Emily Nagoski’s non-fiction book on women’s sexuality, Come as You Are, blew my mind, so when I saw she had a new book out this year, I hit request before I even knew the topic. Her newest book, Come Together, focuses on sex in long-term relationships and how to elevate pleasure over desire.

This book felt less revolutionary to me because (i) it is grounded more in therapy and relationship advice (and less in brain science like Come As You Are) and (ii) I am currently single and not part of the book’s target audience. Even so, this was an enjoyable and informative read. I continue to be wowed by Nagoski’s skill at explaining complex topics in a simple manner, and impressed at how inclusive her book is. Her use of concrete examples and anecdotes keep each chapter interesting, and I particularly appreciated the outline summary at the end of each chapter.

Nagoski’s chapter on straight relationships and gender stereotypes was most interesting to me (and also most depressing). I actually found myself pulling up some of the passages I had highlighted from this chapter and reading them to a friend over drinks. If you’ve read this book, I’d love to discuss!

Thank you to Ballantine and Netgalley for the gifted copy!

This book is part science, part common sense. It does what a good self-help book does: lay out what you kind of already intuit in an organized way that can help you bring the common sense ideas to the forefront so you can apply them to your life in a practical way.

4.5 stars. Thank you to Net Galley and Ballantine Books for the ARC in exchange for my honest review. In her straighforward way with humor and care, Emily Nagoski looks at how to have a happy and satisfying sex life in long term relationships. The book covers both the science of what's happening and relationship/therapy advice for what to do when things aren't working. We're too focused on how much sex or how often we're having it; but really the question is what kind of sex do you like and what keeps you from having that type of relationship with your partner. She goes through all the many issues that may keeping us from this - stress, body image, gendered beliefs about what we should want, etc. She also provides a tool called the emotional floorplan to better understand how our mind/body works when it comes to sex and why we may have a negative or positive response to certain things. All good information and great tools for improving this aspect of life.

This book was very intriguing and I enjoyed it. I wasn't sure what to expect but it gave me quite a lot to think about. There are a few parts I might go back and read again. I recommend this book.

Nearly a decade ago, award-winning writer, counselor, and sex educator Emily Nagoski wrote Come as You Are, one of my favorite books about human sexuality, especially women’s sexuality. Now she is back with Come Together, which is a guide to sex in a long-term relationship. Both books are fantastic, and I would encourage anyone with any discontent about their sex life to read them both.

Based on Dr. Nagoski’s research and personal and professional experience, Come Together demonstrates how diverse partners are able to cultivate and maintain a satisfying long-term sexual connection while navigating the sorts of real-life challenges we all face. She teaches partners how to focus on maximizing pleasure rather than worrying about desire, which is variable and often mismatched. And she offers very helpful explanations of how to overcome harmful cultural conditioning regarding gender roles, sex, and desire. All of this is written in a friendly, reassuring, and inclusive tone with plenty of easy to understand examples.

I was provided an unproofed ARC through NetGalley that I volunteered to review.

If you love Emily Nagoski as much as I do, you can imagine what a delight it was to get a head start on this one with a @netgalley ARC. I got to dive in a few days before the release date, and proceeded to then buy a hard copy and audio version of the book, all of which I used to complete it.

In Come Together, Nagoski shares wisdom and science around sexual connection with another human. I loved its predecessor 'Come As You Are' so much and have recommended it to many a patient and friend. Nagoski's approach is so digestible for readers. Her writing is full of science but in ways that are fun and light hearted. The concepts in this book of all of the rooms that exist in our brains and bodies, with lust being only one of them, is a really helpful visualization to how we can make pleasure more accessible in a relationship. And pleasure being the focus rather than desire... Let's just say my mind was blown. 🤯

Also, the audio version is a delight as Nagoski narrates.

While I didn't feel *quite* as connected to this one as I did to 'Come As You Are' and 'Burnout,' it's still a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ in my book.

I have been a fan of Nagoski and her work for some time and I was excited for her to continue her work on sexuality and pleasure. With this one Nagoski shares the much needed education around the connection, pleasure dynamic within a couple. She also reminds us of some common behaviors on connection that we tend to forget but really do help a couple in their satisfaction. A must read for anyone in a relationship!

