4.5 ☆

This is how you tell a story folks. I love the refresh take of having a FMC being on the morally gray scale instead of pure hearted and good. At time I found myself acknowledging the tagine of the book, "Heros die, cowards live." because I get it in this context. I understood where Ruying and Baihu meant everytime they explain these to the other. We know how twisted Antony appears to he and I couldn't fully trust him throughout the novel but I couldn't not trust him until the last 15% when we truly see his colors show.
I loved the way Rome was so closely described to mimic our own world and structure and show Er-Lang as a time before greed and the need for luxury took center stage for our lives.

I'm looking forward to book two to see where Ruying goes with her alliance and hope she continued on her own morally gray path.I want to see more of how she sees Death and maybe even come into a way to control it rather than be a chain


Thank you to NetGalley and Random House Publishing for this e-arc in exchange for an honest review.

This book unfortunately didn't work for me even though I was very hyped about the premise of exploring colonization in a fantasy lens. The magic system was neat and had good consequences for use. But, overall, I had a hard time with Ruying as the main character. So much of our time with her is spent with her self flagellating and working to protect her Grandma and sister Meiya. The pacing didn't work for me and felt slow. The writing itself had a lot of unnecessary description and I found myself skimming frequently.

The prose is so hard to get through. Every single paragraph is trying to end with a dramatic punch, eventually the effect is diminished and nothing actually makes an impact.
The world building is so clunky and for attempting to be political intrigue, each nugget we learn feels like an after thought. Nothing happened the entire first chapter except our main character just listing examples of why Colonizing Empire = Bad. We got it. The info-dumping monologues (both internal and via speech!) were killing me. Worse than being morally gray is just being annoying.

The romance felt icky. I just really didn't have a good time with this one.

This was fun and interesting and I enjoyed the unique story line. Would recommend to many. I enjoyed the growth of the main character and the struggles they encountered.

Look, your mileage may vary but while I found the pages flew by quickly enough I thought the book had a number of flaws. Calling the high tech invaders Rome was kind of a weird choice stylistically but ok. I found neither side sympathetic. The invaders are evil and murder a lot of folks yes. The magic side is obviously super sexist at the you girls better hope your nearest male relative is nice and treats his property well because you’re nothing as a female level of suck. And frankly that deserves to fall as a society and is also evil. So, two unsympathetic sides. Both suck. Colonists suck, women aren’t really people and exist just to serve men suck. Everyone sucks. You can pick which one you think sucks more. There’s plenty of ick to go around. And then the potential romance relationship being shown is super Stockholm syndrome creepy. This is the second fantasy romance I’ve read this calendar year where the girl is soft for someone outright abusive of her. Ewwwwwwww. No. Nope. No thank you. Ick. I started to rate this book at two stars because I did find it readable enough to hate finish it but I took a star away because the falling for her abuser thing is awful. I hope not to run into a third book of hey, fall for this abusive ass. You can fix him!
And if you’re someone who needs to hear this get out. Dump them, you don’t deserve it and you can do better.

I can honestly say I didn’t like this book. The first third drew me in just enough that I was semi interested in what was going to happen to Ruying. I felt like the book could have potential and then it lost any hope. Once Ruying joins the prince everything just died. There was very little happening of interest. She kind of kills and moves on. While I read it all I can not tell you what really happened because it felt like Ruying lost herself and just became a tool. Which technically she did. Yet I have read other books along this line and the characters still have growth and ownership. Ruying has none. The last couple chapters do end the book where it might draw readers back in, but having to muddle through two thirds of a book to get to that part I think will be the real challenge.
Thank you to Random House Publishing Group-Ballantine, Del Rey and Netgalley for allowing me to read an advance copy of this book.

To Gaze Upon Wicked Gods is a unique fantasy with elements of science fiction, romance, and a strong message of anti-colonialism.

