those looking for a place to start, this book is excellent! It is a book that helps us understand the importance of self love, self worth, and self learning.

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The title could be a mantra for anyone suffering from PTSD or CPTSD.

The author was compassionate, wise, and very concise in her advice. You could tell that she had been through the same pain, struggled, suffered, and learned to “win” over all of it. She included researches that were recent and held in high regard because of their effectiveness, and gave useful strategies to make life easier for readers. The focus on ourselves, not the abusers, was both a compassionate and empowering mindset. Highly recommended.

(I received a free review copy from NetGalley.)

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I think putting your best foot forward and always looking ahead not behind is such an important trait for any human being to have. Now, this is easier said than done, but something that we can all work on. Working and redefining ourselves is the epitome of being human. I think that sometimes we become so caught up on the hype and trying to please others before we please ourselves is so detrimental.

This author was able to bring out those lessons that we need to hear and learn in order to become our best selves!

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3.25 Stars!

This is the second book in a row that I read to gain more insight into Attachment theory. I did like the concise descriptions of attachment styles. I liked the section regarding the importance of setting good boundaries. That is my big takeaway light bulb moment from this book written by a survivor Laura K. Connell, whose adverse childhood experiences she bravely shares in an easy to understand conversational tone. There are various sections regarding her rise over adversity. However, the author doesn't provide enough details to merit more than a three star rating. It isn't a life changing reading experience, but I wish the author well for her attempt to write an introduction geared towards self help books. There aren't tools provided and it lacks the kind of depth towards making this a resource that I would want to read again. It fails to give insight to my subconscious mind as the subtitle would imply that by reading this that I was hoping that I would gain a better understanding of.

Publication Date: September 12,2023

Thank you to Net Galley, Laura K. Connell and HCI for generously providing me with my eARC in exchange for a fair and honest review. All opinions are my own.

#It'sNotYourFault #LauraKConnell #HCI #NetGalley

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Really enjoyed this - just what I needed to read right now and i will be recommending this to my family and friends! Should be required reading.

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So much of this book resonated with me. Growing up in a chaotic household that left me with trauma that has held me back in so many aspects of my life is something I’ve struggled with throughout adulthood. Everything from setting good boundaries to maladaptive daydreaming hit home in this book. The tools for moving forward that the author gives are something I’ll take with me into the future.

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It’s Not Your Fault by Laura K. Connell is unlike other self-help books. I can’t think of another self-help book off the top of my head that I was eager to sit down and read from page to page. Connell addresses in the book that, typically, self-help books emphasize willpower, and that’s what sets her book apart. It’s Not Your Fault digs deep into what sets people back and why willpower isn’t enough to push them forward.

I found several sections empowering and relevant to my own experiences and even the parts that weren’t relevant to myself, I found insightful. This book was also empowering to read since I am a mom, and I reflected on how my actions can impact my child (as my parents’ actions impacted mine).

One of the most important takeaways I took from this book is–you don’t have to be a perfect parent, you just have to be consistent. The book explores how inconsistent parenting can impact a child’s mental health. I also was captivated when reading the descriptions of how the author identified different attachment styles. It was cathartic to identify mine and to let it sink in.

The author also addresses how talk therapy can not be the right therapy for patients with trauma. Talk therapy reopens a womb, and it hurts. I think the author’s descriptions on trauma are spot-on.

The most impactful section of the book, for me personally, was reading about how the author once experienced intense daydreaming and sought out treatment for it. It’s something I never realized, but I spent most of my childhood and early twenties in deep daydreams. The daydreams, for me, stopped when I became a mom–because, ironically, most of my daydreams centered around being a mom, and I’m living out my daydreams. As I was reading this section, I remembered the intense pleasure I was able to derive from these daydreams. Part of me has even missed this part of my life, and I never realized it was even a bad thing. Looking back, after reading the book, I realize I lost many hours of productivity due to daydreaming. If only this book was available in my twenties! It’s nice to have some insight into this part of my life, even if it has passed.

Another good takeaway, also, is that we often say we won’t be anything like our parents and, instead of saying that, we should create our own unique parenting style. I like that mentality.

My biggest challenge with It’s Not Your Fault was how much focus there was on your parents and how they essentially caused all this trauma. The author addresses how she’s received critique for her narrative, and I understand creating a narrative of what happened is important. However, half the book is focused on blaming the parents before she drops a line about shifting gears to focus on ourselves. I think that should have happened sooner because there’s absolutely a lot of trauma dumping in the first part of the book. She also comments on how traditional therapists urge you to forgive your parents–actually, that hasn’t been my experience. In my experience, this “blame your parents for everything” mentality is common in traditional therapy.