Thank you to NetGalley and Ballentine Books for the ARC!

Thank you to Emily Nagoski and the publishing team at Ballantine Books, also to NetGalley for this ARC.
I was given this ARC in return for an honest review.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It is my second read from Dr. Nagoski. This book is the follow up to their other novel Come As You Are.
I liked that this book touched more on topic of gender identity and relationships that aren't just the heteronormativite. I felt because of this I could relate more to the book and understand the science.
Once again the author did these TL;DR excerpts for each chapter and the conclusion which is great for partners or someone who is easily overwhelmed. I find them to be super helpful, especially when it got to sensitive topics such as sexual trauma.

I always like reading about the stories that are told in the book too, from other people previous friends or clients. It adds that human touch. OH if you didn't know the beautiful artwork was done by Nagoski's husband and when I got to meet her last year she mentioned it being a favorite part in the book. I felt validated with knowing she and her parnter also struggle in the area of sex when life got so busy and super stressed. The floor plan thought process really helps breakdown some barriers.

Reading challenge category - 2022 52 Book Club: Recommended by a favorite author (Lori Gottlieb and Jen Gunter)

Thank you to #NetGalley for the ARC ebook of this work.

Due to the nature of this content, I will give a vague review of this book. It's the first work I've read by Emily Nagoski. I appreciate her writing style of incorporating scientific language and research with real-life examples and layman's terms of things. It makes it very readable for many people. Each chapter also has a TLDR section at the end that is a nice recap and/or a good overview if you have skimmed or if that chapter is not relevant to you.

There were some things that were quite repetitive and the last chapter felt out of place, which is my reasoning for subtracting a star. Overall, a good read and reminder of things for a personal/sexual relationship.

Emily Nagoski's newest book Come Together is incredibly inclusive and incredibly honest. It is packed with loads of sex positive examples and advice for couples of all kinds. No matter who you are, you're going to glean some interesting insight or idea from this book, I'd almost guarantee it. Highly recommended!

After researching women's sexuality, Dr. Nagoski has moved on to evaluate the role of sex in long-term relationships. There are many myths regarding desire over the course of relationships, the obstacles that are inevitable, and that enjoyment lessens over time. This is not actually true, and this book points out ways to overcome the destructive myths that are perpetuated.

"Spontaneous desire" doesn't fuel a love life that spans decades. There are helpful ways to discuss desire or lack thereof, and it can be hard to understand that without taking it personally. Partners in a relationship don't always understand their own emotional needs, let alone that of their partner. This makes it harder to mesh well, especially when there are conflicts outside the relationship adding stress. It's something that everyone deals with, especially with busy lives; in the introduction, we see how that affected Emily Nagoski herself.

Part one of the book goes through the concepts of pleasure and understanding the self, and part two is more of a step-by-step guide to apply to your relationship. This makes sense: you have to know what you want, what role sex plays in your life and concepts of a relationship, and what stops you from having sex before you can figure out what needs to be fixed. Yet everyone usually thinks of simply adding in more to "save" a relationship, and making it a chore kills the mood. I love the analogy of the emotions creating a house, with different access points to each other. This means there's no stigma to how you feel about things, or how your individual experiences have linked emotional responses. Each chapter has questions to help you think and consider the concepts, especially when thinking about this is new. It's okay if it feels weird! But they help you get a deeper understanding of your emotions and how they're linked, which is the important part.

Definitely go through part one before diving into part two, as tempting as it is to skip. Even if you know yourself pretty well, it's still a good idea to really think about the early chapters before going to the actionable ones. The actions, after all, deal with emotions and communication skills in various situations that can arise in long-term relationships. Putting this into practice may be tough, but it might be worth the effort.

Thank you so much to the publisher for sending me this book. It has been such a wonderful, healing experience, reading Come Together by Emily Nagoski.

If you've ever wanted to go to sex therapy but felt weird about going to sex therapy, this book is for you. Unlike her other books, this one focuses specifically on sex in a long-term relationship. It was so validating and healing to hear her debunk the "keep the spark alive" myth--which says to have a healthy sex life, you need to try to stay in that excited, honeymoon phase. It's exhausting and just not possible. To hear her say that the single most common reason for couples needing therapy is mismatched desire made our experience suddenly not so isolating.