Ruying is citizen of Er-Lang, a land that was recently conquered by an invading force, the Romans, who have taken over the region through violence. While the Romans have advanced technology and weapons, Ruying and others - Xianlings - have magic, power the Romans are both wary and envious of. After a chance encounter in the streets, Ruying grabs the attention of Prince Antony, the second son of the Roman kingdom and younger brother to the vicious Prince Valentin. But when Antony discovers her gift - Death magic that can kill even without touch - he seeks to use Ruyang to advance his own agenda. Can Ruyin trust the Prince of the Romans, the very people who have destroyed her world? Can she trust that he is different, and also seeks a better future and peace between Rome and Er-Lang?

I really enjoyed this book. The message of anti-colonialism is clear throughout the book. The Romans are an invading force who disregard the citizens of Er-Lang and use violence to control the masses. The worldbuilding is good, and while complex, it was not difficult to follow. The budding romance was also an interesting angle, as Ruying is forced to confront what she wants and how she feels about caring for a true enemy. I did enjoy seeing Ruying reluctantly embrace her magic, and deal with the consequences of using magic in a world where magic comes at the cost of years off one's life. We also see the effects of colonialism through the lens of Er-Lang - people are forced into poverty, those who wish to survive often making hard choices, and those who try to resist and oppose the occupying forces. The characters are all morally grey - making difficult choices among a series of bad options where sometimes there is no right way. The side characters are great as well, I especially enjoyed Baihu, Ruying's childhood friend who made choices to ally with the Romans and advance his own position at the expense of the Er-Lang empire. There is a bit of a love triangle, but not really, just a super slow burn with what I think is a clear direction, but we will see how this develops in the next book.

Overall I enjoyed this book, and I look forward to the next installment in this series.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and to Random House Publishing Group for the advanced copy of this book. All opinions are my own.

3 stars

After the author's letter at the beginning, I was mentally preparing myself to be wrecked by this book.

For a fantasy book, I don't believe there was a lot of world-building happening. We learned bits about the past war over magic users and the one-day war of the invasion. Otherwise, it felt like we barely learned of this content. The book takes place in the Er-Lang Empire, a part of Pangu. There are five countries on this content (or world). All of the countries are living under the turbulent peace of an invader. Twenty years before a portal opened above Jing-City in Er-Lang and Roman planes entered Pangu. In this timeline, the Roman Empire never fell but controls a large portion of our world. It appears to take place in a modern-day timeline as they have technology and the Earth is dying.

One of the big concepts of this book is magic versus science. Due to the world of Pangu having magic they never really explored the developments of science. All of the science (read mostly technology but some medical) is brought by the Romans. Their advanced weapons allowed them to hold dominion over the people of Er-Lang. It is interesting that even though of course they would not want the natives to have science no one was curious enough to try to make anything their own.

The magic system is a very versatile kind. Not everyone is born with magic, those who have been are known as Xianling. Even though some powers can be similar, like the ability to control water, no two powers are the same. Such as one might shape water whereas another could turn it into ice. Our main character has a very rare gift the ability to cause death itself. She can do this by depleting a person's Qi. Magic does not come without consequences though, to overuse it taxes the body and depending on the powers causes early death.

Ruying Yang only wants to help keep her family alive. Her whole life she has lived in fear; of her father's drunken anger, of the Roman soldiers who look on her people with disgust, and of her sister dying to the same drug as their father. Ruying is willing to trade her happiness for the lives of her sister and grandmother, as she believes any daughter would. So much of Ruying's actions are focused on either what is the honorable thing to do (for her family, not the world) or what she believes to be the cowardly thing. All the burdens she shoulders even from the beginning make her incredibly lonely.

Ruying is the girl blessed by Death. When an enemy prince discovers this fact he makes her an irrefusable offer. Prince Augustus offers protection for Meiya and their grandmother. All Ruying must do is use her gift to eliminate those who would stand in Augustus' way for peace. Though Ruying feels she is betraying her people she will do anything to keep Meiya alive, even if it means killing her people.

There is a subplot of, longing might be the right word. I wouldn't even consider this a slow-burn romance as there isn't romance. Ruying has been mostly alone for a very long time, outside of her family and two childhood friends most people would shy away from her gift. Then when working for the prince she loses contact with everyone. Her only source of comfort for the awful things she is doing is Augustus. He is mostly kind, doesn't see her as a monster, and doesn't mind when she challenges him (well mostly). Through this, it leads to affection from both sides not just Ruying. That is all that is realized in this book though, is a longing for connection with anyone. Is Ruying being completely in denial sure but she is young and utterly alone.

