I found this book to be really engaging and informative and helpful. I am looking forward to reading other books by the author.

Thanks to NetGalley for an ARC. While the title may be provocative, at the heart of this book is unpacking shame in and out of the bedroom.

Rena does a great job of weaving her own story of being a former deputy district attorney to certified sex coach. I appreciated the real stories shared of the women she works with and it provided deep reflection around women, desires and the taboos that surround that.

What I loved the most? It’s accessibility and the wealth of resources from podcasts, apps, books and websites making it a legit and informative read.

Self-empowering and sex-positive, The Sex You Want provides me with a map towards a more sexually fulfilled life. I love her tone - inviting, warm, like chatting with a BFF. Of course I was intrigued by the opening dominatrix scene and by lines such as "I began indulging in a lifetime's worth of sexual curiosities." And now, I have to make my 101 bucket list (not all sexual, just everything I've ever wanted to do). A wonderful guide! Thanks for the ARC.

Embracing yourself is a powerful message. I was drawn to this book because I desired to know more about how to get in touch with my needs as I get older. It was written in an easy-to-understand way. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.

This book was so Informative and spot on. It did take a few days to get through, as I like to take notes as I read about educational topics.

Personally, I think this book would be helpful to male or female, single or partnered up.

Will definitely purchase!

Originally posted on Goodreads:

3.5 rounded up, but I can absolutely see the target audience for this book rating it higher.

Thanks to Netgalley, the author, and publisher for the e-ARC in exchange for my honest opinion.

Alluded to above, I am not the target audience for this book. This is intended for women that seek to improve their sex lives and folks that are aware of the "Shameless" program that Martine pilots. I'm a straight, monogamously married dude that just reads a lot of books without discrimination to what type they are. As someone that falls into neither target category, I'm in a really awkward spot writing the first review on this site.

I think The Sex You Want will be important for a lot of readers, but the subject is so taboo that many will not want to admit to reading it - a sad irony, since a main takeaway is to remove the cultural shame associated with intimacy and sexuality. If you read it, I hope you share your thoughts - especially if you're someone that this book was intended for. It would help other readers way better than my take.

It will be impossible to write this review without discussing some of the topics at length. So... be warned, I guess? If you're reading a review about a sexual self-help book, you probably know what you're getting into already.

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The Sex You Want at first feels like a bait and switch from what the title and description might suggest, but it definitely culminates into a book about three things: Knowing yourself, accepting who that person is and what they like, and embracing it. The first 70% or so focuses on self love and acceptance, which ties into being a better partner and lover - even if it's just for yourself. The last few chapters (and one or two interspersed) lean hard on the sexual side of the discussion, as promised in the title. The sections about understanding porn, BDSM, group sex, and Ethical Non-Monogamy are definitely there, but Martine goes to great lengths to make sure that the reader is ready and expects them going forward.

Martine is admittedly big on "baby steps," and the book does a good job of slowly acclimating the reader to what will be covered by the time you get to the more explicit sections. Much of this is done through a near-memoir approach, aiming to establish trust in Martine as an expert. I really liked this approach, and truthfully, I'd love to read more about the balance between being a respected DA and how that lead to becoming a women's sex coach. There are also huge chunks of chapters dedicated to the first hand accounts from customers in the Shameless program - a lot of the anecdotes are neat, but a handful fell flat for inclusion here. I found the sections on communication and self-reflection to be way more engaging than the sections about understanding kinks and the like. One concept that every reader should embrace is the "80 Year Old Badass," which is definitely a highlight.

Martine gives some writing assignments to the reader throughout the book. Some feel like they would be found in any self-help book and have just been re-spun to potentially include BDSM if the reader is comfortable with the concepts (especially the "27 things list," which is referenced a few times throughout). Some of these feel like they make more sense in a coach/mentee dynamic rather than an author/reader one. I do think the book is more effective because of them, but many feel like targeted tools that you'd find in other relationship/self help books.

Another potentially helpful set of tools are the suggested phone apps throughout. If anyone was looking for information about apps that are safe and related to communication with a partner and sex of all kinds from a reputable source (rather than some random thing in a Google search), there's plenty of them recommended throughout. This set of tools does lean into what you probably think you're getting from the book before you pick it up.

I don't think this book is for everyone, but I do think that it will help a lot of folks. I'm overall glad I read this, even if many of the topics really don't apply to me. Hope this long-winded review was useful.

Love, love, love! The Sex You Want was a fantastic read with helpful pointers on how to speak up for yourself and empower yourself to have the Sex You Want, rather than the sex you think you should be having. I appreciated that each point in the book was about empowering and learning what you want and how to ask for it.

I love a good self-help book and anything that sex positive. This I would categorize as a very beginner's guide on this topic. There are other books on sex that I prefer. But I know everyone needs something different and this could definitely appeal to some

This is a very personal and shameless look into having the sex that you want. I think more often than we realize, women are afraid to want good sex and to have good sex because society has conditioned us to believe that it's dirty or shameful or that we are wrong. But, this isn't the case and I love that the author explored topics like getting in touch with yourself (literally), non-monogamy and products to satisfy yourself. This book is about self-discovery and gaining confidence so that we can live our best lives and have the best sex we want! It's so healing and liberating and I recommend that every woman read this book!

Engaging and accessible. A recommended purchase for collections where sexual health titles are popular.

An important book for every woman, letting you in to the secrets of getting the sex you want and deserve! This book is so honest and forthright that it was a breath of fresh air to read. I love it when authors are not afraid to go against society's expectations and norms, and Rena Martine does exactly that. It was a fantastic read that I hope will soon end up in every home.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for this ARC!

I really enjoy reading books like this one where experts who have actually taken the time to research and think about how women experience pleasure and write about it so we and our partners can learn are doing a service to society and fighting the patriarchy. Excellent!