I cannot say enough good things about this book. It's conversational and compassionate, the perfect blend of intellectual education and practical application. My husband and I are now rereading it and working through the "assignments" together, learning to center pleasure over desire, and figuring out our emotional floorplans.

If you loved Come As You Are and are in a long-term partnership (or want to be in a long term partnership!), this book is an invaluable resource. I'm so glad it's out in the world. T

Embarking on an intimate odyssey, Emily intertwines the emotional tapestry of sexuality and desire with an exploration of the intricate neuroscience behind our most profound connections—a journey that promises both enlightenment and a deeper understanding of the human experience.

I read and absolutely adored the previous book Come As You Are. I’d give that book 10 stars. With how impactful it was on my life, I was so excited to receive an ARC of this new release. However, I would say this book is an extension of the first. The narrative was stagnant, presenting the same ideas repeatedly, resulting in a lackluster and uninspired reading experience.

3.5 stars, rounded up. This book was extremely helpful for me, but I think it might be a bit basic for others! Depends on where you and your long term partner are at, either together or separately.

Nagoski does a great job of simplifying something as complex and sometimes intimidating as sexuality, and she really makes you think about where you currently are. She has some great tips on how to examine how you relate to your sexuality, and when it does and does not come into play.

My biggest critique is that this book feels a little surface level, and I think that's because the topic as a whole is complex. She has a chapter on trauma, but it feels like it could be a book on its own. She doesn't seem to get into the nitty-gritty of things, and I think that will disappoint some people. This book is meant for someone who is just starting to think critically about how they relate to their sexuality in their relationship, and its a great starting point.

Thank you to Ballantine Books and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review!

I enjoyed Nagoski's first book much more than this one. There is good information here, but my expectations may not have been accurate.

An excellent book about long-term relationships and sexuality. Very approachable. Easy to consume. Great ideas. Excellent overall book.

A little above high school students, but would recommend to my married friends. Lots of practical and solid advice. The importance of listening to your partner, how to take out the “chore” aspect as responsibilities pile up, and a reminder that “skills” in the bedroom come from knowing and learning your partner rather than assuming. I received an advance review copy for free via Netgalley (THANK YOU) and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

Come Together by Emily Nagoski, PhD

Published: January 30, 2024
Ballantine Books
Genre: Sexuality
Pages: 356
KKECReads Rating: 4/5
I received a copy of this book for free, and I leave my review voluntarily.

I haven’t read Emily’s first book, but I might have to add it to the TBR. The dedication and passion that went into bringing this to life is apparent from page 1.

This book will mean different things to different people and connect where applicable. I liked Emily's conversational style and the way she speaks so her readers will understand.

This is not a book you dive into and read straight through. There were many moments when I had to stop to marinate with the information. I like it when a book makes me think, and this makes me think.

My perspective is different, as I am not in a relationship. But the advice throughout this text will absolutely serve as a guide in the future. I love that the overtones were strongly infused with trust, communication, and being attentive to your partner in more than just the physical. But also the physical.

The examples and anecdotes were well placed, and I find myself wanting to discuss this book with others who have read it. I would love to hear what couples have to say.

i read emily nagoski’s first book “come as you are” a few years back and was excited to see this one billed as the follow-up. i thought this was a good read, full of interesting tidbits on mental and emotional states, adaptability, and relationships in the context of everyday life. 4 stars because i thought the first half was a bit of a slog at times and the vignettes of certain couples’ “conversations” were cheesy as hell more often than not. overall solid read though!

thanks to netgalley and the author for an ARC in exchange for my honest review!

Thank you again to the publishers and Netgalley for the early review copy. This is my first venture into Dr. Nagoski's work after knowing of her from Come As You Are. In the end, I don't think I was the audience for this book--many of the truisms she shares throughout the book are ones I did not need to be reiterated to me, although I can definitely see how her presentation of them would be revelatory for the right person. The ending especially faltered for me after we hit the gender chapter. I did walk away with some nuggets to consider though and would be interested in reading more from her in the future.