I did enjoy part of the book. However it never fully gripped me like I hoped. Thankfully it was not nearly as devastating as I feared either. While the things happening to the people of Pangu were awful the point was being driven too hard with the same words. A subtle style could have had more impact. This could become a good series with serious thought and attention paid to character and world development.

I really wanted to like this book and was super excited to receive an ARC, but it just didn't live up to my expectations.

I ended up DNF the book about 25% of the way in because it was just the same repetition of "I am a girl, I am so oppressed, I have to marry someone to help my family because I am a girl, I am so oppressed" over and over. Like, the main characters internal monologue just shifted between "I am an oppressed girl" to "the nation is oppressed" to "my family is struggling" but no real development beyond that. Also, for 25% of the way in, the plot had barely begun.

I usually try and finish all ARCs out of fairness to the author and am upfront about when a book is just not written for me, but I do not think I am the problem when it comes to this book for once. The author has an amazing premise, but it reads like a 2010 "I am not like other girls" book and I am so tired of that. Give our female characters motivation beyond their sex! It is a fantasy world, you can make sexism not a thing. I am all for female empowerment books (Priory of the Orange Tree, Throne of Glass, Nevernight) but this didn't read like female empowerment at all.

I do appreciate being given this ARC as it was one of my most expected reads of 2024, but I can't in good faith leave a review where I am not honest. If you want great female empower and Asian Rep books, check out Priory of the Orange Tree or Daughter of the Moon Goddess.

I don't know if it's unfair to review a book I didn't finish, but I made it 60% of the way and just couldn't go on. The main problem is the wordiness and repetition - practically every chapter rehashes everything that's gone on before, including history and family trees. Meanwhile, not much happens. With rigorous editing and pruning, this could have been a decent novella, as the fantasy world is somewhat interesting.

I won't post this review to any other sites, since I didn't finish, but I do hope the author finds a good editor before the next book.

Ruying was born in a world conquered by invaders from another world who arrived with science and weapons and decimated her country's magic. All she's ever known is lying low to survive and do all she can for her sister and grandmother. But Death blessed her with powerful magic she's been told her whole life she must not use for any reason. But a desperate act puts her in the sights of those with power and all she ever thought about herself and her world are challenged as she gets close to one of the most powerful invaders. Will her heart guide her true as she bows and obeys in hopes of saving her world, or is it all in vain?
The basic plot is super obvious to the point that I knew every single revelation that was going to happen way before Chang got to it, but the characters and world are so well-written and fleshed out that I don't care. Ruying and her world practically breathe within the pages to the point where it's impossible to care about what's happening.
It's a book that hits you hard with the colonialism and culture eradication elements. Even if you have no idea of the horrors that native people in colonized areas had to endure, the fact that the author mentions in the beginning that it's inspired by stories her grandfather hinted at makes it hit even harder. It kind of gave extra gravitas to a story that is full of predictable elements and helped it stand out.

Very happy thanks to NetGalley and Del Rey for the most excellent read!

To Gaze Upon Wicked Gods is a debut novel from Molly X. Chang about Ruying, a girl who has Death magic and ends up being conscripted by the invading Roman army to work as their assassin. I'm a sucker for a good Death magic story and the way that the magic works in this world is extremely interesting, so learning more about it was a fun time for me. I loved the world-building that we got as the magic system for Pangu and the technology for Rome and how they interact with each other set up a compelling conflict for the story.

I think without the romance subplot, this could've been a masterpiece of similar caliber to The Poppy War as the overall plot was extremely intriguing. The aspects of Ruying being forced to be a soldier for a foreign empire made her a compelling character and made her struggle against said empire and desire for peace for her people to be something that I was really rooting for her to accomplish. But the way the romance was executed felt a little out of place and wasn't developed in the way that I would've liked to see in a romantasy book. There's also the added aspect of it being odd that Ruying is falling in love with Antony, a prince of the enemy empire who is colonizing her people while he's actively using her as a weapon and a soldier. The book overall was still entertaining, and I'm intrigued to see if in the future Ruying realizes that Antony isn't all she thought he was and breaks free from him. I'll probably read book two because the world-building was very interesting to me and I did like Ruying as a character...but I'm not necessarily rooting for the romance set up in this book.