She urges you not to make excuses for your parents, but I think it’s important to give our parents grace. I think it’s important to acknowledge every reader’s experience and relationship with their parents is different. You can have childhood trauma without having terrible parents. Your parents did the best with the resources they had at the time.

I genuinely enjoyed this read and would recommend it to anyone who’s experienced childhood trauma. I’d especially recommend it to moms and dads navigating parenthood for the first time who are trying not to make the same mistakes their parents made.

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A challenging read but worth diving into to understand more about childhood trauma and how it impacts your life. The feedback loops we have that perpetuate being stuck or repeating poor decisions don't just happen.

Childhood trauma doesn't always mean something catastrophic or extremely dangerous. It can sometimes be difficult to identify or even accept (since we don't think there is any trauma). Once a reader has opened their mind and educates themselves on some different perspectives, working to resolve it becomes easier.

I would highly recommend this book to someone that has acknowledged that maybe they experienced some trauma as a child such as feeling as if they were a burden, or always left to "fend for themselves". This book is challenging to read and I wouldn't recommend borrowing it from a library or a friend. I recommend buying it as you'll find yourself re-reading sections and reflecting at times.

The organization of the book could be a little better, however, in the end, the book is well worth the challenge of reading it and digesting what it means to each reader.

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This was a really interesting read, gave me some insights about myself. I would recommend this to others! It's very clear about the ways you can hold yourself back and selfsabotage. This has been an eye opener for me personally, and it makes you understand many things about life

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It’s Not Your Fault is an excellent starting point for understanding trauma and how decades later it can still impact one’s life. Connell gives very personal examples from her life to validate this point. It can be read straight through, but might be more therapeutic for some if read in chunks to work through at an individual pace.

Thanks to NetGalley and Health Communications for an ARC of this book.

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This short and insightful self help book focus on how childhood experiences shape who we are in life and how to accept that you are not responsible for how your family or close relations act.

It has short and well organized chapters, with advice on why you should try to let go of previous assumptions of unworthiness and how to see the situations as it is; to accept your own emotions and learn how to create boundaries on toxic relationships and behavior.

I would recommend this book to anyone who tends to blame him/her/themselves for things or behaviors outside of their control, and who are willing to put on the work towards having a more fulfilling life.

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It was such an emotional reading experience for me. I feel seen and it's so hard to accept the fact that the nature of my family's surroundings influences the way I act. It's an eye-opener type of book, it tests your understanding of yourself and actually helps you to find the reason why and to actually accept that not everything that happening is your fault. That it's okay for me not to feel okay all the time because that's an impossible thing to do. It will be a really hard book to finish because it's questioning everything that you believe but in a good way. In the end, some things felt a little bit triggering for me, but I moved past that, and I'm really glad I finished this book. Thank you Netgalley, Author, and Publisher for this experience of reading this book in advance. Such a wonderful book

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This book is ideal for those seeking to improve their lives, written with love and compassion. Because of the way I grew up, I feel like everything wrong was my fault, it everything that will happen is because of me. This book been an eye-opener for me. I always thought that I had to have more "WILLPOWER" and I could accomplish things. This book lays it all out and you will not be disappointed. #netgalley #itsnotyourfault

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Because of the way I grew up I feel like everything in the world that happens is my fault, it everything that will happen is because of me. This book has been an eye-opener for me. I definitely recommend if you feel the same way I do. I just reviewed It's Not Your Fault by Laura K. Connell. #ItsNotYourFault #NetGalley
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this was a good book, it just wasn't for me.

thank you net galley and the publisher for an arc in exchange for an honest review.

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"It's Not Your Fault" is a compassionate and insightful book that helps readers understand the root causes of their self-sabotaging behavior. The author draws on her own experiences as well as the experiences of her clients to provide a clear and concise explanation of how trauma from childhood can lead to subconscious patterns of self-sabotage. Day also provides readers with tools and exercises to help them uncover their subconscious patterns and develop new, healthier ones.

I found this book to be helpful and informative. I especially appreciated Day's compassionate and understanding tone. She really gets how difficult it can be to overcome self-sabotage, and she provides readers with a lot of practical advice on how to start the healing process.

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