That's gonna be a no for me....

I was earnestly very excited for this book, but even before the first chapter was through, I had a bad feeling about it. For transparency sake, I am a white, US based reviewer and am aware of the 1 star brigade this author experienced as a reaction to being an Asian Author. While I really hated this book, I plan on reading the other installment(s) after reviews are posted and will give other titles a shot as well. There were good ideas here, but I had too many issues with the content and execution.

Main issues: The "romance", world building, dialogue, monologue, lack of action.

I think everyone else has done a great job of discussing why the "romance" is problematic, so I won't dive into that too much. As an abuse survivor, reading it definitely made me uncomfortable and furious, I kept waiting for her to have been deceiving him into false security. But no, she's actually into it. Let's maybe leave romanticizing Stockholm Syndrome behind next time. My spouse lost family in the Nanjing Massacre and was absolutely livid when I was describing this book to him... Considering the amount of psychological, emotional, and physical abuse Ruying is put through by Antony, and then having it romanticized, this should not be graded YA... teens should not think this behavior is acceptable or normal from a partner.

The worldbuilding felt like it was supposed to be reminiscent of Nimona, a meeting of medieval China and cyberpunk... but it wasn't fledged out at all and was so confusing to digest with the little information given. It really broke the suspension of disbelief that Pangu (China) is given a fantastic name, but then we have ROME. Rome in helicopters and slinging guns? Like modern warfare Rome complete with hyper Latin names, statuesque blonde curls and handsome noses.

-Side note- This infuriated me on a historical level as well, like if the whole story is going to be a fantasy version of the Opium Wars and Japanese Occupation, why are we taking all agency away from Japan (who has denied these horrors and shrugged off responsibility IRL) and making the only enemies and enactors of violence Europeans??? Yes, Russia inflicted genocide upon Guandong Indigenous groups(1600s), and squished the region into the conflict with Qing (1850s) (extreme oversimplification here), but that was unrelated to the Japanese occupation (1890s) and Unit 731 (1930s) that is specifically detailed in the Author's Note?

Okay sorry, history student rant over. Anyways. The Pangulings have absolutely zero grasp of "science" even after years of exposure to it? Which felt very colonial. And science is always spoken of like "the pokemans" or "the google", in a weird mystification of sorts (but China was & is one of the world leaders in tech and math, inventions, etc- this grinded me so bad). There's no real explaining where Rome is, they arrive via sky portals (which wasn't really made clear until towards the end), and there are references to "their world"... but then it's made to sound like they're on the same planet? This vague reference happens 2/3 through and threw me completely off. Do they have spaceships that were not talked about? What is going on?

The dialogue is either boring or immature, and much of the book is internal monologue of repetitive information dumps or rehashing traumatic events. I caught myself skimming (ADHD, if the brain isn't engaged it just happens) a few times and had to reread to make sure I didn't miss anything vital, but usually it ended up being the same description of an event or thought process that occurred a chapter or two back. Maybe that was an element of it being YA? I'm not sure.

The description got me amped up for a high-action, dangerous fantasy (originally assumed that Baihu was the enemy-lover) but most of the action happens off-screen. There are a few fight scenes, but we only really see one assassination and it's not... it's not action driven. Once I learned that these hyped up assassinations were her own people, I didn't want to see that anyways.

Thank you Netgalley for a shot at this ARC. Like I said, I'll read the next installment to see if any of the many criticisms are acknowledged and still try other titles from this Author.

First of all, I must thank Ballantine Books and Netgalley for the opportunity to read this ARC! It is quite unfortunate that I am unable to finish this book, but I am still thankful for the time given to try it out.

There is a lot going for this book. I'm a big fan of Asian-based fantasy, in this case, Chinese-based, and I know many other people agree by the general popularity of this genre. To Gaze Upon Wicked Gods by Molly X. Chang has a unique take on this genre, incorporating sci-fi elements somewhat seamlessly and proposing an interesting perspective on cross-world colonialism (affirmed to be based on real-life colonialism) in an alternate universe in which the Roman empire has endured and has been modernized with guns and machines. The world-building is really good, and while in some areas there was a bit too much exposition or repeated facts, overall I found myself intrigued by the premise and ready to dive in.

For all this good, I really, really, wanted to like this book. However, I just don't think it was for me. At first, when I realized I was procrastinating reading it, I thought it was because I was just distracted by other things in my life. But when I sat down and tried to get through it, I realized it was my gut telling me I wasn't interested. The premise is interesting and the writing wasn't bad by far. As I read, though, I found myself wondering when things were going to pick up. When I reached the halfway point of my ARC and felt like barely anything had happened, my gut sank and I knew this was a DNF for me. The pacing wasn't terrible, but ultimately I needed a bit more hook to keep me going. I liked the different chapter lengths, that definitely helped. But the content didn't match. The first half of the book is summarized by a few repeating factors: Ruying's moral dilemma about using her power, her need to protect the people she loves, and the awfulness that is Roman occupation in her world. After a while, I just felt tired of seeing the same thing written in different ways over and over. Every time Ruying had a moment of introspection these 3 factors were hammered home. Typically this issue in writing is a move of distrust by the author that the reader doesn't understand what the author wants to say. My own interpretation was that of a lack of content to work with. The author has the world and the plot but is unable to give away too much, leaving her to just repeat basic information back at the reader.

I wish I could've pushed through more, but life got in the way a bit. I don't think this is a terrible book nor is it terrible writing. In fact, I found the word choice and language quite strong and inspiring. And as I said earlier, I really enjoyed the world-building and what I saw of the plot seemed very intriguing. However, it just wasn't meant to be. For this reason, I gave the book 3.5 stars.

2.5 ⭐️ This had so much potential.


My Thoughts:

It is hard to write an overall review for this book because I was in love with the idea of this book, however the execution fell off a cliff for me.

I loved:

Concept
I loved the concept of having powers of Death as a power. I was very interested to see if this would be done in a similar concept to the Poppy War trilogy with the use of drugs or be a born trait closer to Grisha universe. It turned out to be a mixture of the two, but sadly was just not explored enough.

The things I disliked
World Building
Many of the issues of this book come from the world building itself especially due to the vagueness. Due to how the book is written, this book could fall into the “historical fantasy” or “urban fantasy” genre instead of a sci-fi fantasy genre that I believe the author intended. When falling into either “historical fantasy” or “urban fantasy,” this book is led into failure.
Historical Fantasy. If this book is thought of as more of a historical fantasy especially based on the beginning intro the author gives of how this was inspired by her grandfather’s stories of Manchuria, then this story does not have the research and delicacy of diving into a traumatic history. I hate comparing it to the Poppy War trilogy but it is the best example I can think of with not romanticizing a sensitive subject. Manchuria experiments are a highly triggering and sensitive subject, which the author uses for shock value and a “plot twist” that was given to the reader and the main character in multiple lines so it should not have been dove into with such reckless care. The Poppy War trilogy is critiqued for the use of trauma from an event in a blunt manner, however I think To Gaze Upon Wicked Gods might have used a traumatic event in a worse manner. Using a highly sensitive event to make the main character choose to turn on the “villain” who is her colonizing love interest is a pathetic use of a sensitive topic. It can be argued that this is a fantasy book that is not pulling from those events, and it is a made up world. This issue with this argument is the usage of concepts from the modern present day that would only exist in our world such as “radio” or “romeo and juliet.” The author is highly inconsistent in her world building, which stems from the majority of the issues of this book.
Urban Fantasy. The issue with this book being made as urban fantasy is the author clearly intended for the book to not take place on “earth” as a modern day. She has difficulty pulling away from modern concepts consistently in the book which pulls the reader out of the fantasy world, and places them in modern day. This lies the issue of mixing historical events with modern day concepts, as the reader will relate them to modern day instead of author’s “fantasy world.” The author can still have the magical concepts she wanted if she had turned the book into Urban Fantasy and committed to the act, a great example of this is the Jade City trilogy that uses more of an urban fantasy approach with Asian culture.
Sci Fi Fantasy. I believe the author planned her world to be a sci fi world that was not connected to the real world. This would have been the perfect placement of the book if the execution focus of this book had been world building instead of romance. The issue lies in the fact that world building and science is so vague that the reader does not feel transformed into a different society the way that Red Rising gives. If more world building and scientific reasoning was given in the book, the sensitive topics of experiments related to Manchuria would have felt more separate for the reader.

Love Interest/ Colonization Romance
I think many of the negative reviews focus on the love interest/romance of this book. Colonization romances have been on the rise, and they seem to be in fantasy books that are not labeled as “dark romance.” Instead these romances get labeled as the villain is morally gray, but in reality this is stockholm. It could have been argued that it was not a romance, but a fight for survival with friendship until the last 30% of the book. The downfall was the author attempting to give Antony a tragic backstory, and a POV. In his POV, Antony confesses his love over and over again in different ways, while speaking of how she will hate him for the horrible actions that he is doing. SPOILER, those actions line up with the horrible experiments that were done in Manchuria. This lies the main issue of this romance, Antony is not morally gray; he is simply a monster. The author did not spend enough time to develop a contrast between stockholm romance and insta-love. I believe that the author wanted Ruying to fall in love with the villain in a more stockholm survival aspect, and in the end betray him. The development of this wasn’t done, instead it came off as insta-love with a colonizer. This colonizer who has her murdering her own people, has her wearing a shock collar and allows his people to sneer/abuse her.



Overall, I think the book did not get the support it needed for a debut author. The author had great ideas, and great concepts however the execution was so poorly done.


Thank you Netgalley and Del Rey for providing an eARC in exchange for an honest review! As always, all opinions are my own.

I want to preface this by saying thank you for this arc. I ended up DNF at 40%, I don’t think I am the intended audience.

I find this book slow boring and repetitive. The storyline was also starting to give Pocahontas vibes & I didn’t like that. The first 20% of this book was spent on her fetching medicine for her sister and an attempt at world building and background stories that left me more confused and uninterested. The next 10% was her being stuck in prison… then, finally she was struck a deal to “save” herself and her family/friends with the colonizer prince. I’ve lost my interest by then.

That being said, thank you for giving me a chance at this arc!

This book is perfect for fans of poppy war with a more modern/sci-fi twist. The book follows our main character, Ruying, as she becomes an assassin with her death magic. Ruying is your stereotypical brash and naive heroine who finds herself striking a bargain with a prince from another world called Rome. These high tech Romans have come and colonized her world. The authors note does mention the book being about China’s Century of Humiliation and immigration while specifically mentioning unit 731. So be warned that there are some darker elements to this story.

The author’s writing style consisted a lot of inner narration and monologue. I found the style to be easy to read and finished the book in one day. Although the synopsis of this book hints at romance, I would not categorize the this book as a romance. This book is more about political plotting and scheming of a court and trying to out maneuver others to get what you want and protect those that you love. For more experienced fantasy readers the book may be a little predictable but there are some good twists woven in.

I would recommend this to fans of the Poppy Wars or anyone who enjoys fantasy with a little splash of science fiction.

Thank you to NetGalley and DelRey for sending this book for review consideration. All opinions are my own.

Thank you to Netgalley for providing me with an ARC of this story
SPOILERS TO FOLLOW

*I'm going to edit this later to add quotes to my review for the examples I'm about to give. I don't want to put the quotes now though because I'm not sure what I'm allowed to share since this is an ARC and the quotes may or may not have changed so I will compare them to my physical copy when it arrives.*

I'm sure many of you (If you follow Booktok/Booktwitter closely know about everything that happened with Molly and that other author I refuse to mention who was incredibly racist toward Molly but I'm not here to talk about that. What I do plan to talk about is what happened after. I've followed Molly for a while (even before that author debacle) because I'd heard about her publishing deal and the story sounded great! I was hyped for it and emphasized with her when everything started to go down. To my surprise, not long after what I'm sure was a completely terrible experience for Molly, I saw a lot of criticism over her novel being thrown her way.

Most of this criticism centered around the main characters Ruying and Antony. People were discussing how Molly had written a colonizer romance (Antony is a Roman and has come from a different world to enslave/decimate the Pangu people using drugs and weapons) and how this narrative was very harmful towards the Asian community, (as well as other communities that have also been colonized by white people). Molly ended up writing a few tweets about how her story is NOT a colonizer romance and the context of the story would show this. I couldn't find the tweet I was looking for to backup my point (so unless I dreamed it) but I remembered reading a tweet from Molly that said something along the lines of, "The next story in this saga is called To Kill A Wicked Prince. Do with that what you will." So with that tweet in mind (if anyone has proof of that tweet I'd love to see it but I could not find it), I decided to go into the story with the mindset that Ruying DOES NOT love Prince Antony and that she is a victim of her circumstances. Because of this, I saw the story so much clearer than the people who believe it to be a colonizer romance.

Ruying does not love Antony and I say this with my whole chest because I watched Antony manipulate her over and over and over until she felt like she was safe with him. But a false sense of security does not equate love. I can not blame her for seeking comfort in him and his empty promises. Antony threatened her family from the very beginning and Ruying mistook his money and his protection as anything other than another way to control her, to keep her living with the fear that it could disappear. Meiya and Baihu argued with her over and over that she wasn't doing this for peace of for her family but for herself. "So what if I am? There is no sin in wanting to live, in wanting a better life for those I love." Who wouldn't fall victim to Antony though? Especially after the manipulation tactics he applied to make her believe he was going to save her and her people from destruction.

Ruying was also clearly terrified from the beginning of what it would mean to be on the other side of Rome's attention. If she wasn't Antony's guard then she was nothing more than something to be discarded. She is in constant turmoil with herself over what she's doing, struggling between wanting to trust Antony and knowing that she CAN'T trust him because he doesn't fully trust her. "His words were like sweet lies. I wanted these melodies to sing true. I wanted to linger in the world he painted so badly. But Antony couldn't make me a hero. If I stayed loyal to him, I would never be a hero to my people. Not after what I did." There was very little romance between them. Lingering gazes, and small touches barely mean anything. The two of them only kissed once and it was so brief and short it was barely there and Ruying's immediate thought afterwards was, "When tomorrow came, we could never be this close again. Because Antony Augustus was my people's enemy. Nothing could ever change this." Those are not the thoughts of someone head over heels in love. The only reason she's conflicted is because she wants to believe he's a god person even though she knows he's not.

Ruying wanted to believe Antony's lies so bad that she tried to convince herself that killing for him was better than fighting for herself, fighting for freedom for her people. She wanted to live and wanted to help her family and I think a lot of people in her position would find themselves in the same situation as her. "I thought I had to do this for them. For us. For survival. But if I was really doing this for them, I wouldn't fight on the side of our enemy."

I don't know if it was because I went in with the mindset that I couldn't trust Antony, but I didn't believe a word he said the entire novel. Especially after Taohau was never mentioned again I knew that something bad happened. I knew the other should would drop and Ruying would finally see him clearly and be able to shake herself free of him. Nobody should believe this is a colonizer romance after Antony gloats TO HER FACE, "You almost can't blame my people for what we are doing" about the genocide of her own people! Did these people even read the same story I did? Even in Antony's own POV I hated him (there's only one chapter of it) and it didn't endear me to him at all. If anything it made me hate him more because of how he talked about Ruying.

Anyways, this was longer than I anticipated. Overall I truly enjoyed the story. I really liked the magic and the world building. It was like a fantasy world crossed with futuristic one. I'm interested how Rome managed to dimension hop(??) and if that will be explained in the other installments. I'm also curious to see if this mysterious third younger brother will make an appearance in the story. I wanted to see more of Meiya but what we got of her was brilliant. The angry, younger sibling (who will probably not make it until the end of the series judging on a few factors) who wants to save the world is always a fun trope! I also truly think Ruying's real love interest will make an appearance in the second novel. (It's either going to be The Phantom or Baihu himself.) I think the next novel will show more of Ruying trying to break free from Anotony and trying to help her people and I can't wait!

DNF. I had really been looking forward to this, but the prose style was excruciating with the choppy construction, and it was one interminable infodump. I like gradual world-building when it’s done right, but this was like reading a summary or plot outline with no character to speak of. If the first chapter had been like that, fine, but even the action sequences were lopped off in weird ways.

I feel bad, because the author’s note made it seem like this story is dear to the author’s heart, but this didn’t work for me at all.

I have very mixed opinions about this book.

The writing style is not even close to my preferred style; however, I talk this way. My sentences are fragmented, I repeat myself a lot to convey my point, and I tend to be overly-dramatic. As such, I could follow along just fine. I don't like reading purple prose, nor do I enjoy how bleak and contemplative the book was. Nowhere in the book did I feel joy or the true hint of love. I only felt sadness, guilt, and pain... And there was only any real development in the last 25% of the book. For the most part, we were just amping up the misery and the "hints of romance."

The romance bit is played off as a colonizer romance. It is arguably not one though. The entire time, she's recognizing more of the human within Antony. This is the part of him that warrants sympathy. Whether he's doing it on purpose or not, I don't know, but it works on her. She doesn't feel sorry for him as his people are genuinely all that is bad and horrendous. She does understand what it's like to know pain and fear, and to be willing to do whatever it takes to care and protect her loved ones. Mind you, when push comes to shove Ru can't really do "whatever it takes." For most of the story, Ru waffles. She's grasping at straws. Come the end, we see her come to some harder truths - not just about Antony, but about herself. And it's because of these ultimate choices that I would push back on the colonizer romance bit.

This book has romantic notions, but I didn't feel any romance between the characters. I only felt a level of kinship found between two folks who have similar emotional/mental/physical scars. Both know poverty, both know abuse by loved ones, both are facing the potential demise of their civilizations. The more they open up to one another, the easier it is to confuse vulnerability as intimacy- and thus, to think there's a romance budding. While we don't know the true direction of this book series, in this moment I would argue that this is not a colonizer romance. But I do understand why folks would be upset with it even being a suggestion.

I did read an ARC that was an unfinished draft, but the amount of repetition was a little too much. There also was a random Antony POV. I'm not certain why it was just the one chapter... I'm not even certain it was needed. I also don't know why we got Phantom of the Opera being hinted at... (The Phantom is a mysterious rebellious leader, and all of his people are called the Masks. And yes, they wear masks.)

From what I gather, this is a lot like Ancient China, but the Romans are from another planet (through a portal) who are very much like our modern-day world. I don't know if this was done so that we could feel more for the Roman cause? I mean, yeah, our current life situations are garbage, but that's not going to give me the green light to go wreck another world's life...

All in all, the book was full of purple prose written in a very bleak and contemplative way. There were no happy moments, no break in misery... It was just guilt, shame, pain, anger, potential romance - but denied romance, and distrust. Nothing was resolved except for her personal resolve, when she finally stopped waffling at the way end of the book. And I really just have no real connection to any of the characters.

I am honestly surprised I read the book in its entirety. I think it's because the world Ru lives in is so fascinating. The last 25% of the book was what I had been holding out for, so I'm glad I got to read it. I think it's because every now and then we got quotes like this, "Antony Augustus was not a religious man, but he would worship at her altar, kneel for her in eternity." Or, "'Maybe one day I'll deserve you.' And maybe one day, I'll learn to forgive."

Both of these quotes make their connection lead more on the romance side, though the second one does a great job of making it clear that they were not going to be in a relationship anytime soon (if at all). The first one makes me wonder if this is going to be a series about how the gal can change the man. If that is the case, then that's in poor choice.

I hope he'll want to change because she inspires him to overcome this shady life, but I also hope she keeps refusing him. He's a colonizer. He could have found a way to help the rebels. He could have decided to ASK people if they would donate their blood. He could have done things so different, and because he didn't - he shouldn't be given a colonizer romance. And she should be allowed to keep on refusing him. I'm saying this on behalf of the readership. We do not want a colonizer romance. We do not want "she changed him" romances.